Chapter 14 Lily #2
Even with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Big, tall, and muscular with a masculine definition to his face…but absolutely kissable lips. “Ask your question, Xivin. On my honor as a man, I will speak only the truth.”
I didn’t get upset by the use of the nickname. In fact, it was nice to hear it again. “When the Covenant removed your title and you were trapped in the underworld while I remained above, were you with anyone else?”
“Was I with anyone else?” he asked. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
“Did you fuck anyone, Callum?” I said more bluntly, not liking his initial response.
His eyebrows furrowed once again as if he didn’t understand the question.
But then a poignant sadness crept over his face when he realized how serious I was.
“From the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve been reverently and irrevocably in love with you, Lily Rothschild.
I’ve been with no one else since that moment.
I’ve never looked at another woman or considered another woman or dreamed of another woman.
My heart beats and bleeds for you alone.
I’m not sure what I’ve done to make you ever question that. ”
“Unless, you know, it was just sex, and it didn’t mean anything.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “I don’t feel desire for anyone but you.”
It seemed to be the truth, or maybe I just wanted to believe that was the truth. “I believe you.”
“Why do you ask me this?”
“Remember, you showed me my father’s past? When his wife and daughter died?”
“Yes.”
“Well, Leviathan came to me and said you committed treason when you helped the Barbarians. He clearly didn’t expect me to already know that, and then he showed a memory of you and Cecilia in the underworld. She seduced you and…yeah.”
His eyes narrowed. “Leviathan came to you.”
“Yes.”
“What else did he say?”
“Nothing. I asked why he wanted me to know this, but he just disappeared.”
He broke eye contact for the first time, anger floating like tendrils of smoke from his body as if he were on a pyre. “I know exactly what he’s doing.”
“What?”
“Trying to get you to go to the dead island, where he can touch you.”
“How would your infidelity achieve that?”
“Because you might be so distraught that you’d rather be in the underworld…or perhaps wish I were there instead. Whatever the case, I’m certain that isn’t the last time you’ll see him.”
“How did he project a false memory?”
“A combination of truth and fantasy,” he said.
“Cecilia and I had been together many times. He’d probably seen us together and combined that with different dialogue to make you believe it was a recent affair rather than one that happened before you.
” He finally turned back and looked at me again.
“It means the world to me that you believe me, Xivin.” That intense gaze was there, making me his all over again without lifting a single finger.
“My deception destroyed your trust. I eviscerated my own reputation. But you still believe me.”
I thought I couldn’t fall more in love with him, but somehow I did, even across the chasm of distance that he’d dug between us.
My heart turned into a songbird whenever he was near, sprouting wings, flying, and singing as it explored a garden of roses.
“You really hurt me, but I’d take your word over anyone else’s—always. ”
Somehow, his stare became even more intimate.
“But if I had found out about your betrayal through Leviathan, there would be no hope for us. So it’s a good thing you told me when you did.”
“I would have told you sooner. But it was the first time we were happy, first time I’ve felt peace in a very, very long time.
And I just wanted to live like that for as long as I could.
” He turned to look at the empty living room and then the high ceiling before he took in a heavy breath.
“Before this happened.” He sat back in the chair, his shoulders sinking in defeat.
It hurt me to hurt him, felt like I was the blade instead of the wound.
He looked away for a long time, his skin even more beautiful in the glow from the fire, all of his muscles rippling even when he was at rest. “I know you’ve been spending time with Viper, but I don’t need to ask you what it means.
” He turned his gaze back to me. “I don’t need to ask what physical or emotional transgressions have taken place.
I trust you with my heart—as well as my life. ”
The mention of Viper suddenly made me feel ashamed of wrongdoing when there was no malice in my heart. “He came here—”
“Trust me, I know why he came,” he said simply. “To remind you of his honor and transparency. To remind you that a life with him would be infinitely easier than one with me. To take advantage of my desecrated reputation and take my place. He’s welcome to try his best.”
“When I saw the image of you and Cecilia, I was so broken and angry. So I don’t understand how you can be so calm about the idea of another man trying to take me.”
“Because he can’t take you. It doesn’t matter that trust needs to be rebuilt and forgiveness needs to be earned.
Your heart beats for me the way mine does for you.
They’re connected by something deeper than the flesh, connected by a bond that doesn’t break across the veil between life and death—even when our places are switched.
He doesn’t worry me. What worries me is the amount of time I’m going to have to sit here alone and wait for you to walk through that door.
The amount of anguish and despair I’m going to have to suffer until you come back to me.
How long it’s going to be before I earn your forgiveness—so I can ask you to be my wife. ”
My eyes immediately dropped as I listened to his heartfelt declaration. Callum usually said very little, but he could convey his emotions so effortlessly and beautifully.
“It’s hard to earn your forgiveness when I can’t even look at you.”
My eyes stayed down because the look in his eyes would make me so weak.
“When you ask me to give you space, I can’t tell you how much I love you. It’s hard to honor your request, but I’ve done so in the hope that you understand how much I care about your feelings. That I’ve put your emotions before my own. Can you say the same about the vampire?”
I lifted my eyes to meet his.
“He doesn’t care about the way you feel, Lily.
All he cares about is making you his. And while that might sound romantic, it sounds selfish to me.
When you tell him exactly how you feel about our predicament, he doesn’t care about the way your heart aches.
He just cares about how he can make that aching heart beat for him. ”
My father was right. This really did sound like a fucking love triangle. “In his defense, I told him not to try anything or I’d cut his dick off—and he’s listened. And he hasn’t issued many insults in your direction. He just listens to me.”
Callum continued to stare at me.
“He’s felt like…like a friend.”
“I knew his love for you was true, and perhaps I’ve forgotten that. Because he has been selfless toward you. Despite your commitment to me, he still helped you. He didn’t have to do that, but he did.”
“Whether his intentions toward me are selfish or not, it doesn’t change anything.”
Callum’s stare was glued to my face now.
“He knows how much I love you.”
He didn’t react to what I said, but his eyes contained an endless depth that reached straight to his soul.
He could somehow surround me without lifting a finger, could somehow smother me with love without saying a word.
“Do you still need more time?” he asked with a tone of disappointment, like he already knew my answer.
I dropped my gaze. “It’s hard for me to focus on the future when I’m stuck in the past.” I continued to think about everything that had happened, painfully aware that Callum had directly caused it all.
“Sometimes I think I’m okay, like right now when I’m looking at you.
But then whenever I think about the war, I’m reminded of your hand in it.
I don’t want to continue our relationship if it’s always under a cloud of resentment. That’s not fair to you.”
“I will gladly sit in the pouring rain as long as you’re next to me, Lily. I will suffer your storms and hurricanes and your emotional turbulence as long as it takes for you to move past it. I just want us to be together, whether it’s in the sunshine or a freezing blizzard.”
“But what if I never work past it?”
His eyes dropped down.
“What if I can never forgive you?”
He inhaled a slow breath that made his shoulders rise with the air that inflated his lungs.
When he let that air release, his massive body seemed to shrink.
Invisible chambers inside his body seemed to collapse as he caved in on himself.
“I believe in us,” he said quietly. “I believe my actions were reprehensible and terrible, but I believe that our paths were meant to cross. I believe you’re the woman who’s destined for me, that I had to suffer horrible atrocities to find you so my soul could finally rest. So I know you’ll forgive me… eventually.”