21. Gemma
Chapter 21
Gemma
It was official. I was dying. Here. Tonight.
Never had I experienced cramping like this before. The pill I took a while back to prevent pregnancy after the night of unprotected sex had delayed my period a couple of weeks, and this was my first time getting it since. I had to believe that played a factor in the hell I was experiencing.
The sharp stabs in my lower abdomen were enough to steal my breath away, and I couldn’t focus on much beyond the agony radiating outward toward my limbs.
I wondered how long it had been since Sasha left me in bed. Despite his objections, I wouldn’t be surprised if he took my advice and left after letting Cannoli out. He clearly came here with sex in mind, and I was in no shape to participate in that activity.
My eyes squeezed shut, and I moaned when another wave of pain crashed over me.
How much longer was this going to go on? I couldn’t take much more. I wanted to die.
Footsteps sounded on the stairs a minute before Sasha walked into my bedroom. Concern etched lines into his face, and I hated that I had put them there.
“Hey,” he said softly, coming closer. Crouching down, he brushed the hair away from my face. “How are you feeling?”
My voice came out strained. “Kill me now.”
Blue eyes slid shut as he hung his head. “I hate this.”
“Not more than me,” I shot back.
The long, golden hair that had fallen over his face lifted with his heavy sigh. “Let me help you.”
“You can’t.”
“I’m sure as hell gonna try.” Sasha’s head whipped up, his gaze a mix of desperation and determination. Standing, he glanced around the room. “Do you, by chance, have a heating pad?”
“No.”
He hummed. “Okay. We’ll have to improvise.” With that, he shrugged off his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt. Turning on his heel, he disappeared into the bathroom.
The sound of running water reached my ears.
What was he doing?
He strode through the open door with purpose, his tone growing authoritative. “All right. Let’s get you up.”
“No,” I whined. “It hurts too much.”
His gaze softened as he sat on the edge of the bed, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead, breathing, “I know.”
A whimper flew past my lips when he gently maneuvered me until I was upright, seated on his lap.
Weakened by the pain, I lay limp in his arms as he pulled strands of my hair atop my head and secured them with an elastic tie. I shivered when his featherlight touch grazed my upper thigh as he gripped the hem of my sleep shirt, tugging it up and over my head, leaving me only in a pair of high-waisted, full-coverage panties.
Sasha’s fingers touched the waistband. “Are you good for me to take these off in here? Or do you need to be over the tile when I do? I’m not sure what kind of products you use.”
Products?
Oh, Jesus, he was asking if I was going to be gushing blood all over the place as soon as he took off my underwear. Could this get any more embarrassing?
And why was he taking off my clothes in the first place?
Instead of asking that question, I answered his. “Doesn’t matter where.”
I felt him nod against the top of my head. “Okay,” he whispered before easing the fabric down my thighs.
The next thing I knew, his arm slid beneath my knees, and he lifted me when he stood. I grimaced as he moved us across the room. Each step jostled me enough to have fresh spasms rippling through my already tender uterus.
Heat enveloped me as Sasha lowered me into the tub filled with hot water. He rolled a hand towel and placed it behind my neck before turning off the faucet.
“How’s that?” he asked, dropping to his knees beside me. “Too hot?”
Humming, I let my eyes slide closed. “It’s good.”
After a while, the pain lessened to a more manageable level, and my muscles unlocked. Stretching my legs out, I released a sigh.
When I opened my eyes, I found Sasha with a forearm perched along the side of the tub, his head resting atop it as he watched me.
“Why?” I asked.
His gaze grew searching. “Why what, baby?”
“Why are you still here? Why are you taking care of me?”
Huffing softly, he said, “Because you needed me.”
My lips parted as I stared at him.
Tonight, I had needed him. I was used to dealing on my own—not being able to rely on anyone—so my default had been to push him away when he’d tried to help.
It was scary to admit that maybe I couldn’t do all this alone anymore. Even more terrifying was the thought that I no longer wanted to, and I shivered.
Eyes trained on me like a hawk, Sasha’s head popped up, his hand dipping into the water. “Is it getting too cool?”
Folding my lips in, I fought back the emotions threatening to overwhelm me at the idea that he genuinely cared about my well-being—something I’d never received from another human being.
Nodding, my voice wavered in my reply. “Maybe.”
“Need me to help you out?” Rising to his feet, he offered me his hand.
I placed my palm against his, letting him curl his calloused fingers around my wrinkly ones. Bending at the waist, he used his free hand to grip the elbow of my opposite arm, easing me up gently until I was standing, water cascading over my pinkened skin.
Guiding me over the lip of the tub, he began to pat me dry with a towel. “Feeling better?”
“A little,” I admitted.
“Good.” Kneeling before me, he carefully let the fluffy fabric drag over my midsection before moving lower.
When the pad of a fingertip traced a line over one of the numerous raised scars on my upper thighs, I sucked in a sharp breath. My natural reflex was to withdraw, to cover myself. The same way I had the last time Sasha focused on those marks. They were a reminder of a time I wanted to forget.
His hands dropped the towel, quickly anchoring both hands on my ass so I couldn’t escape.
“Sasha, please.” My voice broke, and his eyes rose to meet mine.
I expected to see judgment in his blue gaze, but instead, I found only compassion.
Without a word, he leaned closer, inspecting the proof of my teenage self-mutilation. Then, he did the last thing I would expect: he pressed his lips to each one, almost as if paying homage to the spiraling girl I used to be—the one who saw no other way to have control over her own life.
Some days, I still was that girl.
“I hate that you found yourself in a place so dark that you felt the need to hurt yourself in order to feel something.”
My breath caught in my throat, but he pressed on.
“I hope you’ll share your story with me someday, but right now, I want you to know that I view each one of these scars as a piece of who you are. They’re part of the path you’ve traveled to become the woman you are today.”
I had no words. It didn’t make sense how this man could be so kind and understanding.
When was the other shoe going to drop? It had to, right? It always did.
Getting to his feet, Sasha guided me back into the bedroom. I stood silent while he rummaged through my drawers, holding up a pair of panties similar to the ones I’d been wearing before my bath and an oversized T-shirt. I nodded my approval, and he carefully helped me put them on like I was a child, and for once, I didn’t argue.
He pulled back the sheets and settled me in bed, pulling the blankets over my chest. From where I lay, I had the perfect view of him stripping off the water-stained dress shirt he wore before he kicked off his shoes and removed his pants, leaving him only in tight-fitting black boxer briefs.
The mattress dipped as he climbed in behind me and flicked off the bedside lamp. Darkness shrouded us as a hand dragged over my hip, settling over my lower belly. His palm radiated warmth, and I let out a contented sigh, hopeful that it would provide a relief similar to the hot water throughout the night.
That thought stopped me in my tracks.
“Sasha?” I called out.
His chest expanded against my back. “Yeah?”
“You’re staying the night?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Almost too afraid to point it out, I said, “B-but we’re not gonna fuck.”
He kissed the exposed skin of my shoulder through the too-large neck hole of my shirt. “I know.”
Okay then.
“Rest now, Kitten. I’ve got you.”
It was that promise that allowed me to relax enough to finally fall asleep after a torturous day.
I cracked an eyelid open before immediately slamming it shut again when I came face-to-face with a man’s nipple. The events of last night came rushing back, but thankfully, without any of the physical pain still lingering.
God, that sucked. I never wanted to go through that again if I could help it.
As much as I wanted to stay in bed, daylight was already peeking through the blinds, and I desperately needed to use the restroom.
Turning over slowly, I tried not to wake Sasha as I slid out from beneath the giant paw draped over my waist.
“Where are you going?” his groggy voice came from behind me as I sat up on the edge of the mattress. Thank goodness, he couldn’t see me biting my lip at how sexy it sounded, all roughened by sleep. I didn’t need him getting any ideas. The cramps might be gone, but the other symptoms were still very much present.
“Bathroom.” I kept my voice low.
Why was I whispering when both of us were awake?
The sheets rustled, and when I peeked over my shoulder, I was rewarded with the sight of him stretching both arms over his head, the move highlighting every magnificent muscle of his chest and abs.
Jesus, he was hot.
A corner of his lips twitched when he caught me staring. “Enjoying the view, sweetheart?”
Fuck. I really, really was.
Sasha scratched his chest before running a hand down his six-pack until it disappeared beneath the sheets, tented by his morning wood.
“Run along, babe. Go take care of your business, and I’ll take care of mine.” I could make out the motion of his long, slow strokes, hidden from my view.
My jaw dropped on an exhale. Was he really going to—
“Don’t tempt me with that mouth, Kitten. I’m trying to be a gentleman because you’re under the weather, but I’ve been hard all night with that soft ass pressed against me, and I need some relief.”
Pulling my lips together, I couldn’t stop an audible swallow.
Yep. He was totally planning to jerk off in my bed while I was in the bathroom.
He groaned, upping the pace at which he tugged on his cock. “Better get a move on. We’ve got places to be.”
That was news to me. “We do?”
A lazy, sexy smile tugged on the corner of his lips as his eyelids drooped the closer he drew to climax.
“We have a playdate.” He winked.
I huffed out a disbelieving laugh. Would there ever come a day when he didn’t throw me for a loop?
Pulling up to a large house in an upscale neighborhood of Indianapolis, Sasha put his sports car in park. Reaching over, he scratched behind Cannoli’s ears, where he sat in my lap. Wherever we were going, my—or maybe it was our?—puppy was set to be the star attraction.
“Stay there.” He hopped into the January chill, jogging around the hood before pulling my door open.
Cannoli barked excitedly when he was lifted off my lap and his growing-by-the-minute furry body was tucked against Sasha’s chest.
Shifting the dog into one arm, Sasha extended a hand to me. “Come on.”
Nervously, my eyes scanned the residence as he helped me from the car. “Where are we?”
“You’ll see.” He pressed a kiss to my temple before wrapping an arm around my waist and guiding me toward the front door of the beautiful home before us.
I had a feeling he was tiptoeing around giving me a straight answer because he knew I wouldn’t like it.
A terrifying thought struck me, and I dug my heels into the brick walkway. “This isn’t—“ My palms grew sweaty, and my heart raced. “This isn’t Maddox’s house, is it?”
Sasha’s booming laughter had me levitating a few inches off the ground with how tightly I was wound at the idea of coming face-to-face again with that imposing man who saw fit to judge me without knowing a damn thing about me.
“I swear to God, Sasha—“
“Don’t worry. It’s not Maddox’s house,” he assured me.
Relief coursed through my veins, and my heart rate settled, but the nerves didn’t fully dissipate.
I was walking into an unknown situation, something I’d been instructed never to do growing up, and it had my anxiety shooting through the roof. Bellini children were taught rules of survival, and even then, they weren’t always enough to ward off death.
I could tell myself I wasn’t in Chicago anymore until I was blue in the face, but I wasn’t sure that the deeply ingrained conditioning would ever leave me.
Lost in thoughts of my past, I didn’t realize Sasha had rung the doorbell until the door flung open to reveal a slightly familiar plus-sized blonde, a redheaded baby boy on her hip.
“You made it!” she chirped brightly.
“Oh, no,” Sasha cooed, removing his arm from around my waist to brush the downy soft strands of copper hair away from the baby’s forehead to reveal a large purple bump. “What happened to my little buddy?”
The blonde rolled her eyes, her smile never slipping. “You know how it is. His brother took a flying leap into the ball pit, and they cracked skulls.” She huffed, the force sending a tendril of her blonde hair flying. “Should’ve known they’d be wild, the way they used to wrestle around on the inside before they were born.”
The little boy’s brown eyes lit up when he saw Cannoli, and he yelled, “Woof!”
Cannoli let out a playful bark in reply, and the baby screeched in delight, clapping his hands.
“Well, come on in! Can’t let Hendrix have all the puppy fun.” The blonde stepped aside to allow us entry, closing the door behind us as we removed our shoes.
Sasha set Cannoli down, and he took off like a shot, and the sounds of squeals echoed off the high ceilings of the home.
“I’m Evie, by the way,” the blonde introduced herself. Bending at the waist, she set the boy—Hendrix—on his feet, and he immediately ran in the direction the dog had disappeared. “We didn’t get a chance to meet at the Christmas party. But you spoke to my husband, Jenner, I believe.”
Oh, right. That’s why she looked so familiar.
“I did.” I nodded. “I’m Gemma.”
Evie’s smile grew. “I’m so glad we could set this up. The minute Goose let slip he’d bought a puppy, Jenner’s been begging him to bring it over.” The sounds of high-pitched laughter and barking were only growing louder. She gazed fondly toward the ruckus. “If you can’t tell, the kids are fit to burst.”
Sasha gave my hip a squeeze. “I’ve gotta get in on that action.”
The sight of that six-six man bouncing on his toes, vibrating with excitement, was almost too much.
“Go ahead,” I gave him permission to leave me with Evie so he could play.
He pressed a kiss to my cheek before running off. “Ready or not, here I come!” His words of warning had the volume level increasing in whatever room the chaos ensued.
“He’s great, isn’t he?” Evie said from my side as we watched him disappear around the corner.
“He’s something,” I mused. “Still trying to figure out exactly what.”
She looped her arm around mine like we’d known each other for years and tugged me down the hall. “Let’s get something to eat while we watch the show. I’ve got a spread set up in the kitchen.”
Our trek to the kitchen took us through what appeared to be the living room, where brightly colored toys were scattered across the floor, the ball pit Evie had mentioned was set off to the side, and a child-sized bouncy house was inflated in the corner. In the middle of it all were three redheaded babies chasing Cannoli.
Jenner smiled at us from his perch on the couch. To his wife, he said, “I think we need to get them a puppy.”
“Not on your life,” she replied. “We’ve got our hands full enough.”
“But it would be so much fun.” He pursed his lips together in a playful pout.
“We can revisit this conversation when you’re retired,” Evie shot back.
“Deal!” Jenner exclaimed. Over the noise, he shouted, “You hear that, guys? Mama said we could get a puppy!”
“Jesus, take the wheel.” Evie’s head dropped back on a heavy exhale. “That man.”
Trying to be friendly, I joked, “Good thing they’re small enough they probably won’t remember in a few years.”
“Maybe,” she muttered. The kitchen was open to the living room, and Evie tilted her head toward it. “I need a mimosa. How about you?”
“Sure.”
We stepped into the kitchen, and my eyes widened at the amount of food laid out on the island. When she mentioned a spread, I’d expected maybe a few pastries and fruit. What sat before me could easily rival any breakfast buffet in Vegas.
“Are we expecting more people?” I gestured to the overflowing countertop.
“No.” She shook her head, handing me a plate before moving to the fridge and pulling out orange juice and a bottle of champagne. When she caught me staring, she explained, “I never know what people like, so I tend to go overboard when hosting.”
Overboard was an understatement. This looked like enough to feed the entire hockey team and their families.
Evie popped the cork on the champagne, pouring some into two glasses before adding the orange juice. “I wanted it to be just us since you spoke to all the other ladies at the party before Maddox ran you off.”
The mention of his name had my spine straightening.
“But good on you for ratting him out to Bristol. She was pissed .”
Not wanting to discuss the events of that day, I changed the topic while I loaded my plate. “So, triplets, huh? That’s gotta be a lot.”
Evie handed me a mimosa, and I took a seat on a stool at the island.
“They’re not triplets, though most people assume they are. I don’t bother correcting strangers when we are out in public.”
“They’re not?” My eyes scanned the three redheads. They sure looked like it.
Taking the seat beside me, a soft smile curved on Evie’s lips as she watched her children play. “Hope is the oldest by three months.”
“How does that work?” Curiosity won out over fear of being rude.
“For a long time, Jenner and I struggled with infertility. It almost broke us.” Sadness flickered over her features, and she shook her head. “No. Not almost. It did break us. We spent a few years divorced before getting remarried.”
Whoa. I would have never guessed. Granted, my interactions with them had been brief, but they seemed happy and in love.
Evie continued, “When we reconnected, we settled on adoption. Go figure, about a month before Hope was born, I found out I was pregnant. With twins.”
My jaw had to be on the floor at hearing this story. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be pregnant with one baby, let alone two at the same time. Then throw in another on top of that? These people must have been saints in another life to take all that on.
“I was about as shocked and terrified as you look right now.” She chuckled. “Hope was born in March, and the boys came prematurely in June. I won’t sugarcoat it. There are days when I wonder what the hell I’ve gotten myself into. Especially when Jenner’s traveling with the team. Even with a nanny, it’s tough. But God gave to us with both hands, and we have the family we always dreamt of, just with a twist.”
“They look so much alike,” I mused, seeing the toddling babies with new eyes.
“They do. But there are subtle differences if you look closely enough. Hope’s birth mom was a redhead—more of a strawberry blonde—and she inherited that coloring, along with her blue eyes. Hunter and Hendrix take after Jenner. Their red is darker, and they’ve got his brown eyes.”
Huh. Now that she pointed that out, I could see it.
“You feeling any better?”
The question caught me off guard, and my head whipped to stare at the woman beside me. “Excuse me?”
“Goose was a mess last night, and I get it. Jenner is the same way. When I’m suffering, he struggles, feeling helpless.”
“Sasha called you last night? To talk about me?”
“No.” Evie shook her head. “When he started dating you, he set up a group text with the girls just in case he ever found himself in a spot where he needed our help. He said it was for emergencies only, and I guess last night fell under that category in his mind.”
My brows drew down while my mind raced, trying to process what she was telling me. “Who are the girls?”
“Me, Dakota, Tessa, and Bristol—the leadership ladies. Well, technically, Bristol is an exception. Usually, the coach’s wife isn’t overly involved with the players and their families, but with Maddox being a former Speed player and her being Dakota’s best friend, it just works.”
“Leadership?” I was struggling to keep up.
“Oh, shoot. I forgot. He mentioned you don’t know much about hockey. We need to get you to a game soon.” Pausing to take a breath, she replied, “Leadership is the captain and the alternate captains. On the ice, you’ll notice they wear a letter designating their role on their jerseys. Jenner is the captain, then Braxton and Asher are the alternates.”
“And he texted all of you last night?”
Evie bit into a croissant. “Mm-hmm.” Swallowing, she remarked, “He really cares about you if you haven’t figured it out yet.”
My breath caught. Discovering he’d reached out to those closest to him out of concern for me, combined with the tender way he drew me a bath and sat by my side until the pain eased, should have been obvious signs. But the one that stood out was how he’d held me all night long when, only a week ago, he’d made it clear that respecting my wishes for a relationship that remained only physical meant no overnights without sex.
Boisterous laughter echoed throughout the house, and my eyes shifted to Sasha. As he lay on his back, with babies and our puppy crawling all over him, that’s when I realized how royally fucked I was.
He’d been playing by my rules and, in doing so, had gotten me to let my guard down. His objective had never changed; he only let me believe that for a while. Last night was all the proof I needed of that.
That man had gotten everything he wanted since day one. It was clear now that that trend would continue.
And the thing he wanted the most? Me. Forever.
For the first time, I allowed myself to imagine what a life with Sasha might be like.
Could this be my fresh start? A chance to be normal?
I was almost too scared to hope that maybe it was. But I wanted it all the same.