TEN #3
“But Nina, I just don’t get you sometimes…
you grew up in a church. You belong somewhere already.
It’s embarrassing that you skip Sundays to go to another church.
It’s so small. Are you tithing in there?
They’re using you for your money,” her mother would say as if Nina knew no better.
She couldn't care less what her mama thought. Until she visited for one service, her opinion was void. Nina went where the Holy Spirit was guaranteed to show up, and He stopped by her church EVERY single Sunday. There had yet to be a service where she didn’t leave feeling fulfilled yet empty of her own flesh at the same time.
For years, she’d foolishly allowed her mama to keep her from establishing a real relationship with Pastor Raymond’s wife, but not anymore.
As busy as Nina’s schedule was, she made time to get tea or lunch with her beloved Laurie Raymond at least twice a month.
It’d slowly become a time that she looked forward to.
Nina’s assistant knew that for the most part, she was flexible with her calendar and never made a fuss when things had to shift around, but her time with her First Lady was unmovable.
Normally, after they hugged and exchanged pleasantries, Laurie would ask her how she was doing, Nina would give her a half-truth, not wanting to dump her problems on her and have her casting out demons in the name of Jio.
So she kept it cute and enjoyed their time together.
But this outing was different. Nina had to get her emotions out to someone other than her therapist, Ephrem, and Danyelle.
She needed a trusted advisor. A grown woman.
A person who could give her sound advice from an experienced place.
Nina didn’t want to be scolded for being foolish, nor did she want to be judged.
In truth, she wished that she could talk to her mother.
What she was currently dealing with Jio was a lot.
Sleep was non-existent these days. She tossed and turned all night, wishing he could just be the man she needed him to be.
No one told her that relationships weren’t really like how they were portrayed in the movies.
“He’s a good guy but he struggles with being consistent, like he can’t do the right thing for an extended amount of time. I’m constantly on an emotional rollercoaster with him. It drives me crazy.”
Nina laid it all on the table before the waiter could come back with their soups and salads. She just knew that she was going to get on her about falling in love with a drug dealer. A Gotti at that, but First Lady Laurie did not.
The first thing Laurie asked her was, “How are you feeling today? Not overall, but today?” Her tone was gentle. Nina took a deep breath and her shoulders relaxed.
“I feel okay… because I knew I would see you, but outside of this lunch outing, I know when I get home, I’m going to be sad all over again and I’m over it.”
“Is this your first heartbreak?” First Lady Laurie wanted to know.
Nina nodded. “I don’t wish this pain on anyone!” She was going through it.
Laurie reached across the table and took her hand.
“I don’t want to say it’s the first of many because my husband is my only true love, but I will tell you that a woman can love a man deeply and still need to stand somewhere that he can’t reach her for a while, do you understand?
” She reminded her of Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show.
From her big eyes that held love and compassion.
Her style. Her warmth relaxed Nina, and she was comfortable being as vulnerable as she needed to be in the moment.
The little girl in her craved some type of motherly love and she was thankful for these luncheons.
She looked forward to their fellowship every time.
“Yes ma’am, I do.”
First Lady saw the wonder in her eyes. “Talk to me, what are you thinking?”
“So does it mean the love may not be real?” Her eyes widened. Gosh, if the last two years were a waste, that would drive her bananas. She didn’t want to question the value of what they’d built.
“No, baby, it means you are. You’re human, your feelings are valid… his are too.”
Her comment stayed with Nina for the rest of the day. She hoped that eventually her heart would start to repair itself because right now, it felt as if she was slowly recovering from open heart surgery. She wondered how Jio was doing but she wouldn’t dare pick up the phone to ask.
η
Truth be told, Jio hated shooting when he was emotional. His grandpa always told him to keep his feelings to his damned self.
Most people assumed the exact opposite. They probably figured a man like him found comfort standing in front of a target with a loaded weapon in his hand.
People expected violence and frustration to live in the same neighborhood, but that wasn’t always the case.
If something was bothering Jio Gotti, all he had to do was squeeze a trigger a few times and he’d be back to normal. Shit, if only it was that simple.
The fact was that shooting required focus, patience, and discipline. The top three things that he’d been struggling with lately.
The indoor range echoed with gunfire as he stood alone in his lane wearing a black hoodie and sweatpants.
Protective glasses covered his eyes and spent shell casings bounced across the concrete floor near his feet.
The target sat nearly thirty feet away, riddled with holes from the magazines he’d already emptied.
It’d been a week or so since his baby dumped him in the lobby of the building that he’d called home too. Yet, Nina still hadn’t left his mind.
Jio squeezed the trigger.
Pop.
The bullet landed right where he intended it for it to go.
He fired again and hit his target. His aim was damn near perfect.
Over and over, his goal was met. Jio wasn’t impressed. He’d been shooting at niggas since he was a teenager. This wasn’t cool to him. He was just thankful that he knew how to protect his body if need be.
For the first time in a very long time, Jio felt defeated.
Not by another man or the FEDS… shit, not even the streets but a WOMAN. A beautiful, intelligent, classy lady by the name of Nina Marcelle. And boy did this shit hurt. It pained him way more than he cared to admit.
His baby was really gone.
The realization hit differently every time it crossed his mind.
Some days, the shit made him angry. On rare occasions, especially after he’d been drinking, it made him want to call her.
Sometimes it made him want to drive to her building and stand outside until she came downstairs.
He was on some Loverboy R & B shit. He wanted his girl back.
For some reason, today he felt more down in the dumps than he had since the night everything happened, and he didn’t know why.
Jio lowered the weapon and stared at the target.
This wasn’t the first time she’d pulled this shit.
Hell, they'd gone days without speaking. They’d even broken up before but this felt totally different.
It wasn’t a petty argument or punishment for him not answering the phone on some stupid shit.
Nina wasn’t even being dramatic and trying to prove a point by making him chase her. Her decision was intentional.
For the first time since he'd met her, Nina wasn't trying to fix their relationship.
She was trying to get her own life together, and for some reason, that scared the hell out of him.
The target slid back toward him and he stared at the paper silhouette, shaking his head slowly.
“You a bitch,” he muttered to himself.
Because he missed her.
God, he missed her so much.
He missed hearing her complain about reality television while simultaneously watching every episode.
He missed the smell of her expensive candles and how she used to always
Steal food off his plate after saying she wasn't hungry.
He missed seeing her glasses sitting crooked on her face as she worked and hearing her voice and her raspy laugh. He even missed her nasty attitude and how much she used to get on his nerves.
The door to the range opened behind him and he didn’t even have the energy or concern to turn around to see who was entering.
If someone was about to try and off him… on some sad shit, they would be doing him a favor. Jio couldn’t eat or sleep. He’d even tried getting some pussy but his dick wouldn’t harden.
“Knew we’d find your ass here,” Kadeer, his best friend, announced.
Jio closed his eyes before lowering his weapon.
A second voice followed. “You look terrible,” Salim shook his head.
Jio turned around slowly.
They stood there wearing amused expressions, irritating him even more.
“What y’all want?”
“For you to not look so damn depressed. When was the last time you smiled?” Kadeer asked a serious question.
“Nigga heartbroken as fuck,” Salim stated the obvious.
“Y’all didn’t have nothing else to do tonight?” After second thought, he added, “And I'm not heartbroken pussy ass nigga.”
“Damn, why I gotta be all that,” Salim faked like he was hurt by his brother’s jabs.
He knew they weren’t wrong though. Salim and Kadeer claimed the lanes beside him and spent the next hour shooting together.
His family knew better than to push him any further by forcing a conversation about his baby.
It was something that he appreciated about his family.
They knew that his silence meant he was truly in pain and sometimes a man just needed his folks nearby without needing to explain himself.
Kadeer removed his headphones and glanced over at Jio.
For the better part of an hour, the three of them had stood shoulder to shoulder in adjacent lanes firing rounds downrange without saying much.
The silence didn’t feel awkward, it rarely did between them.
They had grown up together and survived shit that they would never speak on to feel the need to fill every quiet moment with chatter.
Still, Kadeer wasn’t blind and neither was Salim.