Chapter 23
Jansen
I ’m in the lab with Bianca and Antonio, trying to focus on malolactic conversion. I’ve been feeling unsettled since the night of the harvest dinner. There’s a stiffness between Bianca and me, and I hate it. I miss her. We haven’t had time to talk since then, when she got upset at her uncle. And basically brushed me off. I’m worried he said something that hurt her. If he hurt her, I’ll shove his teeth so far down his throat he’ll be smiling with his ass.
“What’s so funny?” Bianca frowns at me.
“Uh…nothing.” Focus, man.
She’s still acting weird. Distant. I don’t like it.
I start when my phone chimes with a call. I check the call display. It’s the vet clinic. What’s up with that? Frowning, I answer. Are they checking up on Moose after his little snip snip?
“Hi, Jansen. It’s Ana. We just got a call from someone about their lost dog.”
My heart drops to my feet like a stone. “Oh.”
“I didn’t give them your number,” she says. “But they gave me theirs. Can you call them and set up a time for them to see, uh, Moose? They said they can come to you.”
No. No, I can’t . “Sure,” I manage to say. “What’s the number?”
She gives me a name and number. I grab a pen and paper on the counter and scribble it down. “Okay, thanks.”
“Who was that?” Bianca asks.
I tell her.
She turns wide eyes on me. “Oh no.” She pauses. “I mean…” She closes her eyes and her mouth compresses. “Oh no.”
“I’m sure they’re excited to have found him.” I swallow, my throat feeling thick and rough. My numb fingers tap in the digits on my phone. I speak to the guy named Chris and we arrange for him and his wife to come pick up Moose tomorrow afternoon.
Bianca watches me with a notch between her eyebrows, sucking on her bottom lip. She looks so sad.
I’m already stressed, and now this happens. I try to keep my emotions under control. “They saw the notice at the pet store in Napa. They’ve been looking for him for weeks.” I ignore the iron bands tightening around my chest.
“Oh my God. Oh, Jansen.”
“It’s fine.” I shrug. Her sympathy rankles me. “We always knew this would happen.”
She gives me a bewildered look. “They’re coming to get him?”
I nod again.
“Let’s go. We can grab him and make a run for it.”
I choke out a laugh. “What? Where are we going?”
“Mexico. We’ll take Moose with us.”
“That’s pretty far.” It does sound appealing, though.
“I don’t care.”
Antonio looks back and forth between us with raised eyebrows.
“I have to give him back, Bee.”
“I know.” She sniffs. “But how hard could they have looked for him? I don’t know if they deserve him.”
“He’s their dog. They’re his people. Hey, there’s no point in crying about it. I knew this could happen.”
She tilts her head, looking at me curiously. “I know, but…”
I shrug. “It is what it is.” I change the subject to work stuff. “So do we need to inoculate the wine?”
“I don’t think so. We just need to make sure the temperature is right.”
Later, at home, being greeted ecstatically by Moose makes me feel even worse. I walk into the living room and sit on the floor, back against the couch, and let him climb onto my lap and frantically lick my face everywhere. I don’t deserve this.
Which is why he’s being taken away from me tomorrow, probably.
Fuck, that makes my eyes burn. I hold his little head and look into his eyes, a stabbing sensation piercing my chest. “You’re a good dog. Even though you pee on the deck and freak out about adult fun times.”
He licks my chin more.
I stroke his fur and talk to him. “I don’t want to give you back. I want to keep you. But they probably love you as much as I do, and you need to be with them. I’m going to miss you. You’re always so happy to see me, and you follow me around. Bianca was right. Dogs love you no matter what. Even when you’re a dick.”
Moose nuzzles my chest and I hug him. A weird, hard feeling climbs from my chest into my throat.
“I don’t know what I’m doing. What am I doing, Moose?” I gaze into his brown eyes. “I came here to start over and get my life back, and now I feel like I’ve lost even more.” I have a new life here, sure, with new friends, but now Moose is leaving, and Bianca is mad at me for something, and she’s going to leave, too.
My heart feels shredded.
I am so fucked up.