8. Ash
Chapter 8
Ash
We were on the move again, back on the road to Hope. The soldiers had come back empty-handed from their search, and we still didn’t know who it was that had tried to take me. Jerek hadn’t seen anything as he walked into town after he left me, which I thought was odd. Why lie and say he went to wake the others then go into town instead? Did he have something to do with my attempted capture? If only I had been aware enough to watch the cabin at my back rather than the river, I would have my answer. But I hadn’t been watching and there was no way to know if any of my suspicions were true.
I was lost in my own anger, lulled into a stupor from the gait of my horse, when Jerek’s gray horse appeared at my side. He and the soldier with him had been able to buy the mounts in Three Forks. His horse’s long dark mane flowed off the side of its neck, looking almost as stunning as its rider. I pulled my hat lower on my head and sank further into my saddle. Jerek narrowed his eyes under his own hat at my leg dangling to the side of my horse before sending a wary glance to Peters and Diesel, who rode in front of us discussing matters of the country.
“How bad does it hurt?” he asked.
I simply shrugged and rode on.
“I’m impressed. Not many people, let alone a woman, could take down a mountain lion with a single knife.”
My thoughts turned wary. How did he know what happened? He winked at me. “Gabe told me what happened.”
“What do you mean, ‘let alone a woman’? Just because I’m a girl means I can’t do the things a man can?” I knew what he meant, but I wanted to poke the bear. Not many men or women could have killed the monster because they didn’t possess my freaky superpower that seemed to come and go as it pleased—but I wasn’t going to tell him that, or anybody, for that matter.
Jerek tried hard not to smile through his mask of indifference.
“I think you’re unlike any woman I have ever met. So yes, I don’t think a normal woman could do the things a man can do, Princess .”
He threw the title out like an insult, and I growled at him for using that perverse name again. Diesel seemed to hear us mumbling behind him and shot Jerek a warning glance before the captain captured his attention once more.
“Now I’m not normal?” It was sort of fun twisting his words and watching him squirm. Except he didn’t—he only muffled his laugh with his hand. Did he ever get angry? This may be the happiest man I had ever met .
“No, you are most definitely not normal . I can’t think of the last time I enjoyed talking to someone as much as I enjoy talking to you, Your Highness.”
“Ash,” I interjected. “Call me Ash…please.”
His face softened into a small smile. “As you wish, Ashley.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. Diesel looked back again at that moment and saw the smile on my face. His eyes filled with loathing, and he turned his horse back toward us. Diesel approached, one hand gripping the reins and the other on the hilt of the pistol on his chest, both knuckles white. The humor quickly left Jerek’s face.
“Go find someone else to annoy, Captain Wavern,” Diesel said.
So many things to dissect in one sentence. Captain? Did Jerek have the same ranking as Peters? I was also beginning to think that Diesel and Jerek weren’t as good friends as they once were. What happened between Jerek and Diesel five years ago?
My eyes bore into Diesel with a hard stare. I wasn’t his fiancé—I would die before I married him. He could go to hell with Jerek, except maybe Jerek deserved better than him. I wasn’t stupid enough to trust anyone ever again. I had been fooled by the two men in my life I loved the most. If I could not even trust them, then no one would ever gain my trust again.
“Yes, sir.” Jerek glanced at me before falling back in line behind me with Davis, instead of riding forward to Peters. Diesel took his place by my side, darkness clouding his features.
“You won’t talk to me, but you’ll talk to him , smile at him .“ It wasn’t a question but an accusation.
“He didn’t lie to me for five years and pretend to love me. He didn’t try to kill me.“ The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. Diesel looked as if I had slapped him .
“Peters!” he yelled. “Camp here for the night. I’m going to have a word with my fiancée.” I hadn’t noticed, but it grew late in the day. The air got colder and the shadows of the surrounding trees grew longer. The soldiers halted their march, and Diesel grabbed my horse’s lead out of the soldier’s hand that held it and pulled until my mare followed him away from the company. I glanced back to see Jerek’s concerned face as we rode out of sight.
As soon as we were out of earshot, Diesel yanked his large gelding to a stop and gracefully swung onto the ground. He reached up, grabbed both my hips with his large hands and tore me off my horse but gently set me on the ground, careful not to disturb my already aching leg.
I could see the speckles in his green eyes and taste the salty steam coming off his face. A wildness that I hadn’t seen in him before rolled off him in waves. His hands still gripped my hips in a steel hold. I moved until my back hit the black mare, who had put her head down to eat. Diesel followed, closing the distance I had put between us.
“You think it was all pretend ?“ He spat out the words like a curse.
“How could it not have been? You lied about everything else.”
Then his lips were on mine. The lips that I dreamed of at night and hated myself for. I had a second of weakness where I kissed him back, longing for the past, for everything that we had lost. He pulled my hips closer to him and I could feel his need for me. I couldn’t breathe, my chest ached—I wanted so badly for it to be real, but it couldn’t be.
I pushed him off me, and he stepped back, running his hand through his dark hair. I adjusted my hat, which had fallen back on my head .
“Did that feel fake to you?“ His voice was much quieter now. Pure agony covered his face. His hand came up to caress my cheek, and I let it stay. “ Everything between us was real . I love you so much it hurts.“ His voice cracked and my lips wobbled. I loved him too, but that was where my naivety got me hurt last time. I leaned into him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. He choked out a sob, believing for a moment that I had forgiven him. He kissed me with a need that consumed him, and I ran my hands over his chest until I got what I wanted.
The gun pulled easily from its holster as I yanked it out and pointed at his chest.
“Don’t you dare touch me again, Gabe, “ I seethed. I had never had a gun in my hand before, but it couldn’t be that hard to point and pull the trigger.
His face went white with shock. “Ash…” His voice came out strangled. “Please put the gun down. You’re going to hurt yourself.” He seemed defeated in every sense of the word.
“I’m leaving.” I took a step toward my horse. “If you follow me, I will shoot you.” I gathered my reins off the ground with the gun still pointed at him. His face remained bleak.
“I can’t let you go, Ash. I’ll never let you go,“ he whispered.
As soon as the words left his mouth, my mind split. Two options played out before me in ghost form. I saw myself dropping the gun and Diesel grabbing my wrists with a tortured face.
The other ghost forms filled me with horror. I pulled the trigger when Diesel moved, and blood flowed from his chest as he slumped to the ground. So much blood, staining the grass beneath our feet.
I gasped for breath when Diesel moved for me in reality. I dropped the gun in a flash. Diesel grabbed my wrists and pinned them against my back. I stared at the ground and could still see blood everywhere around my feet. I couldn’t breathe. The bullet had pierced his chest from a weapon that I wielded in my vision. I never intended to shoot him—I couldn’t; he knew it too. Even after everything he had done—I couldn’t.
What could have happened? What kind of monster was I becoming? I could finally see my way through the haze of the vision as Diesel hung his head behind me.
“You promised…” His voice broke. “You promised you would never leave me—that you would love me no matter what.”
The stupid promise that he made me give him—back when I thought nothing could change my feelings for him. How stupid and na?ve had I been? My vision clouded, and I caught sight of something in the distance that made my heart pound harder. Dark brown eyes glowing in the dim light shone through the undergrowth where the white wolf crouched low, poised to attack. It was far enough away that only its eyes showed—I knew Diesel couldn’t see it.
The trees rustled in the distance; Jerek and one of his soldiers strode through them on horseback. He saw my too-pale face, eyes shooting straight at the man holding my arms behind my back. I glanced back at the wolf, only to find it had fled again when Jerek arrived.
“What’re you doing here?” Diesel spit from behind me.
Jerek chose his words carefully as he dismounted his horse and stood before us. “It’s not safe for you both to be out here alone.”
“You don’t think I can protect myself?” Diesel snarled.
“I think you are more than capable of protecting yourself.” Jerek’s eyes met mine and his jaw muscle ticked. Clearly, Jerek was not there to protect both of us from outside forces. He was more concerned about my safety against the devil holding me hostage.
You are our Princess, and I will do whatever is necessary to protect you.
Diesel must have caught his subtle meaning as well. He released my arms and picked up the gun in the grass in front of me. I stared at the gun, wishing I had never touched the wretched thing. The grass still appeared red with blood. My stomach lurched—what could I have done? Sweat dripped off my brow and my hands shook.
“Ash, are you okay?” Jerek spoke quietly beside me.
I gulped, trying to quiet the tremors in my hands. Blue eyes met mine, full of concern. “Breathe,” he mouthed when Diesel turned away to gather up our horses. Breathe—a simple order that felt impossible to accomplish. I found solace in the blue depths of his eyes, imagining that they were pools, bringing me a fresh breeze on a sunny day. Finally, air filled my lungs, and I took large steadying breaths until the grass returned to its dying yellow color.
Diesel pulled my horse next to me. “Get on,” he commanded, deathly silent, while his eyes sliced into Jerek. With shaky hands and sore legs from the days of riding, I pulled myself on top of my mare. Diesel did the same and tugged my horse behind his back to camp while Jerek and his soldier trailed behind us.