CHAPTER 35 ROHAN
ROHAN
I n Rohan’s room, a new wall had parted, revealing a closet bearing armor of a very different kind.
Formal wear . Rohan let his fingers skim over the tuxedo jackets the way another person might have lightly dragged their hand through the surface of a pool or lake.
He stopped when his hand hit fabric the same dark purple color as the velvet that had lined the music boxes.
For Rohan, the shade was a familiar one, calling to mind a special ink.
Ink. Rohan could feel the memory rising, like water around his ankles, then his knees, then his thighs. Dark purple ink and a book and a quill. This time, he did fight—and lost. The memory took him under anyway, wholly, completely, body and soul.
“Sharp, isn’t it?”
Rohan is five years old, and the man across from him is a stranger—a stranger who holds a metal feather out to Rohan.
“The edges will cut you—if you let them.” The man smiles. “But you won’t, will you, Rohan?” The man’s smile deepens but doesn’t reach his eyes. “Let them hurt you?”
Rohan might be small, but he understands that the man in front of him isn’t really talking about the metal-sharp edges of that feather. He’s talking about people.
People will hurt you, if you let them.
Rohan says nothing, staring angrily and defiantly back at the man, and then he turns to stare just as hard at the book the man has placed before him.
The book is big. It is old. It is, Rohan knows instinctually, the reason for the metal feather and the small, silver bowl of dark purple liquid that reminds Rohan of blood in the night.
“Ah. You want to know what is in this book. An excellent question. You see, Rohan, to join the Devil’s Mercy, one must pay.
The price is steeper than money, steeper than blood.
Don’t look at me like that, child. It’s not your soul I’m after.
” The man twists the metal feather in his fingers, a certain sharpness in his eyes.
“Secrets,” he says. “That is what this book contains. Horrible secrets. You have one of those, don’t you, my boy? ”
Rohan looks to the purple liquid in that bowl and thinks about blood.
“Do you know how to write?” the man says. “Or would you prefer I write your secret down for you?”
Rohan looks ups from the book and glares daggers at the man.
“What about your name?” the man asks. “Or just the letter R ? Can you write an R , Rohan?”
Clamping his mouth closed, his voice a distant memory and rage burning inside him, Rohan nods.
“Well, then.” The man dips the pointy end of that metal feather into the deep purple ink.
“What if I told you that I could turn you into the type of person who never has to hurt? The type who never has to be afraid. The type who is feared and adored the way that only those with true power can be. What if I said I could make you more than the sum of your parts?”
The book is opened. The man sets the quill’s point on the page.
“In exchange for that, would you give me your secret, Rohan? Would you tell me what you did?”
Every muscle in his little body tight, Rohan nods.
“All right then.” The man bends down. “Whisper your secret most horrible to me. Tell me what you did tonight, Rohan, and I will give you the world.”
Rohan has not spoken in so long that he is not even sure that he can. But he wants to be what this man is. He wants to be the one holding the quill, holding the book.
He wants it all.
Grinding his teeth, Rohan locked his hand around the purple tuxedo. He wasn’t about to shy away from the color—or the memory.
“Where were you just now?” Savannah appeared behind him, too perceptive for her own good and apparently all too willing to let herself into his room.
“Plotting,” Rohan answered lightly, as he lifted the tuxedo off the rack. “Your demise, mostly, with a side of… other things.” He turned and let his gaze trail along the arm on which she’d written the notes from the music box, and then he let himself take in her gown.
It was as pale a blue as her silvery eyes—paler, even, so much so that at first glance, a less discerning individual might have confused it for white.
It hit just below her calf. Thousands of tiny, pinprick jewels adorned its surface, catching the light from overhead, the pattern of the stitching and beadwork calling to mind snowflakes with edges as sharp and severe as blades.
The fit of that gown hid nothing and ensured that the only memory that threatened to pull Rohan back into the labyrinth of his mind now was his memory of the night before.
“I don’t believe you.” She arched her brow, a clear challenge.
“Best not to,” Rohan agreed. “Ever, really.”
Savannah studied him, intensity palpable in her gaze, and then she made her next move. “I suppose you’ve already deduced that my sister knows what happened to our father.”
Rohan definitely hadn’t been expecting that from her. “I suppose that I have.”
“Grayson told her—or she figured it out. It hardly matters. Gigi found out the truth, and she let me go on thinking that he was missing.” Savannah’s chin tilted upward, the tension in her neck and jaw as dazzling to Rohan as her gown. “That he left .”
Rohan recognized her strategy for what it was: This was Savannah Grayson showing him her truth as a demand for the same from him, a risky move on her part, to be sure, but she had his attention.
All of it.
“I’m not surprised that Grayson’s loyalty lays elsewhere. But Gigi?” Savannah locked her eyes on to Rohan’s. “She was my person.”
Given the differences between the sisters, it was easy to forget that they were twins. Open-hearted Gigi had very likely always been Savannah’s person.
“And now she’s not,” Rohan said.
“I spent a lifetime trying to be good enough for my father.” Savannah’s voice was like ice sharpened to a killing point.
“He wanted me to dominate on the court and off it, and I did. But as I got older, I managed to find new ways to disappoint him. He wanted me to be feminine, likable, beautiful. Strong but never too strong.”
Rohan thought of Savannah’s long, long hair, before he’d shorn it. He thought of the way it had felt to pick up a knife and cut it off, thought of the look on her face as he’d done it.
“I was supposed to be perfect,” Savannah said, “and I was supposed to be liked , and my father never even considered that it might be impossible for a woman or even a little girl to be both of those things.” Savannah made her way farther into the room and took the tuxedo hanger from Rohan’s hand, like she was stripping away a protective barrier between them.
“Gigi was enough for our father, just the way she was—but not me. Never me. So if he left , well… It was clear enough that the person he was really leaving, the person who wasn’t worth staying for, was me. ”
“Only your father didn’t leave .” Rohan said it so that she didn’t have to. “And your twin sister let you continue to believe that he did.”
“Gigi was my person,” Savannah said, her voice breaking—just once. “And now she’s not.” She tossed the purple tuxedo onto the bed and took another step toward him. “Where were you just now, Rohan?”
He’d seen that question coming. He’d recognized Savannah’s tactic for exactly what it was from the moment she’d started talking. And still, Rohan found himself wanting to answer, wanting to give Savannah Grayson just a fraction of what she’d given him. “The day I came to the Mercy.”
What are distractions, Rohan? That lesson had come later, but until now, it had always, always stuck.
“Children generally aren’t taken in by the Devil’s Mercy for good reasons,” Rohan said.
“Deep water.” Savannah met his eyes. “Pitch black. You didn’t know how to swim, and it wasn’t the first time.”
Keep your friends close , Rohan thought, and your enemies closer . In the end, they’d be enemies, he and Savannah Grayson.
“The last time,” Rohan told her, “they tied stones to my ankles.” Or they’d tried to. Rohan pulled off his shirt, resolved to tell her nothing else. “I have a tuxedo to put on, love, and you were just leaving.”
Savannah’s gaze traveled down to his abs.
“Unless…,” Rohan said, letting his hands come to rest on the waistband of his pants. “You’d care to assist me?”