CHAPTER 17 #3
His smirk faded. His grip on his bottle stilled, the easy rhythm of the moment fracturing just a little. His gaze flickered—maybe toward the past, maybe toward something he hadn’t let himself think about in a while.
He sighed and glanced at the ceiling, the weight of something unspoken settling between them.
Regret twisted in her gut. She never should have asked.
It wasn’t her business, and honestly she didn’t want to know.
The rumors were bad enough—whispers of cheating, betrayal.
Hearing his side wouldn’t change the fact that the damage was done.
“Afraid I did, Jamie.” He only said her name when he was being serious, which was rare. He was forever telling corny jokes and making silly faces—in other words, being Clayton.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.” She gave him an opportunity to back out of the answer, or at least not elaborate on it.
He lifted the bottle and took a gulp. “Lord, it was bad. I mean, real bad. Right from the jump, if I’m being honest. Tammy’s five years older than me, was fresh off her divorce, and we met at a baseball game—me on the mound, her singing the anthem, like something out of a rom-com.
I had a crush on her because hell, I was a fan. But being a fan and knowing somebody ain’t the same thing. Didn’t know a damn thing about the real Tammy. Sure as hell didn’t know about that temper of hers—”
“I have a temper,” Jamie confessed.
“Yours is harmless.”
“And Tammy’s wasn’t?”
“Nah, hers is a whole different kind of wild.” He took a slow sip of his beer.
“So I told her I played guitar and she just grinned, said it was cute. Then she invited me to her show that night and man, I was flat-out in awe of her. Back then I didn’t know the first thing about women.
” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Not that I’m claiming to be an expert now, but the only girl I’d ever dated was my high school sweetheart, who up and married a doctor as soon as she got the chance. ”
“This is a rom-com movie,” Jamie interrupted.
“Wish it were.” He grabbed two more beers from the fridge, handing one to Jamie before continuing, “We started dating, and at first everything was good. Then the mood swings hit out of nowhere. She’d blame it on that time of the month, but hell, it felt like every damn week.
The smallest thing would set her off, and the next thing I knew she was throwing things.
Heavy things.” He let out a dry chuckle, shaking his head.
“Good thing my reflexes are fast or I’d have taken a vase to the skull.
Guess I didn’t realize how bad it was. That first year I was gone a lot, playing ball.
But once my arm got fucked”—he lifted his elbow—“and I couldn’t play, the outbursts turned into a daily thing. ”
“Jesus,” she said, shaking her head .
“There’s more.” He exhaled hard. “When I couldn’t play ball I figured I’d give music a shot. But hell, she didn’t want to be with no damn singer. Kept pushing me to try out for some farm team, but they didn’t want me either. That’s how bad it was.”
He took a long swig of his beer, shaking his head. “So I started playing anywhere they’d have me—open mics, fairs, honky-tonks, you name it. And that’s when things got ugly.”
“Ugly?” she asked, drawing her eyebrows inward.
“Embarrassing, to say the least.” He nodded, his jaw tight.
“She’d drink too much and take swings at me.
Most times I’d stop her, but for someone so little she packed one hell of a punch.
” He rubbed his cheek like he could still feel it.
“Then I met Shorty and got myself a record deal. My career was finally taking off, but she couldn’t stand it.
Tried every damn thing she could to wreck it. ”
“Why didn’t you leave?” Jamie’s voice was barely a whisper, but the weight of her words hung heavy between them.
She hadn’t expected the quiet, resigned way he looked at her. Her heart ached for Clayton in a way she never saw coming.
“Guess I was scared. Scared of what she’d do if I left. But I was on the road so much, I didn’t see her all that often. Funny how you start forgetting how bad things are when you miss somebody.” He paused for a moment. “Don’t get me wrong, she had her sweet moments, but they never lasted long.”
He took a deep breath, shaking his head.
“The night I met Derrick at Tootsie’s—that was it.
I was going to end it the next day. Then she found out she was pregnant.
And I couldn’t walk away after that. Hell, she wanted to end it, but I begged her not to.
So I did what I thought was right—I married her. ”
He paused, rolling his beer bottle between his hands.
“She handled the pregnancy better than I figured. Didn’t even freak out when we found out it was twins.
But the second those girls were born something in her snapped.
No, worse. She came apart at the seams.” His voice turned hollow.
“Tantrums every day. Crying nonstop. But the worst part? She didn’t want nothing to do with them.
Wouldn’t hold them, wouldn’t feed them, wouldn’t even look at them.
Like being a momma was the last thing she ever wanted. ”
He swallowed hard. “And me? I was too damn busy trying to hold everything together to see it coming.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Was pretty much like that until the day she left.”
Jamie rested her hands on her head, exhaling slowly. “I can’t say I blame you for looking elsewhere. That must’ve been a lonely marriage.”
He raised an eyebrow and pulled another beer from the fridge.
“That’s the thing, Jamie. I never cheated on her.
Not once. She’s the one that ran around—slept with her damn guitar tech.
Had been for years, far as I know.” He let out a slow breath and shook his head.
“Guess I was the last to figure it out.”
Jamie stared at him. “What? Why didn’t you say anything? You’ve obviously heard the rumors.”
He popped the cap off his beer, took a sip, and leaned back in his chair.
“For my kids. Wasn’t about to drag her through the mud, no matter what she did.
It’s bad enough they got a momma like that—I wasn’t going to make it worse.
” His gaze flicked to hers, steady. “So yeah, I took the heat. And I don’t regret it. ”
Jamie was stunned, speechless. She hated Tammy for what she’d done to him—more than she expected, more than she should. The thought unsettled her almost as much as the way Clayton wouldn’t meet her eyes .
“I’m sorry, Clayton.”
“Me, too.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“Tammy wouldn’t let me take you on tour. We got into it real bad that night—she clocked me right upside the head.”
“Oh my God! Derrick told me it was because you hated him.”
“Had nothing to do with him.”
“Derrick thinks everything’s about him.”
Clayton huffed a laugh. “Speaking of Derrick, you never answered my question. How are you holding up?”
Jamie hesitated. “I’m okay.”
“Just okay?”
She shrugged as he passed her another beer. “I don’t really miss him.”
His brow lifted. “There must’ve been something you liked about him.”
“You know what it’s like when someone’s there and you get used to it, but you never ask yourself if you really like the person.
I don’t think I ever really liked Derrick.
I’d never had a serious relationship and he was so persistent.
Now I think he was controlling, and I confused it with attention. ”
“Was he nice to you?”
“At times, when he wanted to be. When it helped his career and things. I think he liked being seen with me. But no, he was mostly mean.”
“Mean how?”
“Okay, this is something I don’t tell anyone, so you have to promise not to say anything.”
“I told you, a promise made must be a promise kept.”
“Aristotle—I remember. I don’t have my GED. I never finished high school. It’s really embarrassing, but my parents—AJ—said it didn’t mean anything. But it does to me. Derrick called me stupid, and I guess I believed him.”
“You’re not stupid, Jamie.”
“I’m not stupid stupid, but I don’t know a lot of things.
That’s why I’m always going to art galleries and museums—to learn things.
I read that book at your house and I was fascinated.
I love history. I should’ve stayed in school, but AJ took off when I was sixteen so I dropped out and started serving in bars—I had a fake ID. ”
“You can still get your GED.”
“I wanted to but Derrick said it was pointless at this stage in my life. The past five years have been kind of a blur, but it’s something I really want to do. I just have to find the time to do it.”
“I’ll help you.”
“That’s nice of you, but your tour’s starting soon.”
“Come on the road with me—I’m offering you the opening slot like I should’ve done five years ago. We can study on the bus and I’ll quiz you, make flashcards. Hell, it’ll be like having a built-in tutor.”
“I don’t know, Clayton.”
He grabbed his phone from the coffee table, thumbs already flying across the screen. “Too late. I’m signing you up.”
“I want to wait.”
“For what?”
She hesitated. He had her there.
“Fine,” she relented.
“That’s the spirit!” He flashed a smug grin.
She exhaled, shaking her head. “Hey, thanks for helping me with my song. I’m giving you writing credit. ”
Clayton leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out in that lazy, cocky way that made her want to roll her eyes—and maybe stare a second too long. “We had a deal. I help you, you present at the ACMs with me.”
“I was going to anyway.” She shifted, tucking one leg underneath her. Then, with a smirk, she let her gaze drift down to his boots. “Besides, maybe with the royalties from my song you’ll finally be able to afford a new pair.”
Clayton laughed quietly, tilting his head as he studied her. Then, ever so casually, he dragged his boot forward until the worn leather brushed against her boot. “Careful, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice slow, deliberate. “Keep looking at me like that and I might think you’re flirting.”
Jamie steadied her gaze, refusing to move her foot, refusing to let him see the way her pulse ticked up. “You wish.”
His grin turned downright sinful. “Maybe I do.”