Chapter 29 Leah’s will to wed
“The entire universe is telling me not to get married!!” Leah cried, the tears slicing through her waterproof makeup. She threw herself on the bed in the hotel room and curled her knees to her chest. Shira sat down on the bed’s edge and put a hand on Leah’s shoulder. “You said so yourself, everything that has happened was a sign, a bad omen, the universe warning me not to do this. And then after all that, I spit in the face of the universe by parading my transgression all over social media! I am being punished!”
Leah felt trapped. She wanted to marry Gabe, she loved him, but was it possible she was so na?ve about their relationship? That she couldn’t see the writing on the wall that they would fail as a couple because of their religious differences? Was it silly of her to think they could overcome it? And what had she done, dragging her family, friends, and social media followers all the way here to her rehearsal dinner for a marriage that was doomed?
“You don’t really think that, do you?” Shira asked.
“YOU said it!” Leah reminded her. “Don’t you remember!? YOU said it was a bad omen when the pipe burst at the first venue we visited!”
“Why would you listen to me?” Shira responded. “What do I know? I am a single mother raising a baby from a one-night stand with a guy I don’t even know the name of! I don’t know if he is Jewish or not!”
“You don’t know the name of Evelyn’s dad?”
“That’s not the point.”
Leah knew she needed to pursue that conversation, but not now. Not when she was afraid that if she married Gabe, her life would be a string of signs, of bad omens, that would eventually ruin her and Gabe. “Maybe I am making a huge mistake! What have I done? God is punishing me! What should I do?”
“Do you love Gabe?”
“I do! But is that enough?”
Just then there was a knock on the door and Shira stood up to open it. Leah saw Kyle standing in the doorway with a small gift bag.
“For the bride,” he said, avoiding eye contact with Shira. “From the groom.” He looked at Leah, but his eyes quickly drifted away as though he was seeing something he shouldn’t have.
“Well, we didn’t think the gift was from you,” Shira responded. “I’m actually surprised you came to the right hotel this time!”
“You told me to stay at the MGM,” Kyle said, his eyes darting around. “You were going to stay at Ceasar’s Palace. Check your text messages.”
“Whatever, Kyle,” Shira said. “Thanks for the gift! You can leave now, there is no reason for you to be here.” Shira shut the door in his face and brought the little gift bag to Leah.
“Do you think he saw me?” Leah asked. “Do you think he’ll tell Gabe that I am sitting here crying before our wedding night?”
Shira shrugged. “Let’s see what he brought you.”
Leah opened the bag and pulled out a pair of fluffy blue socks. Under them was a note.
So you don’t get cold feet.
Love,
Gabe
“Adorable,” Shira said. “You see? Don’t you want to marry someone who buys you cute socks and writes thoughtful notes?”
“I thought you were against my marriage,” Leah said.
“I am your sister,” Shira responded. “I just want you to be happy. I guess at first, I didn’t think that this was what you really wanted. I always thought you’d marry someone like Asher, but I guess you wouldn’t have been happy then. Maybe it just took me some time to understand.”
“But what about the universe? All the signs and bad omens?” As if another omen, there was another knock on the door. Shira stood up again and opened the door. This time it was Savannah.
“Oh, honey,” she said when she saw Leah curled on the bed. “What’s wrong?”
“I feel like my wedding is doomed,” she explained the bad omens, the signs, and how the universe was telling her not to get married.
“The universe doesn’t work like that,” Savannah responded, rubbing her daughter’s back. “In Judaism, we don’t believe in divine providence, everyone has free will to do what they want. God doesn’t interfere, God only watches, allowing the natural course of events to unfold. You have the power to shape your own destiny and make your own choices. And of course, live with the consequences of your choices. Your new in-laws, on the other hand, might have a thing or two to say about divine providence.”
“Then why are there so many signs?” Leah asked.
“It’s just bad luck,” Savannah explained. “Things happen, you don’t necessarily have to attribute any meaning to them. It’s just circumstantial. You have the power to make your own decisions. How you respond to the bad luck is what really determines your fate.”
“You’re saying all these signs aren’t God trying to tell me not to marry a goy? They are all just dumb luck?” Leah asked, feeling somewhat relieved.
“That’s what Rabbi Daniel would say,” Savannah responded. “He had a sermon on why God let the Holocaust happen a few months ago. It was very interesting, he spoke about the fact that God doesn’t interfere with people’s actions. Everyone, Jews and non-Jews, all have free will and make our own decisions.”
“I’m not sure the Holocaust is comparable to Leah’s wedding,” Shira said.
“No, but it explains the idea of divine providence and free will,” Savannah responded. “So what is wrong? Are you having cold feet?” Savannah picked up the socks lying on the bed in front of Leah. “Cute,” she commented.
“I love Gabe, I really do,” Leah said. “I’m just worried that maybe love isn’t enough. And maybe the religion thing really is that big.”
“Well, as someone who has been married for 30 years, I will tell you that love isn’t enough,” Savannah said. “You need someone who has the same life goals that you do, someone who values the same things you do, and someone who you think will grow as you grow in the future. Do you think those things apply to you and Gabe?”
“I do,” Leah said, thinking over each criterion in her head. She believed she and Gabe mostly fit them all. “But…”
“But what?” Savannah said.
“But the Jewish thing, is it going to end us? Isn’t that what happened to you?” Leah remembered her mother’s confession that she had previously been married to a goy herself. The marriage hadn’t lasted long.
“Look, every couple has issues,” Savannah responded. “My first marriage was far from perfect. He didn’t value me as a person, he wanted a housewife who cooked and cleaned for him. That wasn’t me. I guess I always figured a Jewish man would value me more, but maybe that had nothing to do with Judaism at all.”
“I thought you didn’t want me to marry a goy,” Leah said.
“I want you to be happy,” Savannah echoed Shira’s statement. “I would have thought that marrying Jewish would have made you happy, but you found someone you love and he just happens not to be Jewish. Of course, I’d prefer that Gabe be Jewish, but he’s a good person. He’s a mensch and that is infinitely more important than his religion.”
Leah nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. She let her mother and sister hold her, which made her feel safe, protected, and very much relieved after their conversation. The three women held their embrace together in silence, which allowed the sound of the drumming rain outside to fill their ears. One of the worst hurricanes in New York’s history, Leah remembered the weatherman reporting.
When Savannah went back to her adjacent hotel room and Shira went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, Leah grabbed her phone.
Thank you for the gift , she texted Gabe. I’m sorry I didn’t get you something!
You’re welcome , he responded. And then a few minutes later he wrote, Are you OK?
I’m great , she said and it wasn’t a lie. She felt the weight of the last year lift from her shoulders.
Good, because I have some bad news.
Her heart jumped as a picture popped up on the screen. It was Gabe’s face, but it wasn’t. His face was red and slightly swollen, and one of his eyes dropped slightly.
I think the antihistamine didn’t work. I’m on the way to the ER.
There are no such things as signs, there are no such things as bad omens. It’s just bad luck. She put on her new socks and lay in bed, listening to the drum of the rain and the whistle of the wind outside the window.