Epilogue
Five years later
Baseball bat in hand, I touched the center of a five-foot-tall custom-made Dr. Strange pinata dangling from a custom-made pole a bunch of clowns had erected in honor of my birthday. The pole could stay in my backyard, and we’d find other uses for it, ones I’d brainstorm with Ludi later.
“Dad,” Alexander, my boy, said. “Swing already.”
“Hold on, son. I’m overthinking it.”
“What’s there to think about?” Two kindergarten classes groaned, and a girl might have started crying. The kids had zero patience. None. They rushed me while I was trying to break the massive pinata in one swing. Also, why Dr. Strange?
Lana came out of the house rolling my dad in the wheelchair she parked on the other side of the pool, next to the adult bar and in front of my former think tank, now the playroom for son and his soon-to-arrive brother.
The bar on this side served juice and no soft drinks, which, by the way, I disagreed with.
If my son wanted to drink soft drinks sometime in his life, there was nothing my wife could do about it.
If the kid liked it, he’d drink it. I stood by that, but didn’t argue with how my wife was raising my boy.
Pregnant and heavy with her second baby, she was doing fantastic, in my opinion. Best wife ever. Could do no wrong.
Small hands landed on the bat.
I looked down where my son strained, trying to wrestle the bat away from me.
If it were anyone else, taking what’s mine would get them killed, but it was my son, so I let him have the honors of breaking the pinata on my birthday and eating all the candy I paid for, knowing I would have to beg him for a single little Tootsie Roll later.
And I didn’t stop there. I lifted the little man so he could reach the pinata’s center.
Excited, having zero patience, Alex swung and whacked the side of my head and broke the pinata at the same time.
The Kindergarten Army screamed and charged, trampling all over each other, filling those bags, pushing, grabbing, while their parents stood around.
Not all the parents, though. The normal ones stood around. Ludi got onto his hands and knees and snatched a candy before my kid could grab it and pocketed that shit.
Oh, it’s on, motherfucker.
I rounded the kids, then tackled him like a linebacker, and we wrestled like pros on the grass.
Pinning him down, I dug the Tootsie Roll out of his pocket.
I held it up like it was the Best Dad medal, gloating in my victory.
Ludi pressed his hand over the swelling on my head where my kid had whacked me.
Pain exploded in my skull, and I groaned, then sat up and held the hot bump.
“You a—” I couldn’t even fucking curse in front of all the preppy kids.
He sat next to me, wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard. At me, no doubt.
I unrolled my candy and popped it into my mouth. It stuck all over my teeth, and I chewed loudly as my head throbbed. At the bar, Lana climbed onto the barstool and leaned toward Neven, whispering something in his ear. He laughed. No doubt at me.
He handed her something, and she hopped down to approach me with a smile, big blue eyes bright. With her full belly and massive tits swaying, I enjoyed the view. Oh, the tits were so fantastic. Best part of pregnancy and breastfeeding. She should be in either “condition” for the next ten years.
Lana knelt next to me and pressed a cloth filled with ice to the side of my face.
“Does it hurt?” she asked.
“No.” There was a watermelon attached to the side of my head, dear. Nah, it was fine. No pain at all.
“Ivana called.”
Both Ludi and I leaned in. “And?” he asked.
Lana pulled out her phone and showed us the screen. Twin newborn girls with pink hats. I stared and stared, and I swear to Lord Jesus, my heart was so full, I thought I might cry.
Next to me, Ludi said, “Awww, man.” He cleared his throat.
I gave him a side-eye, telling him to shut up and not give away the entire population of the Dadverse who would never ever dare cry over stupid shit like cute little girls in pink hats with scrunched-up faces.
“I want one,” my wife said.
Do you see why I married this girl? Do you? She reads my mind. I smiled like a shark. “That I can do.”
Ludi got up first and offered me a hand. I took it and pressed the ice pack to my head. Walking around with a pack was gonna be annoying but worth it, because my heart was full of the people I knew who all knew me.
***