Chapter 18
PHAEDRA
None of the scepters will work. Either they’re all too masculine, lacking in grandeur, or like the French Scepter of Charles V, clearly represent a king of this world.
I throw down my pen, lean back in my chair, and swear a blue streak.
Gift. I snort. This isn’t a gift. Why would Athena even say that? I’m tired of these games.
Hawthorne stretches on the couch, and I look over to find him rubbing his eyes.
For the last three days he’s been in here working as hard as me, although on something totally different.
I don’t know the exact details, but I know they’re racing to find Jamison’s father and Bennett so they can end the mage threat against us.
Of course, that will still leave the vampires, but maybe Mathias is working on that angle.
“I’m going outside for a breath of fresh air,” I tell him as I stand. “Want to come with me?” He doesn’t even look up, and I realize he’s likely in a zone. “I’ll be back.” He nods, and I leave him there.
Outside, I lean against the porch railing and fill my lungs with the crisp night air.
There has to be a solution to this. Maybe if I stop thinking about it for a few hours, it will come to me.
Air shifts behind me, and I wait for whoever it is to say something.
Silence. None of the three would stand there.
Not even Jamison. His manners wouldn’t let him.
Mathias. I grip the railing tighter but don’t turn around.
“Are you going to just stand there and not say anything? Or is there nothing left to say between us?” I ask quietly, looking up at the moon as I wait breathlessly for him to answer.
He moves closer. If he were Gatlin, I’d be able to feel the heat coming off him. Instead, the air remains cool but charged with tension. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll just leave again without saying a word.
“What would you have me say?” His voice is quiet, his tone velvet smooth, and I shut my eyes for a brief second to savor the first words he’s said to me in weeks. It doesn’t matter the content. Only that he bent a little.
I’m afraid to look at him and ruin this moment.
“Everything. Good or bad. I don’t care. I want it all.
The silence between us is deafening. Tell me you hate me.
Tell me what I can do to earn your forgiveness.
” I bite my lip, then blurt out one of the questions I’m dying to know.
“Tell me what it means to be your mate.”
“I don’t hate you,” he says, moving an inch closer.
He exhales, his breath disturbing my hair, and I shiver at how close he is.
“For a long time, I hated myself.” His words are raw and powerful.
“Ever since I stepped into this world, I’ve been at war with myself.
I chose to enter the portal and leave my daughter behind.
I chose duty instead of love, and I’ve hated myself every day for it.
When I saw your memories, I suddenly had someone else to blame. A target for all my anger.”
“That’s a feeling I’m familiar with,” I admit to him, wanting to be honest. “I’ve felt like that every day since I opened the vase. Anger. Guilt. But unlike you, I know I’m to blame.”
I’m not expecting him to forgive me, but I need him to know I understand his anger toward me. “I can’t fathom the pain you’ve endured without your daughter. Nothing I say will ease it, but I’m truly sorry for opening the portals and creating the situation that led to your separation.”
I pause and turn to face him. His eyes are so dark behind his glasses that it’s like staring into a midnight sky on a starless night. And they’re unreadable. A blank slate reflecting nothing back to me. I wish I knew what he was thinking.
Deep lines bracket his mouth and the corners of his eyes. He looks rough. His current mission must be driving him to the edge. A hint of gold glimmers around his neck, and I know it’s the locket with his daughter’s picture in it. My gaze lingers, and it’s like a beacon, telling me to let him go.
“I believe the panels will form a box with a key,” I tell him, twisting my fingers together so I won’t be tempted to reach for him. “One that opens the portals.”
His hand rises and wraps around the locket. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I might be able to offer you a way home,” I say, wanting to give him some hope. “You’ll be able to return to Kallias. Spend the rest of your life with your daughter.”
A muscle tics in his jaw, and he steps closer to me, his hands coming to rest on either side of me, trapping me between him and the railing. “And what about you?” His tone is biting and cold, as if the thought angers him.
Bewildered, my brow furrows. “What about me? I don’t think the gods will let me leave this world.”
His eyes narrow, and his eyes change in an instant, infused with red. “You think I’d step through the portals and leave my mate behind?” He presses closer, eliminating the last inch between us. A harsh laugh escapes him. “You really don’t have a high opinion of me.”
“I…” I try to reply but falter at the look in his eyes and just shake my head, unable to understand why he’s so angry.
His mouth inches closer until his lips are hovering above mine. The wood cracks beside me, but I don’t dare look to see what’s happening for fear of him disappearing again.
“You’re my mate. Mine.” His mouth dips another centimeter. “And I’ve never even kissed you.”
“I still don’t know what that means,” I whisper, although I’m not sure he’s listening. “Jamison said the mate bond doesn’t mean anything unless we exchange blood. Does it go away?”
He’s staring at my lips like he’s starving.
“Mathias?”
His eyes close. “Say it again.”
“Mathias.”
“Mmm,” he breathes out, his lips skimming across mine. Once. Twice. His tongue slides along the seam, and I open for him. With a groan, firm lips capture mine, and it’s carnal and deeply sensual, the taste of him dark and delicious like the most decadent chocolate.
Pure sin. He tempts me to fall into him and forget about the rest of the world. I slide my hands under his arms and wrap them around him, wishing I could ask him to stay here and kiss me for the rest of his life.
He suddenly jerks back and looks at me in surprise.
“What?” I rasp, licking my lips to savor the feel of his lips on mine.
His expression is back to being unreadable. His phone buzzes. Swearing, he grabs it. “I have to go.”
I drop my arms from his body and wrap them around my waist. “Of course. Please be careful. Given what happened to Jamison, you know they’re quite capable of blowing up their own people to accomplish their goals.”
He hesitates for another second, then spears a hand through my hair and tilts my head up to meet his gaze.
“This isn’t over between us.” His eyes drop to my swollen lips, and he takes a deep breath.
“I know I need to explain this mate bond and what it means, but they have me on a short leash. And I need to get into their inner circle. It’s the only way. ”
“To get to the panels?”
He hesitates, then nods, and I shake my head, uneasy with the idea of him returning to the enemy. “Panel.” When he raises an eyebrow, I tell him that vampires have a fake replica of the top, so the side panel I gave them in exchange for his life is the only legitimate piece we need.
He slides his hand from my hair, and I immediately miss the feel of him. “Good to know. I’ll be in touch.” With a shift of air, he’s gone.
I raise my fingers to my lips, replaying the kiss over and over in my mind. Why did I let him kiss me? I’m trying to let him go, not fall harder for him.
The front door opens, and Gatlin strolls out, his eyes searching the porch. When he finds me, he swoops in and picks me up. “I thought I’d find you asleep at your desk. What are you doing out here?”
“Talking to Mathias,” I admit with a sigh. When he looks around, I shake my head. “He had to go.”
He sweeps the hair out of my face and peers down into my eyes. “I see. Are you okay?”
I lift a shoulder. “I’m good, I think. He’s angry. Hurt. I told him about the panels opening the portals.”
“And?”
“For some reason, it made him angrier,” I admit with a sigh, laying my head on Gatlin’s broad shoulders. “I don’t understand him.”
“Is that all?” he asks, his eyes dropping to my lips.
“He kissed me.”
“I see. Maybe you should piss him off every time you see him,” he says in an amused tone as he hugs me closer. He turns toward the door, then stops. “What happened to the railing?”
Confused, I look down and see two cracks in the top rail, exactly where Mathias’ hands were right before he kissed me. That’s the noise I heard. The sight perks me up. He’s not completely indifferent to me, but is that only because of the mate bond?
“Not sure,” I tell him, although I have a pretty good idea. “I told him about the fake panel. He said right now he’s trying to get into the inner circle.”
Gatlin crosses over to the couch and sits down with me still in his arms. “He’s trying to get enough votes to be nominated for their court.” He sighs and wipes a hand down his face. “Except to get in, the contenders must compete in brutal matches. Last one standing wins.”
Alarmed, I stare at him. “Wins what?”
“Nolan’s seat on the council and head of the vampires,” he says in a gruff tone.
I sit up straight, and he runs a large hand down my back to soothe me.
“Don’t worry, we’re working on a plan. But we have to give him enough time to become one of the ten.
In the meantime, we’ll finish Hera’s quest and find Jamison’s father so he can lead us to Bennett. ”
My mind flashes an image of Mathias standing in my villa in Rome, knives strapped to his chest, hardened gaze searching the room, waiting for me. I shiver. “And find the last panel. The one Ares hid.”
“That too. But not tonight,” he states firmly. “Tonight, I’m going to take you upstairs to sleep in your bed.” He stands and picks me up again.
“Yes, please. With you.” I lean over and whisper some of the things I want to do to him, and he shifts his hold until his arms are wound tightly around me. “What are you doing?”
“Running,” he replies with a grin.