Chapter 33
Lea winced as she reached across the table for a jug of water. It was the night before the final day of the games, and she had been training with her bow and arrows nonstop for the last several days. Her arm ached from days of pulling back the bowstring.
Her headaches had increased in force and duration since she’d started training, as though her brain was protesting the intense focus needed for target practice. Kallias had left her the poppy, but she didn’t take any, fearing it would make her too groggy to perform.
Just one more day, she told herself. Then, she’d be free, and she’d never have to lift a bow or a sword again if she didn’t want to.
Jason, seated across from her at the table, pushed the water jug closer to her. “Are you sure about this?” he asked for what felt like the tenth time.
She cast him a weary glance. “By this time tomorrow, I could be free. I’d be a fool not to take that chance.”
“By this time tomorrow, you could also be somewhere far worse than here.” He leaned forward. “What would your medicus say about all this, I wonder?”
Lea knew exactly what Kallias would think. “He’s not here,” she said sharply. He was probably halfway to Greece by now. In this, she could only rely on herself. Not Kallias’s hazy promises of helping to secure her freedom months or years in the future.
At the thought of how far away Kallias might be and how she might never see him again, her appetite vanished. Her head was pounding. She wanted to be somewhere dark and quiet, somewhere without people questioning her decisions. “Excuse me,” she muttered, rising from the table. “I need to rest.”
Lea left the dining hall and crossed the short distance to the barracks building. Outside her door, Nyx waited, tail swishing, but she nudged him aside and slipped into her room. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with the cat knocking all her belongings onto the floor, so she kept him outside.
As she closed the door behind her, a shadow moved near her bed. Her head whirled to catch the movement. A dark, cloaked figure loomed.
She sprang backward. Her chest of drawers was right next to the door, and her hand scrabbled for the closest object at hand. An unlit ceramic lamp, fist-sized and perfect for throwing. She drew back her arm.
“Lea,” the figure hissed just as she was about to let it fly. “It’s me!”
The lamp slipped from her fingers and tumbled to the ground. Thankfully, it landed on her rug, so didn’t shatter. “Kallias?”
She swooped down and retrieved the lamp, holding it defensively against her chest in case she should still need to use it.
The figure moved closer until she could make out his face in the shadows. “Yes. It’s me.”
Her eyes feasted on the sight of his face. It really was him. Here, in her room. “You’re—you’re supposed to be in Greece,” she said stupidly.
He frowned. “I never said I was going to Greece.”
“I-I thought…I assumed you would.”
“No.” He brushed his hands over her shoulders. “Lea, I never left the city. You think I could stand to be that far away from you?”
“Never left…the city?” She blinked at him. “But…they’re looking for you!”
“The biggest city in the world is an excellent place to disappear,” he said, with a superciliousness that both irked her and warmed her head to toe. Gently, he took the lamp from her hands, set it back atop her chest of drawers, and folded her into his arms.
She allowed herself only a moment to enjoy the bliss of his embrace before drawing back. “Why are you here?” she demanded.
He tucked a curl of hair behind her ear, his face grave. “Because I heard people talking about the competition tomorrow. Lea, please tell me you’re not planning to compete.”
“I am,” she said.
He released her abruptly. “You can’t be serious.”
“It’s my best shot at freedom.”
“We’ve discussed this.” He grabbed her hands. “Every coin I earn is yours. But this—you risk too much! You’ll be trapped there just like I was.”
“You’ve said yourself how variable the emperor’s mind is. I wager the novelty of his female Praetorian will wear off in a month or two. It won’t be forever.” That, at least, was what she’d been telling herself to take the edge off the awful possibility of a second-place finish.
“You can’t be sure of that,” he urged. “You can back out. There’s still time. Blame your injury. Or—I could give you something to make you ill. It won’t actually harm you, just long enough to—”
“Kallias.” She cut off his words. “I’m going to compete. You’ve never seen me shoot, have you? I know I can win.”
“But if you don’t—”
A tap on the door made him fall silent.
Jason’s voice called from the corridor. “Lea, Nyx is in my room and I can’t get him out. I need you to fetch him.” As he spoke, the door eased open; she must not have latched it securely before being surprised by Kallias’s appearance.
“I’m busy,” she called, but Jason’s head was already poking through the gap.
“He’s chewing on my sandals—” Jason stopped short as he caught sight of Kallias, though Lea moved instinctively to block him from view.
Jason let himself into the room without invitation and closed the door behind him. His gaze slid from Lea to Kallias. “I hope he’s here to talk you out of competing tomorrow.”
Kallias’s eyebrows lifted. “I am, actually.”
“Good,” Jason muttered. “Having any luck?” A note of warm approval hid in the depths of his gravelly voice.
It made Lea’s lips twitch in an unexpected smile; she knew Jason’s disposition toward Kallias was ambivalent at best, so this hint of approbation pleased her—even though they were both against her.
“No,” Kallias said with a loaded glance at Lea.
“Jason, get out of my bedroom,” she snapped. “This is not your concern.”
He glared at her but moved toward the door. “I still need help with Nyx.”
“You’re a gladiator. Figure it out.”
He heaved a long-suffering sigh, then left them alone.
Kallias took hold of her shoulders. “Please, Lea. I’m begging you. We can do this a different way. It’s not worth the risk.”
She leveled her gaze at him. “That’s not your decision to make.”
Tension sharpened the elegant lines of his features. “If we are to spend our lives together, I might expect to have a say in something like this.”
A touch of guilt penetrated her resolve.
His words brought into keen focus the fact that, since her mother’s death, she’d only ever had to worry about herself.
She’d been beholden to Lucullus, of course, and she cared about Jason and Ferox and Hector, but she’d never truly had to account to someone else for her choices.
Maybe she wasn’t cut out for a life spent joined to another person. Her life with Kallias hadn’t even started, and she was already making a mess of it.
She could have apologized, softened, conceded to what he asked of her. But stubbornness had her in its grip. “My freedom is what’s at stake,” she shot back. “I’m not like you. I’m not about to concoct a plan that takes years to come to fruition.”
He flinched. “I abandoned that plan, if you hadn’t noticed.”
“Only once things got so bad you had no other choice.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m going to do this, Kallias. By this time tomorrow, I’ll be free.”
He held her gaze, his eyes dark and intense. A muscle in his jaw pulsed. “I’ll pray to every god I can think of that you succeed.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her on the forehead, then brushed past her and slipped out the door.
The pleasure of his touch dizzied her, and she almost didn’t register his abrupt departure. She wanted to call after him, but stopped herself. He was angry with her, and she couldn’t blame him. But tomorrow, he’d see that she was right.
Kallias made it several blocks away from the ludus before realizing he’d forgotten to pull his hood up, too consumed by worry and frustration at Lea. He quickly tugged the hood over his head, cursing his carelessness. He couldn’t be sure yet if the Praetorians were still searching for him.
From his sanctuary, he’d heard a few rumors of guardsmen asking questions about a missing physician in the last few days, but they seemed to conduct their searches discreetly—perhaps because it was embarrassing for the whole city to know that the emperor had misplaced his physician. Soon, though, they’d have to give up.
What was Lea thinking? Of course, he sympathized with her desire for freedom. But he couldn’t reconcile himself to the risk she was taking. If she should fall short by a single point—if one unruly gust of wind should kick up—she’d be lost to him.
His teeth ground together as he navigated the shadowy streets back to his refuge, hardly cognizant of his surroundings. Lea had come very close to calling him a coward tonight. In the past few days, he’d certainly felt like a coward, hiding away as he was.
Her assessment rankled, but she wasn’t wrong. Maybe they were too ill-suited to each other. Lea was brave, often reckless. And he was the opposite…cautious, preferring to plan rather than act. Maybe she deserved a man who could match her courage, rather than one who tried to hold her back.
These thoughts absorbed him so fully that by the time he noticed the men who’d quietly surrounded him, it was too late.