29. 29 – Stasi – ten years ago
“ A nastasia?”
I jerk my head up, Silas twisting next to me as we both crane our heads to look down the hall. William pauses, his head moving between us as he emerges from the bedroom he shares with my mother. “Well. This looks… cosy.”
“ Dad .” Silas sounds exasperated, and Williams laughs. He’s always laughing, even though he looks more tired than usual, with dark circles beneath his eyes.
“Sorry,” he says unabashedly. “Didn’t mean to disturb you. But your mother is looking for you, Stasi.”
I scramble up, dread already filling me at the thought of seeing her. “Did she say why?”
William shakes his head, and I notice the smart suit he’s wearing. “She’s not well, so she’s staying behind this evening while I attend the gala. Perhaps she’s missing you. It might be nice, to spend some time together.”
There’s an edge of something in his voice, even as he smiles at me easily enough. I don’t think it’s aimed at me.
I’ve heard the hissed arguments at night. We all have.
Every single one sends me into a panic. Silas doesn’t understand. Rafe and Kit don’t get it either, and I can’t explain. Not without telling them everything.
They don’t know how she works.
But I do. And I can see the signs a mile away.
The waning interest. The feigned excitement, even as her eyes grow dull and bored.
My mother is getting ready to move on.
And as I shuffle towards her bedroom, I pray that I’m wrong.
“Mother?” I call out as I push the door open. It’s dark inside, and it takes a minute for my eyes to adjust to the gloom. The daylight is still fading into evening, but all the curtains are pulled tightly closed, blocking out any light from getting through.
“Anastasia? Close the door.” My mother sounds groggy, and all I feel is relief. Maybe she’s really sick, and not about to demolish the only good thing I’ve ever had.
But my relief is short-lived.
As soon as the click of the door sounds, the lamp next to her bed is switched on, and she sits up. Her hands beckon me. “Come here. Closer .”
A lump appears in my throat as I gingerly pad over to the bed. “What’s the matter?”
“Anastasia.” She pats the bed. “Sit down.”
Crossing my arms, I stay where I am. “Don’t.”
She doesn’t try to lie to me. Instead, she sighs. “It’s time, sweetheart. This is… not the life I expected.”
My throat begins to prickle, the back of my eyes growing hot. “It’s never what you expect. I’m tired of moving around. I like it here.”
More than like it. This feels like home . Home, with Silas, with Kit, with Rafe.
My mother gives me a pitying look. “Oh, sweetheart. Those boys don’t care about you. They’re only humoring you. Why would they?”
She scans me with disinterest, missing the stab inflicted with her barb as I suck in a breath. “That’s not true. And even if it was… I don’t want to leave, mother. I want to stay here.”
She waves her hand. “Don’t be stupid. I can hardly leave you behind, Anastasia. Why on earth would they want to keep you without me being here?”
She laughs, a sharp, disbelieving bark, and for a moment, I hate her.
“Don’t,” I whisper. “Please, mother. William is a nice man.”
She sniffs. “Perhaps to you. He barely even looks at me, anymore. I feel quite unwanted.”
I glance towards the expensive jewelry on her dressing table. There’s so much that there’s little space for anything else. “He’s not a stupid man. Maybe he’s worked out what type of person you are.”
“And what type is that?” my mother asks softly. Too softly.
I swallow down the fear.
I have to fight. For them. So I can stay.
“You’re a user,” I snap the words at her, and she blinks. “William has given you so much, and it’s still not enough. It will never be enough for you. You won’t find anyone better. Just… be happy with what you have . Please.”
I wait for the barb to hit. Praying it gets through. We can’t keep doing this. It feels like I start a new life every six months. A new life. A new name.
We’ve been here for a whole year. I thought… I thought this was it.
But any hope I have is snuffed out when my mother pushes back her hair with a haughty look. “There’s someone in the city, as it happens. Martin. He’s waiting for me.”
My blood goes cold. I stare at her with growing disbelief. “Martin.”
My voice sounds flat, my ears ringing as she grows animated again. chatting about this Martin and his wealth .
Just like that, William is forgotten,
Swept aside, just like Edward was. Like Jonathan before him. Like Niall, before that.
Just another stop on the road after all.
I feel sick.
“ And ,” my mother says brightly, “he has a daughter! Just your age, too, and she sounds like a sweetheart. So you’ll soon forget about those horrible, nasty boys.”
As if they’re replaceable.
No.
No.
I shake my head, and the smile disappears from her face. “Anastasia.”
“I’m not going.” My voice is firm. “You can’t force me, mother. If you want to leave, then leave.”
She throws back the bedcovers then, rising up to face me. It’s then that I notice that her red hair is perfectly curled. Her make-up done to perfection.
“Tonight?” I choke out. “You’re going tonight?”
She surveys me. “ We are going tonight. No time like the present, and Martin is expecting me.”
She’s so cold. I feel as though ice is leaching from her and into me, soaking into me, turning me numb. “Like I said. You can leave. But I’m not going.”
My mother sighs. And when she speaks, her voice is soft. But her words are razor sharp, sharp enough to hurt.
“And you’ll… what? Stay here, with four older men?” She laughs. “What do you think people will say when they realize, Anastasia? They’ll start to talk. You’re only fifteen—,”
“I’m sixteen,” I snap. “My birthday was last week .”
My mother has the grace to look mildly embarrassed. “Oh. You didn’t say.”
I didn’t tell anyone. It passed without a word. The boys wouldn’t have known, but you would think my mother might remember the day she gave birth to me. By the time I realized she’d forgotten, I was too embarrassed to say anything at all.
She shakes it off as I stare at her in disbelief. “Regardless. A young girl staying with four older men? Those boys are of legal age, and you are not. People will start to talk.”
“They’ve never touched me,” I say heatedly. Truth.
“Well, I’m not surprised,” my mother says dismissively. “Look at you. But the perception is all that matters. And the age of consent in Sorelle is eighteen. So if you want them to be arrested for statutory rape, by all means, stay behind . God knows it would make my life easier.”
I can’t speak. I just open and close my mouth. Wondering how the hell I ended up with this person for a mother. “That is such a load of fucking bullshit —,”
My head snaps to the side, and I stumble. The left side of my face burns.
“Don’t curse at me,” she hisses. “After all that I have given you, you ungrateful little bitch. You will get in the car when it arrives, and you will do exactly what I tell you to do. Or I will make sure those boys that you care about so much go to prison. For a very long time.”
The fear floods my stomach, rising up my throat. Threatening to choke me.
“You don’t have that sort of power,” I rasp. My face stings, my skin hot and tight where her hand connected with it. William has money. He’d be able to fight any allegations easily.
But would he want to?
The small, vicious voice whispers in my ear.
Why would he fight for you?
Angelica draws herself up. “Martin is a judge. A powerful one. He has friends in high places. Do you want to test me and find out?”
I search desperately for something. Anything that I can use, anything that I can say that will let her allow me to stay here. But she watches me, cold and unyielding.
She’s not going to change her mind. She never does.
But it never really mattered before.
“Please,” I whisper. The first tear trickles out, and then another. “I’m begging you, mother. Don’t do this.”
Don’t make me leave them.
“Oh, Anastasia,” she says quietly. I flinch when she reaches out to pat my shoulder. “I know it feels as if they’re everything to you right now. But when it comes down to it, they would never fight this hard for you . You’ll feel better once we’re away from here.”
And then she moves on. Just like that. Slipping into her plans, the way she always does. I close my eyes, only half-listening to her hissed instructions.
“Take it all,” she instructs me. “They won’t miss it. Not for a while, anyway. We’ll be well away by then.”
“I know how this works.” My voice is dull. “It’s not like it’s the first time.”
“Fine.” My mother dismisses me. “Remember. Not a word, or they’re the ones that will pay for it.”
I’m not looking where I’m going as I stumble out of the room, and I bump straight into someone. Rafe steadies me, his eyes lowering to my face.
“Hey.” His hand nudges up my chin, but I duck away. “I was looking for you. What is it? Stasi?”
I can’t do this.
Not when he’s looking at me like that.
“I – I’m not feeling well,” I choke out. “I think it’s the same thing my mother has. I’m going to bed.”
He tries to feel my forehead, but I back away. “I’ll bring you some dinner.”
Nausea twists my stomach, adding credence to my words when I press my hand against my mouth, genuinely concerned that I might throw up. “No, thank you. I’ll – I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Rafe nods, but he doesn’t look convinced as he watches me. His eyes dip from mine, moving to the door I’ve just left. “Is Angelica alright?”
Does he sound suspicious?
Panic smothers me, making my voice jump in irritation. “She’s fine.”
He blinks at my snappy tone. “Okay. Just checking. I guess… I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I barely manage to nod, and he turns away from me, glancing back over his shoulder before he heads down the hall. It feels as though my chest is caving in as I watch him walk away, my snapped words the last thing between us. I nearly call out, nearly call him back.