Chapter 35
When Grace woke, her mind felt fuzzy and her body heavy as sleep clung to her.
She groaned, trying to roll to her side, but something held her down.
She blinked her eyes open to find Hae sleeping on his stomach beside her.
His face stuffed into a pillow. His arm thrown over her, heavy enough to hold her in place.
But something also weighed down her legs. She lifted her head and spotted Haechi’s large fluffy head across her feet.
Great, she was surrounded. But she couldn’t stop the smile at the realization that they’d both wanted to stick by her side. In the last few months she’d grown used to being alone here, but now she never was.
She didn’t remember getting home or being put into her bed. But she’d slept through the night, judging by the soft orange glow of sunrise against the window shades.
Grace considered waking Hae, but chose instead to lie there a moment longer, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his shoulders.
He was wearing one of the T-shirts she’d lent him from her father’s dresser. It had a large screen-printed design of the fortress in St. Augustine on the back. She and Halmeoni had picked it out for Dad during a trip. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him actually wear it, though.
It fit Hae well, pulling across his back so she could make out the subtle jut of his shoulder blades. She wanted to run her hands over the dips and planes of him. But she held back. That would be weird, right? It was strange enough realizing that they’d technically slept together.
Plus, if she woke him, they’d have to talk about more serious things. And she wanted to delay that for a bit longer.
Habaek’s words echoed in her head. Stop helping the sun god, or there will be consequences.
Was she being stupid for not listening? What did Habaek plan to do to Hae?
Just the thought of Hae in danger made her heart hurt. He might be a god reborn, but every time he used his powers, he seemed weaker and weaker.
In this time between night and day, she could silently admit she didn’t want to lose him. Not to Habaek. Not to the realm of the gods. She wanted him to stay here.
“Oh crap,” she whispered, wondering when she’d started to like him so much. To depend on his presence.
Her phone alarm went off, and she reached out quickly to silence it. Turns out she’d accidentally left it at home last night when they’d rushed out after Haechi. So at least it hadn’t been destroyed by her dip in the river.
Hae stirred beside her, rolling onto his back. He sat up, hair hanging in his face.
“Myeot-shiya?” he asked, not awake enough to convert to English.
“Almost six a.m.,” Grace replied, rolling to put a bit of space between them. At the movement, Haechi jumped down with a soft bark. The effort to climb out of bed alerted her to every ache and bruise on her body.
She realized she was wearing the same clothes from last night. And shuddered at the thought of the dirt and grime she’d transferred to her sheets. But she supposed it would have been quite awkward if Hae had tried to strip her out of her soaked clothing.
Running a hand through her tangled hair, she figured she’d better take a shower before going to school. Maybe the hot water would help work out some of the aches.
But as she started for the door, Hae touched her shoulder. “You okay?”
Her entire being vibrated at the contact. But she hid it as she turned to him. The sun shone through the blinds, creating patterns across his golden skin. “Yeah, I think so. About last night—”
“We’ll talk about it later.” He climbed out of the bed, spryer than she’d have anticipated. “For now, I think we should both eat.”
Grace realized it had been so long since she’d eaten anything that her stomach had a gnawing hollow feeling.
“Yeah, sure.” Her muddled mind couldn’t recall what food they even had. It had been a while since she’d gone grocery shopping. “Search the pantry for something. I’m just going to take a shower first. I’ll meet you down there.”
Hae looked her up and down. Like he was scanning for anything amiss. “Maybe I should stay up here then, just in case.”
His concern felt like a mild soothing balm, it helped dull some of the aches.
“In case what?” She smiled. “I need help washing my back?”
Hae’s answering grin was wry. “That wasn’t what I meant, but I’m happy to be of service.”
She squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to say it like that. She must still be out of it.
“No.” Grace laughed awkwardly. “I was just joking. I’ll be fine. If it helps, you can leave Haechi up here. He’s proven to be a pretty good guard.”
Hae nodded at that. “Okay.”
After he left, Grace flopped back down onto the bed to catch her breath.
Haechi set his head on her knees, and when she reached out to pet him, he licked her hand excitedly. “Don’t worry, even if Hae leaves, I’ll figure out a way to ask Dad if we can keep you,” she promised him. “I’m going to take good care of you, the way you took good care of me.”
Haechi’s tongue lolled out in what she’d come to see as his doggy grin. And she smiled back. She looked up at the empty doorway, pondering the more complicated case of her feelings for Hae.
There were so many hidden layers to him. She felt like she’d been slowly peeling them back. She’d only known him a week, she realized, but already she felt desolate imagining him gone.
“You always knew he meant to leave,” she told herself. But she still felt the beginning pangs of loss. So similar to the grief that she worked so hard to ignore.
He was just a commanding personality. Of course he’d make a big impression in a short amount of time. It’s because he was a god.
Except, the parts of him that she already missed were the quiet ones. The way he never made her feel ashamed of her grief. The way he steadied her when she felt like she was going to break.
It was disconcerting, reconciling that with the arrogant godly persona. That’s all it was. She couldn’t actually like him, she told herself. She was just confused by him. And she’d always become obsessive when it came to solving a puzzle.
“That’s it,” she said, marching toward the bathroom. “It’s just a weird obsession. It’s easy to mistake that with having feelings.”
But she also knew that wasn’t true.