Chapter 4 #2
Me: Sure, not a problem. Thanks for the heads up. I might be at the apiary when you get here, but feel free to drive around to the back.
I looked up to find Nicky staring at me with far too much interest in her expression. “What did he say?”
“He'll be coming over soon.”
“Ha!” She pointed at me with a gleam in her eyes.
“What?”
“You smiled,” she said with a tease.
“So what. I smile. It happens sometimes.” I intentionally curled my lips up as wide as they could go.
She shook her head with a mischievous look. “Not like that, you don't. A mere mention of his name and you get a goofy look.”
I adjusted my glasses for something to do. “I don't get a goofy look. I'm just happy I could help a friend.”
“Uh-huh. A friend.” She grinned before turning back to finish pouring the wax into the mold before it cooled. “You know, it's okay if it's more than that. Eddie says he's never seen you bring a guy home.”
“I think Eddie talks too much,” I said without any heat. Eduardo had a good heart. I knew he was just trying to look out for mine, too.
“Maybe it's time to consider dating. We're all old enough to take care of ourselves. You're allowed to do something that’s just for you. If anyone deserves it, you do.”
“Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment, but again, Jasper is a friend.
I'm not really interested in dating right now.” Or ever.
Dating wasn't something I felt a pull toward.
Hooking up, even less so. Sure, I had done some exploration as a young adult, but I found I was content in my life and didn't need a partner for fulfillment.
Like Tom. Tom radiated peace and I had been drawn to it.
Especially after growing up watching my parents use each other and themselves, always chasing their next fix, and never satisfied.
More than anything I wanted to provide the kind of peace I needed when I was younger to my kids and anyone else that might come along.
Nicky looked like she wanted to continue the conversation, but the door to the garage opened, and Noah popped his head around the corner. “Hey sis, you about ready?”
I said a silent thanks for the interruption saving me from further interrogation. It wasn’t that I minded talking candidly with them, I tried to keep an open line of communication. Although, the thing with Jasper, I didn’t really understand it myself, so I wasn’t ready to put it into words.
“Yeah, just let me finish this last one,” Nicky replied.
“Okay. I'll be waiting in the car.” Noah had set his class schedule so he could drive Nicky to and from school. It meant he couldn't get all the classes he wanted, but his sister came first. I hadn’t connected as well with him as I had with Nicky, he was a little stand-offish with everyone, and I just hadn’t found the right in with him yet.
In the meantime, I made sure he felt included with everything we did, while trying to give him as much space and time as he needed.
It wasn’t about me and my wish to connect with him.
It was about him and his sister feeling safe and loved without conditions.
When Nicky was done, she leaned in for a long hug, squeezing tightly against me, before heading off to school. I always hugged her for as long as she needed, and hoped that it would carry with her throughout her day.
After watching the siblings drive away, I saw I still had a little bit of time before I would need to head out to harvest, so I worked in the garage for a little while longer.
It was quiet. One of the few parts of my day that was.
I loved the noise, I loved having my home full of laughter and conversation, but sometimes it was nice to have a moment to myself.
Except for maybe this time, when the insinuations about Jasper were rolling around in my head, which I shook trying to clear it.
What I really needed was to be around the bees, where the drone of their buzzing drowned everything else out.
If I got to the apiary before the bees left the hive, I could spend some time among them.
With new urgency, I hurried and got ready, tucking my pants into my socks, and my long-sleeved shirt into my waistband, and grabbed my veil and gloves.
My tools were already loaded into the flatbed of the ATV.
I opted to use the smaller vehicle to drive across the property because it left less of a footprint on the land, and it didn’t agitate the bees as much.
Stopping about a hundred yards away from the hives.
I got out, put the netted veil over my head and pulled my gloves on, tucking my sleeves into them, leaving no skin uncovered.
Even the most experienced beekeepers got stung every now and then.
I’d had my share for sure. While I wasn’t allergic, I preferred to minimize the possibility of being stung.
As I drew closer, the noise grew louder.
It was peaceful in a way. A living white noise that ebbed and flowed around you.
I approached with care, taking slow steps, trying not to spook or anger them.
In about an hour the workers would be flying off to collect pollen and things would be quieter here.
I wasn’t ready for the quiet yet, though.
As much as I thought I wanted quiet back at the house, it was different now.
I sat on the ground and leaned back on my hands.
With closed eyes, the sound and the feel of the bees zipping around me reached into me in a way that reached through the past. I remembered Papa Tom bringing me here when my head was too loud.
I thought he was trying to teach me the job, but instead, he taught me about myself.
With the noise around me, my mind went quiet.
I’d spent a lot of time sitting here among the bees over the years.
When I was young, it was an escape from reality, a way to process my anger and hurt.
Now, it wasn’t reality I was trying to escape but to cling to.
This whole thing with Jasper was ridiculous and completely unfounded no matter the notion the kids got into their heads. I was happy. I loved my life.
This, right here: the bees, the kids, and the farm. They were what mattered. Jasper would be a welcome addition to what I already had, to my… collection, as he'd joked. He brought a good energy, even when he was feeling low, and I had thoroughly enjoyed seeing him hit it off so well with my crew.
Somehow, even the din of the bees couldn't clear my mind of him. I fully blamed the kids, and well, it had been nice to have someone new join us for dinner and shake things up a bit. Focus, Gio.
Honey was a remedy as old as time, used for medicinal purposes, preservation, as a delicacy, and for skincare.
Harvesting it was good medicine for the heart, too.
Working was exactly what I needed, a little sweat therapy.
After harvesting, I brought the collected honey and beeswax back to the house to clean and process, ignoring the weird flutter in my chest when I saw a construction truck alongside Jasper’s Jeep by the barn.
With great will power, I managed not to go out to the barn to check in.
I promised Jasper the space, and I had no intention of hovering and making him feel like it didn’t actually belong to him.
When I heard tires on the gravel out front, I thought it was Frankie arriving, but when I popped out of the garage to check in with them, I saw the dust kicking up as both the truck and Jeep drove away from the property.
Had I been hoping Jasper might stay for dinner?
Perhaps. He likely had a lot on his mind after talking with a contractor, so I tried not to take it personally. Tried.