Chapter Twenty-Eight
Confusion clouded over Garrett’s handsome face as he and Hannah stood on the courthouse lawn.
She glanced over her shoulder, feeling like a spectacular sort of hypocrite.
She had just yelled at him for keeping secrets, yet she was about to reveal another one of her own.
Another lie she’d put in her letters for reasons she did not understand.
Thankfully, though, most of their audience had gone back inside their homes. After Hannah’s vow of loyalty, Dean had muttered an apology and walked back to their other friends. Now only he, Logan, Amanda, and Grace remained standing across the street; watching with quiet intensity.
“Hannah?” Garrett’s deep voice prodded.
Her eyes flicked away from his friends and up to his face, which was now set in an indescribable expression.
She could not tell if he was angry, nervous, concerned.
He just stared down at her with that same quiet intensity as the friends behind his shoulder.
She forced in another measured breath, swallowed, and spoke.
“There’s one more reason why we needed to leave Michigan,” she began, “One that had nothing to do with loneliness or lack of money. A reason I did not discover until after my mother passed away.”
Garrett’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he remained silent. His willingness to let her tell her story on her own time only furthered Hannah’s guilt for losing her temper with him, and she prayed that, if he forgave her, he would also teach her how to develop such a deep well of patience.
“My father is not dead,” Hannah confessed, “I know that’s what I wrote, but it’s not true.
I said that because you made it very clear in your letters that you were a devout Christian, and I was afraid that if you found out the truth you would not want to write me anymore.
And Garrett? Your letters became my lifeline.
My little bit of hope through all the bleak darkness of our situation. ”
“And, and, and,” she stuttered, glancing behind Garrett’s shoulder again, this time focusing just on Grace, “It’s why I feel so unnerved. About Grace and how she feels about you.”
Hannah felt the insecurities she’d been trying to beat down well up into her throat and make it tight.
“Hannah,” Garrett said, and she winced at the soothing tone of his voice.
“Don’t be nice right now,” she said, shaking her head, “Not after how I just treated you. Not with what I’m about to say.”
Garrett’s gaze was full of sympathy, but he pressed his lips shut and waited.
“When I was younger, my father left us,” she forced out.
“I thought it was just because he didn’t want to be bothered with having children, but at my mother’s funeral I found out it was more than that.
I had always… I had always just assumed that my parents were married.
In school and in church we were taught that married men and women lived together and had children, and I just assumed that was my parents’ story. ”
She swallowed, trying to get that thick lump in her throat to go away.
“But it wasn’t,” she choked out. “My parents weren’t married.
To each other at least. It was at my mother’s funeral that I found out that my father had a wife.
And children, who lived two towns over to the west. I had thought my father didn’t come home often because he was out working all the time or too busy drinking, but the truth was he was with his real family.
Taking care of them the way I always thought he should have been taking care of us. ”
Hannah felt the shame of her truth sweep in drowning waves, pulling her under an ocean of guilt. It worsened as she met Garrett’s eyes again and found them wide with surprise.
“We were the sin,” she forced out, wincing at the reality. “We were the secret family he was never supposed to have. I—I think that’s why I keep walking this… this tightrope of sorts with my faith. I want to believe in God, but why would He let this happen to us?”
Garrett shook his head, his hands reaching toward her as his gaze filled with sympathy.
“No, this isn’t God’s fault,” he rasped out, “The Bible teaches us—”
“I know,” she cut him off in a whisper, “I know what the Bible says about free will, but what I struggle with is being a victim of that free will. One man’s acceptance of a bad deed created my entire life, my siblings’ lives, and—and we did nothing. Nothing to deserve that.”
Garrett’s square jaw worked back and forth, as if he was chewing on the words he’d been about to say. Then his throat bobbed as he gave a subtle nod, and he rested his hands on his hips.
“You’re right,” he said softly, “You didn’t.”
Hannah loosed a breath, grateful that he agreed with at least that part. Still, there was one more piece of the story she had to confess.
“It turns out,” she forced herself to finish, “It turns out that I wasn’t the only person to learn about my mother’s secret the day of her funeral.
Someone at the sewing factory she worked at recognized my father, and it turned out that she was from the town my father kept his real family in, and she had been childhood friends with the woman my father was married to.
“Obviously gossip like that spreads fast, and before I knew it our rent was being raised. My shifts at the hotel were being cut. Going to the grocers or the general store became a game of dodging judgmental stares, and I knew it was only a matter of time such gossip would reach the rest of my siblings. It didn’t…
I didn’t want that for them. I knew the truth, but they didn’t need to feel how I feel about themselves. ”
Hannah drew in a measured breath, willing herself to finish the sordid story so that Garrett would finally know everything.
“When she moved to Michigan, my great-aunt Gertrude got a house that sat on the border of our town and the eastern one beside it. I thought that maybe it was far enough away that the boys wouldn’t hear the rumors if they stayed with her, but I think deep down I knew that one day they would hear the truth.
Another reason why I didn’t want to leave them behind and was more than fine with Aunt Gertrude changing her mind about taking them in. ”
Her story now complete, Hannah let out an exhausted sigh, rubbed her forehead to abate the ache that had gathered there from telling her truth, and looked anywhere but Garrett’s face as she took a step back.
“So that’s it,” she said tiredly, feeling tears of shame welling in her eyes.
“That’s our entire sad, pathetic story,” she sobbed.
She stopped talking then, and waited. For Garrett to yell at her. To shame her or even damn her for keeping such a secret from him. To call her a hypocrite or a leech. Whatever he did or said next, Hannah felt she deserved it. Until he spoke.
“That doesn’t matter to me, Hannah.”
Hannah’s head whipped up to his, completely surprised at his words. She found his dark eyes filled not with anger, but with a mixture of sympathy and understanding.
“How can you say that?” She croaked, hugging herself, “I kept a horrible secret from you!”
Garrett shrugged his massive shoulders as he kept his eyes on her.
“Because it’s how I truly feel?” He offered. “I believe in God, yes, but I also believe that you don’t deserve to be judged by your father’s sins.”
Hannah’s mouth fell open in shock. After getting so upset, after making a scene- again- in front of his friends, Garrett was choosing compassion.
“I was an orphan that never knew his father,” Garrett went on, taking a careful step toward her. “I don’t know for certain but it’s pretty likely that my parents weren’t married either. It’s regrettable, yes, but my birth is no more my fault than yours or your siblings is yours.”
Hot tears coursed down Hannah’s cheeks; ashamed now more than ever for how she’d treated him.
“How can you do that?” She asked, her voice cracking, “How can you be so kind after how I embarrassed you like that?”
Garrett’s lips lifted into a small, lopsided smile as he took a careful step toward her. This time, she didn’t step away.
“Because even though this might not have been the best time or place to air our secrets, they are out now. Both of ours. And yours explains so much. And I hope mine did too.”
Hannah nodded, and didn’t stop Garrett as he reached for her face and gently brushed her tears away with his thumbs.
“I had no idea we were struggling so much for money,” she admitted, “I thought you were being quiet and distant those times because you were unsure if you wanted me. Wanted us. I thought you were wondering if you made a mistake by marrying me.”
“No,” Garrett quickly breathed, tilting her head toward his.
He brushed his lips softly across hers, sending a sweeping wave of calm through her trembling and soothing away the anxiety that coursed through her.
“I want you, Hannah,” he whispered across her lips. “Like our vows say. For better and for worse.”
A sob broke from Hannah’s lips as she bowed her head and let her forehead fall on his chest. In that quiet moment as Garrett held her, comforted her, she thought of God.
Of how He seemed so silent and distant throughout her entire childhood.
She’d thought He’d abandoned her. Now though, as she clung to the man she’d taken as her husband in holy sacrament, she wondered if He had not abandoned her, but had been waiting to deliver her to exactly where she was supposed to be.
“Let’s go home,” Garrett gently urged, “I want to keep talking.”
Hannah nodded, and as she lifted her head to look up at him, he brushed another soft kiss across her lips, right there on the courthouse lawn for his friends to see.