13. Kit
13
KIT
Luke and I reminisced about the old days as we made our way out to the stallion barn.
“My husband still doesn’t understand how I could ride with a broken hip,” he said, laughing to himself.
“You know, I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide yourself all those years on the rodeo circuit. Oh, and a broken hip is nothing. Try riding with a broken collarbone.”
“Truth,” he said, half-smiling, half-grimacing. “I’m glad there’re more kids on the circuit now, living more openly, and if I had anything to do with that, then I’m proud. But I loved being a bronco rider. Even with the closet.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Those were some of my most favorite years. Cyn and I were barely scraping by with me on the circuit, her in college, and a kid with special needs, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
“Me either.” He scrunched his nose. “Gotta say, I always thought those judges had it out for you. Some of those second-place finishes shoulda been first place buckles.”
“Maybe.” I couldn’t help my proud smile. “But I only needed a couple of buckles for seed money. Got my first business up and running and never looked back. Plus, at least the two of us got out before the rodeo completely destroyed our bodies.”
“Speak for yourself.”
We laughed and then walked—gingerly—into the stallion barn. The Rebel Sky Ranch had two award-winning stallions, but they also kept their rescue horses here as well. I walked up to a quarter horse gelding with half an ear missing and rubbed his nose.
“Seems like a sweet guy,” I said, looking over my shoulder at Luke.
“Yeah, he does.”
I got the feeling he wasn’t talking about the horse, and my eyes dropped to the toes of my cowboy boots.
“Not to assume nothing,” he said carefully, “but that ortho of yours is awful pretty.”
“He’s not my ortho. He’s just a friend.” I bit my lip, feeling the lie on my tongue.
“You sure about that?”
I shoved my hands into my pockets and toed a bit of hay with the tip of my boot.
“Kit?” Luke’s voice was warm, without a hint of sarcasm or judgment.
Maybe . . . maybe he’d be okay to talk to.
“No, actually.” I took off my hat and rubbed the back of my head. “I’m not very sure of anything at all.”
Luke went still and said nothing until I lifted my chin and found his understanding expression.
“Kind of terrifying to admit, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I took a deep breath, and then another. Not sure why these tears were poppin’ up all of a sudden. “I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, like when I fell for Cyn.”
“I remember you saying you knew the second you met her, like somebody smacked you upside the head.”
“Truer words, my friend. I was just a kid, but I knew I wanted to love her for the rest of my life.”
“From what I could tell, you treated her like a queen.”
“I tried to. Which, come to think of it, ended up bein’ part of the problem.”
Luke drew his brows together, confusion marking his handsome features.
See? When have I ever thought a man was handsome before?
Instead of going down that rabbit trail, I explained, “We went to therapy to untangle everything after she came out to me. Best we can figure, her family was so awful she never had space to consider her sexuality. And then, because I loved her so fiercely and treated her right, she wasn’t gonna complain if sex didn’t really do it for her.”
“What do you think finally brought her around?”
“The way she explained it, it took years of feeling safe enough to explore who she was inside. So, when she figured out that she was a lesbian, she felt too guilty to come clean. Pushed it down for years before she just couldn’t anymore.”
I let out a rough laugh, thinking about how I’d thought we’d had the perfect relationship, right up until the moment she told me her truth.
Then again, what we became in the aftermath . . . well, that wasn’t so bad. I was still a lucky, lucky man.
Luke stood there patiently, letting me work through my thoughts.
“I ain’t never . . .” I let the words trail off. “I mean, I ain’t never had nothin’ against guys like you and Sky, but that never seemed to appeal, you know?”
He nodded. “Until it did.”
“Yeah.”
“Looks like it’s left you feeling a little unmoored.”
I swallowed painfully, appreciating that he’d finally given me the words to describe this feeling.
Unmoored.
Undone.
Entirely out of my comfort zone.
“I guess the one thing I wanna know is . . .” I started, then stopped. Luke gave me an encouraging look, so I just finally said it. “How the hell did I get to almost forty and not know this really important thing about myself? Like, you think I’d have figured something out a little earlier, right?” I asked, feeling so goddamned helpless.
“Well.” Luke shifted on his feet, probably trying to find the right words. “Maybe you can give yourself some grace. You were in love with Cynthia for a long time, so you never had to ask that particular question. It’s not too dissimilar to what happened with Trip and Sam.”
“Oh?”
“Trip was always like a one-person kind of man, and hadn’t been with enough people to realize he could also love a man. I bet you’d’ve loved Cynthia till the day you died, so maybe you never knew to explore other options.”
I sat with that for a while.
The metaphorical light bulb, so dim from lack of use, finally sputtered to life above my head.
“What’s this look?” Luke asked, gesturing a circle around my face.
“I really am the dumbest man alive,” I said, shaking my head as I hooked my thumbs into my belt loops. “I was just sayin’ to myself the other day that I hadn’t felt sore about the loss of my marriage for a few months now. Like, I’d somehow healed from everything and didn’t realize it.”
His mouth quirked up on one side. “Curious—did that timing happen to coincide with meeting Skylar?”
I chuckled. “I’m pretty sure it did, actually.”
“The heart is a sneaky organ sometimes. It’ll know well before your brain catches up.”
“Do you think that’s what happened? Is that why I didn’t know about this part of me until just recently?”
“Anything is possible,” Luke said, as though he’d maybe lived enough to see the impossible happen. “And at least you know he likes you back.”
I drew my chin back. “I do?”
“Have you seen the way he looks at you?”
“He’s a flirty guy,” I deflected. “You can’t read into that.”
Luke made a scoffing sound. “Oh, please. Skylar would do very indecent things to you if given even half a chance.”
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
I stopped, rolling my eyes heavenward. “You don’t think I’m an idiot for not knowing men could be an option? Skylar specifically?”
Luke shrugged. “I think things happen in their own timeline. And if you don’t fight it, the timing ends up being pretty amazing.”
Suddenly, the confusion and tension that’d been building in my chest all these months cleared. Like I could finally breathe. My fingers tingled as the tension in my neck and shoulders released.
“Well . . . shit .”
Luke laughed as he clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Follow your heart, cowboy. I doubt it’s ever led you astray.”
I smiled, thinking about how much different it felt when Luke called me cowboy versus Sky.
And suddenly I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here.
I was vibrating out of my skin by the time Skylar finally finished up with Trip. I needed to . . . I dunno. Kiss him again? This time with intent?
What I needed like my next breath was to wrap myself around his body, but instead I was pacing while he and Sam then spent another millennia chatting each other up and talking about meeting up with Desi for brunch and shopping. I was about to start pulling my eyelashes out one by one when Skylar got into the car.
“What is going on with you, cowboy?” Sky asked as we rumbled over the sanctuary entrance. “I thought you and Luke were having a good time reminiscing about the good old days.”
“I—we were. For a little while.” I took a deep breath as we made our way up the road to his little cabin in the woods. “But we had a few other things to discuss.”
“Like what?” he asked, pulling into the circular drive.
“Do you know what Luke is known for, aside from being the Rodeo King?”
Skylar shrugged. “I dunno, being hot?”
I let out a disgruntled sound, which made him laugh. “No.” I drummed my fingers on his dash as he pulled in front of the cabin. “In the short time we overlapped at the rodeo, I never knew Luke was gay. Maybe a handful of people did. He only came out at the very end of his career. Er, more like he was injured and outed on live television.”
Skylar turned to me, eyes wide. “ That’s why I know who he is. It’s been bugging me all morning.”
“It was all over the rodeo websites and social media platforms—there’s even a whole YouTube channel dedicated to it. He went into hiding after and then did one last ride at the gay rodeo up in Austin a few years ago.”
“Oh my God, that is so romantic.”
“More than you realize. His husband is a photographer, among other things, and he took the most beautiful pictures of Luke’s last ride. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so free.”
“It’s nice that you support your friend,” he said, looking thoughtful as he exited the small SUV.
Even with the brace, my knee was already being an asshole, so I gave myself a few extra seconds as I responded, “I do. Support him, that is. I made sure he knew it, too. I’d reached out after all the publicity had died down, but by then we were both busy and never reconnected beyond a few messages. Maybe now we’ll be able to spend more time together.”
“I hope you can. From what Sam says, he’s a great guy.”
“He thought you were pretty great too,” I said, finally exiting the vehicle. Thankfully, I wasn’t facing Sky as I put my weight on the knee.
“Yeah, well.” Skylar gave me his oops grin, his eyes flashing with trouble. “Luke doesn’t know his husband scheduled him for an appointment with me in a couple of weeks. He might not like me so much after that.”
I laughed, the nerves making it a sharp, weird thing. “You really enjoy sneakily taking care of all the cowboys out here, don’t you?”
“Probably a little more than I should,” he said, looking over at me as I shut the door. “I blame you.”
“That’s okay. There’s a lot I blame you for, too,” I said, too nervous to even worry about the twinge in my knee.
Sky tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean by that?”
I met him at the front of the car, so jumpy I thought I was gonna fly apart. I took a deep breath.
“Seriously, Kit. What is going on with you?” he asked, gesturing at the length of me.
Words—every last goddamned one of ’em—fled my brain like woodland animals fleeing a forest fire.
Fuck it.
Unable to articulate what was going on in my body, I wrapped my hand around the back of his head. His eyes widened, and I hesitated, panicked this would be a repeat of the first time I’d kissed him. But then I remembered Luke’s words.
At least you know he likes you back.
“Cowboy?”
I looked into his eyes, so full of surprise and desire, and slowed everything down. My breathing, my heart rate, time itself.
“I would really like to kiss you. For real this time.”
He let out a surprised breath. “Hell, Kit. I’ve been waiting?—”
I closed my eyes and placed a kiss on his soft lips, accidentally cutting off whatever he was going to say. I hadn’t meant to, but I couldn’t wait another second.
The warmth of his mouth against mine was the answer to every question I’d ever had over these last few weeks. Yes, it said softly. This is what you were meant to do with the rest of your life.
When I went to pull away, he gripped my shirt and pulled me in for another kiss as he groaned into my mouth.
Part of me had wondered what I would do if given the chance to kiss him again, and it turned out that I needn’t have worried. My hands went to his hips, and I pulled him against me as I deepened the connection. This time, when my tongue pressed against the seam of his lips, he opened for me, sliding his tongue along mine.
Like home.
We kissed until our atoms became one. Until new civilizations emerged and world peace had been achieved.
When we finally pulled away from each other, he had a glazed quality to his smile that I wanted to capture in paint or clay or, fuck, pasta shapes glued to cardboard.
“Damn. I was not expecting that,” he said, his chest rising rapidly, his lips red and slick.
I grimaced. “Hopefully it’s a good surprise.”
“It is. But . . . You seem nervous,” he said, placing his hand on my chest. I was still shaking and my heart . . . yeah, it was pounding.
“I’m scared out of my mind,” I admitted breathlessly.
“And you still wanted to kiss me?”
“It’s all I’ve been able to think about. For weeks.”
“Me too.”
We fell into another kiss, this one a little more heated, a little more desperate. I wrapped my arms around him, shifting my hips. Even though I was hoping for it, the feel of his hard cock against mine was a shock.
I pulled back, sucking oxygen.
“Too much?” Sky asked, his beautiful face full of worry and understanding.
“No. Just . . . surprising.”
“What, that you could turn me on?”
“Kinda?”
Sky reached up and pulled my hat from my head, setting it on the hood of his car. I didn’t even care that it was set the wrong way. He delicately ran his fingers through my hat hair, smiling as he did. “You turn me on more than any boyfriend, date, or sugar daddy ever has, cowboy. You’ve got these faded blue eyes and this smile that you don’t show hardly to anyone, and you love your son and take care of your people. Of course you turn me on.”
“Didn’t think anyone paid attention to those things,” I said, finding it difficult to keep eye contact.
“Well, I do.”
His hand went to my face and the look in his eyes made my head tumble out into the great, wide expanse of space. Forget world peace. Aliens from nearby star systems were already lining up to learn his magical ways. We leaned in for more kisses and I forgot to breathe. Finally, I pulled away to suck in some air.
“Wanna come inside, maybe get a little more comfortable with each other?” Sky suggested.
I nodded, then followed him like a puppy up the front porch steps and into the tiny cabin. Once we were tucked inside, away from the world, he turned to me. “Now, we don’t have to do anything, I just thought you’d like the privacy?—”
I cut him off with a kiss, pressing him against the door. Now that I knew the taste of him, I couldn’t get enough. I wrapped him up in my arms and drowned in the feel of him, squashed up against me so close you couldn’t fit a piece of paper between us.
I kissed him deep and slow, dreamlike.
“Jesus, cowboy,” he said the next time we came up for air. “You are one helluva kisser.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” His expression was thoughtful. “Would you be interested in more than kissing?”
My brain went back to everything I’d been imagining. “You have no idea.”
“Been thinking about me, have you?”
“Again, no idea.”
Skylar looked down at the bulge in my jeans, then back up at me, his lips quirking up on one side.
“So, if I put my mouth on you, you won’t go and freak out on me?”
His words punched the air outta my lungs.
I responded with a brutal kiss, grinding against him with all I had. After a moment, he pulled away, smiling.
“I guess that answers my question,” he said, just as breathless as I was.
“Mine, too,” I admitted.
With a wink, Skylar laid soft kisses along my jaw as he thumbed open my jeans, unzipping them. When he dipped his hand inside, rubbing over my boxers, I thought I was gonna come and die, hopefully in that order.
“You good, Kit?” he asked, the use of my name bringing me back from la-la land.
“I am,” I answered, groaning when he squeezed. “You have any lipstick that’s transfer-proof?”
He drew his chin back. “Yeah. Why?”
“Because I wanna see your lips in red stretched around my cock.”
“Jesus, cowboy,” he repeated. “I don’t know what I expected, but . . .”
“Wait till I get up the nerve to ask you to wear one of your lacy things.”
“Lace and lipstick, huh?” he asked, slipping down his scrubs to show me his lacy, sky-blue underwear.
I could barely breathe with how fucking sexy that looked on him. Fuck the aliens; he was all mine.
“I know it’s weird with the body hair. I usually wax, but I’ve been frugal with my finances . . .”
“It’s sexy either way,” I said, breathless.
“Yeah?” he asked, reaching into his messenger bag.
“Yes. All the yes.”
Skylar pulled out a tube of lipstick—a sexy ruby red—and ran it around his lips. “You want my mouth on your cock, cowboy?”
“I’m beggin’ you.”