Chapter 12 #2
There was the shower, of course, but I didn't want to feel like I had to rush so I wasn't taking up all the hot water when there were other people in the house that needed to get ready.
The house wasn't small, by most standards, but I'd grown up in a home so big, I might not cross paths with anyone.
Oftentimes, I preferred days when I didn't have to see my parents until dinner, even then I missed it whenever I could get away with it.
Here, though, it was so different. Busy, for sure, but I didn't mind it, aside from being horny.
Nicky and Noah were at school and I think the older ones were all working or busy. The house was empty. Would it be possible to rub one out before anyone showed up? Ugh. Except construction was happening in the barn and Gio could be coming back for lunch any time.
Lunch! That was something I could do with this energy I had building up.
I began rifling through the fridge and the pantry to see what I could put together.
I was no Michelin-star chef, but one of the many hobbies I'd taken up over time was cooking.
It wasn't something I wanted to turn into a career, but I liked eating, and I liked eating good food.
I decided if I was going to make it on my own, I needed to learn a thing or two.
The more I moved things around in the fridge, the more ideas I got, and started pulling a bunch of stuff out.
I looked over my pile of ingredients and was struck with the thought that Gio had bought all of this.
I would have to pay him back and do a grocery run.
Or I would if I hadn't just spent my last cent.
Next week. Next week, I would restock everything and then some.
In the meantime, I had to hope they wouldn't mind if I helped myself.
Gio wouldn't, I knew that already, but Frankie…
Frankie was very possessive about the kitchen.
It was sweet and amusing, but I also came to understand it was more than a playful defensiveness.
Gio shared with me that they came from a background where they dealt with food insecurity, so they liked to know what we had because not knowing if food would be there when you opened the door was a stressor for them.
They didn't come every night for dinner, since they worked and were still living with their aging grandparents, but I didn't want them to be surprised if they showed up and realized things they thought were there had been used.
The kids had all exchanged numbers with me, and I'd been added into their family group chat, which was surreal, but also really endearing. They truly had welcomed me in, into their home, their lives, and their text chain.
Me: Hey Frankie, how's it going? I just wanted to give you a heads up. I'm fixing to make lunch for me and Gio.
Frankie: Aww, that's so sweet, I love that. What are you planning to make? Because he hates kale. I've tried to sneak it in and he always seems to notice. You know Papa, he's too polite to say anything, but I've seen him make a face when he didn't think I was looking.
The image of him pushing kale around on his plate made me laugh out loud. It was fun learning all these little things about a man who seemed so completely perfect.
Me: No kale, good to know, thank you. I was thinking I would do a quick corn chowder and a grilled ham and cheese.
Frankie: Mmm. Yes. Good choices. Ham and cheese is in Gio's S-tier.
Me: LOL Do you have rankings for everyone?
Frankie: Not written down. But I know what everyone likes. I've learned to pay attention to food and what people eat.
The sentiment seemed simple, but knowing what I knew, it tugged at my heart.
Frankie was this ball of sunshine and I adored them.
Of all my struggles I'd had growing up, I'd never once had to worry about where a meal might come from.
It made me feel like an asshole for throwing a fit when my parents rejected my advance on my trust. Hell, even the last of my bank account that I'd paid to George could have provided meals for a lot of people.
I was really grateful to know that Frankie had Gio and their grandparents now, and hoped they would never have to face food insecurity again. It made me want to do something. If I got my trust, it needed to mean something. It couldn't just be more money that I kept for myself, as my parents had.
I slid a glance to the large quantity of items on the counter and winced.
They were merely ingredients, except they weren't. Were they all purchased with specific menus in mind, accounting for how much use they would get out of each item? I’d never had to shop on a budget, but I might have to learn to.
Me: So, I was thinking about making some stuffed peppers for dinner with mashed potatoes.
Frankie: That sounds good. Do you need help? I can come over early.
Me: Thanks, but I think I'd like to do this on my own. I've been feeling kind of useless while I'm in the waiting phase for my shop, so I'd like to do something for the family.
Frankie: Papa is going to love that, just like he loves you.
Loves me? The words hit me like a slap in the face.
Did he love me? Did I want him to? Yes. No.
Maybe. Fuck. I couldn't decide if the idea made me feel guilty or hopeful, or a weird mix of guilty hope.
Was that a thing? Not knowing how to respond, I decided to simply ignore it.
Because ignoring it made it so the words never appeared before me.
Me: I wanted to make sure you didn't already have plans for any of the ingredients. If you do, let me know and I can do something different, or I can go shopping to replace it.
Frankie: I appreciate you asking. What are you using?
I organized the items into lunch and dinner and took a photo.
When I sent it to them I explained which was which.
It took a moment for Frankie to respond, the dots floated in the text chat, making me worry that it was too much.
I didn't want to cause any extra stress or discomfort for anyone.
It never occurred to me how much I took for granted even when it simply came to cooking.
Frankie: Okay, cool. I made a list off of the picture and I'll send it to Papa so we can plan to go to the store.
Another pang of guilt. Here I was adding more to Gio's load when I was trying to help out. He'd already done so much for me, I didn't need to make him spend more because of me, too.
Me: I can help. I mean I can replace everything I use. Are you sure it's okay?
Frankie: Yes. Totally. Also, Papa likes shopping for food, it makes him feel good, so don't worry about it at all.
Me: Thanks, Frankie.
Frankie: Of course.
Frankie: Hey, Jasper?
Me: Yeah?
Frankie: Thank you for reaching out. It really means a lot to me. I'm happy to share the kitchen with you, but if it's not too much to ask, can you keep doing this? I know it seems trivial, but it helps.
Me: Sure thing, kid. Thank you for telling me. Maybe you and I can plan a menu and shopping list together sometime.
Frankie: (Heart eyes emoji) Yes! OMG! I would love that.
When I had access to my money, the first thing I was going to do was take them to a fancy grocer and let them get whatever they wanted.
My studio had always been my priority. It was the whole reason I was here at all.
For the last few years, I had exactly one plan.
One goal. Now, I was making plans with my new family.
Plans with my kid. Yup, Frankie was absolutely mine now.
Sure they were only eight years younger than me, but it didn't make it any less true.
A sense of rightness shoved the guilty pangs I'd been feeling right out of me. Both could be true. I could have my dream, while also making room for another I didn’t know I had. A family. The thought made my heart feel light.
Tying my hair back, I put earbuds in, selecting my oldies playlist. Sometimes I loved a good doo-wop, and I wanted to keep the happy going.
With music in my ears, I began working. After getting the soup going, I worked on prepping for dinner at the same time.
Soon, I had every burner occupied. Potatoes in a pot, ground beef in a saute pan, and building a marinara sauce on the last burner.
It might have looked like chaos, but chaos was where I thrived. It was just like glasswork. There was always a lot to juggle and it kept you on your toes. It felt good to be doing something and to be working up a sweat. It wasn’t a hot shop, but standing in front of a stove would suffice for now.
Singing and cooking, I was in the zone. So completely in the zone that when a hand landed on my shoulder, I shrieked. Just a little. A tiny, baby, not-at-all-loud shriek. I whirled around to find Gio pursing his lips with his eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Sorry, Jasper. I called your name, but you didn’t hear me.”
I put a hand over my racing heart. “Fucking hell. You gotta stomp around when you come in or something, you can’t just sneak up on someone like that.”
Gio snickered. “Watch too many horror movies?”
I lifted my chin in mock defiance. “Horror movies teach you survival skills.”
Gio gave me a crooked smile. “Then maybe you need to watch a few more.”
An image came to mind of snuggling up and watching a scary movie, tucking into him to cover my eyes. It was a nice image, and something completely plausible. I pointed my finger into his chest. “Sure, Daddy. You and me. Horror movie date. Pick the time and the place, and I’ll make the popcorn.”
His cheeks flushed slightly as they always did when I called him that, but he rolled his eyes in fake exasperation. If it bothered him, I would stop, but I think he secretly liked it, and I loved the reaction it caused. The term was pretty fitting for him and his caretaker side anyway.
Choosing to ignore it, or maybe needing to distract himself, he gave a nod toward the stove. “What are you making?”