Chapter 22
Please, please don’t let this happen, she prayed to whatever gods were listening.
And one of them actually answered.
“Grace?”
Hae stood beside her, a bag of peanuts in his hand. The brown paper bag was saturated with grease. The scent of melted cheese and over-fried dough filled her nose as she gasped for air. She must have stumbled into the food alley.
“Are you okay?”
She tried to speak, but couldn’t push her voice past the vise that squeezed her chest. So she just nodded.
Hae’s face turned grim as he wrapped an arm around her.
“Come on.” He guided her between two of the food stalls, weaving through discarded cardboard boxes until they emerged in the empty field behind the carnival.
Grace couldn’t go any further. She could barely gasp in a full breath. So she pulled out of Hae’s grip and crouched, her legs too unstable to hold her up anymore.
“What do you need?” Hae stooped in front of her.
She couldn’t reply. She could barely breathe.
But his steady gaze captured hers. “Hey, I’m here, okay?
You’re safe. Just focus on me.” His voice was low, soothing.
Somehow it broke through the overwhelming buzzing in her ears and her head slowly stopped spinning. It helped her focus enough to speak.
“Are you sick?”
“No.” She shook her head and immediately regretted it as her vision wheeled.
She nearly lost her balance, but Hae’s strong grip steadied her, his cool palm resting on her forehead.
“What do you need?” He was muttering to himself. “The hospital?”
“No hospital,” she choked out. The last thing she needed was to run into her dad at the emergency room because she’d had a panic attack.
“Then tell me what to do.”
She pointed to the bag of peanuts he still held in his hands. “G-gimme that.”
“What?” He glanced at the paper bag. “You want to eat peanuts?”
White dots danced in her vision, spinning in quick dizzying circles.
Crap.
Grace could feel herself swaying, on the verge of passing out. She lurched forward, grabbing Hae with the strength of desperation. “The bag! Give me the bag!”
He did.
Grace shook out the contents with trembling hands before covering her mouth with the opening.
The smell of salt and peanuts overwhelmed her senses as she pulled in a hot, shaky breath.
The crinkle of the paper marked each strangled gasp. The first few breaths were tight and strained. But slowly the pressure in her chest eased with each new inhale of peanut-scented air.
Her muscles relaxed in waves, starting in her limbs and moving into her core.
Her vision cleared enough for Hae’s worried face to come into focus. And seeing how he watched her, the embarrassment flooded in, filling the spaces panic had just vacated. She closed her eyes and let her hands drop. The bag crumpled in her fists.
“Did that help?” His voice was quiet. Almost tender.
She just nodded, unable to speak past her mortification. It was bad enough she’d had another meltdown in a public place, but for Hae to be the one to find her…He probably regretted asking such a useless human for help.
Yet, he was being so patient as he sat with her. In a way, his presence had anchored her when she thought she was going to lose it completely.
When she opened her eyes, he was watching her. Searching her, like he was trying to see right into her most private thoughts.
“I—I’m good now.” She pushed to her feet. But her legs had fallen asleep from crouching for too long. She almost toppled over before Hae caught her.
“Maybe you should sit down again.”
“I’m okay.” She pulled away carefully, grateful that her legs held this time.
Hae nodded. “I’ll walk you back.”
“I said I’m okay!” Grace insisted. She didn’t want him witnessing any more embarrassing moments. She just needed to be alone to pull herself together.
Hae rested a steady hand on her shoulder. “Even if you’re okay. I’d like to walk you back.”
She could have handled derision. She was ready for pity. Even rejection. But she wasn’t prepared for the quiet acceptance she saw on his face.
“I just, I don’t…” She let her voice trail into silence, not sure what she even wanted to say.
“It’ll be all right.” Hae held out his arm, a gallant move, straight out of an old black-and-white movie. She huffed out an almost laugh at the absurdity of him but took his offered arm as they stepped back into the main food alley.
Grace took a deep breath, then another, before she was able to force out, “Thank you.”
He gave her a curious look and she suddenly decided the ground was fascinating to stare at.
She didn’t think she could look at him while she said this. “Thanks for getting me away from the crowds. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.”
“It seemed like that,” Hae said. “I just wanted you to feel safe.”
She stumbled to a halt, looking up at him again. He had such a somber, earnest expression. “I don’t know how to take that.”
“Take it however you’d like.” Hae’s smile was slow, a hesitant offering.
Grace’s voice hitched. “I don’t think I can handle you being nice to me right now.”
Hae’s brow winged up in surprised. Then he nodded. “Okay, then, let’s do something else.”
“What?” Grace nearly felt whiplash from the sharp turn in conversation.
“Let’s ride that.” Hae pointed behind her just as screams rose in the air. And she didn’t have to look to know which ride he meant. The pirate ship.
“Oh no, I’m good.”
“Come on.” Hae pulled her after him before she could protest again.
Grace watched the dazed expressions of the group exiting the ride. “Maybe you should just ride this by yourself.”
“Come on, we’re already here.” Hae pulled out the page of ride tickets Grace had given him earlier. Just enough left to pay for both of them.
And before Grace could find a way to escape, she found herself seated at the back of the boat, safety bar squeaking loudly as the operator slid it over her lap.
“Is this enough?” Grace asked anxiously.
The worker, who looked barely older than her, just shrugged. It didn’t really instill confidence.
Grace clutched the worn padding tightly as the boat moved. She let out a premature scream that earned her an eye roll from the middle schoolers sitting in front of them. Biting her lip, she held in another cry as the ride moved back in a slow warm-up swing that barely left the loading platform.
The boat rocked back a little higher. This time the downward swing was so fast her stomach dropped. A momentary thrill, balancing delicately on the edge of fear.
“Is that it?” Hae sounded disappointed.
“I wish,” Grace said, squeezing her eyes shut as the boat swung back so far, they were practically horizontal in their seat.
“Do we put our hands up?” Hae shouted above the wind, nodding at the middle schoolers doing just that.
“Uh, no, I’m good.” Grace was gripping the lap bar tightly.
“Come on!” Hae pried her fingers loose and lifted their joined hands. Her body fell slightly forward, pressing into the lap bar as the boat crested again and hung for a breathless moment in the air.
She tried to pull her hand down so she could grab the bar again. But Hae’s grip was too tight.
The boat swung down so fast Grace screamed.
Beside her Hae was laughing, eyes skyward.
When she glanced over, his smile brightened his entire face.
Where there used to be sharp planes and angles, now his eyes and cheeks curved softly.
The boat swung again. Her scream was joined by Hae’s joyous shout.
And something strange happened. The fear clutching her throat let go, releasing her as the boat crested.
She felt oddly weightless. A little laugh hiccuped out of her.
And she looked over at Hae to see him smiling at her.
“There you go!” Hae crowed. And this time when he lifted her hand in the air, Grace mirrored Hae and threw her head back as the boat crested for the last and longest swing.
This time she screamed louder. Letting the sound vibrate through her whole body.
Letting it shake loose all the sharp pricks of anxiety and stress that stabbed her.
Her legs felt a bit weak as she stepped off the ride, and her cheeks were cold from the rush of wind against her skin. But other than that, she felt kind of good. Better than good, she felt amped up.
“So?” Hae asked. “How’d you like it?”
Grace considered lying, but she was still buzzing from the adrenaline rush of the ride. “I didn’t hate it,” Grace admitted. And for the first time in months, she felt light. Like all the weight she always carried on her shoulders had been swept away with the rush of the swinging boat.
“It reminded me of when I used to fly.” Hae grinned down at her. “Should we go again?”
Grace let out a laugh. “No, once was enough.”
Hae chuckled. “How’d I know you’d say that?”
“Because you know I value the security of solid ground.”
“Huh.” Hae’s brows creased thoughtfully at that. “You’re right. I do know you. I’ve never spent this much time with one human.”
“Yeah? You starting to regret it?” Grace was joking, but Hae shook his head seriously.
“No, I like it. Getting to know you. Letting you get to know me.”
Not for the first time, she wasn’t sure how to respond to him. Hae seemed to swing back and forth between careless god and tragic boy in a pendulum as extreme as the pirate ship.
He blinked the expression away as he cleared his throat and let a hand drop on her shoulder. “You look better.”
“Better?” Grace blinked at him.
“You look less sad.”
“What?” She let out a small breathless laugh.
But he bent down so their eyes were even. So close that she could see some of the spinning lights of the carnival reflecting in his golden eyes.
It made her dizzy.
His gaze shifted down her face, toward her lips. He tilted his head. The way one might for a kiss.
What was he doing? She couldn’t keep him in focus as he moved even closer. She squeezed her eyes shut, acutely aware of his hand moving up her shoulder to softly cup the side of her neck.
“You have an eyelash.”
“Huh?” Her eyes flew open again.
“Right here, you have an eyelash.” Hae’s fingertips brushed lightly against her cheek. A flutter of sensation sent sparks dancing across her skin.
His mouth opened in concentration, pulling her focus to his full lips.
They were the perfect shade of blush, the kind of natural color makeup companies would kill to recreate. She wondered if they felt as soft as they looked.
“Got it,” Hae whispered, holding up his thumb in triumph. Her eyes nearly crossed, straining to see the small lash sitting delicately on his finger. “Make a wish.”
“What?” She asked the question in a frantic huff that accidentally blew the lash away.
“Aw, that was a waste.” Hae frowned. “I saw on the television. A girl said you’re supposed to make a wish and blow the lash away for it to come true.”
“Oh, sorry,” Grace found herself saying at the clear disappointment on his face.
“It’s all right. You have many eyelashes.” Hae gave a mischievous grin.
And Grace couldn’t tell if he was being serious or teasing her, but she leaned away, just in case Hae decided to pluck another one free to get that wish.
“Come on, we should get—” She broke off as his hand tightened on her shoulder. His attention pulled somewhere behind her.
“Hae?”
“There’s someone here.” His voice was sharp, eyes focused. “Someone who doesn’t belong.”
“What do you mean?”
Without offering a reply, Hae took off into the crowd.