Chapter 14 #5
“I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if…
I’ve had enough. I want to bury the past and everything bad that happened.
All of it. I want to focus on the future.
To find my dreams again, dust them off, and make them real.
Maybe this change is happening too fast. Maybe I’m being dumb and irrational.
But I’ve spent enough time in that dark pit of loss.
I want to live, Chase. I want to be the Grace you wrote about.
I want to watch the tiny insects in the meadow.
I want to weave white wildflowers into my hair.
I want the old Grace, who…” I sigh deeply, “who dreamed about happiness, and having a family. About a huge house with a balcony and a big garden. About kids.” I stroke the diary.
“I think I would’ve been a good mom.”
“You will be a good mom.” He tucks my hair behind my ear.
“And what do you dream about? What kind of future do you have in mind?”
“A future with you.”
A shy smile tugs at my lips. “I’m being serious, Chase.” I let my hands fall into my lap and stare ahead for a long moment.
“I want to open a little flower shop. Not long after you went to jail, I worked in one. I liked it. Mostly because of the flowers. I love their scent.”
Chase cups my face in his hands and captures my lips in a searing kiss.
“We’re gonna make all your dreams come true.”
Disgust flashes across Daisy’s face—the same disgust I feel.
Her withering expression makes me shiver. It’s like she takes the fact that I’m with the man who kidnapped me nine years ago—the man half the girls at school used to be crazy about—as a personal affront.
Chase doesn’t open up to many people, but nine years ago he saw something in me.
Something he’s willing to kill for, without remorse.
I’ll never forgive him for the deaths of my parents and my siblings, but I can live with it.
Because no matter how hard I fought it, he’s the one who can fill that huge void in my heart.
And I think forgiveness is overrated anyway. You can forgive someone and still carry the resentment for the rest of your life. And you can live with what someone did to you without ever forgetting it.
I hate this moment.
I never thought I’d run into old acquaintances in this tiny grocery store.
After it came out that I was free, neither of them visited me. Neither of them came close. They didn’t give a shit.
Billy and Daisy.
The dream couple.
Daisy looks at me with pure contempt in her huge hazel-brown eyes. Billy’s gaze is sad, disappointed. None of us moves. The air around us turns warm and heavy.
“Grace…” Billy stammers.
They must think I’m crazy, but I’m not. They can’t understand what happened to me—and inside me—over the past few years.
I look at Billy, and for a second, I’m back in the past. The look on my face makes his breath catch, and his shoulders sag. The sun-tanned skin of the star player flushes with shame. He looks like his world is crashing down.
My former best friend’s contemptuous stare makes my blood boil and my hands curl into fists.
Anger spreads through my chest, flooding my body with destructive fury.
I want to run to her and slap her. She’s the one looking down on me—when nine years ago, she could’ve gotten Jamie into serious trouble.
Jamie, who was such an innocent, kind boy.
He could’ve gone to jail because of her stupidity.
I step toward her, but Chase stops me.
“It’s not worth it.”
I look at him, furious. I want to unleash it and scream at her.
Jamie is worth that much. The thought makes my lips tremble. But Chase knows that. He just wants to protect me.
He lets go of my wrist and cups my face. He wipes the tears from my cheeks with his thumb and kisses my forehead.
“You shouldn’t care what people think of you. All that matters is that you know the truth. You don’t have to convince anyone.”
My lips curl into a soft smile, and I nod. Chase is the only person in the world who understands me—and who protects me from it. He is the one who never wanted to hurt me.
“Let’s go.”
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and take his hand. We don’t look back. We don’t care about the whispers. It’s enough that the two of us know the truth. Nothing else matters.
Suddenly, everything starts to irritate me. My skin itches. It doesn’t matter that Cyrus always knew about Chase and Lucas. I hate sleeping in the room where Cyrus and I slept together. The thought of making love with Chase in the house where I gave myself to Cyrus…
“I want to move away from here as soon as possible,” I tell Chase as I stroke his chest.
“Where?”
“Somewhere people don’t know us. Where we can start a new life.”
Chase goes out to his car, then comes back with a map and spreads it out on the bed.
“Close your eyes and point to a place. That’s where we’re going.”
I sit up, excited, smiling. I close my eyes and put my finger on the map.
I pull my finger away and read the name of the place.
Merriam, Kansas.
A small town in Johnson County. A chance… a perfect place to start over.
The next day, we pack my things right away. We don’t even have to call a moving company—everything I own fits in the trunk of the black Chevrolet.
“Before we go… I’d like to say goodbye.”
We drive to my old home, where I lived for fifteen years.
I summon the memories one last time—the time we spent together, their faces, their smiles.
Jamie. Nikky. Mom and Dad. My knees nearly give out, but Chase catches me and holds me tight.
He doesn’t rush me. He doesn’t push me to move. He knows how important this is to me.
I didn’t want to go to the cemetery. I didn’t want to bring them flowers, because I wanted to remember them as they were in life. They’ll live on in my heart forever.
The cemetery is cold, faceless, quiet. But this house… it’s warm, noisy. It was filled with faces and loud laughter. Love. That’s how I want to remember them.
We get in the car. Chase takes my hand. We look at each other and don’t need words to understand. We’re ready to start a new life. Together.
The engine roars to life.
We leave Willow Creek, Oklahoma, behind. Forever.