Epilogue
CALLUM
“Dad, this is taking foreveeer.” Xiathan trailed behind me with his bow across his back and his dagger at his hip.
“You want to eat? We’ve got to find the deer.”
“There’s food back at the castle.”
I stopped to turn back to him. “We’re eating what we catch tonight.”
He sighed, five years old but tall for his age, getting that from both Lily and me.
“I already told you that.”
“But why?”
“Because.” I deepened my tone so he’d know not to push me.
And he was smart enough not to.
Makuvan hung in the sack tied across my back.
My two-year-old son could walk on his own, but it was a little too dangerous out here.
He might wander off while I was taking care of his brother, and I might not find him again.
“Dad.” He reached his little hand over my shoulder, opening and closing his palm like he wanted a snack.
I reached into my pocket and placed a snack I’d packed for him in his hand.
He immediately ate it, able to stand in the sack and look over my shoulder.
I continued forward, and after a couple minutes of silence, Xiathan dropped his attitude and came to my side.
“How are we going to take the deer back?”
“I’ll carry it, and you can carry your brother.”
“But he smells.”
I hid my smirk as best I could. “You think you don’t?”
“No,” he said with a laugh.
We walked through the forest for a while, and I finally found a fresh dropping that told me a pack of deer had been there recently. I stopped Xiathan from walking by grabbing his arm and bringing him to a halt. I got down on one knee, and my son did the same.
“I think they’re headed this way,” I said quietly. “If we’re patient, they’ll come right here into the clearing. Get your bow ready.”
He reached for the bow I’d carved myself. Put an arrow to the string like I’d taught him but didn’t aim.
Moments like these made me remember a different time when I’d taught Darius to hunt for the first time.
The two boys were very different from each other, Xiathan coming from a life of privilege that I tried my best to make him forget.
Darius and Tiberius had been very aware of the fact that if we didn’t catch anything on our hunt, we ate only vegetables for dinner.
We waited in silence.
Makuvan reached his hand over my shoulder and opened and closed his fingers again.
I reached for a piece of dried fruit and put it in his hand, and he ate that.
The deer eventually stepped into the clearing.
I silently gestured to Xiathan to put the arrow to the string and tighten his elbow.
He did as I told him, but his form was still off. So I reached behind him, forced his arm back to make the string even more loaded. Lined him up to make the shot. Then I nodded to him, telling him that he was ready.
He stared down the deer with the arrow ready, but his elbow started to shake as he held the string and didn’t release it.
I waited, unsure what he was waiting for.
Then he dropped the bow altogether. “I can’t. Just can’t…” The tears came from nowhere.
The deer scattered when they realized they’d been stalked and immediately ran off.
I pulled the bow off him and placed my hand on his back. “You can’t what?”
“I don’t want to shoot the deer, okay?” he said through his tears. “It makes me feel so bad…seeing them dead on the ground…and their eyes are open.”
I started to rub his small back as he cried. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to disappoint you—”
“Xiathan, you can never disappoint me.” My hand moved through his thick, dark hair as I watched him slowly calm himself. “It’s okay. I just wanted you to know how to hunt in case you ever needed it in the future.” Hopefully he would never need it. Hopefully this peace would last forever.
“I like animals.”
“That’s okay.”
“Why are they any different from dragons? We don’t hunt dragons.” He finally turned to me when he stopped crying.
“Don’t ever say that to a dragon,” I teased. “Khazmuda might bite your hand off.”
He smirked before he released a quiet chuckle.
I continued to rub his back. “I wish you’d told me you felt this way sooner.”
“I thought you would get mad.”
“Never.”
“Mom is queen and you’re her guard.” He looked away again. “I just don’t want to look like a pussy.”
“What did you just say?”
“Oh…sorry.”
“Where did you learn that word?” I demanded.
“I…I don’t remember.”
“Xiathan.”
“Um, I might have heard Uncle Hawk say it one time.”
Of course. “You aren’t a pussy, Xiathan. And don’t ever say that again. Real men don’t use words like that.”
“Uncle Hawk isn’t a real man?”
“Not if he talks like that around women and children.” I stood up and helped him up with me. “There’s no shame in liking the deer, son. It means you have empathy for others, and that’s not a bad thing.”
“Empathy? What does that mean?”
“It means you care for others.” We started to head back to the castle, walking through the wildlands that belonged to the dragons.
“You don’t think Mom will be disappointed?”
“No.” My arm moved around his shoulders, and I gave him a squeeze.
“Could we…not tell her?”
“Why? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Xiathan.”
“I know, but I want to grow up and be like her.”
“How so?” I asked.
“Strong and fearless and powerful. I know she would hunt the deer.”
I patted him again. “That’s nice of you to say about your mother, but why be her when you can be you instead?”
Lily came home later than usual, so late that I’d already fed the boys and put them to bed when she walked in. Her dinner was left on the dining table, covered with a silver platter to keep it warm even though it was long cold.
She was flustered the second she stepped inside.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
She walked inside in her full armor and cape, looking like the queen she was, with straight shoulders and a strong spine, the hilt of her sword visible past her shoulder.
“The dispute turned into a much bigger ordeal than it needed to be, I’ll say that much.
” She told me about the new king of the Empire Colonies and the fact that they were changing the jurisdictions of the colonies.
“I have better things to do, but they’re idiots, so…
” She looked toward the bedrooms where the boys were sleeping. “How was your day?”
“It was good. Took the boys hunting.”
“Deer?”
“We didn’t get anything.”
“Guess the dragons have been hungry.”
“Actually, we found them, but Xiathan didn’t want to shoot.”
She regarded me with a reserved expression.
“Said he doesn’t want to shoot a deer.”
“And what did you say?”
“I said it was fine. I want him to fend for himself, but I’m not going to make him do something he doesn’t want to do.”
She nodded in agreement. “He’s always been that way…so sweet.”
I nodded in agreement. “He was afraid to disappoint us.”
“Ridiculous.”
“Yes, but he said how much he looks up to you.”
Her eyes softened, and she took a breath. “You don’t have to hunt deer to be a queen. Maybe when he’s older, he’ll feel differently about it. But if he doesn’t, that’s okay too.” Her eyes fell, and she looked lost in new thoughts almost instantly.
“Anything else on your mind?”
“Um…” She crossed her arms over her chest and stepped away from me. “Yes. Kinda… I don’t know.”
I’d never seen her react this way to anything, being so unsure of herself. “Xivin?”
She started to pace slightly, her boots distinct when they tapped against the floor. “So…I don’t know this for sure, but…I’m late.” She stopped then looked at me again.
“Late for what?”
“My womanhood. It hasn’t come yet. And it’s usually here by now.”
Now I understood. We’d agreed to have two children and she went back on the herb, so this was something neither of us had planned for. The news should give me a distinct jolt, but I didn’t feel scared.
She stared at me and waited for my reaction.
“What’s the problem?”
“The problem?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “We don’t have the space for a third child.”
I cocked my eyebrow automatically. “We live in a castle…that belongs to you.”
“But our chambers don’t have the space.”
“Then we move.”
“I’m already so busy, and you’re already busy taking care of the boys all the time.”
“That’s never been a problem for me, Xivin.”
“But three… Three is a big jump from two.”
I shrugged.
“We already have a toddler.”
“He’s fine.”
“He’s fine?”
“I just mean he’s an easy kid.”
“I’m telling you three is going to turn our world upside down—”
“It’s going to make us even happier than we are now.
However many children we have, whether it’s intentional or not, is a blessing.
It is my dream to have this life with you.
While you’re off protecting our kingdom, I’m focused on our boys.
I couldn’t have asked for anything more than this.
So I know you’re scared. You’re the one who has to grow our child and birth them, but you’re a goddess, Xivin.
You can do it again…and again…and again. ”
“Well, this is the last again.”
“And what if we have a girl?” I asked. “I’m happy to have another boy, but it would be nice.”
Her eyes softened. “It would be nice.”
I searched her eyes, seeing her slowly come back to me.
“I know it’s hard right now because they’re young…
and we might have another little one on the way.
But trust me when I tell you, when you look back on your life, you’ll remember these years with the greatest fondness.
We’ll know them forever as adults, but just a second as kids.
When Xiathan said he was afraid I would be disappointed in him, I wished he understood how very grateful I am to have him that literally nothing could ever disappoint me.
Whether we go out there to hunt the deer or pet the deer, I’m just happy to be his father. ”
Her eyes remained soft as she listened to me. “You remind me so much of my father. He used to say stuff like that all the time.”
“I take that as a compliment.”
“Good, because it was meant as one.”
I moved into her, finally getting close to my wife after not seeing her since early this morning.
My hands cupped her face, and I reached for the hairband that kept her braid in place.
I tugged it free, and the hair came loose and fell around her shoulders.
I cupped her cheeks again, keeping her hair from her face before I kissed her.
She kissed me back, immediately melting into me.
I was tired from the long day with the boys and being up with Makuvan throughout the night, but I was never too tired to be with her. To cherish our time together when they were both asleep and it could just be us. “Dinner or bed?”
Her arms circled my neck, and she kissed me harder. “You…always.”