Chapter Twenty
“You know, Logan looks impressive now, and Dean, he’s a know-it-all, but Garrett? Garrett was the one who was always fearless,” Amanda said in a hushed, excited whisper. “He was the one who was always ready to take on anything. Even when he was only Jacob’s age!”
Hannah tried in vain to listen to Amanda’s story as she struggled to keep her siblings in the long line for the food. It was hard, though. It seemed the closer they got to the table full of dishes, the more antsy the children got.
“Oh, really?” Hannah asked.
“Hannah, I’m hungry!” Rebecca wailed, pulling at Hannah’s skirts.
“I know, sweetheart, we’re almost there,” Hannah assured her, prying Rebecca’s little fingers away from her dress. It was already filthy. She didn’t need it to be ripped as well.
“Jacob, stop!” Maria yelled in front of them, and Hannah’s pulse spiked as she watched Maria shove at Jacob’s stomach.
“No pushing!” Hannah scolded.
“Yes, when they were all younger, I remember that these coyotes were trying to drag off a newborn calf,” Amanda went on, “And everyone, even my brother, was too afraid to try to chase them away. But Garrett? He just picked up this big stick and started shouting and swinging!”
“Oh, wow, that’s so brave,” Hannah agreed, then nearly tripped as Rebecca suddenly sat down on the ground in front of her.
“Rebecca, please get up,” Hannah begged, feeling the world close in on her. She didn’t have to look up to know that people were staring. She could practically feel their eyes boring into her back.
“Do you want some help?” Garrett said from behind her.
“I have it!” Hannah answered a bit too loud as she did her best to sound chipper. He already had Louis, who had decided to attach himself to Garrett’s side no matter how many times Hannah had tried to pull him away.
“Are you sure?” Garrett asked.
“Oh!” Amanda exclaimed, “And then there was one time Grace’s pony got stung while she was riding it and it started to buck her, and Garrett…”
“Ow!” Maria howled in front of them. “Jacob, leave me alone!”
Hannah’s head shot up just in time to see Maria stagger back into the long table of food- and her stomach clenched painfully as the next few seconds seemed to move in slow motion.
Jacob shot away from Maria as she fell, crashing into the table and sending it and all the crocks and dishes of food flying to the ground with her.
Gasps and sounds of breaking porcelain filled the air as brisket, beans, coleslaw, and several other dishes spilled onto the ground along with a sobbing, food-covered Maria.
Amanda ceased her storytelling as the horrible scene unfolded.
“Maria!” Hannah yelled, helping her little sister up, “Are you alright?”
Maria sniffled as she tried to cover her red-blotched cheeks and wiped a hand down her ruined dress.
“Jacob pushed me,” she whimpered.
Hannah pulled her close, hugging her tight as she searched the lawn for her second oldest brother. She didn’t see him, but she saw everyone else. They had gone quiet and still, even Isaac and Garrett, who looked as shocked as everyone else.
Hannah held Maria tighter, suddenly feeling as if she was not surrounded by people, but by a pack of coyotes ready to tear her to shreds. Then the complaining began.
“My grandmother’s dish!” A woman wailed.
“Look at all this food! Wasted!” A man growled.
“Keep your children under control!” Another woman yelled.
“Look at this mess!”
“Everyone, please!” Preacher Thompson implored, coming to stand in front of Maria and Hannah, “It was just an accident!”
“Come, my dears, let me help you,” Mrs. Thompson said, rushing toward them. “It’s alright, it’s just a little—”
“I believe it’s time for us to go,” Hannah said, refusing Mrs. Thompson’s kind offer to help her stand and got up on her own, bringing Maria with her.
She had tried. All morning long, she had done her best to keep a smile on her face despite the setbacks with the children, despite her heavy thoughts, despite her growing jealousy for Grace, and now she’d decidedly had enough.
Squaring her shoulders and holding her tears back, Hannah gripped Maria’s hand and walked stiffly back to Rebecca and Garrett, who was still holding Louis.
“Rebecca, get up,” Hannah commanded, and to her relief, the little girl scrambled to her feet and rushed to take Maria’s other hand as Hannah turned to Garrett next.
“Give him to me,” she ordered him, holding her arm out.
Garrett shook his head, his eyes full of pity.
“Hannah, wait,” he insisted, “You can stay. We’ll just get this all cleaned up, save what food we can—”
“Garrett,” she cut him off, her voice trembling as she reached the end of her wits. “Give me my brother. Please.”
Garrett’s shoulders sagged, but he didn’t argue.
Silently, he held Louis out to her. Hannah felt her knees threaten to buckle under the weight of her seven-year-old brother, but she mustered her strength and put him on her hip.
Garrett had made it look so easy to hold him, and the fact that she was struggling made her feel worse.
The children were her responsibility, not his.
She should have never agreed to let Louis cling to Garrett in the first place.
It was obvious, now more than ever after what she’d heard the other ladies whispering about, that Garrett was dealing with far more trouble than what he was willing to share with her.
She couldn’t think about Garrett’s secrets now, though. All she could do was gather her siblings and leave the chaos they’d created.
“Jacob!” She called, and her scowling brother finally appeared again, being dragged up to her by Isaac, whose scowl matched Jacob’s.
“We’re going,” she stated, her chin wobbling as she took a final look around the church crowd. Some were still glaring at her, but most now just looked on with utter pity. Hannah couldn’t tell what was worse.
“I’m sorry, everyone,” she called out, wishing her voice wasn’t trembling so hard. “Please, try to enjoy the rest of your day.”
“Hannah,” Amanda implored as Hannah walked away with the children.
“Hannah, please, it’s alright,” Mrs. Thompson called after her.
“Hannah, wait,” Garrett’s deep voice begged.
That almost made her pause. Almost. Then Jacob tried to break away from Isaac’s grip, and she knew she was doing the right thing by leaving. Hannah ignored the pleas from her new friends and husband, and kept walking.
***
“Why do you always have to cause trouble,” Isaac scolded Jacob as they walked home.
It was the first time since they’d left the church several minutes ago that anyone had spoken, and Hannah jolted at the sound. She’d been so consumed with shame she’d nearly forgotten that any of them could talk. Including herself.
“Leave me alone!” Jacob shouted, pushing at his older brother, “I hate it here!”
“That doesn’t give you the right to ruin it for everyone else!” Isaac yelled back.
“Boys, enough,” Hannah pled. She felt dirty, ashamed, and so very hot and sticky from the intense Texas heat; she felt miserable.
“I’m sorry, Hannah,” Isaac somberly apologized.
“I’m sorry too, Hannah,” Maria added.
“Me too,” Rebecca added.
“Me too, Hannah,” Louis said, laying his head on her shoulder as she carried him.
Hannah’s lips almost twitched toward a smile as she reached up and patted Louis’s back; her arms, hip, and back aching from the weight of him.
“It’s been a hard day for everybody,” she sighed. “I think we just need to get home and get cleaned up, then I want everyone to go to their rooms and think of how they’re going to behave better the next time.”
On the other side of Isaac, Jacob scoffed.
“You really think after that they’re going to let us come back?” He asked. “They hate us, Hannah. And we hate being here. This entire move has been nothing but misery. Can’t we just give up and go back home?”
Hannah didn’t think she could feel any lower about how the day had unfolded, but as Jacob asked about the home they no longer had, she was proven wrong.
“You know what I think?” Isaac spoke up, saving her in that moment from having to share such an unfortunate truth. “I think our big sister deserves a break. Isn’t that right, everyone?”
Everyone but Jacob replied in a chorus of yeses.
“So, here’s what we’re going to do,” Isaac went on, taking Louis from Hannah, “The five of us are going to go home, we’re going to wash up, we’re going to spend the rest of the day being good, right?”
Again, everyone but Jacob agreed.
“That’s sweet of you, Isaac,” Hannah said, “But I’ve got to feed everybody, and I need to wash up too—”
“Maria and I will figure out what to feed the kids,” Isaac interjected, “And if you go into the paddock and follow the trail, you’ll run into the river.
Don’t worry, the cows are all in other pastures at the moment, and there’s no one out there.
You can wash up, rest. Just take some time for yourself. ”
“Isaac, I know you want to help, and I’m grateful, but—”
“No buts,” Isaac cut her off, shaking his head.
“I know you’re usually the boss of me but right now I’m going to be the boss of you.
You need a moment, Hannah,” he said sternly, looking her right in the eyes with a serious expression.
“That was intense back there. Not just the table thing but the whole day. Every time I looked over at you, I thought you were going to burst into tears. Please go to the river and take a break.”
Hannah worried the corner of her lip, caught between shame and gratitude for her brother’s ardent intervention. After a minute, though, she nodded and thanked him.
Silence settled over them once again as they all somberly walked home. Inside the house, Hannah took a moment to grab a clean change of clothes and put them into a pack along with a wash cloth and a small jar of soap.
“I won’t be long,” she promised as she met Isaac at the door. She took another hesitant look around. “Are you sure this is alright?”
“Take long,” Isaac quietly insisted, squeezing her shoulder. “Seriously, Hannah. You need a break, or you will break.”
Hannah’s chin began to wobble as she said, “I think I’ve already started to.”
“Then go get yourself back together,” Isaac insisted, “And don’t worry about the kids. They give me any problems, I’ll put an end to them real quick.”
He winked as he said so, and Hannah struggled to let out a small laugh.
“I can’t do this without you,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. “Please don’t leave.”
Isaac’s gaze appeared tortured as he met Hannah’s pleading stare, and right away, she knew she shouldn’t have said that. It was too much pressure for a boy, and she wanted Isaac to stay because he wanted to, not because he had a responsibility to help.
“We’ll talk about that later,” Isaac said after a tense silence. “For now, go. Get your space.”
Not sure at all what else to say or do in yet another wrecked moment of the already catastrophic day, Hannah merely nodded, shouldered her pack, and began walking toward the river Isaac told her about.