24. Dating is brutal.”
"Dating is brutal.”
Kat
Breaking up with Archie was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Which only proves to me that it was the right choice. What we had was becoming too real, too… perfect. And no matter how hard it is to leave him now, I know it would have been ten times harder a few years down the road.
I’ve been avoiding him for days, skipping my morning workout and guaranteeing the hallway’s empty before walking out, and it’s been working.
Perhaps a little too well. I wonder if he’s doing the same thing—if we’re both living like ghosts on the same floor, quietly haunting each other through silence and thick walls.
I can’t believe that after six glorious months, I’m right back where I was in June, trying to avoid my neighbour, half wishing I could live anywhere but here.
Except, for once, I’m actually considering moving out.
I even browsed listings last night during my break.
Because no matter how much time passes, I know it’ll be too painful living next to him.
As I’m reading on the couch, Grace calls, and I let out a long sigh. I knew Archie was bound to tell his brother at some point, and I would have to talk to Grace about this. Well, best to get it over with. At least then, we can put this whole fiasco behind us.
I slide my thumb across the screen and try to pull myself together.
“Hey,” I say, putting down my book and switching to video. I tuck my legs under the blanket and force a weak smile. “How are you?”
Her face appears on screen, all concern and warmth. “Are you okay?”
I sigh, already exhausted by the conversation that hasn’t even happened yet. “Noah told you, huh?”
“Archie called him yesterday.” Her eyes soften. “I’m sorry.”
I give a short nod. “It’s okay. I knew this would happen, honestly. I was clear from the beginning—I wanted something casual. But no, he had to go and fall for me.” I try for sarcasm, but my voice falters on the last word, and my heart squeezes.
Grace arches an eyebrow. “And you didn’t fall for him?”
“I—” I glance away, my pulse thudding. “That’s beside the point.”
“No, Kat.” Her voice is kind but firm. “That is very much the point.”
I finally bring my gaze back to hers. “It doesn’t matter if I’m in love with him or whatever, becau—”
“Whoa! Love?” Grace jolts upright on her couch. “This is serious, Kat.”
A flush creeps up my neck. I stare down at my throw, picking at a loose thread. “I knew I shouldn’t have started this. I’m not made for relationships, and I have to accept that. I don’t know why I keep pretending otherwise.”
“I think you’re wrong about that. Archie is so into you. Noah said they talked for hours last night. He’s really hurt, Kat. Maybe you sh—”
“That doesn’t change anything,” I say quietly. My heart aches knowing he’s hurting because of me. “It’s not about feelings. It’s about facts. We don’t have a future together. You know it, I know it. And now, he knows it too. He just hasn’t accepted it yet.”
She gnaws at her bottom lip. “I’m not so sure, Kat. You don’t want kids, and maybe he’s the same. You should at least talk about it, or just give it a try and see where this goes.”
I scoff. “You’re not the one who’ll be completely devastated when he leaves me in a few years for someone who can—or wants to—give him a child. You don’t know what it feels like, but I do.”
She nods softly. “I get it, I really do. It’s just such a shame. I’d never seen you so happy before. And Archie too.”
My throat tightens. I don’t want to cry, but the pressure behind my eyes is unbearable.
“I just wish things were different,” she murmurs. “I wish this hadn’t happened to you.”
“Thanks,” I whisper. “But it did. And I have to accept that. I have to move on.”
Archie
How am I supposed to move on from this? From her?
Being with Kat was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. We were compatible. It was easy. And honestly, we just clicked. I never had that with anyone else, and I’m convinced I’ll never find it again.
The worst part is that we ended things because of something that might happen some day, and that’s tough to swallow.
I get where she’s coming from, and I hate that she’s been hurt so badly in the past—the last thing I want to do is cause her pain—but there’s no way we could know it would end up that way.
I meant what I said. I’ve never even thought about having children.
I don’t know if that’s normal or not. Do guys my age already know those things?
I like my life the way it is, and I’ve never made any plans about the future. Kids are fun, and I love hanging out with them, but they also come with loads of responsibility, and I don’t think I want that. I never even wanted a dog, even though I love pets, so maybe—
“What’s the craic with you, lad? You all right?” Finn’s voice cuts through my thoughts like a knife through butter.
I blink and look up. He’s standing there with one hand on his hip, eyeing me like I’ve just grown a second head.
The changing room is nearly empty now, though steam still clings to the tiles. I’m the last one here—still in my towel, slouched on the bench, staring at the floor like it has all the answers.
Finn sits next to me. “It’s definitely not nothing. You’ve been weird for at least a week. Has something happened to your mum? Is it Kat?”
Just hearing her name twists something in my chest. I close my eyes, hoping the ache will finally dull.
“Did you two break up?”
“Yeah.” The word feels like splinters on my tongue.
He winces. “Why? You were great together.”
I swallow hard. “I know.”
“Well, what happened?”
I hesitate, since it’s not really my story to tell. What Kat confided in me, it was personal, deeply so. Then again, Finn’s been my best mate since we were kids. He’s earned the right to hear the truth, and maybe—just maybe—his perspective will help me see things differently.
“You can’t tell anyone,” I begin, fixing him in a firm look. “Not Fallon, not Cillian. No one. Swear it.”
He nods solemnly. “Of course. Want me to spit on it?” he adds, a small smile on his lips.
Mine twitch, but they don’t quite make it to a smile.
“Nah. I just took a shower.” I sigh, looking around to make sure no one else is here.
“She can’t have children, and she doesn’t want them, either.
So, basically, if we stay together, I know we won’t have kids.
That’s why she insisted on keeping things casual, but then I fell for her, and she broke it off.
Her exes all ended up leaving her after a few years because they realised they wanted kids and she didn’t. ”
Finn exhales slowly, nodding. “That’s tough. But I get it. Honestly, it would be a deal-breaker for me.”
My head snaps toward him. “It would? So, you’ve seriously thought about having kids?”
“’Course I have,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Don’t you feel anything when you see those kids lined up in their little kits, waiting to walk us onto the pitch?
When they’re bouncing on their heels with our names on their shirts?
Doesn’t that make you want a few of your own? ”
I shake my head slowly. “It really doesn’t. I mean, they’re cute and all, and I’m always happy to put a smile on a kid’s face, but that’s never crossed my mind.”
He leans back, studying me. “Wow. I never knew that about you, lad. Being married and becoming a dad is my ultimate dream.”
“I thought your dream was playing football?” I ask, genuinely surprised. I guess we’re both learning something about the other today.
“It was—well, it is—but that’s more like my dream career. Marriage and kids? That’s the dream life.”
“Seriously? When I think about my future, I see myself with a wife, but not necessarily the kids, you know?”
“No,” he frowns, chuckling.
“Well, what are you doing then, mate?” I ask. “Why aren’t you chasing your dream? Even Grumpy Cal is ahead of you.”
He blurts out a laugh. “The bloke got lucky. Do you think I’ve been here twiddling my thumbs?
I’m trying, but finding the right girl isn’t easy.
Most are immature, or they’re only interested in the money and the fame.
We have a knack for attracting the wrong kind of women.
Look at Cameron. Lad is finding one gold-digging or fame-hungry cailin after the other. Dating is brutal.”
I chuckle, feeling a little lighter already. He’s not wrong. Finding a girl when you’re a pro athlete isn’t as easy as one would expect. Well, I had the perfect one, a strong woman who didn’t care about my job or my money. “I hope you find her one day, mate.”
“Thanks.” He exhales. “So, you really never thought about being a dad?” he asks again, studying me. “You’re always hanging out with kids.”
I frown. “Yeah, but only because I am one, you know?”
He laughs. “Fair point. Well, maybe you should just tell Kat that. That you don’t want kids either—or, at least, that it’s not a dream you’re holding on to.”
“You think it would change anything?” I ask, my heart bouncing in my chest.
“I don’t know. But it can’t hurt to try. Maybe you two actually want the same things. You just don’t know it yet.”
He’s right. If my oldest friend didn’t know this about me, Kat doesn’t either. And this reality might just change her perspective. And if it doesn’t, at least I would have given it my best shot. Katherine is way too important for me to let her go without a fight.