Chapter Forty-Five
Garett
This family know how to Christmas up a table. Fairy lights snake around the food bowls. The turkey glistens like it’s salivating at the prospect of being carved, steam rises from roast potatoes, and the sprouts are the greenest I’ve ever seen. I hide my mouth with my hand for fear that the drool collecting in my cheeks might slip out and ruin the cool chef persona I’ve created.
Ruby nudges me. “You’re not hiding anything. You’re hungrier than a playboy at a nightclub.”
It’s true. My stomach growls as I scan the table again. The bread I baked, with the same secret ingredients as my famous pasta dish, sits between the bright orange carrots and the bacon-covered sausages.
“I should take my bread off the table. It’s not Christmassy, and it doesn’t belong,” I hiss.
I reach for my bread, but Flora slaps my hand away. Ruby sneaks a bit off and pops it into her smug mouth. As soon as she chews, her brow furrows, and she stares at me even though we’re sitting right next to each other. She recognises the taste, but her twisting mouth as she looks down and then back at me suggests she still doesn’t know the secret ingredients.
I chuckle as Jem shouts, “This is why I love my family.”
“When you say this is why you love your family, what are you referring to? It better not just be the food, Jem,” Liz says, standing by the table. “You’re cruising for an empty plate.”
“I love you for lots of reasons, obviously,” he says quickly while his dad titters.
“Liar,” Amber says. I glance at Flora, who witnesses Amber, Liz, and Iain teasing Jem. Is she wondering if every family is like this, too?
“It’s not always this chaotic,” Ruby whispers. She perches her hand on my knee. Thankfully, it’s hidden under the table. I don’t want to be dragged into any family moments. I’m still not sure if everyone is fighting or bantering. “I blame Amber and the fact that she knows that for as long as she’s this pregnant, she can get away with anything.”
“Don’t believe her,” Kalen whispers from my other side. “It’s always like this, but I’ve got you, Garett. You and me need to stick together, seeing as we’re both with Cloud sisters.”
My stare jumps around at the family, but no one’s heard. “But Ruby and I are just—”
“Sure you are,” he replies with a grin so big it nearly eclipses his face. “I always let my friends touch me under the table.”
Ruby yanks her hand back as Iain announces it’s time to carve the turkey. She reaches again for bread.
“Stop right there, Ruby. We all need some of Garett’s special bread.”
“But it doesn’t fit the table,” I stutter as smiles, smirks, and grins come at me.
“As if that matters, you grumpy sausage,” Kath replies. “Have you seen Flora’s biscuits?”
“They’re ridiculous,” Jem mutters.
“Hey,” Flora and I say simultaneously.
“Hey, nothing. You’re both part of the Cloud family now, and you’re free game,” Liz replies. “Do we all agree?”
As each family member nods their head, my heart crushes a little. Tomorrow, they’ll know that I’m leaving and rejecting them. I catch Amber nodding at me, as well as Kath. They know I’m leaving, but for them, I’m still part of their family. Amber dead-eyes me and mouths, You’re family now, champ.
“I guess it’s unanimous then,” Liz adds. Even Jem nods. “As Iain cuts the turkey because I’m too impatient, let’s—”
Iain holds the carving knife aloft. “I’d like Ruby to do it. She’s the real chef, after Garett, and this is her first Christmas with us in six years. I want to celebrate that.”
A sob escapes Ruby’s mouth as she stands and hugs her parents. I can’t get in the way of Ruby and her family. If I ever needed a visual representation of why I’m going, I just had it.
“And as Ruby cuts, it’s tradition time.” Liz looks at Flora and then at me. “We must say something we’re looking forward to next year. I start, and carver finishes. Are we ready?”
I grind my teeth.
“I’m looking forward to the surprise we have for all of you at the end of this meal,” Liz says. “And before any of you argue that it’s not next year, it has next year repercussions.”
“You stole mine,” Iain moans.
“Suck it, bitch,” Liz replies.
“Mum!”
“Sorry, I may have drank too much mulled wine. Anyway, it’s your turn, Flora. What are you looking forward to?”
“Finding out what I’m good at and then doing it as a career,” Flora says. Her head dips, and she’s vulnerable in a way that makes my heart stutter. She looks directly at me. “And don’t say I’m good at everything, big bro. I want to know my thing, like cooking is yours.”
She’s got me there. “I look forward to seeing you do that, too.”
She gives a tentative smile. A crack in my heart widens. I won’t be here for that.
In turn, each person says the thing they’re looking forward to. Jem talks about returning to university even though most of us know he’s dropped out. Iain wants to try something new, at which point he winks at Liz, and everyone makes vomit noises.
“Grow up, all of you. It’s not what you think,” Liz snaps. “Besides, we’ve tried everything sex-based.” She pretends to do a mic drop, but everyone misses it while fake vomiting.
Then Wicksy mentions getting his head shaved, which makes everyone gasp. Kath says she has two things left on her bucket list, so it will probably be skydiving, as she’s not ready to fly to America yet. Amber responds loudly that she’s most looking forward to eating soft cheese and drinking alcohol, which makes everyone laugh. Kalen blushes as he says he’s looking forward to being a dad.
And then it’s my turn. I swallow loudly and stare at everyone but Ruby. Cookie shifts in his sleep by my feet. “I’m looking forward to having Cookie live with me.” I don’t add that it won’t be here.
Ruby’s finished proving she isn’t a turkey carver based on the pieces she’s hacked up, and the family tease her for her efforts.
“Oi, it’s my turn, so shut up so we can eat because I’m famished and I haven’t eaten much yet today,” she shouts. Kalen elbows me, but I ignore his comment about how he'd bet she’s more hungry for a particular chef’s meat.
“The thing I’m most looking forward to is, hopefully—” Ruby pauses so long that I’m a mixture of terrified and hopeful that it relates to me. Instead, she says, “Working in Clive Macdonald’s restaurant after I win his Christmas Eve competition.”
“What?” Liz snaps.
“You’re not working for that man after what he did,” Iain hollers a lot louder than necessary, considering we’re all at the same table.
Ruby drops the carving tools and shoves her hands on her hips. “What do you mean?”
“Mum, she doesn’t know,” Amber says.
But Liz pushes her chair back. “You can’t work for that piece of—sorry, Flora—you can’t work for that man after what he did to Garett, not to mention what he did to Cookie.”
I should stop this, but it’s like I’m watching it on double time and holding on for dear life.
“What do you mean?” Ruby stares at me. Her eyes are wider than the silver baubles on the tree behind her.
“Mum, stop,” Amber says, but she’s struggling to get to her feet. Cookie is restless beneath the table, and I try to settle him. “Garett didn’t want her to know.”
“You didn’t want me to know what?” she snaps, baring her teeth. Flora shakes on the other side of the table, and I’m torn between protecting her and fighting a battle I shouldn’t have hidden from.
I fumble for words, but it’s too late. I’m no match for Cloud women.
“Clive Macdonald won the Best Cotswold Restaurant competition with Garett’s dish, but he double-crossed Garett and took his restaurant from him. He told every restaurant, eatery, and cooking school in the area not to employ him and that if they did, he’d ruin them.”
Flora pushes her chair away now, and it’s all I can do not to run to her. She clears her throat and says, “Clive kept Cookie and wouldn’t let Garett have him or visit him. And Clive wasn’t nice to Cookie and tortured Garett with photos and videos of him.” She takes a deep breath. “He is a piece of shit, Liz. I’m so ashamed of him. Garett is my big brother as far as I’m concerned.”
Ruby walks up and jabs me in the chest with her finger. “You knew all of this and didn’t tell me? I thought there was something about him, but I trusted you. I didn’t believe you’d lie about something so important. How many other lies have you told me?”
“None. You said you needed to do that competition, and I didn’t want to stop you from doing something important. I was going to tell you what he was like after the competition,” I bluster.
“But what if that had been too late? He could have ruined my reputation by then or stolen my ideas,” she hits back.
I hold my hands out. “I didn’t think he’d treat you like he treated me.” My voice loses power with every word I speak.
“Why?”
I can’t find my words. I can’t explain myself when I’m faced with all this emotion. This is the side of families I can’t do. “Because.”
“You’re no different than Neil,” she snarls. “Garett, you lied to me daily and set me up for this. Is Clive the real reason you’re leaving the cookery school? Now you’ve got your dog, you can leave and work at that restaurant in Ireland.” There’s a series of gasps, but my focus fixes on the woman I love, throwing every ounce of her anger at me. And I deserve it because I lied to her repeatedly.
“It’s not like that. You know how I feel about you,” I whisper, because even after everything, I don’t want her family to know about us.
“I don’t know anything anymore. You’ve been lying to me for weeks,” she replies under her breath. “I thought we had something special.”
“We did.” I hold my hand out to her.
“You meant everything to…” Ruby looks at her family, who stare at us like we’re a rowdy couple from reality television. They look around the room as if they hadn’t been staring at us the whole time. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut and shakes her head. Her voice drops, and my heart breaks. “It doesn’t matter. I was wrong. Please leave. I can’t do this anymore.”
I pull my hand back, and it hangs loose at my side.
“I’ll never forget you,” I whisper so quietly that I’m not even sure she hears.
No one looks at me. Ruby is right about everything. I don’t deserve this family because I’ve lied to them, too. They welcomed me in, and now I’m ditching them, but more than that, I don’t deserve Ruby. I thought I was protecting her, but I was taking away her chance to decide about Clive and the competition for herself.
When I turn, Cookie and Flora try to follow me. “You two stay. This is your family, not mine.”
“No, I’m coming with you, Garett. You’re my family.” Everyone else is speechless.
“Please stay. I can’t take Cookie yet, and he needs to have you close when I’m gone.” And Flora will need these people once I’m gone. As much as Ruby hates me, I’m certain that Amber and Kath don’t hate me, and the others might not eventually.
“I’ll bring the van back tomorrow,” I say to Amber. “Thank you for everything.”
And with that, I stumble to the van. A forlorn Flora stares at me from the door, Cookie in her arms, as I drive out of the car park. The rest of the family haven’t come to wave me goodbye. I don’t deserve it anyway.
It’s time to pack because Ireland is the only place that will have me now.