12. Chapter Twelve
Rae turns unseeing eyes to me, and they’re overflowing with tears and rimmed with sorrow. My panic gives way to relief as I clutch her close and stroke her back. Inside, my bear stomps, jaws snapping, ready to tear apart whatever unseen threat I’d sensed while she’d slipped from my grasp and our bond weakened.
I’d never known terror like that. Not even when I’d watched my father die.
“What happened? Your eyes rolled back in your head and you went rigid in my arms. You scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t reach you, couldn’t snap you out of it. And I could just barely feel you through our bond. I was afraid I was losing you.”
“That’s how you got that scar,” she whimpers, fingers seizing over my shoulder and digging into the place where I’d been sliced with a poisoned blade. “That woman… s-she did that to you to draw your father out. Then she slayed him. Coldheartedly. And you were there. God, Cole, you saw all that happen.”
My heart lodges in my throat.
Stops dead while my blood turns to ice.
“How do you know about that?”
“I saw it.” She chokes on a sob and draws in a shaky breath.
My fingers cease swiping the tears from her rosy, dirt-smudged cheek. A sickening suspicion settles in my belly as my hackles rise.
Can’t be. No fucking way.
“Didn’t you show me that?”
“No.” I surge to my feet and fight to keep a hold of my rioting emotions.
The dizzying feeling that whatever we’ve built is about to unravel claws at me and fear lodges in my chest.
“I showed you my summers here. Times I spent with my family. The good times. Precious memories I’ve carried in my heart for years.”
She wipes her nose on her sleeve, confusion creasing her brow. “I know, I saw you race your brothers and play in that pool. I watched your parents make s’mores with you over an open fire.”
“Yeah.”
Then she reaches for me, but I evade her touch.
She’s gonna get ya.
“There’s only one way you could’ve seen all that, Rae.”
“How?”
“This is sacred ground. Not just for me, but for witches.” I look at her meaningfully, heart aching. “For you.”
“What?” Rae gapes, shock making her emerald eyes round and her pretty little lying mouth a perfect o-shape. The picture of pure innocence. Young, beautiful, and full of deceit. “What are you talking about?”
“I didn’t show you what happened to my father.” My jaw tenses, my muscles bunch. Anger rises, swift and hot, while my chest rumbles and my bear pushes to burst out. “I would never share that memory with anyone. And the only explanation for why you’d be shown a memory like that is because you were there.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Maybe I saw it because our bond links us.”
“It’s not. You’d only see what I chose to share with you. This was a memory unlocking for you. A gift the magic of this forest offered up because you came here with lots of questions, didn’t you? About your parentage, your history, your dreams?”
“I… I did feel as if something had gripped me. Forced me to watch that awful moment. It was so vivid.” Frowning, Rae’s fingers seek the comfort of the talisman she habitually wears, and I notice for the first time she’s not wearing it.
My mouth runs dry.
“Where’s your necklace?”
“The clasp broke yesterday when we were in the shower. I haven’t had a chance to replace it, so the pendant is back at the cabin. Safe.”
“I should’ve known. I’m an idiot.” I shake my head as the pieces of the puzzle fall neatly into place. “Those gems aren’t ordinary protection stones.”
“I don’t understand.” Rae’s brows furrow, and by the Goddess, is she good. She ought to be given a shiny industry award like her adopted parents have for the performance she’s giving me right now.
“It’s the summer solstice today.” My eyes drift shut. “The most magical night of the year. You’re no mere human, Goldie. And those stones you carry aren’t keepsakes from some crystal gift shop.”
“What do you mean?”
“They’re enchanted. They kept you safe and protected, because they kept your true nature hidden.” The words fly from my mouth, heavy with disgust and accusation. “You’re the child that woman was carrying—the one the sorceress wanted to bring forth.”
“What?”
“How is that possible? How can you be so sure?”
“Before you crashed into me, a witch told me you were coming. I didn’t listen. Every time you touched me or kissed me, my healing accelerated. Our bond felt so potent, so pure, and I assumed our connection and your inability to shield your thoughts were why I could so clearly see your world as you worked to put it on paper. I never considered the possibility I’d fallen under the spell you weaved.”
“What spell?” Rae splutters, her voice rising along with her defenses. “I don’t have the first clue how to do any kind of spell. It’s my friend Janelle who’s into all that, burning sage and arranging crystals and whatnot. As far as I know, I’m just an ordinary human, but now you’re telling me I’m not.”
“You told me that when you write, you sometimes get into a state where you can’t even see the words, right? Because in your head, you’re seeing things unfold and you’re capturing it with your writing, describing it so people can see what you see.”
“Yeah. So?”
“There’s magic in that, Goldie, whether you know it or not. You. You alone are magic and it works its way into every little thing you do.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying you’re a witch. Just like the woman who murdered my father. And I’ll never be able to trust a witch.”
Three days, two nights. That’s all that’s left of Rae’s time here at Wilderwood. I have every intention of letting the time pass without bidding her farewell. After I found out what she really is, I shifted into my bear and led her down the mountain, avoiding further conversation.
Oh, at first, she went on and on trying to convince me that she really didn’t know her origins. That if she had been spellcasting, it’d all been innocent and unintentional. She’d never presume to cross boundaries and enchant anyone against their will.
But it’s not the enchanting that bothers me.
It’s the fact that I’d been bewitched before. And with disastrous results.
Finally, after a while, she gave up, became sullen and withdrawn. As she grew tired and her legs grew heavy, I nudged her onto my back and carried her the rest of the way home.
Once I was certain she was safe, I trudged off into the fading light to find another one of my dens.
It’s where I’ve been staying ever since.
Now that I’ve had some time to calm down, I realize I might’ve been too quick to jump to conclusions about her intentions. In my heart, I know Rae is not the beguiling liar that Magen had been, but I’d been too shaken to think it through. My sweet girl who calls a vet to check on a beast she runs into, who cuddles a grumpy bear because she’s seen my scar, and who cries because she’s felt my private pain.
It’s probably a dick move to stay away, but I remind myself that it’s better this way. We’ll both be better off without having to go through greater pain by strengthening our bond any more than it is.
My only problem is my bear refuses to leave her alone.
Even now, I’m stuck pacing in the shadows of the tall pine trees surrounding my cabin where I know Rae’s holed up, writing. Judging by the pace she’s kept, I think she must be nearly finished, though for some reason I can no longer see the scenes she’s writing as she types.
I huff, chomping berries off a nearby bush. Too late, I realize I’m not alone and I jump to find the burnished brown fur of Connor’s bear stealthily making his way across to me. Just behind him, lumbering up the trail is the rich, dark chocolate brown coat of Clayton’s bear.
What the hell are you two doing here?I bare my teeth in warning. I don’t need my brothers any closer to my cabin or my wo—no, nevermind.
Connor jerks his head to one side, jaw snapping. Your thoughts are so damn loud, neither of us are getting any sleep.
You didn’t say that the woman who could’ve killed you also happens to be your mate. Clay sidles up next to me and takes a bite of the berry bush I was snacking on.
It’s irrelevant.
Right. Sure. Because you don’t have any desire for a mate. Connor snorts.
I scowl. You don’t understand.
No, I sure don’t.Connor’s jaw snaps, teeth flashing and ears flattened. A sure sign of irritation and aggression, which surprises me. He rarely, if ever, gets on my case about anything.
What’s your problem?
Oh, me? My problem is I spend all my time trying to hunt my mate down, Cole. Connor’s eyes flash with annoyance. I look for her in every new townie, in every visitor, on every out of town trip. Because I want to live my life before it’s over. I want a taste of what mom and dad had. I want to connect, soul to soul.
It’s true. I’ve watched my brother scour the globe, go on more dates than I could ever count, and indulge in every stray Mama invites to family dinner. He’s a natural flirt, always has been, but deep down, he’s always been on the hunt.
Here you are, with a mate serendipitously dropped directly in your path. Literally. And it’s like you’d rather be dead than risk really living.
What good does having a mate do, if it only ends in heartache and pain?
Connor springs forward, knocking me sideways. We grapple, pushing and shoving, jaws chomping. Not hard enough to hurt, just enough to make a point.
You’re thinking about dad again?
Always. And Mama.I incline my head to Clayton. And this hardass.
Fuck you,Clayton interjects, sitting down and looking on while Connor and I knock into a tree. We’re not here to talk about me. We’re here for you.
I push away from my younger brother, huffing. You’re too young to remember, Conn, but we watched Mama nearly go feral after Dad died. Her mate was gone and she was devastated.
Yes, it was fucking hard. But she’s still here. We didn’t lose her. You can’t live your life afraid of losing or you’ve already lost. Clayton rises up on his hind legs with a challenging look in his eye. What are you so afraid of?
She’s a witch, I finally admit. Worse, she’s the witch that evil sorceress was trying to usher into the world as her blessed, chosen successor.
My brothers paw the ground beneath them, shaking their heads and snuffling at the revelation. After a long moment, Clayton recovers first.
She was innocent in that, Cole. You can’t hold what someone else did against her. She and her mother were victims, too.
I let out a pained roar, covering my eyes with my paws.
I know that! Buthow can I be mated with someone whose very being reminds me that I was too weak and too stupid to stop that conniving, power-hungry sorceress from capturing me and using me to lure Dad out? How can I look at her and not think of the ways I failed my family?
At this, my brothers recoil in shock.
Clayton recovers first.
You know what happened wasn’t your fault, right? You were just a cub, Cole. It’s not fair to blame yourself for what that sorceress did.
Releasing another uneasy breath, I shake my head, trying to clear it.
If you think pushing away your own mate is going to help, spoiler alert. It won’t.
I sigh, rubbing a paw against my chest and looking back at my cabin. Rae emerges onto the deck, pauses and scans the forest as if sensing me or seeking me. Then, she turns and walks off, headed toward the center of the campground where the holiday village is.
My bear clambers up, poised to follow after her, but I force myself to sit down again.
Anyway, there’s nothing I can offer her.
Isn’t there?Clay drops back onto all fours and nudges me with his head.
You didn’t have any problem offering her your cock, Connor snorts.
I glare at him, a warning rumble burrowing in my chest. Having a mate is about more than just mind-blowing sex.
Clay rolls his eyes. I’m not talking about your dick, dumbass. I’m talking about your heart. Family. Loyalty.
I frown. Rae wanted to belong. And as my mate, she belongs with me.
Stubbornly, I shake my head. It’s not worth it.
And what if it fucking is?Connor surges forward to snarl in my face. What if the pain is worth the pleasure? What if loving your mate means it’ll heal the guilt and shame you’ve insisted on carrying all this time? You’d rather not find out?
Nothing is worth the risk of getting my chest ripped open and my heart flayed alive.
Right?
Use your heart, not your head. All this time, you’ve been so afraid to find a mate because you might lose her. But if you don’t work this out, you will definitely lose her.
I lower my head sullenly, eyes straying towards my cabin.
Then Connor turns around to climb down the mountain and shakes his head as he goes. I’ve always looked up to you and Clay all my life. I never once thought of you as a coward. Until now.