Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Grayson
Isat in silence on Lila’s couch, elbows resting on my knees, my hands clasped tightly in front of me.
The living room was still and quiet, except for the faint hum of the city waking up outside.
Through the window, the first light of dawn began to pour in soft streaks of gold, cutting through the blinds and casting long, warm lines across the floor.
My head felt like it weighed a ton, packed full of everything I’d said, everything I hadn’t.
Every memory. Every regret. Every mistake.
My eyes followed the shifting light, but my thoughts were stuck in the dark.
And I just sat there, shoulders heavy, jaw clenched, heart aching like hell, trying to piece together how the fuck everything fell apart like this.
I had promised Ariana I would fix it. But sitting there with that promise already cooling on my lips, the truth settled over me like something heavy and unavoidable—I didn’t know how.
Some things felt too large to dismantle, too deeply broken to mend, too tangled in hurt and history to ever find their way back to forgiveness.
And the worst part was that I was the one who had started it. I was the one who had betrayed her trust, who had hurt her, who had looked at what we had and chosen to let it go.
I was the one who gave up on us.
And then, like a knife twisting, I remembered what I said to her in her office.
I dropped my face into my hands and groaned, the weight of it crashing down again. I didn’t know how to make it right. I didn’t even know where to start.
If it came down to it, I’d let her burn the whole goddamn family business to the ground if it meant she’d look me in the eye and say she forgave me.
But I couldn’t do that to our employees. They were good people. Some had been with us for decades, helped build everything from the ground up, and stood by us through the storms. They didn’t deserve to pay for the sins of the people at the top.
And then there was Lila.
God, how was any of this fair to her?
She was the most innocent one in all of this.
After everything she heard, how could she ever look at me the same again?
How could she accept me when the real me was despicable?
And my family, the people she’d be tied to if she chose to stay, weren’t just flawed.
They were dishonest, manipulative, and capable of destroying someone’s life to protect their pride.
I didn’t want to be tied to them anymore, either.
But the worst part—the part that twisted something deep in my chest—was that she had heard all of it.
Every word I had said in that living room, every admission I hadn’t meant to make out loud.
She had heard me confess that after all these years, after everything we had been through, I still loved Ariana.
And I couldn’t stop wondering what that had done to her. What it had made her think. What it had made her feel, standing there, taking in every word like a blow she never saw coming. Because everything I said was the truth. All of it. It was the most honest confession I had ever made.
And now, this road I was on, trying to redeem myself while saving the people who depended on me, this impossibly fragile, fucked-up path… how could she still be patient with me? How could she stand by someone like me?
And above all else, how could I stay with someone when my heart still belonged to someone else? I finally admitted the truth to myself—no matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I told myself to stop, I couldn’t.
I still loved her.
Even though I knew there was no way back. Not after everything I had done, every mistake I had made. Winning Ariana back was impossible, and I knew it. Some things you just can’t undo.
I heard movement from the bedroom, familiar sounds that told me Lila was awake. I stayed where I was, still sitting in the same spot, staring blankly ahead.
Then the noise stopped.
A moment later, the bedroom door creaked open.
My mind scrambled, reaching for the right words—something, anything—but nothing came.
It didn’t matter. The decision had already been made. I couldn’t keep doing this to Lila. If I stayed, I would only keep breaking her, slowly and quietly, piece by piece. And I couldn’t live with that.
Then she appeared in the hallway, startled when she saw me. Her eyes lingered on me for a moment before she turned and walked to the kitchen without a word.
She started making coffee, placed a couple of slices of bread into the toaster, then stood there, staring down at them.
I let out a soft sigh and walked over, taking a seat on one of the stools by the kitchen island. I watched her quietly, my mind racing, trying to decide how to start.
“Lila,” I said softly. “Come sit with me for a moment. We need to talk.”
I heard her exhale, quiet and shaky, but her head stayed down, her back still turned to me.
“Lila, please.”
She didn’t move at first. Then, finally, she turned around.
And she was already crying.
“Lila…”
My chest tightened at the sight. I had done that. I hurt her. God, how could I do this to her?
I rose from my seat, but she held out a hand and shook her head.
“I need a moment,” she said.
Nodding, I slowly sat back and watched her, trying to gather herself, trying to stop the shaking. She blew out another breath, then ambled slowly to sit beside me. I tried to take her hand, but she pulled away.
“I know what you’re going to say,” she said, her voice weak. “You didn’t come home last night. And without anyone telling me, I knew where you’ve been.”
I came back at 3:00 a.m., spent the night just sitting in my car in front of Ariana’s apartment, thinking about everything.
“The thing is, Gray, I don’t even know if I could hate you.
Or her.” She drew a shaky breath. “It’s all a messed-up situation created by someone else, and you both fell victim to it.
I cannot hate you because what you believed all these years was wrong, and it shocked you.
You’re drowning in guilt and remorse.” She looked into my eyes. “I understand that.”
“Lila, I—”
“Please, let me finish,” she cut me off. “I need to get it out of my system, otherwise I’ll go crazy.”
I studied her expression, thinking she must have spent the entire night wrestling with this. I gave a slight nod and waited.
“And she’s now set to ruin you and your family. And I couldn’t even hate her for that, too. It was, honestly, the most disgraceful thing anyone could do. I despise your family for that.”
She paused; her teary eyes were still locked on mine.
“But I love you, Grayson. I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?
” She took my hand now, and my eyes fell to our joined hands.
“You said you love me, and you proposed to me. That feeling is still there, right? You still feel all of that for me. We can do this, Grayson. We can be together. I know we can. Our memories were always good. You’re starting fresh with me.
We’re going to have our life together. And she was part of your past that you want to forget.
All the bad memories. I understand that your guilt makes you want to apologize to her.
Then do it. Apologize to her, then come back to me. ”
I looked at her, completely stunned. For a moment, I didn’t know what to say.
“Lila…” I began, trying to gather my thoughts. “How could you still want to be with me? After all I said in front of you. After you know what I did, what my family did…” I gripped her hand tightly. “Lila, you should get away as far as you can from me. I’m not worthy of you.”
“You are, Grayson.” Her eyes filled with tears, and my heart broke. “Because it’s you that I love, not them. I only care about you.”
“Lila…” God, how do I say this? How could I say this without hurting her? “Lila… but I can’t.”
She froze. Her face fell, and she tried to pull her hands away, but I held on.
“My life is cracked and falling apart. It’s not fair to you, and I—” I paused, struggling to find the words.
“What…?” she whispered, her voice trembling. “What are you trying to say, Grayson? Are you going to say that you want her back?”
I shook my head. “Not that. But I need her to forgive me. And I can’t do that while I’m stringing you along.”
She stood up abruptly, and it was painful to see the anguish on her face.
“But you said you love me, Grayson. You said it.”
“I meant it when I said that, Lila. Believe me.”
“But?” she asked weakly. “But not like you love her?”
I looked at her, and I couldn’t lie. But I couldn’t bring myself to answer her either.
My silence said everything.
Lila’s sobs deepened, her whole body shaking with the force of them. I stood and crossed the space to her, pulling her into my arms before she could think to stop me. She pushed against my chest, but I held on, tightening my arms around her until the resistance slowly gave way.
She cried against me, her fingers twisting into my shirt like she was coming apart at the seams. I rubbed her back gently, whispering that I was sorry over and over, because it was all I had. I held her through every last bit of it.
It took her a long time before she finally managed to draw a breath and speak. Then she said, “Are we breaking up, Grayson? Are you leaving me?”
“It wouldn’t be fair to you if I stayed,” I said softly. “You’re only going to get hurt, Lila.”
She looked up at me, her face drenched with tears. “What are you planning to do? How are you going to make her forgive you?”
“Honestly, I don’t know yet,” I said truthfully. “But I do know that I have to fix my mistakes. I can’t just let it be. I’ll never find peace if I don’t.”
“And after? When she finally forgives you, what will you do?”
That question settled in my chest like a stone, and I had to pause, really think.