13. Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
Griffin's Beach Venom
V enom steps outside of the clubhouse to get some air. He'd hoped spending time in Griffin's Beach would lessen the desire he has for Marnie Banks, but the truth is, it's done the complete opposite. That old saying of distance making the heart grow fonder seems to be true, and he can't decide which would be worse: Staying in Summerville and seeing her everywhere without being able to have her or being here in Griffin's Beach where he still loves her but can't see her.
Neither option sounds more appealing over the other, but this is the best option for him to stick to his guns. No pun intended. All his life, he'd been told he wasn't good enough. Unworthy. Trashy. Dirt. Everyone couldn't be wrong, could they? Hell, even the men in Summerville treated he as though he was bordering on leprosy. And those guys were his brothers.
But then Lex came along. For the first time in his life, Venom felt like he might just be worth knowing. He both loves and hates her for doing that to him. Because she made him realize he's more than dirt, he lost the woman he's madly in love with.
No, that's not true. I can't lose what I never had. And I never really had Marnie for more than an hour or two a night. But I might've put up with it a little longer if Lex hadn't come around telling me I was worth more than Marnie could give me. Damn her.
What he lies awake at night thinking about is why the woman he loves can't love him back. She knew how to hurt him without trying, and when she agreed with her father that he was nothing more than dirt, he knew it was the end. She saw him as beneath her, and he probably is. He also can't remember hurting as much as he had the night it all came crashing down around him.
That's not true, either. Walking away from her, telling her that whatever situation-ship we had was done, hurt the worst. Someone could've stuck hot spikes under my toenails, and I don't think it would've even fazed me.
Last night, out of spite, he went to the gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes. Venom quit because Marnie told him she hates guys who smoke, and he hasn't picked one up since. Until now. He just stares at the white paper covered roll of tobacco as he rolls it between his fingers. If he smokes, it's a giant fuck you to the woman who took his heart without even knowing she had it. The woman he hates that he loves.
"I thought you quit."
He whips around to see Marnie standing behind him. "What are you doing here?"
"Can we talk?"
"About what? The real estate here in Griffin's Beach compared to Summerville? Pretty much the same. Okay, bye."
Her dark hair frames her round face, and she looks like a damn angel. She cut it a few inches, and it stops just before her collarbone. "That's not what I want to talk about, Venom."
"No."
Her perfect eyebrows furrow as she frowns at him. "No?"
Does she tweeze her eyebrows to get them so damn perfect? Wait, her mom is a hairdresser. She probably has them waxed or some shit. Maybe lasered. Why the fuck am I so concerned about her damned eyebrows? "There's nothing to talk about."
"I want to talk about us."
He lets out a sigh and shakes his head. " This ," he says, motioning a hand between them, "doesn't exist. Not anymore. In fact, according to you, it never did. We were just having fun."
Her hand reaches out and takes his, but he pulls it away like she wears one of those cheesy shocker doo-dads from the nineties every dad thought was hilarious. No, it doesn't shock him. It freezes him. An icy burn that one feels before frostbite sets in and requires amputation.
Marnie looks so hurt by his reaction. "What if I want it to exist?"
"You live in Summerville. I live in Griffin's Beach."
"That can be remedied."
"No, it can't, Marnie," he says, shaking his head and taking a few steps backwards. "It can't."
"Why not?"
Her eyes lock with his, and there's an innocence he never expected to see. Considering all the dirty things he's done with her, the pure look she wears nearly takes his breath away. "Because your family lives in Summerville. You belong there, and it's become very clear that I never did."
"Dad's kind of on the outs with pretty much everyone," she says. "His opinion doesn't matter to anyone. Mom almost kicked him out for what he did."
"It'll change again. Trust me."
"I do."
Even though he'd have fallen at her feet to hear those words months ago, right now, it feels like she just clawed at his chest for how badly it stings. "Go home."
"Why don't you take me home? To your home?"
This thing we have, it's fun. It's exciting, and if we go to your place, it'll feel like something real. It'll take away from what we have going on.
She never wanted to take anything outside of the clubhouse when they were in Summerville. Told him it would ruin things. That was the moment Venom knew for sure nothing would ever last between them because it hadn't officially started.
"I live here in the clubhouse," he says. "Besides, if I take you to my place, that ruins the illusion, remember?"
"I want something real. And I want it with you."
"Just because you can't find another man who can fuck you and make you come doesn't mean you want shit with me. You had a chance, and you threw me away like trash. That's all you ever saw me as."
Gasping, she steps back. "It's not like that."
"You don't want me for anything more than a physical release. The type you can't get from another man because they're not willing to put in the work to love you like I did. You became addicted to the high, while I fell in love. And you spit in my face when it came time to decide whether you had feelings for me or not."
"Venom—"
"I'm not good enough for you, remember? I see it, too, so don't worry about not feeling guilty. Just about everyone in my life has told me the same thing, so it's nothing new, but I am good enough for someone out there. Someone who will see me for what I have to offer, and it'll be enough. I'll be enough. I won't be kept in dark corners or used like some dirty whore because she won't see me as dirt."
Tears fill her eyes, and he forces himself to keep his hands to himself even though he wants nothing more than to wipe them away. "I didn't mean it," she whispers.
"Yes, you did," he says, his voice much softer, and he steps towards her. Taking a chance, he gently cups her cheek. "And it's okay, Marnie."
She tilts her head to rest her cheek against his palm, and his hand becomes damp from her tears. "No, it's not. No one has ever looked at me like you do, and I was an idiot for not seeing it and appreciating it before. To have to lose you before I realize how much you mean to me."
"You'll find someone else to look at you," Venom says, dropping his hand and stepping back. "You don't need me."
"Yes, I do," she says, and he can't look at her as a sob escapes from between the rosy red lips that takes everything in him not to kiss. "I need you. More than that, I want you."
Shaking his head, he turns and faces the clubhouse. "No, you want what I gave you in the shadows. The taste of darkness you'd never quite touched before, but I don't live there anymore."
"That's not what I'm talking about," she says, her hand shaking as it touches his bicep. "I'm talking about how you make me feel. The way you'd call me 'love' no matter how many times I told you not to. How you saved me. Twice. The reason you wouldn't let me get on my knees for you. I want that man. And I want him in the daylight and in public as well as the darkness of the night."
"Just as long as your father doesn't see, right?"
Her words are the exact ones he's dreamt of her saying for months now. He should be taking her into his arms and kissing her senseless, but he can't. For some reason, hearing her talk about the things he did for her when all she gave him was crumbs pisses him off.
"Fuck my father. I don't give a shit," Marnie says.
Turning, he locks eyes with her and clenches his teeth. "Yeah, Marnie, you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't have waited until his reputation was shit to show up here. And even now, I doubt he knows you're here. Here and talking to me. In fact, I doubt he knows you got your rocks off fucking me against his clubhouse."
"I don't tell him about my sex life because that would be weird. Would you tell your mom about yours?"
There might be some logic to that, but he doesn't want to hear it. Not when she wanted to keep him a dirty little secret while he was head over heels for her. Would have done anything she asked him to. "No, you don't tell him about your sex life with me because you know he'd be disgusted."
"I don't care what he thinks!" she shouts. "Do you want me to tell him to prove to you that I'm serious? I'll call him right now and tell him everything."
His hand stops her as she pulls her phone from her pocket. As much as he'd love to destroy her relationship with her father out of spite, it's the only security she has in Summerville. Venom can't risk her being unprotected without him around to keep her safe. "Don't make a mistake you can't take back. I'm not worth it. You told me as much, remember?"
"I was wrong, Venom," she says, more tears appearing. "I've never been more wrong about anything or anyone in my entire life. Tell me how I can make this up to you. I'll do anything. Just don't walk away from me again."
"That's where you're confused. I didn't walk away from you, Marnie. You kicked me to the curb when you thought it was more important to save face with your dad than to admit you actually have feelings for me."
Swallowing, she wipes her eyes. "This isn't you. You said you loved me, and someone who loves me would accept that I have faults, too. That I make mistakes. This version of you is just mean."
"Mean?" he shouts. "I'm doing my damnedest to get over you, and you show up here thinking one conversation is going to make everything okay? Now that your daddy's on my level in terms of how people view him, I'm suddenly worthy? What you're doing to me is mean. No, actually, it's cruel. Because the moment I feel like I'm finally starting to be able to breathe without you near, you show up here to remind me that I have a lung full of razor blades. I'm not the one being mean, here."
"I feel the same without you," she whispers.
"No, you don't!" He throws his hands in the air and places them on the top of his head to keep from reaching out and shaking her by the shoulders. "If you did, you would have done something before tonight. You told me that what we were doing meant nothing more to you than simply fucking."
"I never said that!" she shouts back.
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. "Not in so many words, but when you told me that coming back to my place would make what we had real, that's what it meant. To me, what we had was everything. You were everything. You don't get to show up here and think that this changes a damned thing. It fixes nothing because there's no way to fix what's been broken."
Her hand trembles as she wipes the tears from her face, all frustration from a moment ago gone. He'd give anything to not have her vulnerability and pain affect him.
"It's not broken beyond repair. You're the one for me, and I want you to call me 'love' again. I want you to take me home. To pull me onto your lap in the middle of the clubhouse full of people to claim me as yours. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me you love me with passion rather than pain. I hate that I hurt you."
"Yeah? Me, too."
"Please. I'll get on my knees. I'll beg. Whatever you need to see I mean every word I say, I'll do."
His eyes widen as Marnie falls to her knees on the parking lot pavement, and he immediately flashes back to how Chuck forced her to do just this. The man he put through a meat grinder. "Get up."
"Only if we can make this work."
"I said get up ."
Shaking her head, she remains defiant. "No."
He grabs her forearms and pulls her to stand, lifting her a little higher than necessary and off the ground. "I can't have you on your knees in a parking lot. I can't have you on your knees ever," he growls. "You know that."
"Because you still love me, and you saved me. Admit it, Venom. You still love me."
"Of course, I still love you!" Venom shouts in her face. "But that doesn't change a fucking thing! I loved you in Summerville, and you told me I was nothing but mud on your shoe."
"Let me get on my knees for you in a bedroom. Let me show you that I can make you feel just as good—"
"I know how good your body feels without needing you on your knees. If you know me so damn well, you'd stop trying to remind me of one of the worst moments of my life. Yours, too. I will forever remember every inch of your body. What it feels like when you come on my face. How you like when I take you from behind against the clubhouse. It won't ever go away, but I don't need any repeats. And I sure as hell don't need you to remind me because it's burned in my brain. It's never going to be something I forget no matter how hard I fucking try to."
Her eyes cast towards the ground, and she clasps her hands in front of her. "So, that's it? You love me, but I made a mistake, and you can't ever forgive me for it?"
"I don't believe you truly think it was a mistake. You miss what I gave you, and I know that once you get it again, we'll be right back where we were."
"That's not true," she whispers.
"I believe you believe that. Now. But I don't believe it'll last. I'm not the one for you. I'm no good for you, Marnie."
Sniffling, she nods, unable to meet his gaze. "And there's nothing I can do to change your mind? Nothing to prove that I mean it when I say I want us to be together and have something that's great and real?"
He looks around the parking lot rather than at her. "You should probably get out of here before Lex sees you. She's going through some shit, and I think kicking someone's ass for sport might give her some relief. I don't want you around, but I don't want you hurt, either."
"That's funny," Marnie says as she turns and slowly walks away. "You did a great job of that yourself. I think I'd rather let Lex punch me in the face than hear you tell me you can't forgive me for a mistake I made."
Venom just stares as she gets into her car and leaves, and everything in him shouts to get on his bike and race after her. Tell her he wants her as much as she says she wants him, but he's already been the vulnerable one. He can't open his heart again. Not if it's not real. And with her, he’s lost all trust. Going through it all again will be the end of whatever humanity he has left.