29. Cora
29
CORA
“ I want to try Horreb as well,” Jennifer said as we hurried through Midtown to make our restaurant reservation. “They have a spicy balangu that is apparently to die for.”
“Balangu?” I asked, weaving through the crowd of people crossing the street in the opposite direction.
“Basically steak filets seasoned with Afro-Caribbean spices.”
“Oh, that sounds good.” I checked my calendar as we paused for a red light at the next street. NYC Restaurant Week ran until the end of August, and Jennifer and I were determined to squeeze in as many new places as possible. I was mostly just happy to encourage Jennifer’s resurrected enthusiasm for food, seeing as she was still struggling at work. I’d started to secretly suspect Jennifer was planning all these restaurant dates to keep me from wallowing after the breakup with Aiden—which I definitely wasn’t doing.
I was too busy to wallow.
“How’s next weekend looking for you?” I asked.
“I’m off Saturday. That work?
“Perfect.” I added Horreb to my calendar, creating a reminder to book a reservation.
“We also have to get the ramen at SushiSushi. And try that new wing place that just opened near us. According to the foodies, we can’t miss their Souped-up Caesar.”
“What the hell is that?”
“You know…like the drinks that come with an entire burger on top of the glass?”
I groaned. “That is such a gimmick!”
“I know!” Jennifer hooked her arm through mine, tugging me through the door of Porcini—a boutique Italian eatery. Inside, the restaurant was bathed in low light, with floral patterned wallpaper and artwork framed in gold. “But it looked amazing. We’re not gonna talk about the price, though.”
“Probably needs a whole burger to hide the fact that the drink isn’t actually that good. Have you been scrolling Instagram?” I gave the hostess my name for the reservation, and she escorted us to our table.
“That’s where I started,” Jennifer said as we sat down. “Then I ended up on TikTok and didn’t surface for like three hours.”
I burst out laughing. “Been there, done that. Anyway, I’m happy to squeeze as much as we can out of restaurant week.”
“Which is why I love you.” We glanced at the menus quickly, but we’d already done our deep-dive online. Jennifer ordered the spaghetti alla carbonara, and I opted to try their cacio e pepe. “Also, I feel like I haven’t seen you in days,” she said once we’d ordered.
“I know. I’ve barely stopped during the transition.”
“How have things been since you left Elixir?”
I took a deep breath, the word fine on the tip of my tongue, but when I released the breath, nothing came out.
Jennifer hummed softly. Apparently me saying nothing was enough to tell her plenty. “Are you sure turning down the offer from Ironwood Distilleries was the right move?”
Was it right for me? For my career? It was hard to see into the future, to know if I’d made the right call for the long run, but it really did feel like the best choice for me now . “I think so,” I told her, running my finger around the condensation on my water glass. “When I read through their contract proposal, the partnership didn’t feel like a good fit.”
“At all?” Jennifer asked. “Or just for right now?”
I considered her question. Ironwood Distilleries had been interested in having me design a signature drink. It was so similar to what I’d just done with Elixir that I would be repeating myself instead of moving forward. I still wanted to promote products I believed in, but jumping from one company to the next while slapping my Masked Mixer brand on products didn’t sound fulfilling. Maybe later on, I’d feel ready for that kind of partnership again.
“I guess I don’t know how I’ll feel in a few months or a year, but creating drinks for someone else just isn’t something I’m interested in right now.”
Our food arrived, and Jennifer twirled noodles onto her fork. “What’s your plan then?”
“I’m going to go back to my regular bartending gigs. I reached out to Mandie, my old bar manager, and she’s good with me coming back on full time. The students are all getting ready to go back to school, so they need staff.”
“Guess that worked out timing-wise.”
“Yeah. Other than that, I’m going to keep working on my Masked Mixer videos. I was also thinking I might look into taking a few classes at a community college.”
Jennifer frowned. “Really?”
“If I do want to open up my own speakeasy someday, I could probably use some business courses to learn things like accounting, bookkeeping…You know, all the non-alcohol related things.”
“That’s actually a great idea,” Jennifer said. She cleared her throat, and I could tell by the way she was looking at me that there was something more she wanted to say.
I tilted my head, frowning. “What?”
“Nothing bad, don’t go getting all defensive on me.” She laughed. “I’m really glad to see you moving on and taking the right steps in your career.”
“Mm-hmm, I’m waiting for the but .”
“ Buuuuut …I also hope you won’t use this as an excuse to avoid relationships.”
My next bite of pasta went down hard. I coughed, clearing my throat, confused by her words. When had I ever used work to avoid relationships? “I was with Levi for fifteen years, and it was only a year after that fell apart that I got together with Aiden,” I pointed out. “Does that sound like someone using work to avoid relationships?”
“Doesn’t it?” Jennifer said. “When you were with Levi, you two barely saw each other. You worked completely different schedules. Sure, you were with the guy a long time, but that’s not the same thing as being invested in the relationship.”
I sighed. “Sure, but isn’t that the way it goes?”
“What do you mean? The way what goes?”
“Love,” I said. “It doesn’t really last. For one reason or another, it all ends up falling apart in the end, and frankly, I’m sick of investing in relationships that are doomed to fail. I don’t see anything wrong with investing in my career. If I’m not meant for love, at least I can be happy with my job.”
“That sounds a lot like an excuse,” Jennifer said. “Love can and does last, if you’re willing to put in the effort to keep it going.”
“Can it though? In any capacity?”
She frowned. “I’m not following.”
“You work so hard at your job, but I can tell it isn’t making you happy anymore. You always look exhausted, you can’t wait for your days off, and I haven’t heard you sound excited about anything work-related in ages. It seems to me like you’ve fallen out of love with cooking,” I pointed out as gently as I could. “And that was something I never thought possible.”
For a second, she just stared at me. Then she started to laugh. “You thought I stopped loving cooking?” she said through chuckles, shaking her head. “That’s not it at all. I still love cooking—I just hate my job. The new management at Eastfield sucks. They’re the reason I’m not having fun with it anymore.”
I blinked, taken aback. That wasn’t what I’d expected her to say. “Wait, really?”
“They won’t let me try new things. They’re constantly trying to micromanage me while having half of my experience. I’ve tried to stick it out, but I think I’ve reached my limit. That’s why I’ve been asking around and looking for an opening somewhere else. I want to keep cooking, Cora. I just have to find the right situation to let that love thrive. And I think you should do the same.”
“I am investing in what I love doing, just like I always have.”
“Okay, but when are you going to invest more in who you love being with ?”
I rolled my eyes. “I think I’m done with dating for now.”
“There are other kinds of relationships, you know. You’re great at making work friends, but I’m the only one you ever kept in touch with when we stopped working together.”
“It’s hard when you’re a mixologist, with all the night shifts,” I defended myself. “When you keep weird hours, it’s tricky to find a good time to meet up with people.”
“It’s always hard to do a thing when you aren’t willing to put the work in,” Jennifer shot back, cutting me no slack whatsoever. “If you want to have relationships in your life that last, make them a priority. Put in the time and effort. You really liked your coworkers at Elixir,” she reminded me. “Have you reached out to any of them since you left?”
“I haven’t,” I admitted, and it made me feel a little guilty. I twirled my fork through my pasta, not hungry anymore. Jennifer was right. Just because Aiden and I hadn’t worked out didn’t mean I had to ditch Dot and Javeed and Chris. Maybe it wasn’t necessary to close the book quite so hard when I moved on from one job to the next. It would be nice to see the Elixir crew again. I liked having a group to talk drinks with. Maybe I could arrange to meet them outside the office—somewhere I wouldn’t risk running into Aiden.
AIDEN
I stopped dead in my tracks, my hand halfway to the front door of the Red Lion. A familiar sound echoed down the street—Cora’s laugh—and goosebumps spiraled up and down my arms as I snapped my head around.
I spotted her across the street, surrounded by her former team from the Elixir lab.
My breath stalled in my throat at the sight of her. It had been weeks, and I still hadn’t been able to shake the image of her walking out of my apartment.
Go inside , some part of me urged. Don’t do this to yourself .
Despite knowing that I should walk away, I lingered, my body frozen, my ears trained on the voices that drifted across the street. I knew better than to eavesdrop on an ex-girlfriend. I knew how this would look if Cora and the team spotted me. But I couldn’t help myself. I just…I wanted to see her. To hear her voice.
“It’s not as good as the epic farewell party I would have thrown if you’d let me,” Dot said, “but it’s better than nothing.” She handed Cora a bag from that same electronics store she’d run out of that day she crashed into me on the sidewalk.
“You guys really didn’t have to do this,” Cora insisted.
“Of course we did,” Javeed said. “It’s your going-away present.”
“And this one is great for vlogging,” Chris added. “In case you want to get into more longform content.”
It sounded like they’d taken her out to buy her something to remember the team by. I’d heard from a lot of the employees that since working with drinks was their day job, celebrations or goodbyes never involved going to a bar.
My throat went dry as they drew closer. Cora looked amazing, as always, grinning at something Dot said. I was hit hard with a memory from high school, watching Cora come down the hall right after our breakup, looking perfectly put together while I still felt like I was sleepwalking through my days. Which was how I’d felt since our latest breakup, too.
I fumbled to get the door open. The last thing I wanted to do was draw her attention, embarrass myself, and spoil her good mood, so I threw myself through the door like I was diving for a forward pass.
Dad looked up as I rushed in. “Someone chasing you? Or were you just trying to avoid Cora?”
“Huh?” I started. “Wait, you knew she was here?”
“Of course I did. She came over and said hi a little while ago. Said she wanted to check up on how the renovations were going.”
Cora had come to say hi to my dad? My thoughts spiraled in a million different directions as I tried to figure out what that meant.
“She’s always been a sweet girl. The kind of gem a man with any sense wouldn’t allow to get away,” he added with a pointed look in my direction.
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, Dad. You’ve made your opinion clear.” And he had. Once he’d gotten over his apathy and hangover following the launch party, he’d had a lot to say about me ending my relationship with Cora, but I’d held firm. “I explained this. Love isn’t a good idea for me. It makes me too irrational.”
“Love’s supposed to make you irrational,” Dad shot back. “Who on earth wants to love rationally ? There’s nothing wrong with having strong feelings for someone.”
“There’s something very wrong with it when it almost makes you start a fistfight at a public event.”
“Well, that’s not the fault of your feelings. It’s the fault of your self-control,” Dad said. He walked around the bar, looking me in the eye. “You’re not a kid anymore, Aiden. It’s well past time for you to get a grip on your impulses.”
I shook my head. “That’s just the way I am. I can’t change it any more than you could change the way you were to make things work with Mom.”
Dad’s eyebrow arched in confusion. “The way I was? What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re a workaholic.” I gestured around the half-renovated bar. “And Mom couldn’t deal with that. Even though you loved each other. It’s why your marriage didn’t last.”
Dad let out a heavy sigh as he leaned up against the bartop. “You’re not completely wrong, but you’re not completely right either. The problem in our marriage was that I was so determined to be a good provider that I lost sight of everything else. You know I grew up poor. We’ve talked about that.”
I nodded.
“My family lived paycheck to paycheck, and there was never enough to go around. I was the first one in the family to go to college, and I had to work multiple jobs and live on ramen to cover the costs even with a hefty need-based scholarship. When I married your mother, I vowed to myself that my family would never struggle like that, so I threw myself into work, making as much money as I possibly could in order to give you and your mom a good life.”
I swallowed hard. I’d heard these things before, but I’d never considered them in the context of what might have led to the divorce.
“But, I’ll admit,” Dad continued, “I was so focused on providing that I didn’t realize how much I was neglecting my relationships with you two. When you went off to college, your mom and I realized we were basically strangers. We were young when we married, and we’d grown up into different people who no longer had much of anything in common. The problem wasn’t that I was too much of a workaholic or that I couldn’t change. It was that I didn’t see the need to change until it was too late. I was focused on the wrong things, and I lost sight of what really mattered. But I learned my lesson.” He squeezed my shoulder. “Your mom and I may have parted ways, but I’ve built a good relationship with you in the years since then. Haven’t I?”
“You have,” I agreed.
“And I like what I’m building with Maggie—if she can forgive me for sticking my nose in her business. I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that it’s possible to change if you’re willing to try. But you have to stop making excuses for yourself. The only one responsible for your behavior is you. If you don’t like the way you’re acting, take some anger management classes, see a therapist, do something about it—but don’t blame it on Cora, and don’t use it as a justification for pushing people away. Having people in your life who you love gives you something to fight for—a reason to do better. To be better. To put in the work to become the man you want to be. Don’t miss out on that just because of some mixed-up ideas in your head. The version of you that loves with your whole heart is always going to be the best version of you—if you’ll let it be.”
My phone rang. I pulled it out and saw Nana Dee’s name on the screen.
“But if you don’t want to listen to me,” Dad said. “Maybe you should listen to Nana Dee. She was happily married for decades. Surely, she knows what it takes to make a relationship work.”
“Have the two of you been talking behind my back?”
“Just answer the phone.”
I did. “Hey, Dee.”
“Sorry I missed your call earlier.” She sounded tired.
“No worries,” I reassured her. “I was just calling to say hi.”
“No, you were calling to talk to me about my diagnosis. Just like Vincent and Dominic and Paul.”
“And Trent?” I added.
She tsked. “He doesn’t call. He just barges into the house and yaps my ear off.”
I laughed. “You know we all mean well. And speaking of meaning well, any plans for treatment yet?”
“No.” She huffed. “I was advised to get a second opinion, so I’m going to talk to a couple of different doctors first. No point in making any decisions until I’m certain of what’s going on. Then I’ll weigh all the factors. Besides, I know that’s not really why you called.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Tell me what’s going on with you and Cora,” Dee clarified.
I frowned, wondering who’d spilled the beans. Was it my dad? Trent? Dom? “We don’t have to?—”
“Oh, we certainly do!” Dee insisted. “Now tell me what happened. Start at the beginning.”
I slumped down on the barstool beside me, relaying everything that happened with Levi and my reaction, culminating in me dumping Cora just like in high school.
“Oh, Aiden,” Dee said when I was done. “You know you’re being a coward, right?”
“I wouldn’t call myself a?—”
“I love you, honey,” Dee interrupted, “and I have so much admiration for how strong and smart you are in so many ways… but when it comes to this? You’re refusing to go after what could make you happy simply because you’re afraid. Be honest with me. Be honest with yourself .”
My shoulders slumped, and the fight went out of me. I was afraid. I was terrified that my feelings for Cora were so overwhelming they’d lead me to do something I’d regret. And nothing about that felt simple. “You’re right,” I admitted. “But it’s not as easy as just choosing to be happy. Not when I can think of a million ways it could go wrong.”
“Well, what about all the ways it could go right? Whatever obstacles you and Cora might face as a couple, don’t you think the joy you could bring each other would make it all worthwhile in the end?”
“Maybe…” I wasn’t ready to dismiss my fears—but on the other hand, I knew I hadn’t been nearly as happy as I’d been when I was with her. That much was true.
“Love comes with big feelings, Aiden. It’s about giving someone the ability to hurt you, to destroy you, but trusting them not to. You need to be someone Cora can trust. And you need to trust yourself. Trust that you can have these feelings and still make good decisions.”
I wanted to be that person.
“You’ve always loved so hard, Aiden. I’ve seen it in the way you care for your friends, for me, for Hailey. Don’t let yourself be afraid of that now. If you really love Cora, you’ll find a way to be the person she needs. Of course, I’m not saying it’ll be easy. You’ll have to put in some real effort. But since when have you been scared of hard work?”
“I’m not,” I insisted. “But how do I know it’ll pay off in the end? How do I know I can change?”
“You don’t,” she said simply. “There are no guarantees—except that you definitely won’t change if you’re not even willing to try. If there’s a chance, though, are you really going to give up on it that easily? Doesn’t Cora deserve the man you have the potential to be?”
There was no denying that she was right. If there was a chance that I really could change, that I could make things work to be with Cora after all…then I had to try. I couldn’t let fear hold me back from the future we could have together. If that meant finally taking ownership of myself and my choices, then I could do that. I could become the person Cora needed me to be. I could become a man worthy of a second chance…Well, maybe a third.