12. Kaitlyn
12
KAITLYN
I stretched my hands over my head and tried to recapture whatever had me in such a good mood before I’d even gotten out of bed. It was the morning after movie night with the Morris crew, which probably had something to do with it. Being surrounded by a loving family was a novelty, but a very pleasant one.
Then the details of the dream came flooding back. Nope, it wasn’t just the family stuff that had me waking up feeling great, it was a way-too-realistic reenactment of what had happened between James and me that night at Bloom. His hands tracing the contours of my breasts, pausing to run his thumb along each nipple. Dropping his mouth to one, then the other, dragging his tongue over the peaks then slowly sucking until I was squirming with pleasure. Last night I’d woken up right as his fingertips were walking their way down my stomach, and I’d practically cried out from the agony of wanting him to keep going. I bit my lip when I remembered taking matters into my own hands, literally, then drifting back into a semi-satisfied sleep. My dreams had picked up along the same thread, with much more fulfilling conclusions the second time around, hence the pleasure practically buzzing through me as I woke up.
James had been showing up in my dreams on the regular, ever since the night we’d walked along the beach together. I wouldn’t allow myself to think about what might’ve happened if the paparazzi hadn’t shown up, which was probably why my damn subconscious mind kept filling in the details.
I needed to get moving. And more importantly, I needed to stop dreaming about my boss fucking me.
Jess had stayed over and was hanging with Harper for the day, so I was free to do whatever I wanted. Cassie and I had talked about meeting for lunch to go over some wedding planning details, so I reached for my phone on the nightstand to text her. Right as I picked it up, a text buzzed through, and I laughed at the way my sister and I were always on the same wavelength. I might not have a strong family unit, but at least I had Cassie.
I squinted at the message and was surprised to realize it was from a number I didn’t recognize. Reading it, my heart dropped when I realized who it was from.
Hi, it’s Mom. Please call me.
It’s a sucker punch to the gut. Out of nowhere , here she was, trying to get in touch. In a way it felt like all of my warm feelings from the night before had somehow found their way to her, prompting her to reach out. But no, my mother wasn’t like that. If I’d been back in my apartment, going through my regular day-to-day, there was no way I would’ve even considered it. But being here, surrounded by the kind of family I’d always wished I had…well, I guess it was doing something to me.
And maybe something was wrong? Mom had at least been conscientious enough not to call me out of the blue without warning. The text, the request to call at my convenience, gave me time to collect myself. To make the decision as to whether I should do it. That was a start. It showed a little growth.
I tapped the “dial” button before I could talk myself out of it, and she picked up almost immediately.
“Oh, honey, I’m so happy you called me.” Her voice went shaky, and she sniffled a few times.
Was she actually crying ?
I could picture her as she’d been the last time I’d seen her, years ago, with her shoulders hunched up close to her ears and a cigarette clutched in the same hand that was holding the phone. She always liked to tell us what a beauty she’d been when she was young, how model scouts used to chase her down at the mall. Cass and I always found it hard to believe, because to us she looked hard, and she never smiled. Neither one of us looked like her, and the fact that we took after our father was probably yet another strike against us.
“Are you okay?” I asked tentatively.
The fact that she was crying was unusual, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions about what it might mean. I’d been on the receiving end of too many mood flips over the years.
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong?” As much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to get worried.
“I miss you,” she sobbed. “Just hearing your voice is getting to me. I have so much to tell you, honey.”
“Okay… I’m listening,” I said, still not letting my defenses down.
She finally composed herself. “Do you know what it means to make amends?”
I let out a long sigh. “You went to rehab.”
“Yes! And I learned so much. About what happened to me, and how it impacted you…but the most important part of going through it was learning that I need to make up for my mistakes. To make things right with you and your sister.” She paused to sniffle again. “You’re my girls.”
The desperation in her voice was surprising—as were the words themselves. She’d never even come close to admitting she was in any way responsible for the screwed-up dynamics in our family. This felt like a major step. It could be the beginning of healing.
And just in time for Cassie’s wedding.
But I knew to be cautious. One apology didn’t erase our painful history. The controlling behavior, the constant criticisms, the way she’d always blamed us for our dad walking out. The way she’d kicked us out when we’d failed to fall in line. But I’d learned about gaslighting, and toxic parents, and I knew that the crap she’d thrown our way had nothing to do with us and everything to do with her own issues. It didn’t take away all of the hurt, but it made it a little easier to bear.
“Hon? What do you think?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. I wasn’t quite ready for a reconciliation just yet, especially since the words I’m sorry still hadn’t come out of her mouth. “I appreciate that you reached out.”
“Maybe we can get together some time?”
“Things are pretty busy these days between…” I broke off. I didn’t want her to start asking questions about my job, and I wasn’t sure if she knew about Cassie’s engagement. “Between all of my commitments. But I think just talking like this every now and then is a decent start.”
“Oh, okay,” she said softly. “I was hoping that maybe we could start making up for lost time.”
I thought about the way Petra had hugged James as she was leaving, and my heart ached a little. It had been a real hug, and when they’d pulled away they’d both been smiling. I’d wanted that type of relationship so badly when I was young, but I’d figured out that it just wasn’t possible for me. My relationship with my mom had never been strong. On good days, we got along decently well—without ever actually being close or affectionate. On bad days, I had to deal with constant accusations of being ungrateful. Selfish. Choosing my sister over her.
“I hadn’t expected to ever hear from you again. I need some time,” I said. “But I’m glad you went to rehab and appreciate that you reached out. And I look forward to talking again.”
“Me too.”
“I need to run, take care, okay?”
“Okay. Hey…I, uh,” she paused. “I love you.”
I hadn’t heard those three words in years, and damn it if I didn’t get choked up. I cleared my throat. “Thanks. I hope we talk soon.”
After we hung up I was frozen in bed. What had just happened?
When I was finally able to get up, I realized I still needed to figure out my schedule with Cassie. I debated telling her about the call but opted to skip it. Cassie’s relationship with Mom had been even more screwed up than mine, and I wasn’t in the mood to hear my sister shrieking about how evil our mother was.
Once we finally nailed down our time and location, I sped through a shower and did my hair and makeup. Cassie always looked perfect, and I wanted to show her that her MOH was putting in the effort to look good too.
Even though we were headed to brunch, I needed to take the edge off my hunger, so I headed for the kitchen to grab a quick snack. The breakfast shift was over, so Bernardo was probably out shopping to restock the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, curious what he’d served for breakfast and hopeful that there were leftovers. All of my consistent running had me starving every day. I smiled when Lou’s face popped into mind. I’d seen my mysterious running buddy a few more times, and our conversations had been friendly and fun. Hanging out with him had turned into a nice way to clear my head and unwind.
The sound of running water startled me, and when I turned, a very sweaty James bent over the sink and drinking directly from the faucet.
“Hey.”
His eyes went wide when he looked up at me. “I thought you were Bernardo! I saw the fridge door open and I assumed…” James wiped his mouth then ran his hand through his sweaty hair, making it stand up a little.
Yum .
It was the first thing I thought when I got a good look at the rest of him. He was wearing a white tank top and shorts that showed off a lot of leg. He had that muscular cut in the center of each thigh, the line that made it clear that my boss never skipped leg day. When I glanced up at his arms, I had a flash of how it felt to have them wrapped around me, and I swear I almost shuddered right then and there.
“You shouldn’t have to see me like this,” he deadpanned. “Very unprofessional.”
“Well, we’re standing in your kitchen on a Sunday morning—I would hope you don’t feel the need to be professional here,” I shot back with a smile.
He leaned against the counter and grinned at me. “So what are you up to today?”
A flash of concern passed behind his eyes as they flicked down my body. I’d put on my white jeans and a sleeveless black top that dipped a little low in front, so I looked dressy enough for Cassie’s approval. “Brunch with my sister. Wedding stuff.”
“Ah, got it.”
I could’ve sworn I saw relief pass over his face. Wait… had he thought I was going on a date?
“What are you up to?” I lobbed back at him. “It’s still the weekend, so I hope you’re not planning on working.”
He shook his head and leaned forward on the counter. I tried not to stare at the strong muscles that roped along his forearms. “I’m supposed to meet Jess and Harper at the pool. Shame you’re not going to be around, we would’ve loved to have you join us.”
James in a swimsuit? Speedo or trunks? I swallowed hard. What a terrible idea.
“Maybe next time,” I said as casually as I could, knowing it was a lie.
Because there was no way in hell I was ever going to get within fifty feet of a wet, half-naked James Morris.
It was hard enough being around him when he was fully clothed.