Chapter Thirty-Three
Harriet
The day you died?” I repeat.
Nolan nods, his gaze fixed somewhere far off. He’s still holding on to my arm.
“Well.” I lean and peer over the side of the boat. The swell is slowly growing more violent, raising the boat and then dropping it again. Like Poseidon himself has lifted a hand from the water and is toying with the small ship. “That doesn’t seem like a good thing.”
Nolan frowns, eyes searching the boat for … something. An escape hatch, perhaps. “No, it’s really not.”
Rain begins to drum heavily from the sky in thick, heavy sheets. It weighs down my hair, but I can’t feel the temperature or the moisture of it. It’s an odd sensation. Like being pelted with cotton balls. Or walking through a spiderweb.
The boat rocks again, and past Nolan appears from belowdecks.
He’s wearing a thick white sweater and a frantic look on his face, rushing to the wheel.
He spins it, attempting to turn the boat around and head toward shore, but even I know it’s useless.
The storm is moving too fast. The fog is too thick.
There’s no way he knows where he’s going.
“Why are you out here alone?” I yell over the sound of wind and rain and foaming, trembling ocean. We might not be able to feel the effects of the storm, but the sound is horrible. A runaway train. An echoing roar. “You should have someone with you!”
Nolan grips me tighter on a particularly vicious lurch, one arm coiled around my waist. He’s soaking wet, from his dark hair to his black boots, water trailing down his cheeks like tears. I can’t see a damned thing, the storm a curtain pulled tight around us.
“It’s a small boat!” he yells back.
The boat jerks, and we go skidding two feet to the left. Our feet scramble across the wet deck while behind us, past Nolan is trying to secure the ropes.
My Nolan watches him with an impossibly sad face, his jaw clenched tight. “We need to go,” he says.
For once, I don’t want to argue.
“Yes,” I agree. “Let’s go.”
Except as Nolan tries to drag me toward him, the boat lurches again, a rogue wave crashing over the side.
Water cascades over the deck and I lose my grip, my hip hitting the deck hard.
I start to slide as the creaking ship lists to the right and my hands reach for anything I can grab. A rope. A mast. Something.
But I’m clumsy with adrenaline and fear, the fog and the wind and the rain and the ocean swirling together until everything is painted gray.
Nolan yells for me, but I can’t see him.
I can only see the past version of him, clinging to the wheel of the ship with one hand.
His sweater is stuck to his skin like plaster, the angle of his arm all wrong.
“Nolan!” I shout, not knowing if I’m calling out to the past or the present. Both, maybe.
He must have been so afraid out here alone. Did he know he wouldn’t make it back? Or did he still hope? Up until his very last moment?
Another wave hits the boat with an ear-splitting roar.
There’s a ferocious crack, like the earth is splitting open, and past Nolan loses his grip on the wheel.
I reach out to him, but it’s too late. The boat is almost perpendicular with the water and he rolls across the deck, his head hitting the mast of the ship before he topples over the edge.
He goes into the water without a sound.
“Harriet!” I hear from somewhere behind me, frantic and afraid. “Harriet!”
“I’m here,” I try to yell. But I can’t move.
The deck of the ship is too steep, the wood too slippery.
The waves are relentless now, one on top of another, battering the wood and breaking it apart beneath their monstrous grip.
There is only the roar of the ocean and my heartbeat in my ears.
My quick, panicked breathing and Nolan’s voice, yelling in the storm.
I need to get to him.
I push up on my knees and try to turn, blindly feeling my way in his direction. Wood groans beneath my palms and the world spins, water crashing down on me like a hammer. I lose my slippery grip with a scream and I go over the edge.
Beneath the water, it’s silent.
I’m aware in a way I probably shouldn’t be as I slowly sink beneath the surface. I can feel the water but not feel it, my body adapting to the new environment seamlessly because I’m not here. Not really.
I don’t need to breathe.
I don’t need to see.
I just am.
A wisp. A memory.
I belong to another time. Another place.
Hazy and dreamy and draped in blue, I float down, down, down. Some distant part of my brain sounds the alarm, but it’s far away, and I’m so very, very tired. I’m tired of thinking and fighting and wanting and yearning. I’d like to rest now. Just for a moment.
I know I need to claw my way back to the surface, find Nolan and let him take me back to the place I belong, but I can’t muster the energy.
Instead, I let myself sink, blinking against the weight of the water.
It doesn’t sting at my eyes, or burn at my nose, or choke at my lungs.
There’s a vague sensation of pressure, but it’s easy enough to ignore.
Debris from the ship float lazily around me and I drift my fingers along a piece of wood.
Maybe I could use this to get back to the surface?
I don’t know. It’s too much to think about. A worry that’s easy enough to let go of. My thoughts grow sluggish and I’m reduced to color and sensation. Cold water and numb fingers.
Blue. Purple. The faded white of a sweater. The water shifts, and I see him.
Nolan is there, in the water across from me. His arms are limp at his sides and his hair is a halo around his head, lightened to a dark bronze beneath the surface. There’s a cut across his forehead that bisects his eyebrow, but it’s not bleeding anymore. He looks frozen in time. Peaceful.
His eyes blink open, sluggish and slow.
Yes, I think blearily. Here I am. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
I’m glad I can be here with him at the end, even if he won’t know it.
No one should be alone when they die. Not Nolan. He’s been alone enough.
I reach for him across the expanse of open water and he blinks lazily, his features softened. He lifts his hand as if to reach back and we drift closer. Together we twist farther and farther down, the ocean growing darker around us. We’ve come so far from the surface, but it’s—it’s nice down here.
Quiet.
Warm.
I don’t need to be afraid.
This isn’t where you belong, a voice whispers. Come back to me.
Swim, Harriet. Fight.
In a second. I’ll start swimming again in a second. Right now, I just want to be with Nolan.
With Nolan.
With—with Nolan.
Nolan.
Shockwaves ripple in the water around us. Golden sparks light up the dark.
Pretty, I think with a giggle, bubbles slipping from my mouth.
Nolan drifts away, farther out of reach.
No, I think. No, stay with me.
I don’t want him to go. I don’t want to watch him disappear. He sinks farther. His eyes are closed now.
A hand grips the collar of my coat. There’s a yank, a pulse of magic around my middle—
And then there’s nothing at all.