Chapter 8 Lily #2
I cycled through the emotions on an endless loop, looking through my past memories with a different perception.
I remembered when Kennt and his men had prepared to kill King Ithaca, how King Ithaca had said I was there with the god of the underworld—and Kennt looked right at him, like he knew he was there.
Like he felt him.
Because they knew each other. Because Callum was supposed to serve him, not me.
“Xivin.”
My eyes returned to him, the nickname hitting my heart differently now.
“I never would have made that deal if I’d known you. But once it was in motion, there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
“You could have told me.” I could feel the accusation in my stare. “You let me fall in love with you without knowing the truth. You came to my home and demanded I bed you, knowing you were aiding my enemy. You kept me in the dark about our true circumstances—and that is cowardly.”
His reaction was subtle, but his neck and the muscles of his jaw tightened like the insult hit him in his core. With his eyes down, he took a moment to recover from my venomous bite.
“I want to give you the benefit of the doubt,” I said with a trembling voice. “But you knew that entire time and didn’t tell me. My father fell from the blade of our enemies, and you pretended to be the hero who saved him…when you were actually the one who stabbed him.”
He kept his eyes down as he took another blow. “I was afraid if I told you, you would no longer accept my help. And you would have died without my intervention.”
“You diminish my strength and my intelligence.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“You take credit for my achievements.” Just as my father said.
“That’s not what I mean, Xivin—”
“Please stop calling me that.”
Now he clenched his eyes shut like I’d stabbed him right between the ribs.
It took a moment for him to look at me again, this time a thin film of tears visible on the surface.
“As you wish.” His voice didn’t betray the pain etched into his features, still steady and strong while the rest of him seemed to collapse.
“I just meant you wouldn’t believe my intentions toward you were true, and I wanted to help you in whatever way I could.
To keep you alive in King Ithaca’s hall, I had to reveal myself to him and his men.
That was my downfall, my confirmation to Kennt that I was meddling disfavorably in his war, the reason I lost my position in the underworld.
But of course, I regret nothing. Telling you the truth was not an option at the time. ”
“And you told me you loved me, all while you deceived me.”
“My sword and my powers belonged to you the moment I laid eyes on you—and you know that.”
I looked away.
“The Barbarians have been defeated, and now I live as a mortal man. I could have taken this secret to the grave, and you never would have discovered it on your own. But I tell you of my own accord because I’m an honorable man.
Because I would rather risk losing you than lie to you.
Because I love you and respect you and wouldn’t deserve you if I didn’t confess.
I couldn’t be your husband and carry this deception. ”
My eyes shifted away from him as they welled with tears. I loved this man so much that I had risked my life and my soul for him, but our love was built on silt and sand rather than solid stone. “I took your place in the underworld—”
“You know I didn’t want that. You know I would never want that. Every time you tried to find a way to save me, I dismissed the conversation—because I wasn’t worth the attempt. Because if you knew the truth, you might not think I was worth the risk anymore.”
I’d risked my eternal soul for a man I didn’t really know, and that hit hard.
“I already feel you pulling away from me.” He seemed to say it to himself more than to me. “Please don’t pull away from me.” I’d never heard Callum beg, but he was close. “You know my allegiance is to you and your family. You know I would do anything for any of them—”
“The entire reason we’re in peril is because of you, Callum.”
His spine made a thud against the chair when he sat back.
“Everything that happened is because of you. All the people who died…the dragons who died…” The tears rushed into my eyes and dripped down my cheeks as the heartbreak consumed me. “Dragons I loved like family.”
He bowed his head again.
“All of it happened because of you.”
He closed his eyes.
“That was why you asked me not to go to Riviana Star with my father. Which meant my father would have been killed, the forest and everyone in it would have been lost, and then the Realm of Caelum possibly compromised. All because of you.”
He wouldn’t look at me again, and two tears dripped down his cheeks to his chin.
I didn’t want to hurt him, not even after he’d hurt me, but I didn’t give him any comfort whatsoever.
A heavy silence fell between us, both of us crying quietly and not looking at each other.
“What bothers me the most…” I sniffled. “My father warned me not to trust you, and when I asked for his help and he denied me, I said some horrible things to him. Words I can never take back. And he’s someone I love beyond words, the only man in my life who has loved me more than anyone else—including you.
He lost his daughter, and I gave myself to the underworld.
” I started to cry when I thought about the unimaginable pain I had caused him. “And it must have killed him.”
Callum remained quiet, tears silently dripping down his cheeks.
“And he was right…the entire time.”
He didn’t argue with me. Just let the words dangle between us.
No other words were spoken, like everything had been said.
A single conversation had changed our entire lives.
It had destroyed the beautiful life we’d barely gotten to enjoy.
“I wish you’d never told me.” I’d found the love of my life and was excited about the life we would have together, the children we would make together…
And now, it was just gone. “I thought I would never want kids. Don’t have a hint of maternal instinct.
But I met you, and it was suddenly something I wanted.
I thought I’d found a love I could only dream about… and it’s gone.”
“It’s not gone. The love we have is still real, Lily.”
“But it’s based on lies.”
He looked away again. “I’ll give you some time.” He sniffed then rose to his feet before he walked into the bedroom.
I sat there, utterly numb, next to the fireplace, the taste of the dinner long dead on my taste buds. Callum was still in the villa, but I felt utterly alone, as alone as I had before we met. A few moments later, he remerged, dressed, with a pack over his shoulder.
I didn’t know where he would go. I almost offered to return to the castle so he could stay here, but my entire body was unresponsive. My heart had been poisoned then stabbed by his knife. I’d lost all the blood in my body, lost the ability to move, fight, feel…
He wordlessly left the villa and closed the door behind him lightly.
I stared at the plate of dinner that he’d made, the tears starting to rush down my cheeks. “I wish you’d never told me.”