Chapter Five
Sunny
The Starscales were more utilitarian than a lot of Moonscales back home. Still, I expected the bathroom off the side of Laken’s office to be bigger. It was closet sized and for a second I wondered if we’d both fit inside. I set Laken down on his feet and found out that the answer was barely. Standing shoulder to shoulder we barely fit into the bathroom together. I glanced at our reflections. We made for an attractive couple. For a split second I wondered what our hatchlings would look like, but I knocked that thought away.
“Does that mean we don’t need to have the baby talk or that I need to grab the condoms from the desk drawer?” Laken asked, picking up my thoughts over the Starscale flight link again.
“What do you think?” I asked.
Shit! What a smartass way of putting it.
“That it takes two dragons to make an egg and you’re one half of that equation. So, if you don’t start speaking up about things we’re going to have this conversation a whole fucking lot. The links are great, but you don’t have unprotected egg-making sex without getting a verbal and enthusiastic yes from your partner or get in sign language if that’s how they communicate. However you get it --- damn thing has to be enthusiastic!”
“Well, since you’re the one carrying the egg, I figure you get the last say.”
“Not if the answer is no,” Laken shook his head like I just told him water was dry. “Look, do I want a family? Yes. Am I okay with waiting? Yes. Am I okay with not waiting? Yes.”
“Are you okay with going to Earthside for my carrier to see these hatchlings?” I asked.
“Ouch! I’m not wounded at you but at myself. I didn’t even think about how being that far from home must feel. The answer is yes. I’d go today to meet them if we could and that’s what you wanted. I’m not afraid of outer space or Earthside Wars or your carrier. I’m afraid of missing out on something because I was a chicken and I’m afraid of the people I care about not knowing I care about them. That’s it. Oh, and needles. When I’m carrying you have my full permission to sit on me if they need to draw blood. I’d rather them do it with a dagger than a needle.”
“Noted,” I nodded.
“No jokes, huh? Either Moonys are nicer than us or it’s a mate thing.”
“The idea of you flailing around panicking over anything isn’t pleasant,” I told him.
“A mate thing then. You’ve been warned they make me dramatic as a teenager who’s been told they can’t stay out after their curfew.”
“Noted,” I nodded.
“You don’t have to be so serious about it. I mean, carrying is serious. Health care is serious but even while it’s happening my logical mind is yelling at me not to be a fucking idiot.”
“Me making fun of you won’t help,” I shrugged. “Besides maybe you were poisoned or something in a past life.”
He nodded but flashed me a doubtful look. I still hadn’t answered about hatchlings. I wanted children and a family. I wanted a big family like my brother and his mate, Eston, had. I wanted my children surrounded by each other without a moment of peace because that’s what I loved about the time I spent at their house as a kid. At home, I was the center of my parents’ attention and I loved them for that but it also left me without peers. Not many kids wanted to hang out with the leaders’ son for the right reasons. Most avoided me like the plague, afraid I’d rat them out to my parents or something. Then again, did I want to uproot my family once we could go home.
“Why choose? Do we have to choose? Will your parents make a rule against living here and there? They funded the trip, if the gossip shuttle is anything to go on.”
“Can you live in two places, though, really?” I arched a brow.
Neither of us had undressed and I wasn’t sure what he was waiting on. I turned to the side and moved out of his way as much as possible in case he wanted the mirror. He opened the cabinet above the sink and took out enough products to put a model to shame and set to washing his face. Laken worked on his skin, zoning into his task and pay attention to detail. I watched his fingers as they lathered, rinsed, and repeated with different products moving across his face. When he finally dried his own flesh he reached out toward me and I ducked like I did whenever my carrier tried to slather me with something fragrant as a hatchling.
“Believe me, mate, you don’t want arena grit under your skin or scales tomorrow. It’s not normal dirt. It’s hypoallergenic and antimicrobial and antibacterial but it’s also made for traction. It doesn’t just fall off.”
Sighing, I surrendered to him. His hands were soft against my skin and nothing from his bottles, pumps, or jars smelled too horrible. It all smelled like him. I let my eyes drift closed and tried not to think of all the issues that had already popped up since we met. I wanted this or I wanted to go home. That’s what I had told Teddy the night before. I either wanted my family back right now or I wanted to find my mate. Whatever ancestor listening in must’ve decided it was easier to guide me toward Laken than to open an Other World Gateway on one of the Starscale worlds.
“We’ll do the moisturizer after our shower,” he said, patting my face dry.
He was close enough to kiss. Did he want me to kiss him, or did he want me to control myself until we managed to clean ourselves up?
“Have you ever thought about what you really want?” he asked, his hands resting on my shoulders. “Not what others expect of you but what you actually want? I ask because you think like that a lot. Then there’s what your friend said when he threatened to rip Selt limb from limb. That he didn’t have to worry about his image the way you did.”
“It comes with the territory of being born into my family,” I shrugged.
“I’d say your family isn’t here, but I don’t think that’s the answer you’re looking for. So, I’ll say it this way. Your family isn’t in this relationship. They don’t get to decide what we do. You get a say, and you can hand that over to their expectations or you can decide for yourself.”
“Mate?”
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t want to kiss you if you didn’t want me to. That’s consent.”
Laken laughed and the melody wrapped around me until I grinned like a fool. He leaned in close, his proximity killing the laughter, as our lips met. We kissed slowly, walking towards the door until my back found it. He reached down and locked the door without breaking from the kiss. I slid my tongue into his warm, welcoming mouth and he sighed. He leaned against me, trapping me between the door and the wall of muscle that was his chest and abs. I ran my hands up and down his sides and over his hips. He ground against me, letting me know he was as hard as I was. My dick throbbed as he ground forward again and my hands found the round muscular globes of his ass. I squeezed and kneaded his flesh between my fingers.
“We really should shower,” he pulled away to say. “I don’t think arena grit and friction should mix.”
“I don’t want to let go of you,” I said and squeezed his ass for emphasis.
Our lips collided again. Kissing Laken was easier than thinking about all the choices and pathways piling up in our future. I kissed him hard, using my handfuls of his ass to keep him pressed against me. Our tongues danced between our mouths, and he sighed into the kiss. His hands slid between my back and the door, sliding all over my flesh before finally settling on my ass and giving me the same treatment. Everything inside me coiled up tight and I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and nibbled on it.
“Shower,” he said when I finally gave it back to him. “We need to shower.”
“Okay!” I said, raising my hands like he intended to rob me, and he did.
With my hands up and out of the way, my mate took advantage of the moment and undid my pants and slid them down. I kicked them out of the way and watched him finish undressing. He stopped to scoop up the cups and toss them into the sink.
“I’m always losing those fuckers. You’d think I went around dropping my pants everywhere,” he said, stepping toward the shower.
“Do you?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Clothing is optional here. Who knows. If I didn’t before, I might start now to keep you on your toes if nothing else. Towels are in there,” he pointed at a long vertical cabinet.
I grabbed a couple out and laid them on the sink counter. The water came on inside the shower and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. This was it. This was real. I met my mate. My true-fucking-mate. He stood right here in front of me. Everything else was still as up in the air as it ever was but this was real. He was real.
“Don’t start that,” Laken laughed, stepping under the rain of hot, steamy water. “It’ll spread and then I’ll be lost too. One of us have to keep our brains about us.”
“Do we, though?” I laughed, as he reached out for me.
I took his hand and let him tug me into the shower with him and shut the glass door behind me. If the bathroom was snug, the shower was made to fit exactly one Laken. It was impossible to breathe without touching each other.
“Not so bad. You’re not claustrophobic, are you?” Laken double checked.
“Couldn’t have been and survived all those years on the ship,” I shook my head.
“Makes sense,” he nodded, reaching behind him for the body wash.
The size of the shower meant we were only getting clean by working together. Another of Laken’s plans if you asked me. The fight. The shower. Not that I minded either. Every time one of us moved, a hard dick brushed against flesh. Given the space, I might’ve dropped down and tasted him but there wasn’t room to kneel inside the shower.
“They meant the small, private showers to deter sex between competitors. Not all the time just in the showers. Too many of them probably got broken back in the day. We’re not prudes over here, exactly. Maybe a bit more frugal than 1 on some things.”
I lost track of what he was saying because I couldn’t look away from his lips. Surrounded by his five o’clock shadow they looked extra soft and kissable. I leaned forward and he took advantage of the space to start washing my back. I kissed up and down his neck and sucked on his earlobe. Arena grit probably wasn’t the worst thing my skin ever experienced if some escaped the shower with me.
“You might not feel the same tomorrow. Turn around so I can finish and then you can wash me.”
I blushed and Laken grinned.
“Or I can get out and leave you to it,” he offered.
I turned around. I didn’t want more space. I wanted him near me. The glass walls of the shower kept us pressed together more or less. He scrubbed soapy circles across my shoulder blades and I willed myself to relax. It was a shower. I showered with a whole rugby team before. It wasn’t like I was born shy or grew up that modest. Still, goosebumps rose up on my flesh. Reaching behind him, Laken turned up the hot water thinking I was cold. I didn’t bother to tell him it was nerves because I didn’t know where they came from.
“Uncertainty,” he said. “I’ve been doing my best to let you think on your own but I’m bad at that. We all grow up knowing that everyone and their carrier listens in on each other. First times, uncertainty, wanting something a lot – all those things can cause anxiety.”
My dragon pressed himself against my spine trying to reach Laken’s inner beast. Setting aside the sponge, Laken wrapped his arms around me from behind and I leaned against him reveling in his strength.
Shouldn’t this be the other way around? The thought flashed through my mind for the briefest second but it lingered long enough for Laken to pick it up. His muscles stiffened behind me and his scent turned to irritated.
“Here, rinse off and get out so I can clean up. You can wait in the office, if you want.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I’m not arguing with you inside a tiny glass coffin, Sunny. If you want to stay in, I’ll get out.”
“I don’t want anyone to get out and I don’t want to argue!” I said, struggling and failing to keep my voice level.
“Don’t do that. Don’t creep that volume up at me. We can yell somewhere else but we’re not doing it like that. You’re not my damn daddy. You’re not some teenage idiot who can use age as an excuse for ignorance.”
I rinsed off and got out of the shower. If I had brought my bag from the locker room with me, I might’ve left. I could’ve gone and argued with Teddy. Picked a fight with him or something.
“We’re not picking a fight with Teddy!” my dragon huffed inside my thoughts. “This doesn’t have anything to do with him! You had to go and sound like Clarence FUCKING Moonscale!”
Great!
I tossed my hands up.
Even my Frost-damned dragon was angry with me.
Crossing my arms, I paced the length of Laken’s office. There wasn’t anywhere I was willing to go without my clothes. Half the flight here walked around with their balls flapping in the breeze, but it seemed so undignified. It was half an hour before the bathroom door finally opened.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.
“Some of the time,” he said.
We blinked at each other through the steam rolling out of the open bathroom door. Laken wore only his towel too. His wet hair was combed back leaving his face naked and vulnerable.
“Do you want to sit down?” he asked.
“Okay,” I nodded but didn’t move.
“Come on,” Laken sighed, sat down on the sofa, and patted the spot next to him.
I sat down unsure of what to say or do.
“I’ve heard a lot about Earthside and I don’t know whether to word vomit my internal monologue all over this situation or just leave it alone. I’ve never been good at leaving stuff alone, though. Leaving stuff alone leaves it to fester. We’re not like Earthside. You know that. Our leaders aren’t always alphas and rights are divided up by anything. My rights end when I step on yours and vice versa. That’s rights at a flight level.”
I turned sideways on the sofa so he knew I was listening to what he said. I knew how I meant what I thought but Laken was new to being inside my head. It was a trick I picked up from some of the older guys back in Heartville. You faced the person speaking and kept your arms down. Sometimes it was posturizing but most of the time it meant someone was actually listening.
He paused and I wasn’t sure what to say or if he wanted me to say anything. Maybe he was just gathering his thoughts.
“I have questions for you eventually,” he said, “because I want to know who made you doubt so much of what you actually think.”
“I’m not like Selt. That’s all I was going to say.”
“I know you’re not. I’d not choose a fuck face like him in any lifetime,” Laken laughed. “What I meant, though, was that Selt and people like him do exist here. I don’t need perfect equality. Equality doesn’t help us. Equity does but that’s on a society level. I won’t argue with you or anyone in a tight space. We’re dragons. At the end of the day, we’re all instinct and what we can do with that.”
“I don’t want to argue,” I said, desperation gripping me.
“I know but this conversation could turn into one. We’re going to disagree on shit, Sunny. I know this is a hard conversation to have an hour after we just met. Maybe two hours. I don’t know. I’m not a clock. What I meant by some of the time it should be the other way around is that yeah, there will totally be times, where I need or want emotional comfort or closeness or whatever. Maybe I’ll just want you to fuck my brains out in the shower. Maybe not that shower, though.”
We both laughed despite the tension clinging to the office air.
“How did you mean it?” Laken asked a second later.
I huffed and a ring of smoke drifted out of my nose.
“Tell me. The good, the bad, the ugly.”
“I wondered for a moment if I should want it to be the other way around instead.”
“Sometimes,” he shrugged, leaning back against the sofa. “The answer isn’t one or the other. I’m a creature of touch. Maybe I should’ve asked before I hugged you in that particular situation, but you had goosebumps, you were more nerves than I thought at first, and as much as you hate the idea of me flailing around over a needle, I didn’t like that. So, I tried to change it. I was mad at you at first. Not because I thought you thought all omegas should be demure and sweet. We’d just fought in the arena. It felt like a rejection in that moment and we’re probably going to encounter stuff like this a lot. We’re going to have a lot of uncomfortable conversations. I think that’s what should be in every self-help book for newly met mates. You are my star mate. You are my other half, but I was whole before you and you were whole before me. We’re not here to rip each other up – we’re here to be more than the sum of our own parts and that means hard conversations.”
“Yeah, you were a therapist before this,” I teased him.
“No, I grew up in a house where my grandmother was a gladiator, and my grandfather was a poet. They both worked to contain their strong emotions. Most of us aren’t natural communicators. Hell, sometimes we don’t even recognize what we feel. To be a good gladiator or poet, you learn that skill. So, I learned it through observation and put it to practice over the years.”
“What do you think I’m feeling?”
“That’s not for me to decide.”
“It wasn’t a rejection of you. It was a questioning of myself.”
“No, it was a questioning of worth and machoness and toxic masculinity. I love men. I love masculine people. I’ve been attracted to masculinity all my life but there’s a difference between what some folks perceive as being masculine and what is. Masculine means pertaining to men --- don’t quote me on that. I don’t read the dictionary,” Laken chuckled. “I consider myself very masculine. So, when you wonder if something like that takes it away from you, does it take it away from me too?”
“No,” I answered before the question even finished rolling off his tongue.
“Good because if it doesn’t take it from me – a man – it can’t take it from you,” he said.
I leaned against the back of the sofa too. He sounded too much like my philosophy professor back at Moonscale Academy. He was right, though.
“I bottomed for the first time last night.”
“Yeah, I figured,” he huffed. “Don’t know a lot of alphas who don’t get all in their heads about that when they enjoy it. That’s not exactly your friend’s fault. Well, maybe the enjoying part is. I don’t know.”
I laughed because I was there but I still couldn’t imagine myself with Teddy like that long term.
“Sometimes we have to test the waters to find out if they’re salty or not.”
“Is this salty or not?” I blinked.
“Bad metaphor on my part but sometimes you have sex with your friends to see if something more is there. If it’s not, that’s okay. I think that’s what it was for you.”
“I’m so fucking homesick,” I said aloud.
I talked about missing my family and wanting to hurry up and go home but never described it that way to anyone except Teddy.
“He’s probably emotionally mature,” Laken shrugged. “That’s why you’re comfortable around him. That’s why he came to tell you instead of sending someone else. He’ll keep what he knows of your sex life to himself. Sounds like he keeps his to himself too.”
“I don’t want to sleep with him again,” I said for the fortieth time since Laken admitted to knowing.
“I know that now. I knew that as soon as I saw your face when I said I wouldn’t mind. That wasn’t a lie. I won’t lie to you. I know life is complicated and if he was the piece of your old life you needed for your sanity we would’ve made it work, Sunny. That’s what mates do.”
“What about you?” I asked him. “Someone you’re keeping from your old life?”
“Nah,” he shook his head. “All my good friends are mated already. We’ll stay friends of course but no one we need to crack open the relationship for.”
“Good. I think I’d be bad at sharing.”
“I know. I saw the look on your face when you figured out Teddy had been hooking up in the purple district.”
“He shouldn’t have lied to me about it,” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like I’m a prude.”
“I’m sure like everyone else he had his reasons for not saying anything. Maybe he was protecting the privacy of others. He seems to be a good dragon like that.”
“Probably.”
“Now, is moisturizer going to make you question your alphahood or can I lotion you up now?” he laughed.
I smirked at him.
“That’s not where the moisturizer goes,” he shook his finger at me playfully.