Chapter 2 #4
I sighed loudly, rolling my eyes—I was more disgusted than envious.
I crossed my arms and prepared to leave them without a word when I heard a low thump. Chase had shoved Nikky off him aggressively. His face darkened, a frightening glint appeared in his eyes, and his lips twisted into a snarl.
“I don’t take blowjobs as payment,” he growled.
Nikky regained her composure and rearranged her clothes.
“Go fuck yourself,” she said in a squeaky voice, then pulled money out of her bra and threw it into his lap with a defiant smile.
“Fuck you, Chase,” she sneered provocatively. When she got her package, wrapped in tinfoil, she blew a kiss to him and stepped out of the van.
“Come on, Grace,” she sank her long, bony fingers into my arm and gave me a weak push. “Don’t stay near this asshole.”
“Okay, okay,” I said angrily and shook her hand off me. Nikky set off without looking back—she didn’t even notice that I hadn’t moved.
I adjusted the thin strap of my bag on my shoulder, tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear, and decided not to thank Chase for his “kind gesture”.
I started after Nikky, but Chase got out of his van with lightning speed and grabbed my wrist aggressively.
His strong palm was warm, and his grip on my wrist was a warning.
I felt warmth and goosebumps race along my arm.
“Don’t hang out with those people, Grace! You are much more than that slut,” he said, pointing at my sister, who kept walking on.
“You’re talking about my sister!” I hissed angrily. I pursed my lips and felt my nostrils flare with red-hot fury.
Chase leaned closer. Shamelessly close. Although his face showed no emotion, his smile was arrogant and frightening.
My heart thumped against my ribcage. I felt a mixture of fear and bravery—a bad combination, to be sure.
I tore my arm from his grip, we locked eyes for a while, then I set off after Nikky.
I didn’t hang out with my sister’s gang—it had nothing to do with Chase’s warning.
I simply didn’t belong there. They were trouble, the embodied nightmare of parents: they drank and smoked—and not just regular cigarettes.
In contrast, my older brother and I weren’t troublesome at all.
Jamie was quiet, reclusive, and completely hooked on his PlayStation.
I was similarly introverted, spending most of my time in my room writing my diary and illustrating the entries.
I helped my parents with the housework so I could spend more time with them after they got home from work.
Both of them did a lot of overtime: this was how we could live in such a nice house, and how we kids could have everything we wanted.
Because we always seemed to want everything.
And on my better days, I even covered for my sister who snuck out at night.
I was terribly boring and simple. I had no idea why Billy had asked me out on a date. Daisy seemed like a much better match, with her shorter, straight hair and bangs.
Still, since he’d asked me out, I tried my best not to look like a gray mouse.
At least this was the idea until reality slapped me in the face—I simply wasn’t capable of any kind of deceit. At first, I asked him about football, then I confessed that I hated sports, especially football.
Thankfully, Billy didn’t take this as an insult—he just laughed instead.
“I don’t like Green Day, either, but for you, I’d give it a try,” he said, making me smile.
He mustered his courage and took my hand.
We slowly walked to the cinema, holding hands.
We both felt intimacy and an urge to share everything about ourselves and wait for the other’s reaction.
We talked about our plans for the future, including what we wanted to study.
I liked that he was ambitious and had goals—he had a clear picture of what he wanted from the future.
He had dreams. I hadn’t considered before that boys could dream, too.
I might have come off as na?ve, but I believed every word he said. He seemed honest, and if he ever lied, Daisy would definitely inform me—she was a world-class gossip. Sometimes I thought she had files on every student in our school.
Summer was passing by quickly—half of the school break had already gone. I loved the evenings we spent outside with Mom and Dad, sitting on our garden swing with hot chocolate in hand, wrapped in blankets, when the night turned cool, gazing at the stars, talking or just listening to the crickets.
Daisy and I spent a lot of time together and made the most of it. We had a lot of sleepovers—sometimes at her parents’ place, sometimes at our home.
Whenever we were at our place, she was constantly drawn to Nikky’s room.
She was completely obsessed with the clothes my sister wore and wanted to try them on badly—so badly, in fact, that she once even opened her door, and I had to grab her by the shoulder to stop her from entering. I pointed to the NO TRESPASSING sign.
“Come on, just for a little while,” she begged. “She’ll never find out,” she said, giving me her huge, hazel-brown puppy-dog eyes, but I shook my head. I didn’t want my sister to be mad at my best friend—in that case, I’d have to side with my sister, much to my dismay.
I’d be mad, too, if someone was rummaging around my stuff and trying on my clothes.
I let Daisy drool for a while, then closed the door.
We went to Jamie’s door—we could enter his room all right, I knew he didn’t mind if we played with his PlayStation.
Daisy had a crush on Jamie, so I sometimes left them alone to play without me. I didn’t really get her. Jamie was attractive but otherwise didn’t have much to offer.
He was tall and thin, like a long-distance runner, with light brown hair like mine.
He also had bright blue eyes again like me, only they were more gray.
Just like me, he didn’t go to parties, and he had no friends.
He spent his free time locked in his room playing video games.
He was twenty-two years old but he acted like he was twelve.
When we got bored indoors, we put on our bikinis and lay on a blanket in the backyard to sunbathe. We listened to Green Day on my new Discman that I’d received for my fifteenth birthday, and cooled ourselves down with our garden hose, since we didn’t have a swimming pool.
“You’re so lucky. I’m a bit jealous of you,” she said sulkily.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because of Billy.”
“I thought you liked Jamie,” I teased her.
We sat on the garden swing.
“Yeah, but my parents are pretty uptight about age differences. Billy Ray is very cute and only fifteen. Have you ever considered what happens when he starts paying more attention to his looks? Footballers do love looking good.”
“And having their egos stroked,” I said, rolling my eyes and grimacing.
“Well…you are dating a football player now. Get used to it,” she shrugged. “And think about the possibilities… If he turns pro and makes it, you get the whole package—luxury cars, fancy clothes, exclusive hotels… And a huge house with staff who do everything for you.
“Jesus, Daisy! Maybe we should take it easy with all this daydreaming. We’re so lame,” I shoulder-bumped her playfully, then laughed.
Suddenly, I pushed us off the ground, and Daisy joined in—our backs against the backrest, we went faster and faster, until it felt like the swing might break free at any moment.
Afterward, we lay down in the shade, light-headed and nauseous. My good mood was replaced by lethargic thoughts. I liked Billy, but he had disappeared after our first date. I couldn’t keep my resentment to myself.
And there was something I didn’t tell anyone…
the fact that sometimes, when I thought about kissing, I saw Chase’s face instead of Billy’s.
Whenever this happened, I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut, as if I could banish him from my mind.
The harder I fought his presence in my mind, the deeper it took root.
I hoped that time would fix it—that time would make me forget him.
“Maybe he disappeared because he’d been expecting more,” Daisy said.
“More?” I asked, furrowing my brows. “I don’t have to change just because I’m dating him. That is… dumb, D.”
“You think so?” she asked, then rolled onto her stomach and started to play with a long blade of grass.
“You can’t be serious if you think you’ll spend the next couple of years at home, playing PlayStation with Jamie or sitting on the swing with your parents.
Nikky isn’t completely wrong, you know. It’s all just beginning— parties, skipping classes, staying out, having sex…
“Come on, Daisy!” I protested, aghast.
“You do you, but don’t tell me I didn’t warn you,” she said, pouting.
“Billy is cute.”
“Don’t be na?ve, Grace. He is acting cute now, but in a year, he’ll be sniffing under skirts, crazed to get some pussy. And he’ll be way too young and impatient to wait.”
“Jesus, Daisy. When did you start being this gross? Do you still have a fever?” I asked her, placing my hand on her brow, but she just laughed at me loudly.
My smile wasn’t genuine, because Daisy’s words had sunk deep.
Naked male bodies popped into my head—or, to be precise, one very specific naked chest. Chase Baker’s.
And his frighteningly deep eyes, reflecting the darkness of his soul.
And his messy hair, constantly falling into his eyes.
And those brown freckles on his sleek nose.
And the softness of his lips, the hardness of his angular chin, and his rigid, merciless face.
Then I wondered what Billy would look like when he was older. Still, they say that good looks don’t matter if you are empty inside. Would Billy be empty when he grew up? Or would he remain the same person—cute, kind, caring?
And what did Chase have inside him? Besides his organs. Sometimes I felt he could see to the depths of my soul, while all I saw were his walls, shut tight, an outsider locked out.
Chase, again.