THIRTEEN #4
“I'm choosing myself today.” She lied again because the truth of the matter was that she was fuckin’ sick and couldn’t focus on work today if she wanted to. The only thing she had energy for was to carry her ass back and forth to the toilet. She’d already peed ten times since she woke up.
“Who are you and what have you done with my client?”
“I’ll text you after I send the email.” She was done talking.
Nina rolled over in bed. She heard music floating through the penthouse. Something old-school. Luther, maybe. She wasn’t certain because Jio had absolutely no rhythm and kept singing over the words, loud, wrong, and off-key.
Only he would butcher Luther Vandross with enough confidence to believe he deserved a record deal afterward.
It was 9:42 a.m.
Normally she’d already have three meetings behind her by now. With a vanilla latte in one hand with Ava following behind her reminding her that lunch had already been pushed back another hour.
Today she was doing nothing. These days were starting to add up though and she needed to get a grip or work harder when she was home.
“Lord...” she whispered with a smile.
She wasn’t sure if she was thanking Him for the peace or asking Him to help her not get used to it.
The hardwood floors felt cool beneath her feet as she wandered toward the bathroom. Her reflection stared back at her from the mirror. Bare face. Puffy eyes. Hair wrapped in a silk scarf she’d managed to keep on throughout the night.
She looked exhausted yet happy, if that was even possible. The joy that she was experiencing during nausea that wouldn’t go away had nothing to do with success or any recent endeavors.
The distinction mattered.
She’d spent an entire year trying to prove to herself that achievement could replace intimacy. Every promotion, interview and the standing ovations after a keynote speech filled her for a moment before the feeling quietly slipped away on the drive home. She finally understood why.
Accomplishments celebrated what she did. Love celebrated who she was, and that’s where Jio came in.
Nina turned on the faucet and splashed cold water across her face.
Her stomach turned and she was tired of the sickly coming out of nowhere.
“No….” she whined and cried at once.
The nausea came fast enough that she barely made it to the toilet. She hurled loudly, resulting in the sound of hurried footsteps echoing down the hallway.
“Baby?”
“I'm okay!” she yelled before another wave interrupted her sentence.
Jio appeared in the doorway wearing basketball shorts and absolutely nothing else. A kitchen towel rested over one shoulder as concern replaced the lazy smile he’d probably been wearing moments earlier.
“You throwing up again.”
She flushed the toilet before looking over her shoulder. “I had wine last night.”
“You had two glasses.”
“I had champagne too,” she reminded him.
“I promise I’m fine.”
Jio wasn't convinced but he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he grabbed a fresh washcloth from beneath the sink, soaked it with cool water and gently pressed it against the back of her neck.
“You feel hot?”
“I feel embarrassed.”
“Why?”
“You’ve officially seen me at my worst.”
He looked at her like she’d said the dumbest thing he’d ever heard.
“Bookie, I’ve held you while you cried for hours and you done threw up on my sneakers before.”
Her eyes widened. “When was this?”
Jio chortled, “Oh, now you don’t remember when you had food poisoning?”
“Yeahhhhhh…. that old ass pizza in Jersey.” She nodded.
“You went and copped me three pairs of sneakers. I was like dang okay suga mama,” he teased her, putting a smile back on his baby’s face like only he could do.
Nina laughed. “I felt terrible.”
His thumb brushed beneath her eye. “The point I’m making is that you don't gotta impress me.”
The words landed deep in a place where she didn’t expect them to reach. He was telling her verbally that her worth was solidified.
“I love the way you love me….it feels good to be myself,” she shared.
She’d spent years trying to prove herself to everyone, but he never required performance out of her.
He wanted Nina without the mask. He loved it when she put her corporate voice on and he also loved her when she was walking around the house in a dirty t-shirt and a pair of his boxers, free and comfortable.
“That’s the goal always.”
Mess and all… she was his.
“When was your last cycle?”
Nina blinked because the question came out of nowhere.
“My what?”
“Your period, where it’s at?” Jio was looking for that bitch with a flashlight.
She stared at him. “What kind of question is that?”
“A normal one.”
“It is absolutely not!” She crossed her arms across her chest.
He shot back, “It is when my woman is throwing up every morning.”
“I'm not pregnant.”
“You sure?”
“...Yes.”
“You don’t know.” He said because it took her way too long to answer a question.
“I...” She sighed dramatically. “I honestly don’t.”
Her cycle had been doing its own thing due to the stress of taking over Marcelle & Co. Some months it arrived early and then on other months, it arrived late but it always showed up. She barely kept up with her cycle because she had enough on her damn plate.
He nodded. “Cool, so I’m bringing a test home tonight.”
Nina groaned so loudly that he laughed.
“I don’t need a pregnancy test.” She was being defiant.
He kissed her forehead before heading back to the kitchen. Nina remained in the bathroom. Her hand unconsciously drifted toward her stomach.
Pregnant? No.
Absolutely not….Probably not....Right?
She couldn’t stop wondering why the possibility didn’t scare her nearly as much as she thought it would. She decided to push the thought to the back of her mind before it could settle.
Maybe because for the first time in her life, home didn’t feel like a place but more so like there was a person growing inside her belly.