32. Ash
Chapter 32
Ash
All I could hear of Jerek and Kane’s conversation through the door was that I was a “ giant pain in the ass .“ They could both suck a rock.
Ryan came in a little while later to bring me breakfast, and I ignored her as I stared out the window beyond the fence, wondering how the wolf got in, among other things. It was cold enough that the snow finally stuck to the ground and stayed, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the snow was blanketing Nan’s and Pop’s graves back in Cedar Hill.
At least now when I looked out this window, I felt a little less trapped. I chose to come back here. I chose this. I could have left with my father, but revenge was heavy on my mind.
I hadn’t been paying attention, but Ryan spoke from behind me. “I know that you have been through hell and back lately, but I think that you and I have a lot more in common than you think.”
She had my attention, and I turned to look at her as she warily glanced around the room before plopping onto my bed. She studied me for a moment. “Do you like the way your grandfather conducts business?” she asked.
Was she spying for him? If I divulged how deeply my hatred ran for the King, would he know soon after? I wasn’t about to reveal my plans to anyone, so instead, I shrugged.
“He killed my brother,” she whispered, her voice catching in her throat. My heart jumped in my chest. Kane? Maximus?
“Who?” I asked.
“The King gave the order, but he’s not the one who pulled the trigger.” She gulped like it was extremely hard for her to talk about this.
Shock sank into the pit of my stomach. Why was she even here, living under his roof after he had done such an awful thing? “I’m…sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. There were no words that would make losing someone any better; I knew firsthand.
She shook her head. “It was five years ago, but it still feels like it was yesterday.” She looked down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers.
“What happened?” I asked. The heaviness of my grief mixed with the sorrow I felt for Ryan.
“Rafe was the same age as Gabriel and Jerek—two years older than me. He went to the King’s academy with them, but Rafe was different. He never wanted to be there. Our Mom died when we were young, leaving us with our dad. He was a butcher in Hope. He was never quite right after mom died. Rafe practically raised me, and when the King required him to attend the academy, he fought tooth and nail so he didn’t have to leave me alone with our father all day. Our father was angry at the world for taking our mother, and I guess I reminded him too much of her.” She cringed. I didn’t like this story one bit. I tiptoed over to the bed and sat next to her as she continued.
“He was prone to throw a stray hand when he was upset with me. Rafe hated being away because it meant I took the brunt of the blows. I tried to stay quiet and do everything I was told, but it was never enough. I don’t blame my dad, not really. Something was seriously wrong with him after our mother died.”
She grabbed a pillow and started tugging at the fibers, uncomfortable with the rest of the story.
“But we made it, we made it all the way through the academy. Rafe did his time, and he was supposed to be allowed to return to our family’s business to take over for my father. Two weeks before Rafe’s twentieth birthday, I found my dad dead on the floor.” She paused in thought. “I don’t know what killed him. When I found him–his lips, they were so blue. But I didn’t feel sorry for him. I don’t think I even cried. I was…happy that he was gone.”
I unconsciously reached out and took hold of Ryan’s hand. All she had been through; I couldn’t even imagine.
“Rafe fought with leadership and the King to return home. He said he had done his time, and I needed him to come home and take over the family business.”
She took a steadying breath. “But neither of them saw it that way. Rafe didn’t have a family to return to anymore, so he was to spend the rest of his days in the King’s army.”
“What about you? ”
“I stayed in our apartment above the butcher shop until someone came and kicked me out. They said they had purchased the property from the King, and it was no longer ours. Rafe was furious. It left me on the streets with nowhere to go and him stuck in the army. I was eighteen, and that meant none of the orphanages would take me in. My only hope was to find a job.”
“That’s how you ended up here?”
She nodded. “Rafe couldn’t stand it. I begged him to let it go before I found this job, but he wouldn’t. He got into an argument with a captain, and Rafe killed him and ran. He was coming to find me, and we were going to run together, but he never made it. They captured him and sentenced him to the firing squad.”
The story she had told me about the firing squad finally made sense. My grandfather was a bastard that needed to die. Ryan’s story only cemented the feeling further into my chest. Her eyes glowed with hatred and tears. I believed her story.
“I’m so sorry, Ryan.”
“I thought you should know. I can see your hatred for him and what he does to blondes. You’re not alone, Ash.”
A friend. I felt like I had finally made a friend. Something I had never had in another woman before.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “Does Gabe know who you are?”
She shook her head. “No, we never met. I only knew Jerek.”
“Why are you still here, Ryan? Why don’t you just leave?” I asked.
She furrowed her brows, contemplating her answer. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“You can go to Cedar Hill. Find,” I paused remembering Nan was gone. “Anne and Pete Thompson and tell them that Ash sent you. They’ll take care of you. ”
She shook her head. “I don’t think I would ever make it. This is the only life I have ever known. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to survive outside the comforts of Hope. I’m positive I couldn’t kill a mountain lion if I was attacked.” She nudged my shoulder with her own and smiled.
I huffed a laugh. “You could come train with Kane. He’ll whip you into shape in no time.”
“Della would fall over and die if I did that.” She laughed.
“Then you better start tomorrow,” I exclaimed, and we both chuckled. “Have you ever thought about getting revenge?” I whispered.
Ryan’s eyes gleamed with hatred and a spark of something she hid. “Every day.”
“I’m going to change things. I’m going to make the world right again,” I said with absolute certainty.
“I’ll help in whatever way I can.”
I gave my first friend a solemn nod and added her name to the list of people whose lives were destroyed by the Kingdom of Novum. Ryan was the first real friend I’d had in…well—ever. We connected through our grief when she didn’t even know I was grieving. Was this what Nan and Anne felt when they were together? Like they had found someone who they could tell anything to and they would accept them for who they were? I wanted to tell Ryan everything, but something still held me back.
“Do the other maids gossip?” I asked suddenly, an idea striking me.
A slow smile spread across her face. “We hear everything we aren’t supposed to.”
“Will you see if you can find out anything about Advisor Davis or the King? Or any secrets you can get your hands on. ”
“Advisor Davis?” she questioned.
“He wants me dead, and I think he is up to something more.”
She shook her head. “I can try with Advisor Davis, but the King doesn’t let any maids in his room, and even when he eats, he does so in silence.”
“What about the war room? Isn’t that where he usually is?”
“Yes…but only his most trusted guards and whoever he is speaking to are allowed in.” That did make things more challenging. It was a wise decision on the King’s part.
“The four soldiers that are always with him?” I asked
She nodded. “How do you think your existence was so well guarded?” Obviously the King was good at keeping secrets.
“What about Peters?” He had to have information. He was closest to the King.
“I can try to see what I can dig up,” Ryan replied.
I gave my new friend a long look. What was I doing? Why was I dragging her into this? “You don’t have to do this, Ryan. You’re putting yourself in danger.”
Ryan rolled her eyes. “Believe me when I tell you…I would rather die than sit around and do nothing any longer.”