36. 36 – Stasi #2
“Silas is going to lose his shit,” he murmurs, pulling the gauze away to look. “You don’t need stitches.”
“Silas can go and fuck himself on a very sharp, very spiky cactus.”
Kit chokes at my snarled words. “He’s going to be furious. But more at himself, I would say.”
“Good.” I hiss as he spreads cool cream across the cut, his thumb smoothing the sting away. “Although he’s not the one who’s been imprisoned for something they didn’t do.”
Kit pauses, his fingers dropping from my face as he stares down at me. “I want to know it all,” he says finally. “Every bit, Stasi. From the beginning to the end.”
I hold his gaze. “I know. But not now.”
“No,” he agrees, “but soon.”
He tosses the used gauze away, washing his hands before he settles next to me. I let out a breath, but it turns into a squeak as Kit slides his hands around my waist, lifting me onto his lap.
“I want to hold you,” he breathes into my neck. “If I’m holding you, then I won’t go up there and throw her out of our house.”
His warm breath tickles my skin. “I wouldn’t be averse to that, you know.”
Kit draws back, his palm cupping my cheek. “I would do that. In a heartbeat. But we have an advantage over her at the moment. More than one, really, but if she doesn’t know that we know, then she can’t plan for it.”
His thumb traces gentle loops across my face. “You’re not on your own anymore, Stasi. I said it before, and I meant every word.”
I want to believe him. I do.
“I don’t trust anything good, Kit.” His eyes flick to mine in question, and I look away.
“Everything good gets taken away from me,” I say softly. “Every single thing, my entire life. It’s better not to expect anything.”
“So you can’t be disappointed.” He follows my lead, and his shoulders tense. “That’s no way to live, Stasi.”
“It’s the only way,” I correct him. “And it took me a long time to learn that particular lesson.”
“I hate that you ever had to.” He rests his forehead against mine. “But I accept the challenge.”
My smile is small, but it’s there. “What happens if we manage to… I don’t know. Prove it?”
Kit’s mouth opens, but it’s not his voice that answers.
“If we manage to prove your innocence?” Silas steps down from the last step, his eyes on my face. Rafe is right behind him. “You’ll be free.”
“Good.” I look away from his expression. “So I can run far, far away from men who think they know everything?”
Beneath me, Kit stiffens.
Everyone stiffens.
“It will be your choice,” Silas says tightly. “But we need to get there, first.”
I cross my arms. Silas stares at me. I stare back.
“I’m waiting,” I say finally. “For my apology.”
He looks as though he’s accidentally bitten a wasp. “I’m sorry,” he says finally.
I turn to Kit with a questioning glance. “Did you hear something? Because I think a flea just made the smallest damn apology in history.”
To his credit and my disappointment, he doesn’t laugh, although his lips twitch up.
Silas lets out a growl. “ Stasi .”
“Nuh uh.” I hold up my hand, cutting off his grumpy tone. “Want to try that again, with some meaning behind it?”
Silas’s brows dip into a low frown. And then he’s stalking forward. He picks me up from Kit’s lap, placing me on the counter.
And then he kneels .
“What are… what are you doing?” I glance at Kit and Rafe for help, but they’re watching Silas. Rafe looks especially grim.
“I’m apologizing,” he says quietly. “On my fucking knees. And it will not be enough, but consider this my starting point, Anastasia.”
All I do is stare at him.
“First,” he says softly. “I’m so fucking sorry for that night.
For making you leave, when you begged me to help you.
For not letting you take your things with you.
For all of it. I was angry, and upset, and I took all of that out on you instead of just taking a single damn second to breathe.
I was so, so fucking wrong. And I have regretted the loss of you every single day since. ”
Oh. That’s… not a bad apology. Not the one I was expecting, but I’ll take it.
He raises an eyebrow at me. “May I continue?”
But he’s still an asshole. Crossing my arms, I tilt my chin up in invitation.
“Second.” He looks down at the floor. “I apologize for using your position here against you, when you first arrived. I used it to punish you because I was still angry. I was unfairly angry at you for leaving, and I was angry because of my father. I thought that in the absence of your mother, I could punish you instead. And it never should have happened that way.”
He fumbles, and his cheeks darken. I wonder when the last time was that Silas Tate issued an apology to anyone.
“This was your home,” he whispers. “And this has always been your home.”
His words hit me hard. Silas clears his throat without waiting for a response.
“Third… I should have known that you would never have done those things. Because I know you , Anastasia. And I think… I think I did, really. But I allowed my anger and my grief to cloud my judgement, and the only victim of that was you. And even when I knew, it was somehow easier to pretend I didn’t, because then I would have to face my own actions. ”
His hands circle my ankles. Holding on to them, as if for support.
“I’m sorry we never came for you,” he says raggedly. “When we should have found you years ago. You should never have been alone for a single second, Stasi. And finally, I’m sorry that we didn’t speak up when we should have. I have no excuse for that, but one.”
He looks up at me. At my damp cheeks.
“I wanted you,” he says softly. “Wanted you here. And when we found out that it was you…I saw an opportunity to bring you home, and I took it without a second thought.”
I swipe my hands over my face. My voice shakes when I speak. “Silas…,”
“I’m going to fix this,” he promises. His eyes are steady on my face. “We are going to fix this, Stasi. And when this is done… you still have a home here. Always. But it will be your choice, from now on.”
I can’t look at him. So I look down at my hands instead, twisting my fingers together. “My choice?”
He nods. “No more lists. No more cleaning. No more demands.”
I glance up incredulously. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
He tilts his head back, a low, broken laugh slipping out. “I will try to tone down the demands.”
I nod. “Much more achievable.”
He looks up at me, more vulnerable than I have ever seen him.
“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he says abruptly. “But I’m going to work to earn it, Stasi. I promise you.”
Slowly, so carefully, I reach forward, and run my fingers through his hair. His eyes close.
“You missed an apology,” I say, tugging lightly. His eyes fly open, and I catch the panic there. “For tonight. You overbearing ass. You should have told me they were coming. And then you ignored me. All night.”
He presses his lips together. “If I had looked at you, then they would have known. Better to ignore you than to put you at risk. Although I will apologize for not telling you why they were here.”
I eye him, but he looks unrepentant. I suppose I’ll have to take it.
And I feel a little warmer now.
“Okay,” I breathe. “But do not fuck this up again, Silas.”
He groans, pressing his head into my leg. “I wish that I could promise that. But… I probably will fuck up again. Never intentionally.”
Good enough. “Then you’re on a test run.”
“A test run?” He pulls his head back, staring at me in slight disbelief as he gets to his feet.
I cross my arms. “Take it or leave it.”
“Then I guess I’m taking it,” he murmurs. I suck in a breath as he grazes my lip. “She hurt you.”
“Not for the first time,” Rafe says. His knuckles are white as he holds his elbows. “But it will be the last.”
I open my mouth, but he’s already turning away, stalking out of the kitchen.