Chapter 9 #2
The words would come with time, as they often did. Until then, I could share his quiet. I put my hand on his leg and gave it a light squeeze in an attempt to reassure him that I was with him. Jasper covered my hand with his and exhaled heavily.
Once we were at Heartcraft, Jasper and I got to work, unloading the boxes and setting up my booth.
We worked in silence, with only instructions passing between us.
At least with an extra hand, we were able to get everything ready faster than if I had done it on my own.
We set the tables in an L-shape, with one along the back of the booth, and another along the side, leaving the rest of it open and inviting for folks to come in and browse.
Standing in front of my booth, and seeing the McNeely Honey logo on the canopy always made something settle inside me.
I had contracts with several local grocers for our honey, but it was satisfying in a completely different way to see the booth with the branded material and bee cut-outs.
Seeing the products my kids had helped bring to life made a surge of parental pride rise up in me.
This booth was more than just a business.
It was a connection to my kids and to Papa Tom.
That personal connection by selling in a setting like Heartcraft had been a really important aspect to Tom.
It was easy to forget your why behind doing something when you were disconnected from your customers.
The farm was never just a farm, and the honey was never just honey.
It was always about people. Whether it was the people who came to the farm for work or for refuge like me, or the people who took our products home.
A tablespoon of honey for a cough. A family recipe that reached into the past. A person finally getting relief from seasonal allergies.
I loved the bees, yes, but it was always so much bigger than the small insects.
Jasper came up beside me. “It looks great.”
I slid a glance over to him, his hair now pulled back with the elastic band after getting in the way while we set up. “Thanks for your help.”
“Of course.”
With a little time before the market would open, we sat in the chairs we brought for the booth and ate our breakfasts in continued silence.
I studied Jasper, who was clearly working through some things.
I’d spent enough time lost in thought, or with the kids when they were, to read the nonverbal cues.
There were times a person needed to be allowed to process, and other times, they needed to be pulled out of their intrusive thoughts.
As for Jasper, I knew the current situation, but I couldn’t quite get a read on where he was at with it.
He’d offered me an out this morning, which I appreciated, but I didn’t want an out.
I wanted in, all the way in. I shouldn’t.
It was weird. I kept telling myself it was for Jasper, to help him.
What was a little paperwork to help him get his dream?
Except… there was a tiny, smidgen of a part of it that was for me.
A part I wasn’t ready to acknowledge yet.
I tapped Jasper’s dress shoe with my own scuffed boot.
His shoes were the only thing that remained from the suit he wore the day before, except for the tie I removed from him last night in my pocket.
I didn’t know what made me grab it when I got dressed, taking it out of the pants I wore yesterday, and putting them in the pocket of the jeans I wore today.
The tie wasn’t something he typically wore, but it was his. “Do you want to talk it out together?”
Jasper blew out a breath and looked up at me. “Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about my parents.”
“Do you think they’ll fight you on it?”
“Probably. With the kind of money there is at stake, and with their unwillingness to let anything go, I wouldn’t put it past them to hire an investigator. If we do this, it’s going to have to look real. We’ll need to live together.”
Live together. I thought of waking up with him octopussing me to the bed and had to hold back the smile that wanted to break free at the idea.
It wasn’t a bad thought, but this was about logistics, not fantasies.
“Ah. Right. Well, I can’t leave the farm.
I have the kids, and there’s too much to do around there. ”
“No, of course not, I wouldn’t expect you to,” Jasper replied quickly.
I tried not to sound too eager when I said, “You could move in with me… with us.”
Jasper wrinkled his nose. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to get in the way of things with Nicky and Noah and everyone.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, though I appreciated the concern. “I’m a package deal. My family will always be a part of who I am. If I’m married, it would be the same. There is no way we could look legitimate if I kept you and my kids separate. As for them, they like you, they’ll adjust.”
“What if you get sick of me?”
“It’s a big farm,” I repeated what I said to him about the barn.
“Ha!” Jasper barked out. “It is. I guess I could go sleep in the barn if you need to get rid of me.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Though, I couldn’t imagine needing to get rid of him. I collected people, as he said.
“And the kids? What are you going to tell them? I don’t want to lie to them but the fewer people that know about this not being real, the better.”
“I haven’t decided yet. But I can promise you, they will stick to whatever story we want them to.
With all the things they’ve been through, discretion and trust are huge.
We have each other’s backs. I don’t want to tell them your business, because that’s not mine to tell, but I wouldn’t feel right trying to pretend in front of them, either. ”
Jasper sucked his teeth in thought. “No. You’re right. We shouldn’t have to put on a show, especially at home.”
Home. I liked the way that sounded coming from him. It made my heart do a weird little jump at the thought of him thinking of the farm as home.
“What kind of timeline are we looking at? How soon should I plan to talk to them?” I asked, trying to think about the direction the conversation might go.
With a slight grimace, Jasper said, “Probably as soon as possible. I looked it up and they have appointments available on Thursday at the courthouse. We just need to file for a marriage certificate. But I think if we wait too long, my parents might catch wind of it and throw a wrench in the whole thing. If we’re married, and it’s official, they won’t be able to stop us. ”
Thursday. Five days. Five days and we’ll be married. Fucking hell, that was fast. My lack of immediate response had Jasper leaning forward and grabbing my hand. “We don’t have to go through with this. Or even if we get there and you stand me up at the altar, I’ll understand.”
I turned his hand over in mine, and held it, stroking my thumb gently over his. “It’s faster than I thought, I’ll admit, but I’m not going to stand you up.”
Jasper stared at me. “Why? I still don’t get it.”
I let go of his hand and sat straight, trying to figure it out still. “Because it will help you. I may not have the financial means to support your dreams, but this is something I can do.”
“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”
“Well, I don’t really date, so marriage isn’t on the table for me. It’s not going to take away from any prospects I might have, because there are none. And you’re my friend. I care about you, and want to see you get everything you desire.”
Jasper arched his brow. “Are you sure you don’t want anything out of this? It feels all very one-sided, and that doesn’t sit right with me.”
In truth, I felt like the selfish one. Saying yes meant more to me than I wanted to let on, but if we were going to do this, we needed honesty between us.
I might not reveal how deeply my thoughts went, but I didn’t want him thinking this was one-sided.
“If you mean, money? No, I don’t want anything.
I like your company, though, it’s been nice having you around.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to that continuing. ”
“Yeah?” Jasper’s eyes lit up with a hopeful expression.
I grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Yes.”
“Alright. So…Thursday? Should I book it.”
I laughed awkwardly. As much as I was on board, it still suddenly felt a lot more real. “Okay. Book the appointment.”
“Holy shit!” Jasper lunged forward and I had to catch him when the folding chair tilted. His arms wrapped around me and I took the moment to breathe him in. His scent mixed with the aroma of my shampoo sent a thrill through me as I returned the hug. I could get used to this, too.
When he pulled away from me, his eyes were wide.
“There’s so much to do! I’ve got to pack.
Not that I don’t love wearing your clothes, but I need a little more variety and color.
Shit, my apartment. I guess I can keep it for now, or maybe sublet it.
Is that still something people do? I have a few months left on my lease and while I’ll be able to afford breaking the lease once I get my trust, that’s not good business. ”
I patted his leg. “Keep your apartment. You might want it if you get sick of farm life. Plus, it might help to feel like you still have something of yours. This is a big change for you, too.”
“Right. You’re right. Oh, fuck! We’re going to need witnesses. I don’t have anyone I could ask to be there.” Jasper stood up abruptly and paced around the booth.
“What about Marley?” I suggested.
He flashed a grateful look at me. “Yes! Marley! Oh my God, I gotta go talk to him.”