22. Maddy
22
MADDY
“ D o you make those crazy noises for the boss man too? When you come?”
I couldn’t get Beckett’s voice out of my head. He’d whispered into my ear, his breath hot on my skin, and it had made me feel sick. I’d glanced around to make sure no one had overheard him, then realized all I wanted to do was put as much distance between us as possible. I’d run out of the conference room like Beckett was a schoolyard bully, and now I was embarrassed he’d been able to make me react that way.
I paced around Noah’s office trying to figure out if I was more angry or mortified about the comment. I had a feeling the news about my relationship with Noah had trickled back to the office after the yacht party, but no one had said anything directly.
Except for the asshole from my past.
I felt stupid for letting him get to me and especially for letting him push me to make a scene in my town hall debut, but there was nothing I could do about it now. The meeting had been winding down, so I had that going for me at least. I figured I could hide out in Noah’s office for a bit, finalize my notes from the session, then sit at my desk and pretend like nothing had happened. I hoped Noah would finally get back so I could explain why I’d acted like an idiot in front of everyone. I had a feeling he was going to be unhappy with my behavior.
Usually, I felt calmed being in Noah’s Zen office space, but at the moment, I was too twitchy to relax. I couldn’t even focus enough to scroll on my phone, so I was on the couch and staring into space when he stormed through the door. I jumped then shrank back at the expression on his face. He was furious.
“Noah, I’m so sorry for?—"
“Never mind that. What did he say to you?” Noah asked in a strained voice. “Tell me. Please.”
I was relieved to realize he was actually pissed at Beckett, not me. Still, I squirmed at the thought of what had to come next. The conversation I’d been avoiding.
“Hey,” Noah softened a little and came to sit next to me on the couch. “What’s going on?”
“Before I get into that, I want to apologize for running out. It wasn’t professional. It won’t happen again.”
“Maddy,” Noah said, placing his hand on my leg. “I know that the only way you’d react like that was if he said something awful, so tell me what it was, and I can figure out how to deal with him.”
I took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something else first.”
He studied me as I worked up the nerve to keep going. I suddenly felt stupid for keeping it from him. Not being open about this part of my past made it seem like a bigger deal than it ever should have been.
“It’s okay,” Noah urged. “You can tell me anything.”
I worked up the nerve to speak.
“You know the ex I told you about, the one who didn’t like it when I acted too confident? That was Beckett. We dated for a while in college.” I frowned. “Actually, it was more than just dating. We were pretty serious. I loved him.”
Noah looked like he’d been sucker-punched. “You were in love with Beckett Tate?”
“It was a long time ago,” I added quickly. “I wish I could say he was different back then but… Beckett is Beckett. I was young and stupid. Na?ve. I didn’t have enough experience with relationships to understand what was off about ours. I let him get into my head, and he started trying to control me. He got possessive. Suspicious. Used to accuse me of cheating on him if I went out with my girlfriends.” I shuddered but forced myself to keep explaining. “He actually tried to convince me to give up my internship in DC because he didn’t trust me being there without him. I finally came to my senses and broke it off. Nothing was going to keep me from that internship. But… well, you know what happened next with my dad.”
Noah’s face had slipped into the expression he used when he was in a negotiation and unhappy with how it was going. To anyone else he probably looked reserved, but I knew how much was simmering below the surface.
“Why did you keep that from me?”
“I don’t know. At first, it was because you were just my boss, and frankly, it was none of your business. But then once we were together… I don’t know. It was dumb of me, but it was a part of my past that I really wanted to let go. I’m sorry, Noah.”
“I could’ve handled this if you’d been honest with me,” Noah said quietly. I could see his mind spinning off in a thousand different directions.
“You don’t need to fight my battles,” I responded. “I can deal with him. It’s fine, really.”
“Maddy, you don’t get it, do you?”
I froze. There was an edge in his voice that didn’t make sense to me. My stomach twisted. “What do you mean?”
Noah was now pacing around the office. He rubbed his hand over his face, a move I’d seen way too many times during our trip. It meant he was not only frustrated, but angry as well. And I couldn’t understand why. Was he upset I had a history with Beckett? Was it jealousy?
“This business is all about appearances,” Noah said. “Think about how hard we work to make sure even our most difficult clients look squeaky clean to their fans. There’s a reason why there’s a morals clause in all of their contracts. It’s a game, Maddy, all of it. And if you don’t play by the rules, you get burned.”
“I’m… I’m not following you.” I felt frozen, like the circulation to my legs had been cut off.
He came to a stop in front of me. “This could end up looking very, very bad for PSM.”
My skin went cold. Here I was trying to figure out which part of my romantic history had him so upset when all along he’d been worried about his damn business .
He paused like he was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn’t find any words to respond.
“Tell me what he said to you,” Noah insisted.
I didn’t want to say the words—I knew they would make him even more upset. Not because of what they did to me , but how they might create problems at his company. Still, I sat up straighter and forced myself to repeat them to Noah. “He asked if I made the same sorts of noises with you that I did with him.”
I saw his jaw clench. “ Fuck .”
I waited for the words of consolation, for Noah to let me know he’d protect me from more attacks from Beckett.
But they didn’t come.
“He’s going to be a problem,” Noah said as he resumed pacing the room. “If he gets out there and frames our relationship in the wrong way, it’s going to look really bad for PSM.”
“You mean he might claim that I got my job by sleeping with you,” I said dully, feeling bruised by his priorities—and how low I seemed to rank in them.
“We’re not doing anything wrong by seeing each other. But if Beckett chooses to put it out there, he could spin it any way he wants. He could say that I was predatory about you. That I took advantage of my position and coerced you into a relationship. He could claim I’m giving you special advantages because of our relationship and use the Europe trip as an example,” Noah ticked off the accusations on his fingers then paused as his expression grew darker. “He could dig up Zoe and the two of them could join forces. It would be a public relations nightmare . I didn’t exactly follow protocol when I fired Zoe, and even though I should have done it much sooner, they could use that against me.”
Of course everything he was saying made sense and could absolutely happen. But what Noah was failing to recognize was that at the center of all the drama was me . Beckett was taking shots at me , but all Noah cared about was protecting his company.
My eyes stung, but I forced myself to hold it together. “Do you think he’ll actually do that?”
“I don’t know. I need to have a conversation with HR.”
Noah was standing behind his desk tapping on his laptop like I wasn’t even in the room. It felt like there was a chasm opening up between us that he didn’t see.
“Noah?” I said softly.
He jerked his gaze from the screen to me and waited, wearing an impatient frown, for me to continue.
“I think I want to head out for the rest of the day. I’m not feeling well.”
I hoped that it would be enough to remind him that I was hurting from everything that had happened, but he seemed to take it more as a request for PTO. “Sure, fine. We won’t register this as a half day. I’ll call you later.”
I stood up slowly, waiting for some sort of comfort from him, but he didn’t even look at me. I remembered what I’d thought when I first saw him. That he seemed like the type who was married to his job.
I hadn’t even known the half of it.
“Maybe… don’t,” I said.
That finally got his attention. His eyes finally jerked up to me. “What?”
“Maybe we should take the rest of the day to… reset,” I suggested. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together. I think I need some space. We both probably do.”
I put it out there hoping maybe he’d disagree.
“Is that what you want?” Noah asked.
“It’s probably for the best, right?” I sidestepped the question. It wasn’t what I wanted at all. I wanted Noah to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay.
Clearly that wasn’t going to happen.
His expression shifted. Harder. More formal, like I was a stranger. “Sure, you’re right. Take some time. Relax. I’ll have everything handled.”
I should’ve felt comforted by his words, but I knew how hollow they were. Noah would be busy attempting to protect his business… instead of me. I had a lot to think about.