Chapter 27 An atonement omen
“It’s not too late to make it for services!” Savannah said on the phone when she called Leah early Yom Kippur morning. “Maybe Gabe can come with you! It will be a great experience. Especially if you’re fasting together.”
“Sorry, Mom, there is just too much to do,” Leah responded, still in bed with Gabe. “We’ll come next year.” Maybe getting married the weekend after Yom Kippur wasn’t the greatest idea, but Leah hadn’t checked the Jewish calendar when they booked the date and she wondered if maybe that was why so many of the vendors they had been interested in were luckily free that weekend despite being booked all the ones before and after. Leah had thought those were good omens to combat the bad, but now she figured it was just a coincidence.
What Leah hadn’t wanted to tell her mom was that she had accidentally scheduled her last dress fitting on the holiest day of the year. She had tried to reschedule, but like all wedding vendors, they had iron clad schedules that couldn’t be changed unless someone canceled their wedding.
It might have been sacrilegious to try on her wedding dress on that day, but she rationalized that Jews were supposed to wear white on Yom Kippur and she would still fast. She hadn’t had any food or water since before sunset the night before. She’d go to the fitting to check her dress and then go home to wait out the rest of the fast day.
She could tell her mother was disappointed in her. She may have accepted Leah marrying a goy—keyword may have—but Leah knew her mother couldn’t accept her giving up their religion, and avoiding services on Yom Kippur could be seen as the first step in a downward spiral. After she hung up the phone, she rolled over and kissed Gabe’s cheek. With his eyes still closed, he pulled her in close to him and kissed her lips. “I’m hungry for you,” he said. Gabe had agreed to fast with her on Yom Kippur. He promised he’d fast with her every year only because it would be rude to eat in front of her when she was avoiding sustenance for 25 hours. He wrapped his leg around hers. “Is this a good way to pass the time?”
She kissed him back but shook her head. “That’s also not allowed on Yom Kippur,” she said.
“So what are you supposed to do all day to keep your mind off of food and water?” Gabe asked, still nuzzling his nose into her neck.
“Pray,” Leah responded. “Go to services. Gossip with all the other Jews at temple.”
“How about sleep?”
“That too,” Leah said. “But I have to get up. I have my last fitting.”
“You want me to come?”
Leah tsked. “You can’t see the dress until the wedding!” She extracted herself from Gabe’s embrace and traded her pajamas for clothes.
“How many more hours until we can eat?”
“Ten,” Leah responded. “We’re more than halfway through!”
“Yeah, but we spent the first half sleeping,” Gabe said. “I’m going to sleep some more and dream about tacos. Or brisket. Should we get brisket tacos for dinner? When the fast is over.”
“Sure,” Leah kissed him one more time and went to brush her teeth, which was also forbidden on Yom Kippur, but she had to draw the line somewhere.
Her stomach grumbled as she walked from their apartment to the boutique where she bought her dress and had attended almost monthly fittings where they measured and remeasured the dress on her body. It was fun to see the progress as the dress came together. During her last fitting, the seamstress asked her to bring her shoes and walk around in the dress so she could ensure the perfect length. Leah bought white ballet flats that she would wear for the wedding and enjoyed traipsing around the boutique in them.
The dress was supposed to be ready now and if it was perfect, she would take it home with her. “Some brides lose a ton of weight right before the wedding, so we need to just do one last check,” the seamstress told her. “Nerves and all.”
Leah didn’t think she’d lost any weight. Her nerves and all caused her to eat more, but she had been careful not to, knowing that any overeating might ruin her dress.
It was a warm and sunny autumn day and Leah tried to focus on that instead of on her stomach or her dry mouth. It was just a short walk to the boutique and Leah contemplated whether she should post about this on her Instagram. Would it be too salacious if she picked up her dress on Yom Kippur? Probably, she thought. She’d capture it but wait until tomorrow to post anything. Before stepping into the boutique, she uploaded a story, wishing her followers an easy fast and g’mar chatimah tova, wishing her followers that they would be inscribed in the Book of Life for one more year. In the Jewish tradition, Yom Kippur was the day to atone for one’s sins. If God accepted your atonement, you’d be inscribed in the Book of Life for one more year. Leah quietly begged God for forgiveness before she opened the dress boutique’s door.
“Good morning!” the seamstress greeted her. “How’s our beautiful bride?”
Leah met the greeting with an equally enthusiastic response and sat down while the seamstress went to get her dress from the back.
“Would you like some water? Champagne?” the seamstress asked, and Leah politely shook her head. She looked at her phone while she waited patiently. It usually took the seamstress a few minutes to come back with her dress, so when a few minutes was up, Leah stood and stretched. She looked around the boutique and waited some more.
“Magda?” she called to the seamstress in the back.
“Sorry, dear! I’m just having some trouble…” the seamstress’ voice returned.
“Everything OK?”
There was no response, but a few moments later Magda came back to the boutique. “I’m having a hard time locating the dress,” she said. “I’m so sorry! It’s not where I remember it being, where it is supposed to be. Someone might have moved it. I’ll call…” her voice trailed as she picked up her phone and spoke quietly into the receiver. As she did, Leah started biting her nails, which she was supposed to get manicured the next day.
“Everything all right?” she asked once Magda had gotten off the phone.
“Yes, I am sure the dress was misplaced,” she said. “I’ll go check again.” Magda disappeared into the back room again, leaving Leah in the boutique biting her nails more frantically.
Ten minutes later, Magda came back. Her cheeks were red and her hair was ruffled. She brushed the fly aways down with her hands. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “This is such an embarrassment! And your wedding is just a few days away! We will dedicate all our efforts to finding the dress as soon as possible!”
A bad omen? Leah thought to herself. She tried to replace that thought with another: don’t panic. It was just a dress after all, a piece of fabric that she had gotten attached to over several fittings where she tried it on over the last few months. Surely they would find the dress and even if they didn’t, it was just a dress. She had plenty of white dresses from her bachelorette party she could wear.
“Don’t worry!” Magda assured her. “I’m sure it is here! I am probably looking right at it and just don’t see it! I’m closing down the shop until we find it! How about you take this box of macaroons in the meantime? Cake bakers are always dropping off samples here for us to share with our brides. Enjoy them in the meantime and I will call you when you can come back and get the dress!”
Leah didn’t want to accept the macaroons, especially on Yom Kippur, but she was flustered and her arms accepted the gift despite her head’s refusal. Magda then quickly ushered her out of the boutique and locked the doors behind her.
Don’t panic, Leah reminded herself. It was a simple mistake. These things happen, it could have happened to anyone. Surely the dress will turn up soon. It couldn’t be a sign, a punishment from God for marrying a goy and picking up her wedding dress on Yom Kippur.
With the transparent box of macaroons in her hand, Leah started walking back to her apartment when she heard her name in that voice that she would always recognize. She turned around and there was Asher.
For some reason that she couldn’t explain, relief filled her body when she saw him. It wasn’t that she had feelings for him, nor did she miss him, but she still felt connected to him. He was her first love, a wonderful boyfriend, he just wasn’t her forever soulmate.
“Are you OK?” he asked, his eyes drifted to the box of macaroons.
“It’s not what it looks like,” she said, not sure why she had to explain herself to him. Maybe she didn’t want to tarnish how he thought about her. Even if he would one day move on, she didn’t want him to think badly of her. “Really, these were a gift.”
“No judgment,” Asher threw his hands up. “Honestly, if I were you, I probably wouldn’t fast either. You’re really taking the girl meets goy thing seriously. Good for you, your Instagram is blowing up.”
“I’m fasting!” She blurted out. “I’m not eating these, not yet, at least.” The fact that Asher might think she was completely giving up her religion made her want to cry. Why did she care so much about what he thought? For a split second, and only a split second, she wondered if she should listen to the universe. If she shouldn’t marry a goy. If she should have stayed with Asher, the safe choice, possibly the right choice. If she should throw her arms around him and beg him to take her back.
“Asher, honey! You have to look at her!” Someone said from behind him, placing a perfectly manicured hand with the same ring that Leah had once worn on her ring finger. “She’s sucking her hand! So adorable!”
Leah’s eyes trailed from the ring to the arm, to a pretty face surrounded by perfectly blown-out hair. The woman’s other arm was connected to a stroller with a bassinet, in which, Leah could only guess was the girl sucking her hand.
“This is Mia,” Asher introduced. “And the little nugget in there is Pearl.”
“After your grandmother,” Leah said, remembering Asher’s grandmother who had died when they were in high school.
“You remember,” he said and they shared a moment. Their eyes locked and Leah wondered if she should be wearing that ring with blown out hair and pushing a stroller with little Pearl in it. But, it was too late. Asher looked away at the baby.
“I didn’t know you got married,” Leah said. “Or had a baby.”
“Yeah, it was when I saw you at the hospital,” he responded. “I guess Pearl and Shira’s kid have the same birthday! How about that?”
Leah looked at the little girl sucking her fist. “How about that?” she said. “Congratulations. Pearl is really beautiful.” She didn’t know why she was so sad to say that. Maybe because it really meant the door to a future with Asher was officially closed or maybe because she was surprised he had moved on from her so quickly.
“We have to get back to synagogue,” Mia said with a smile. “We don’t want to miss the Torah reading. And Pearl really should hear the shofar.”
“Right, Pearl’s been waiting to hear the shofar her entire life!” he said with a wink at Leah. “Great seeing you, Leah. And congrats on your wedding.”
She said goodbye and instead of walking back to her apartment, she took a detour to Bryant Park. The sun from the morning seemed to hide behind clouds and the air was getting that slight murkiness right before it was about to rain. Leah pulled out her phone to check the weather forecast.
She had been checking daily since their wedding date appeared in the forecast. At first, it said the day would be cloudy, which Leah thought was a good thing. Not too hot for an outdoor wedding. The next day it said 5% chance of rain and the chance seemed to be going up. Now the forecast said 100% of rain and possible thunderstorms.
Just as a drizzle started, she ran up the stairs into the library in front of the park. This was a disaster! Was the universe against her wedding? Was she making a huge mistake? What should she do?
Just as she felt like the whole world was crashing down on her, her phone rang.
“Good news! I found your dress! I can’t believe I missed it! It was exactly where it was supposed to be!”
Leah thanked Magda and said she would come back for the fitting. It was nothing, she reminded herself. A silly mistake that could have happened to anyone. It was not a bad omen.