Chapter 15 – June
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
JUNE
Ashley pulls me into a hug in the back parking lot, her scent warm and inviting, like a kitchen full of fresh herbs. “I sent home extra food, in case you get hungry later.” As Seth shoves bags of leftovers into the back of the SUV, an amount I can’t even fathom, I know that she noticed my portions went uneaten.
“Thank you.” I make sure she hears me, but I don’t really feel present in myself as I climb into the back of the car. Bennett takes the driver’s seat, leaving Seth to climb into the passenger beside him. The bond between the three of us is still blocked from my side, but I don’t need it to see their worried glances in the rearview mirror.
Arin and Theo are motionless beside me in the backseat — or maybe it’s all me. I don’t know. I stay quiet, staring out the front window until we get to the house. Arin lets me out and as I walk in, I hear him mutter to the rest of them. “Give her space.”
“ What in the world are you wearing, Juniper? ”
My mother’s voice echoes in my mind as I mechanically take myself upstairs, shedding the dress, putting up my jewelry into a small box, and walking into the bathroom — avoiding every mirror I can.
“ How could you make me think of you in this way? ”
I fill the clawfoot tub with water, dumping some kind of lavender scented bubble bath into it before climbing in. Knees to my chest, I rest my chin on them, staring at the stained glass window casting rainbows on the marble tile. The light is dying outside, and the water heats my skin quickly, almost uncomfortable as I try to wrap my head around tonight.
None of what happened feels real.
Nothing feels real.
This house — moving — being surrounded by Arin, Theo, Bennett, and Seth — I love it, but it also feels intangible, like it could be ripped away at any moment. Tonight should have proven that it can’t be, but I can’t shake the feeling that my mother was right. I will do something to lose all of this, and in that, I’ll have to go crawling back to my old life. I’ll scrape by with taking care of myself, back to what I can tolerate, with the added issue of being an omega.
I’ll be miserable. I won’t want anyone but the four men downstairs who crawled past my defenses — but it’ll be deserved. They’ll realize their mistakes in caring for me.
Rubbing my chest, I hunch forward, my breaths coming short and quick.
A surge of concern — worry from two ends of the bond — makes me jerk in the water, slamming the wall back up where it slipped. I mentally shove the bond down, tighter, so small that my emotions go with it.
And with their absence, I’m just left grieving.
Why would any of them stay with me after tonight? What good am I to them? She was right, I have a job, I love it, and I want to keep doing it. I don’t want children, I don’t plan on spending my life doting on them or providing what every other alpha wants — a family. They should want alpha babies and an omega entirely focused on them .
A harsh knock startles me, the water sloshing as I turn toward the door, scrubbing my burning eyes.
“Yeah?” My voice breaks, and I clear it. “I’ll be out in a minute —”
“Can I come in?” Theo’s voice is gruff from the other side and my heart jolts. Glancing around the semi-dark bathroom, I panic at the thought of him seeing me like this.
“June” — his voice cracks as he pleads with me — “ please. ”
I suck in a ragged breath, then pull my knees back up, folding in on myself as I call out, “Come in.”
The door eases open, and then Theo appears, still dressed for dinner. The only thing that’s changed is that his button up is rolled at the sleeves, exposing the tattoos crawling up his forearms. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, taking stock of me, before he steps in. His hands immediately rise to the buttons of his shirt.
I startle. “Theo?”
He makes a noise that he heard me, but strides over to the side of the tub anyway, pulling his belt out of the loops of his trousers with one hand as he braces the other on the porcelain.
“What are you —” I stop myself as he pushes his shirt open, exposing his chest, before he gives up and just climbs in, still mostly clothed. “ Theo .” I make a noise of shock as water overflows over the sides, his big body crowding mine.
He dips, cupping my face before kissing me hard, forcing my silence as he mutters against my lips. “Arin said not to bother you.” He talks as he kisses me harsher, like he’s branding me, his hands sliding over my bare shoulders, kneeling in the water, his clothes sodden. “I decided he was making the wrong call.”
My breath catches as his nose nuzzles my throat.
“Bennett and Seth said you suppressed the bond.”
I swallow, my eyes darting back to the stained glass, wishing I could see the backyard through it as his hands slide into the water, touching me, clinging to my skin.
“Please don’t shut us out. I know how fucking ironic it is for me of all the people in this house to beg you not to, but please don’t do it,” he rasps as he kisses the top of my shoulder. “I can’t stand the thought of you taking anything they said tonight to heart. If I overstepped, I’m sorry —”
“You didn’t.” Closing my eyes, I try to keep my breathing steady as I pull my knees closer. The weight of his hands on me is just shy of uncomfortable. “My mother was never going to accept this. She’s never taken no as an acceptable answer. At least this means it’ll take a few months before she licks her wounds enough to pretend like tonight never happened.”
The bathroom is silent as I finally raise my head and look up at Theo’s broken expression.
“Who knows, I could be back in Virginia by then.”
He rocks back like I sucker punched him. The water in the tub goes cold as he sits back on his heels, choking out, “What are you talking about, June?”
His hands drop from me the second I pull away. “She was right.” Swallowing back the bile in my throat, I barrel forward. “I have no idea what I’m doing here. There’s no reason to keep me around. I’m nothing like the omegas that packs normally choose. The entire point is to have children, and to be a support point. What do I even offer except constant issues? You’ve all shifted your entire lives around me, and there’s no reason for it. You will find the time to resent me. It might not be tomorrow, or next week, or next month even — but in a few years ?”
Theo’s expression shatters, his mouth opening as his brow furrows. I can’t take it.
My voice cracks as I look away. “Years from now you’ll wonder why you agreed to this. I should have gone to a heat hotel, or gotten through it myself. I’m a biological mistake. You were right in London.”
When he doesn’t speak, I shift, feeling too vulnerable, all too aware that I’m completely naked. “I should get a towel.”
“Stop.” His hand darts out, touching my arm. Freezing, I look down at his fingers as they curl over my skin, encompassing so much space, the starkness of his tattoos creeping down to his wrist and brushing against the paleness of my skin.
This is only going to hurt worse if I keep thinking it won’t end.
“Tell me you don’t believe any of what you just said.” He shakes his head, speaking softly, but angrily. “Tell me that you’re just upset and you’ll wake up tomorrow and not even entertain the idea that we’d come to… resent you.” His eyes find mine, shiny. “Please, I’m begging you, tell me that you know I don’t think of you as an object. I’ve never thought that, I —”
The look on his face makes me nauseous as his hand grasps my wet arm.
“You haven’t!” I break. Snapping at him, I jerk away. “Not since before the heat.” The weight of the words settles as my voice softens. “It’ll come back. All those feelings will come back and you’ll start to hate me again and Bennett and Seth will regret me and Arin —”
“I don’t fucking want children,” Theo snaps right back at me, getting in my face as he spits out. “I told you I can’t stand alphas who leer at eighteen-year-old omegas like they’re breeding stock. I don’t want any other life but the one I see with you .”
He’s near-desperate as he grabs my face, forcing my head to tip up, to look at him.
“You want to write until your fingers fall off? You want to travel around the entire world and never have kids? You want to do whatever you want? Fuck it — do it — I’ll be right there beside you. You want to just lay on the couch until your ass fuses with the fabric? Move over, I’ll rot with you.” He clutches me, pressing our foreheads together. “But don’t you fucking dare start making decisions based on what you think I want, because they’re wrong . The voice in your head isn’t yours — it’s not logical, not right — it’s the voice of a woman who is deeply unhappy with who she is and passed it right down to you.”
My throat works, too tight to form a sentence as tears well in my eyes.
“ You — ” Theo stutters, our lips nearly touching. “You, June, are the only goddamn thing I care about in this life. If you’re happy, I’m happy. If you’re upset, I want to make it better. You might have a bond with Bennett and Seth, but I need you to know that even if my teeth never grace your skin, I’ll love you until the day I die. You’re the woman who crawled past every stupid wall I put up. You’re the woman I want to care for the rest of my life. You’re my omega. You’re the love of my life.”
My entire body feels raw. I’m flayed open in front of him, unsure what to say as tears overflow, dripping down my cheeks. Just as I open my mouth, making a choked, whining sound, Theo shakes his head.
“No.” His voice is just as ragged as I feel. I’m coming apart at the fucking seams.
“I should have said this months ago. I regret every second of my actions when Seth and Bennett brought you to the townhouse. I should have been on my knees begging for your forgiveness before you ever let me into your nest.” He scans my face, hands scrambling to brush away my tears. “I’m fucking terrified that your mother isn’t the only voice in your head saying these things. I’m terrified you’re hearing mine too.”
I gasp as I stumble over my words, rambling. “It’s not yours — but some days it’s so easy to ignore and then some days I’m too tired and it creeps back in and she’s there , and tonight all I kept thinking was that you all were putting a fucking lot of effort in to keep me — to love me.”
“You are worth it.” His stare doesn’t waver as he clutches me. “Juniper Walden, you are worth loving .”
I can’t hold it back. Dissolving into gasping, heaving sobs, I fold into his chest, sinking down in the tub as his legs extend. Theo lifts me, pulling me into his lap, the wet fabric of his pants clinging to my bare thighs as he wraps his arms around me tightly, rocking me back and forth.
He shushes me, holding me with a hand against the back of my wet hair. “Let it out. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” His perfume curls around us, mixing with the lavender from the long-gone bubbles, and I clutch him, pressing my nose against the skin over his heart.
Theo’s chest starts to shake.
A purr, unused and cautious, raggedly echoes out of him and into me. I dig my fingers into his shoulders, shaking as he squeezes me tighter, rubbing my back as he nuzzles the top of my head with a strangled laugh.
“I’ve never purred before. I didn’t think I could.” His face buries in my hair as he holds me tighter, bruising strength a solid comfort. “I love you. I love you now. I’ll love you when you’re old and gray. I’ll love you forever, at any body size, at any designation. Like calls to like, and you’re it for me.”
I lift my head, moving my hand to touch his wet cheek, clearing the tears there as I whisper, “I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what I’m apologizing for. Maybe for my parents, for being who I am, for the mess we make together, for making him love me — maybe for it all.
“Stop.” Theo shakes his head. “No apologizing. I understand more than I wish that I did. But if that helps me understand the bad days with the good ones, then I’m glad.”
Readjusting to straddle him, I tangle my fingers in his blond hair, marveling at how long it’s gotten. My burly, standoffish alpha — it was near-buzzed when we first met, and now I can card my fingers through the growth.
“Theo.” I search his face. He terrified and infuriated me only a couple months ago. He’s right. Like called to like and I see so much of myself in him — so much pressure of expectations, so much baggage coming with designations.
His eyes meet mine, and the blue of them is like crystal clear ocean water.
“I love you.”
His smile is devastating. He leans in, kissing me slowly and softly as his hands run up and down my back, whispering. “I love you.” He kisses my jaw, pressing searing butterfly kisses all over my skin. “I love you so much. Please let me be your voice of reason. You can be mine.”
Winding my arms around his neck, I kiss him back with a nod. The water splashes as I push against him, losing myself in the feeling. The soft rattle of his purr shakes through me and the smell of his perfume permeates the air, clearing out the soured anxiety of my own scent.
“Water’s cold, baby, let’s get you out of here.”
A shiver crawls up my spine as he stands, lifting me effortlessly. The cool air hits me as Theo’s arms lock, pressing me against his wet clothes.
I tuck my head into his throat as he steps out of the tub, my voice soft. “You’re all wet.”
Theo tilts his head toward me as I pull back enough to look up. He grins, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “Good thing I have a sweet little omega to keep me warm.”
A blush crawls up my chest as he places me on the counter, shedding the rest of his wet clothes and standing in front of me naked. He snags two towels from the warming rack in the corner, wrapping one around my shoulders as my eyes flicker over his body.
He’s so big . Stocky muscle layers under his skin, his belly slightly rounded like mine — except the bulk on him speaks to how truly strong he is. I can tell how much he works out, every movement of his body careful and precise. The tattoos stretch, criss-crossing over his skin as he barely swipes the water off himself.
His eyes catch mine, smiling lopsidedly. “What’s that look for?”
Heat tangles with adoration. My lip wobbles as I mumble, “I really do love you.”
Theo drops his towel before sliding between my thighs, rubbing his hands over them as he kisses me again, his voice rough. “I want to hear that for the rest of my life, understand?”
I nod as my towel falls, wrapping myself around him. I let him pick me up and carry me into the bedroom. My chest tightens as he lies me back on my bed, crawling on top of me and pulling the blankets up around us. His hands explore my skin, teasing as he lays on his side, pulling me with him as one hand cups my hip, hitching my leg over his and opening me up to him.
My nose brushes his as I breathe out, feeling his hips roll forward, his length sliding against me as my fingers tangle in his hair. “ Theo .”
He shushes me, guiding my hips up and rubbing against me in slow circles. One hand rests on my ass, cupping it before pulling us flush together as we kiss and grind together. Emotions rise in my throat, a sob crawling out as he finally reaches between us and glides his fingers through the slick dripping from me, moaning into the kiss.
We don’t talk. Heavy exhales mix as he slicks himself up, notching before pushing forward and thrusting into me. The strokes are slow and long as I cling to him, climbing up his body as the heat surrounds us.
I come with a soft cry, burying my head against his as he fucks me deep. Our cheeks smash together as I clench down, his knot almost breaching me. “ Please ,” I beg as I push my hips down, nails scoring his scalp. “I want to feel closer to you.”
He groans, then cups the back of my head, kissing me passionately as he thrusts hard , just once. His knot locks inside me as he comes with a broken grunt, breathing against my lips.
I bury myself against his chest, fingers in his hair, clinging to him and refusing to let go as I let sleep take everything else away but him.