Chapter 13 Kit
Kit
Ispent the weekend punishing myself.
Saturday morning, I ran twenty miles without stopping—twice my usual limit. No water breaks, only pushing myself until I finally cracked, dry-heaving in a ditch somewhere near Croydon.
Sunday, I skipped meals. Sat in my flat staring at the wall, replaying that moment when Felix spotted me lurking outside his building like a predator. Because that’s what I was, wasn’t I? A predator stalking innocent prey.
Such a bloody fool.
I’d been creeping closer and closer to his flat on each of my visits, trying to get a better view.
But Friday night, I’d stepped fully into the open, abandoning the concealment of the bus stop.
My wolf had been restless—we hadn’t seen him yet, and I’d wanted a better chance of catching a glimpse of him.
Pathetic.
At least he hadn’t seen my face. My hood had saved me from that humiliation. Though I’d had to jog half a mile back to my motorbike afterwards to stash my coat before I went to his flat, terrified if he saw me in that coat he’d clock it was me.
I’d really frightened him. Had been frightening him for God knows how long.
It was laughable, but I truly didn’t think he’d noticed me before. I was a professional, after all. A wolf. We were built for silent stalking, for moving unseen through shadows. I’d tracked enemy combatants across hostile terrain without detection. How had I gotten so sloppy with Felix?
Because he made me lose my bloody mind, that’s how.
Oh, why didn’t I stop after the bin incident? That should have been a wake-up call.
Now he was jumping at shadows, calling Seb in a panic, probably terrified out of his mind. All because of me. His mate. The person who was supposed to protect him had become the thing he needed protecting from.
Self-loathing churned in my gut like acid. I’d failed in the most fundamental way possible—I’d traumatized the one person I was meant to keep safe.
And the worst part? I’d been rewarded for it.
Seb had handed me exactly what I’d been craving for two years. Quality time with Felix. Regular, scheduled contact. Training sessions where I’d have permission to be close to him, to touch him, to put my hands all over his body in the name of self-defence.
My wolf practically purred at the thought.
Stop it.
I’d spent hours this weekend thinking of alternatives. Priya had basic combat training nailed. Rory was fast and scrappy, knew how to fight dirty. Either of them could do almost as good a job as me.
Better, probably. They wouldn’t spend the entire session distracted by the vanilla scent clinging to Felix’s skin or the shape of his bottom lip.
Though when I’d met with Seb Monday morning, I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t say the words. The excuses not to train him died in my throat before they could form.
I was too selfish. Too desperate for this gift I definitely didn’t deserve.
Especially because the stalking would have to stop now. Felix was alert to the threat, Seb was involved, and I couldn’t risk being caught again. No more watching him walk home from the Tube. No more standing guard in the shadows while he slept.
The protective instincts clawed at my chest, demanding I maintain surveillance. But I’d forfeited that right the moment I’d let my obsession override my professionalism.
I pressed the teabag against the side of the mug with more force than necessary, watching the dark liquid swirl.
The kitchen door swung open behind me. Rory’s voice hit the air before I’d even turned around.
“Right, so I just heard about Friday night.” His footsteps bounced across the tiles. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
My hand stilled on the teaspoon. “Morning to you too.”
“Well? Felix getting stalked? That’s serious business.” Rory hopped onto the counter, legs swinging. “Do you think it’s someone from Greywatch?”
The teabag tore under the pressure of my stirring. Dark leaves scattered across the surface like tiny accusations.
Priya slipped through the doorway behind him, her eyes finding me immediately. I focused on fishing out the broken teabag pieces, avoiding her potentially knowing stare.
“Possibly,” I said eventually. The lie tasted like poison, but what else could I say? No, don’t worry, Rory, it’s been me all along?
“Or do you think it was all a… misunderstanding?” Rory tilted his head. “Sounds a bit mad to me, that someone’s been following Felix for months and he didn’t tell us.”
I couldn’t prevent the scowl I shot him. “I’m sure Felix had his reasons. We shouldn’t doubt him.”
Rory’s eyebrows shot up, but before he could reply, Priya stepped in like the lifeline I desperately needed.
“Kit, you never told me if you enjoyed that quiche last week!”
“Oh yeah, I was going to ask about that.” Rory swivelled towards her. “Why didn’t I get any?”
Priya’s smile turned sly. She winked at me. “It was a special one.”
I stared down at my tea, watching the steam rise. “It was delicious, Priya, but I don’t think I want any more quiche for a while, thanks.”
“Yeah, well, to be honest, it sounds like you won’t need it anyway,” Priya said brightly.
I looked up to see Rory’s head snapping between us. “Is something going on that I don’t know about?”
We both answered in chorus. “No.”
Rory narrowed his eyes at me until Priya turned to him. “Rory, can you go find Flynn and remind him it’s his turn to go to Fat Cat’s today? He forgot last time.”
He sighed, jumping off the counter. “Fine, but I’m onto you two.” He pointed at both of us. “You can’t keep secrets from me.”
The moment the door swung shut, Priya rushed towards me. “What happened?” she hissed.
I took a deliberate sip of grainy tea, buying myself time. “Sounds like you know the story already.”
Priya pursed her lips. “When Seb checked up on Felix the next morning, Felix told him that you’d arrived at his house in under twenty minutes.”
I winced.
“Close by, were we?”
“Sort of. There was an active threat, and you know I’m a fast runner.”
“Huh.”
Her chestnut eyes studied my face, and didn’t look away. But there was no way I was admitting what I’d done. I was too ashamed. Plus, it was all over now, and I’d take the secret to my grave.
“Morning,” Felix’s voice made us both turn. He lingered in the doorway—unusual because he always headed straight to his lair.
“Morning,” Priya chirped. “Kit was just filling me in on Friday night. Sounds like he was a real hero.”
She lightly punched my arm, and I gritted my teeth.
Felix shuffled on the spot. “Yes… thank you again, Kit. I was actually wondering if you had a time in mind for our, um… our meeting today? Well, you know, the training session?”
He winced as the words left his mouth, and sharp guilt twisted inside me.
But it was true that we should have trained him years ago. This was long overdue.
“Whatever works for you,” I managed. “Before lunch? Eleven?”
He nodded. “Sure.”
“I’ll pick you up,” I said, then grimaced. Priya failed to disguise her laugh as a cough. “I mean, I’ll come get you from your lair.”
Felix looked like he might cry.
And to be fair, I didn’t blame him.
Before I fetched Felix, I arranged the mats in the centre of the ballroom, then jogged to work up a sweat as I tried to shake off the jitters. Just act normal. Don’t be a creepy freak. That’s the last thing he’ll want.
The pep talk hadn’t helped much.
On the short journey, Felix had politely asked about my weekend. Thankfully the conversation hadn’t progressed beyond my reply of, “It was good, thanks.” Because explaining how I’d spent forty-eight hours punishing myself for stalking him seemed like poor form.
Felix stood on the mat, arms crossed over his body, one hand squeezing his opposite arm like he was trying to hold himself together. I drank in the sight of him, heart sinking.
“So, you might want to wear appropriate clothes for these sessions.”
Fuck. I sounded like a grumpy PE teacher.
Felix’s face split into mortification as he glanced down at his thick, baggy hoodie and dark denim jeans. “I didn’t even think. I’m not actually sure I own jogging bottoms outside of the ones with loads of holes in, that I use as pyjamas… sorry… I’ll go shopping, I guess.”
I tried not to picture Felix in those holey bottoms. Failed spectacularly.
“Rory has stashes of spare clothes all over the place. You know what…” I headed to the training room cupboard, shoving aside punching bags and training blocks. Behind it all sat a forgotten duffle bag that Rory had probably abandoned months ago. Or years.
I rummaged through and pulled out bright pink Lycra running trousers. I threw them to Felix.
“I actually have a matching pair of these. Rory bought them for me thinking he was funny.”
Felix stared down at the neon pink fabric, then back up at me.
“They should fit you? Ish?” Felix was a bit taller than Rory, but a similar build.
“Okay,” Felix said quietly, accepting his fate.
I quickly turned around so he could change, focusing on rearranging the cupboard. When he mumbled that he was done, I turned around and accidentally gasped.
But holy shit. He’d shed the hoodie and stood there in a bright white T-shirt that made him glow under the ballroom’s chandeliers.
The pink joggers hugged his legs, outlining muscles I’d never seen beneath his usual baggy clothes.
His dark hair fell across his forehead, and he tugged nervously at his shirt.
If only he was wearing his glasses right now…
My wolf stirred, conjuring the image whilst practically salivating.
A shiver rippled through him, and I cleared my throat.
“Right. We’d better warm you up.”
Felix’s eyebrows shot upward.
“I mean, you need to warm up. Before training. Warm up.” I almost groaned. I was making it worse. “It’s important to stretch your muscles properly.”
Felix nodded, looking like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
“Let’s start with some basic moves. Give me ten reps of jumping jacks.”
Felix stared at me blankly.
“Jumping… jacks?”