Epilogue #2
Zara bites her lip, coughing to contain her laughter, glancing over to me with a look I think I’ve seen before.
I think it’s pride. Julian’s nostrils flare.
It’s the bravest thing I’ve ever said to anyone, ever in my life.
I’m glad I’m sitting down because I feel like my voice is disconnected from the rest of my body.
‘Six weeks,’ he mumbles.
‘Deal. And a fucking glowing reference?’ I say.
He nods.
JESS
‘Sometimes Amber smiles at me but sometimes I think it’s wind, I can’t quite tell,’ Dean says as he entertains our girls at this restaurant table on a quiet but rainy Tuesday afternoon.
‘I think that’s a smile. When it’s wind she looks more like a toad, her head disappears into her body,’ I say, imitating her.
The girls enjoy this and they both giggle simultaneously.
Dean rushes to grab his camera to capture this moment while a posh lady in tweed on the table next to me looks at me strangely.
‘I don’t think this is the establishment for toad face,’ Dean whispers, glancing over to the disapproving woman in tweed.
‘Well, she can swivel,’ I say in a childlike manner.
The girls giggle even louder. It’s not like me to be so brazen in the face of what other people think but maybe something in me has changed.
I know why. I know exactly when it all happened too.
Dean reaches down and squeezes my thigh and I lean into him.
I’ll always love that he never shuns his end of the parenting, that he embraces his role fully and adores all his girls endlessly.
‘Hi, welcome to Lorenzo’s – any drinks for you today? Good grief, they are the cutest little dumplings. Are they twins?’ our waitress asks as she appears at our table. I look at her, wondering if she might remember me. I don’t know how much to say without looking weird.
‘Yep, Amber and Ellie,’ Dean says.
The waitress grabs their hands and shakes them in turn. ‘A pleasure, welcome.’
‘And I’m Jess,’ I say.
The waitress narrows her eyes at me, wondering why I might be introducing myself until it clicks. ‘Jess… Starrs?’
‘Phoebe?’
She shrieks, which doesn’t impress the lady in the tweed. Phoebe’s eyes light up. ‘Oh my God, you came in here and I told you to go and see my brother in Ibiza and you went. You did! NORAH!’
Dean and I look at each other, smirking as a woman pops her head out of the kitchen.
‘Jesus, what’s wrong? Is that couple back in the toilets again?
’ she asks, striding up to the table. I know you too, I think.
I recognise you from that picture. She looks at me and then at the twins.
‘Phoebe, have you got me out here to look at these babies? They are very cute, madam. I apologise if our wait staff have got a bit overexcited,’ she says to me.
‘Norah, this is Jess who went to Uncle Lorenzo’s gaff to see Ben. On the retreat.’
Norah’s face slackens with shock and she reaches over to hug me ‘Oh my days,’ she says, half whacking her sister. ‘You should have said.’
‘You’re Ben’s sisters,’ I say, smiling to see the family resemblance shining through.
‘Not quite all of us… FLO!’ Phoebe calls.
Another face pops out from the kitchen and the final sister walks over to the table. ‘Is everything OK?’ she asks.
‘I’m Jess. I stayed with your brother in Ibiza. I… well, my family and I, thought it’d be nice to come here for lunch.’
She smiles broadly as I look over at the kitchen door, waiting for another face to make an appearance. But nothing.
‘Of course we know who you are,’ Flo says. ‘You wrote that article for Cosmopolitan? We’ve had hundreds of bookings off it, we’re full until March of next year.’
I smile. It was the first bit of writing I’d done since the girls were born and I submitted it to an old editor on the chance she might take something from a freelancer. The social media response was insane.
‘So, lunch is on us, truly,’ Flo continues.
‘It was the least I could do,’ I tell them. ‘I had the best week.’
‘Really?’ Norah says, mildly surprised. ‘It was a bit rough around the edges. We know a lot didn’t go to plan.’
‘Yeah, but I think that was half its charm,’ I say.
‘But really truthfully,’ Flo says, pulling in a chair, ‘we got the glossy magazine version of the trip but what was the actual tea? Ben was very secretive.’
They all crowd round the table, pulling up more chairs. The lady in the tweed looks around like she’s wondering who’s actually manning the kitchen.
‘It was restful, joyous, fun. But yes, unpredictable at times. The bit I wrote about the beach rave… yeah, that happened, but I missed out the part about the fight.’
‘There was a fight?’ Norah asks, her eyes wide.
Dean laughs, familiar with the finer details.
‘Oh, we set on a group of mean girls, no major injuries, it was the best fun I’ve ever had.’
Norah, Flo and Phoebe sit there curiously, taking this all in, probably wondering if the fight was a planned activity.
‘Your brother is a fantastic host,’ I say. They all sit there and beam at each other. ‘I’m glad the article worked its magic and I’d like to say thank you to all of you too. It’s nice to put some names to faces. I know you helped Ben get it off the ground.’
‘I helped patch up a roof without a ladder,’ Phoebe says dramatically. ‘I feared for my actual life.’
‘Did you also make the Pedro Pascal flyers?’ I ask her.
‘Possibly. Apologies for the fake advertising,’ she says through gritted teeth. ‘But we’re working on everything, perfecting that Ben brand as we go along.’
I look around the restaurant and I see bits of that Ben brand everywhere.
I see it in the menu and the fresh flowers; I can even smell the bread and it brings me back to sunlit breakfasts in that magical villa.
‘Has he come back?’ I ask. It’s been nearly a month since my return from Ibiza and I’m wondering if Ben returned, not for me but for someone else.
Norah shakes her head. ‘Not yet. We’re running this place for a bit until he decides what to do with it.’
‘Do you think he will?’ I ask.
‘I don’t know,’ Flo tells us. ‘But you know, he’s always worked incredibly hard, taking a break for him to enjoy some sunshine and work out the next stage of his life was long overdue.’
I nod, thinking back to Ben busying himself around that villa in the bright searing sun, and I can’t think of anyone who deserves a break more.
‘Well, I hope there’s a chance for me to bump into him again very soon.’
They all sit there staring and nudging each other. ‘You ask her,’ Phoebe tells Flo.
Flo smiles. ‘We were all super curious about Chloe who was also on the retreat. Miguel told us a few things. Do we know that happened there?’
I smile. ‘I think that ended in Ibiza.’
‘Ben got arrested, you know that, right? At the airport. Him and Miguel were trying to get through security to see her,’ says Norah.
‘They were?’ I say in shock. ‘The last time we saw Ben was at the wedding.’
‘There was a wedding?’ Flo asks curiously.
‘But he didn’t come to the airport?’ I reply. ‘Is he in prison?’ I ask, wide-eyed.
Phoebe laughs. ‘God no! Miguel knew people so it was fine. But I think Ben showed up wanting to tell Chloe something.’
My expression softens and I sigh under my breath.
I never thought badly of Ben after his drunken ramblings at the wedding, ever.
Because as much as he tried to psychoanalyse and fix me, I was always doing the same, watching this bloke trying to figure out how to exist, where to belong, what made him happy.
I don’t think the man has a cruel bone in his body but he’s also completely unaware of how perfect he is.
‘You know the one thing I noticed about your brother? In that week I got to know him, he revelled in giving joy to others, it was an outward expression of caring. He cooked, he did all these thoughtful little things and made these lovely gestures and projected them out into the world.’
‘That sounds like our Ben,’ Flo says.
‘But he never asked for anything in return. It’s almost like he doesn’t know how to accept it, like it’s too much, like he thinks he’s undeserving.
I was there when he ended it with Chloe and he was pretty plastered, but it was like he was talking himself out of being with her, pushing her away, believing there was something better out there for her. ’
The sisters are quiet for a moment as they absorb this. ‘He did that… And she really liked him?’ Flo asks, her tone a little sad to hear it.
‘Oh, I think he broke her heart. She put herself out there for him. Tears were shed.’ Chloe cried on the plane too. When Bella asked her why, she said she was scared of flying but I knew why really.
‘So they’re not in touch? You’re telling me Ben never told her how he felt about her in the end?’ Phoebe asks, a little surprised.
‘I don’t believe he did. I think Chloe has used the space and distance to try and move on,’ I explain.
‘That is a shame,’ Norah says, pouting.
‘Your brother puts so much love into others. I hope he gets that back some day.’
The sisters take it in turn to look at each other and we all digest that, even the babies are quiet, looking supremely confused by all the new faces at this table.
‘So, what can we get you guys today? Are these little beauties on solids? I can do a lovely simple risotto for them with white fish. Maybe some spinach?’ Flo says, letting Amber grab on to one of her fingers.
‘That sounds perfect,’ I say. ‘Also… Ben used to just cook, never to order, so please surprise us today. I want to show Dean a bit of Lorenzo’s magic.’
Norah puts a hand to my shoulder and all the sisters beam at the mention of their dear uncle’s name. I never knew the man but even I know that his love, his magic, is something he extended to each and every one of his family. ‘Perfect. Phoebe, drinks…’
Phoebe salutes as they all disperse from the table, waving to the babies. The warmth and hospitality of their spirit is clear for all to see.