29
I didn’t even put the milk away before I got back in the car and peeled out of the driveway and raced down the street, tires screeching as I took the turn at the end.
This is my fault, I thought. I wanted her gone.
I reached a red light and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel, willing it to change.
Then I quickly said, “ Kinehora ,” rolled down the window, and spit three times.
Okay, I didn’t really spit. What if someone saw me?
But I did the yiddishe mama pu pu pu to ward off the evil eye.
Did that work when it was your own eye that produced the evil? I didn’t know. Ruth would.
I swore loudly, and the woman in the car next to me put her hand to her mouth in shock. Normally I would apologize, but the light turned green and off I went. If a police officer turned on his lights behind me, well, then I’d have an escort, because I wasn’t stopping.
The kids . Oh no. They couldn’t deal with another loss.
I—well, I’d feel guilty forever, but I could take whatever was thrown at me.
Losing Harry proved that. Then I spit three more times and repeated kinehora .
No. I couldn’t handle losing a son like Ruth had.
I was jinxing myself with this whole line of thought.
But the kids needed stability. And they loved Ruth to bits.
Of course they knew we’d lose her someday—beyond her moving out—but not today .
I couldn’t remember the prayer for healing, so I just thought over and over again, Let her be okay.
I’ll be so much nicer to her. She can live with us forever.
Just let her be okay. Don’t put the kids through that.
Let her be okay. Her only other family is in Boston.
I’ll have to plan the funeral. Stop It, Barbara .
This was definitely my fault.
The rational voice in my head said I didn’t know that. It could have been a car accident, or Mrs. Kline might have stabbed her with a silver stake. But I couldn’t push aside the superstitious voice that blamed me.
I whispered an apology to Harry as I parked the car at a skewed angle, then ran inside.
Gloria was at the front door, waiting for me, and immediately whisked me up to a room on the second floor. “She’s stable,” she said. “They’re still running tests.”
“What happened?”
Gloria shook her head. “I don’t know. They just told me to get you.”
“Is she—”
Gloria pulled the chart from the door as I went in. “You go see her. I’ll find out what I can.”
Ruth lay in the bed, the sheet pulled up to her neck, her face pale and devoid of the red lipstick I was constantly wiping off the children’s faces. Her eyes were closed, and her face was twisted in pain.
“Ruth,” I said. “It’s Barbara. I’m here.”
Her face contorted, and she let out a small moan, but she gripped the hand I slipped into hers tightly.
“Barbara,” she croaked in a hoarse whisper. “Where’s my Harry?”
My eyes widened. Oh no .
“There he is,” she said, opening her eyes and pointing shakily toward the corner with her other hand.
I looked, but there was nothing there.
“Ruth,” I said more insistently. “You’re in the hospital. What happened?”
She turned to squint at me. “It’s my time,” she said, her face contorting again. “That’s why Harry is here.”
“No, Ruth. The doctors here are so good. They’ll help you.” I glanced over my shoulder. Where was a doctor? I wanted to go flag someone down to help her, but she squeezed my hand tighter. I couldn’t leave her alone like this.
If someone didn’t come soon, I’d have to at least poke my head into the hall. She was in pain. And even if they could do nothing else, they could alleviate that. I looked at her arms. No IV. What on earth were they doing?
I started to take my hand back. She needed care. But then I heard footsteps in the hall, not the clacking of a nurse’s heels, but the heavy soles of a doctor.
I looked up and felt my nostrils flare involuntarily at the sight of Dr. Howe. But, as much as I detested him as a human, he was the best doctor we had. Of course they had assigned him for my mother-in-law.
“Dr. Howe,” I said, making sure to keep the distaste out of my voice. “How is she? What happened?”
“I’m afraid it’s quite serious,” he said. “She may not have much time left at all.”
Ruth moaned again, and I felt my heart sink. What would I tell the children? Janet would have to pick them up today, but the idea of telling them we had lost their grandmother ... My mom would have to move back in. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Doctor,” Ruth whispered. “Come.”
He came to her bedside, and she took his hand with her free hand, placing it on top of mine. “Take care of my Barbara. Promise me.”
Dr. Howe glanced at me before returning his eyes to Ruth. “Of course, Mrs. Feldman,” he said.
“She thinks—she thinks she doesn’t need help. But she needs someone strong like you.” Then she turned her gaze to me. “You give him a chance,” she said. “That’s my dying wish. My grandchildren need a father figure.”
I would rather eat shards of glass, but I couldn’t deny a dying woman—especially not Harry’s mother—her dying wish. Especially when it was for the benefit of my children. Although I wished she would pick literally any other man on the planet. Sam Goldberg and Mr. Moskowitz included.
“I will,” I said.
“Promise me,” she said, closing her eyes.
“I promise.”
“Wonderful,” Ruth said, sitting up suddenly. “Dr. Howe gets off at four today—he’ll pick you up at six. He’s taking you downtown to a fancy restaurant.”
“What—?”
“Wear something slinky,” Dr. Howe said. “I’ve been dying to get you out of those matronly dresses for a year now.”
Ruth had gotten out of the bed, fully dressed, and was pulling lipstick and a compact from her purse.
I looked from her, to him, and back to her, then pulled my hand free from his. “You tricked me?”
“Nudged,” Ruth said. “But you promised to give him a chance.”
“I’m not giving him the time of day!”
“A promise is a promise,” Dr. Howe said. “And honestly, half of the time I was misbehaving with the nurses, it was just so you would come give me a stern talking-to. I did always like a strict schoolteacher.”
“Leave,” I said to him, utterly furious. “Or I’m going to throw up. And I’m not using a bedpan. Ruth, this is—”
“You did promise,” she said. “And what if I get into a car accident on the way home? Then you really did go against my dying wish.”
“If you get hit by a car,” I said through gritted teeth, “and die, then I will consider letting that man buy me a meal. But no more than that. And not before you’re in the ground.”
“Tsk-tsk,” Ruth said, shaking her head. She looked to Dr. Howe. “I did tell you I didn’t think she’d go for it.”
“I honestly don’t know which is worse,” I said. “You doing this to me at all, or the fact that you colluded with the worst person I have ever met to do it.”
“Not the worst ,” Dr. Howe said. “There’s still Mrs. Kline.”
“I would marry Mrs. Kline’s son and have her as a mother-in-law before I would get in a car with you,” I said.
I picked up my purse where I had dropped it on the floor to get to Ruth’s bedside, and swept out of the room, trying to slam the door behind me, but it was stuck on a doorstop, and I couldn’t get it to budge.
I let out a growl of frustration and walked swiftly down the hall, rounding a corner and bumping square into Gloria, knocking us both down.
“I didn’t know,” Gloria said immediately, holding up her hands from the floor. “I was running up to tell you.”
“ She is the most impossible woman who has ever been born,” I said, still absolutely seething with rage as I stood up, taking Gloria’s elbow to help her. “Dr. Howe of all people! I’d as soon kiss a pig. With warts!”
“Wait, kiss? I just know they were trying to convince you to do something.”
“Yes. To go on a date with Dr. Howe.” I shuddered. “That was the first step. She told me she was dying and her dying wish was for me to let him take care of me.”
Gloria gagged slightly. “I don’t care if it’s a dying wish. I will go object to any wedding that he’s in.”
“They don’t ask for objections at Jewish weddings.”
She scrunched up her face. “Clearly they should start.”
I chuckled, the tension lifting slightly. “That woman is going to drive me to drink.”
“I think there’s a bottle in the nurses’ lounge if you need it.”
I did. My heart still hadn’t regulated itself from the shock of seeing her looking like death in that bed.
But I checked my watch, and I didn’t want to drink before going to get the kids.
“I can’t. But once I get home tonight, it’s a different story.
” I took a few steadying breaths, my heart finally starting to slow down.
“There’s an old joke,” I said. “Why do Jewish men die before their wives?”
“Why?”
“Because they want to,” I said. “I never thought it was funny—especially after Harry—but damned if I don’t think it was true in her husband’s case.”
Gloria laughed, then covered her mouth. “On the plus side,” she said, looking hopeful. “If you go to Dr. Harper about this, maybe they’ll finally get rid of Dr. Howe. Misuse of hospital resources or something?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Now that would be a public service.” Then I shook my head. “How can such a horrible human being be such a good doctor though?”
“Because this is real life,” Gloria said. “Prince Charming doesn’t exist.”
He did, I thought. Complete with a wicked witch of a mother. I smiled sadly at Gloria and told her I’d see her tomorrow. If I wasn’t in jail for matri-in-law-cide.
“Get one woman with a difficult mother-in-law on that jury, and you’ll walk free.”
“Or a woman whose bottom has felt the wrath of Dr. Howe,” I added.
Gloria raised her hand. “I’d take your side.”
I patted her arm. “You’re a good friend,” I told her. “Now see if you can’t hold Ruth up in some paperwork.”
“You got it,” Gloria said.
I left the hospital, looked up at the blue sky above me, and shook my head. But I could swear I almost heard Harry chuckling.