Chapter Nine #3
Essien could hear the genuine sorrow in her voice. She was quite apologetic for her father and his actions, a man that Essien only knew through the eyes of Christopher. A wise man, a fair man, Christopher had always said. But that wasn’t what Essien was hearing from the man’s daughter.
Every man lets us see of himself what he wants us to see.
Harald was evidently a man who was more concerned with perception than truth.
“Every man has ambitions,” he said after a moment. “That is nothing new. That is how the world of men functions, each to his own ambitions and gains. You needn’t apologize for that.”
She shrugged. “I feel the need,” she said. “You do not wish to marry, do you?”
“Do you?”
“I asked first.”
The corners of his mouth turned up, a hint of a smile as he shook his head and averted his gaze.
“Nay,” he said honestly. “To be truthful, it is not that I never wish to marry. I simply hadn’t thought of marrying now, at this time in my life.
It is an old argument between my brother and me.
Given the fact that we are the only two survivors of the royal family of Kitara, he feels strongly that it is my duty to marry and have sons who bear the blood of Kitara. ”
“Is your brother married?”
Essien nodded. “Aye,” he said. “He already has one child, with another on the way, so he feels that he is an expert in all things having to do with marriage and children.”
There was some annoyance as he said it. Catalina could hear it. With a sigh, she pulled the cloak around her more tightly, against the damp night, and gazed up at the stars.
“Having children and a marriage does give you a different perspective in life,” she said softly. “It teaches you things.”
“Like what?”
She looked at him, then. “Like thinking of your children before yourself,” she said. “Like attacking a man you thought was trying to harm them. It makes you think more of your family than yourself.”
He smiled faintly. “I can understand that,” he said. “But you have not answered my question.”
“What question?”
“Do you wish to marry?”
She averted her gaze again. “Since you were honest, I suppose I can be also,” she said. “Nay, I do not wish to marry again. Once was enough. More than enough.”
“Because you loved your husband?”
She shook her head even before he’d finished the question.
“There was nothing as fragile as love in our marriage,” she said.
“It was a business arrangement. A contract. Alfred came from a good family, a family with property and money, and his father and my father were great friends. When I was old enough to marry, I did. We spent ten years together. Ten years and two daughters and memories I’m happy to leave in the past.”
Essien watched her face as she spoke. There was no self-pity there, simply fact. “It was an unhappy marriage?”
She shrugged. “Alfred had his own life,” she said. “I was not part of it. Truthfully, he never should have married. He simply wasn’t the type of man who cherished home and hearth.”
“What did he cherish?”
“His friend.”
“What friend?”
From her expression, it was clear that she hadn’t meant for the conversation to go in that direction.
“It does not matter,” she said. “Forgive me. I did not mean to ramble about a man who is dead and buried. Alfred de Barenton wasn’t a bad man.
He was simply in a bad situation, in a marriage he did not want.
You asked me if I want to marry, and the truth is that I want what every woman wants from a marriage—a kind husband.
Mayhap affection. Safety and security. But that is not what I got the first time, and I am wary to do it again.
No offense intended, my lord, but we do not know one another.
We are being forced into this union, so mayhap we should discuss our expectations from the onset so there will be no mistake. ”
Essien thought about that for a moment. “I believe that is fair,” he said. “But I could not tell you what my expectations are at this moment. I’ve never had to think about it at all, so I will need some time to consider the question. This is quite new to me.”
She nodded, understanding the magnitude of her request. But in her case, she didn’t need time.
She already knew.
“My expectations are quite simple, I hope,” she said.
“All I will ever ask of you is honesty and kindness. For my part, I can promise you loyalty and honesty. I know what it means to be a wife. I will not shame you, no matter… well, no matter how you decide to conduct your life. Your life and choices are your own. I will accept them. I will tend our children, if any, with dignity and support your household. You will never have to worry about me.”
He thought that was a strange thing to say. “Something tells me that you have been in that situation before.”
“What situation?”
“Where your husband’s choices were not to your liking?”
Catalina shook her head. “It does not matter,” she said.
“I do not mean to be mysterious, but my marriage to Alfred has nothing to do with our betrothal. Any choices he made are irrelevant. I am simply saying that I will do as you wish when it comes to our marriage. You’ll have no argument from me, whatever decisions you make.
Whatever they are, I will remain loyal to you, as my husband. ”
Essien’s gaze lingered on her. There was so much more that she wasn’t saying when she made a statement like that. He wanted to ask her, to dig deeper, but it didn’t seem like the right time. Maybe someday, when they came to know one another better, but not now. Not today.
Today, the realization of a betrothal was enough to deal with.
“Thank you for telling me,” he said. “I appreciate your candor.”
“I will always be honest with you, my lord.”
He held up a finger. “We’ll start with that,” he said. “You need not address me formally. My name is Essien. Please use it.”
She shook her head. “Though I appreciate the honor, I cannot,” she said. “Not until I know you better. It would seem rude and informal to me not to address you properly.”
He gave her a half-grin. “As you wish,” he said. “Would you prefer I address you formally, also?”
“Would you be offended?”
“Of course not,” he said. “I will do what you are comfortable with.”
“Thank you,” she said sincerely. Then she spoke hesitantly. “I do not mean to cause trouble. It is simply that we do not know one another, and it would seem incredibly ill-mannered to address you by your name at this time.”
“My lady, you need not explain yourself,” he said. “You are correct—we are strangers. But we are strangers who are going to come to know one another very well. Very well, indeed. I am looking forward to it.”
That statement seemed to surprise her. “You are?” she said. “Why?”
He laughed softly. “Because I should like to know my wife very well,” he said.
Then his smile faded. “You should know that my parents loved one another. They were devoted to one another. One of the last memories I have of them is of the pain and horror of their separation. My brother also loves his wife. They have a strong, enduring relationship. You asked me what I expect from this marriage? Mayhap I expect that we will be fond of one another. Mayhap more, with time. You see, I am surrounded by men who love their wives. I see what it has done for them. Mayhap I want the same.”
His answer gave her a great deal of pause.
After a moment, she simply shook her head.
“And I have been surrounded by the opposite,” she said quietly.
“My own marriage was an existence, nothing more. I would not even know how to go about expecting more, because if you do not expect such things, you cannot be disappointed.”
Essien thought that was a rather sad answer.
He’d opened his mouth to reply when he suddenly caught movement out of the corner of his eye.
It was somewhat dim where they were sitting, so all he could see was a figure coming toward them in the dark.
The first thing he did was put himself between the lady and the approaching figure.
Lance le Kerque came into view.
“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded, then quickly looked to Catalina. “My lady, are you well? Is he harassing you?”
Catalina stood up. “Of course not,” she said. “And what are you doing here? I told you that I did not wish to be followed.”
Lance’s gaze moved to Essien, his eyes narrowed menacingly. “It is a good thing I did,” he said. “I told you that there were men about and it was not safe. Now I find you sitting with al-Kort in a darkened corner? What would your father say?”
“Nothing,” Catalina snapped before Essien could reply. “He would say nothing because he has betrothed me to Sir Essien. The man is to be my husband, so it is his right to speak to me alone in the dark if he wishes.”
That statement brought Lance’s rage to an abrupt halt. The anger drained from his face, replaced by surprise. Perhaps even shock. Whatever it was, Essien could see the transformation right before his eyes.
The man was stunned.
“Betrothed?” Lance finally repeated. “You have been betrothed?”
“Aye,” Catalina said, perhaps a little more gently. “My father and Lord Hereford have come to an agreement regarding me and Sir Essien, so there is no need for your intervention. I do not require, nor do I want, your assistance. When I ask you to leave me alone, I meant it.”
The man stared at her, stiffening in indignation. The shock was quickly wearing off, replaced by something darker. Without another word, he spun on his heel and headed off into the darkness. Essien watched him go, fading off into the bailey and the open gates beyond.
“I must say that your words to him were rather sharp,” he said, turning to look at her. “Is that how you treat all of your father’s men?”