Chapter 20
Grace
Nate is holding me tight, his hand over my mouth as I moan.
My body is yielding already, heat pumping through me as his lips fasten on my breast. He sucks hard, making me pant against his palm, my mind blanking.
It’s a thorough distraction, so much so that I hardly notice him pulling at my leggings, insistent fingers trailing over my underwear.
I turn my face to the side, gasping before I speak.
“Nate, please.” I swallow when his fingers pause at the juncture between my thigh and pussy. “I’m still sore and—and you know I’m in my fertile window.”
“True.” He straightens up, meeting my eyes in the low light. “What will you offer me instead, Grace?”
The question is so outlandish that I give a scoff. “I have nothing else. And I’m tired and—”
“And you’re already soaking these pretty panties I bought you,” he finishes, his fingers tracing the dampening edge.
“You can pretend you don’t want this in a second, love.
For now, we need to talk things over. This,” he cups me gently, “is off-limits until you’re ready to carry my baby. So where should I go instead?”
“Go to hell,” I whisper, already knowing it’s a mistake.
His glittering eyes turn flat. Suddenly, I’m staring at the man who might as well be a stranger—one who’s keeping me here, watching my phone, and forcing me to accept a life I’m not sure I want.
And he looks less than ever like the twin I married.
Nick’s coldness was a layer of ice so thick I couldn’t access the water beneath; Nate contains depths like the freezing abyss of outer space, staring into me from a vacuum of emptiness.
He leans in even closer. “Say that again, Grace. I dare you.”
“W-what will you do?” I ask, stuttering despite myself.
“Punish you,” he answers, not missing a beat.
I stop breathing. Nate notices, a grin countering the cold look in his eyes. It’s a look that should send me into a fit of terror.
I shiver, looking away. “I don’t—I don’t want that.”
“Such a gracious girl already, eh?” He speaks into my ear, his voice as seductive as it is dangerous. “Come on, say it again. I’m begging you. I want to show you exactly what will happen when you’re difficult with me. Tell me to take you to hell. Because I will.”
My breaths are shallow, my underwear flooding.
Part of me wants to ask what he’ll do, how he’ll punish me, if it might involve things I begged Nick for, and which he discarded with disgust. An image comes to my mind of Nate bending me over his knee and bringing his hand down until my backside turns red.
“N-no,” I whisper, the image more than I can handle, “I—I take it back.”
“What makes you think taking it back is an option?”
Calm, I remind myself, he wants you to consent to all of this, just like last night. That’s how he gets off. Stay calm, and keep him seeking consent.
“I’m saying no. I don’t want to—to go there.”
“I’m not sure that’s true,” he answers, his voice lowering to a growl. He whirls me towards the bed, then bends me face-down over the mattress. “I’ll let you take it back for now, Grace. I’ve got something else in mind.”
“W-what?” I try to sit up, but his grip is absolute.
“Tonight,” his free hand is on my waistband, “will be all about prep because that’s what we really need.”
I’m flat on my stomach, hands scrabbling at the sheets as he bares my lower half. “Nate, please, what—what do you want to prep me for?”
His answering chuckle is dark. He leans over me, his jeans scraping against my exposed flesh, his chest pressing me into the mattress.
“First, I’m going to take a good look at you, Grace,” he rumbles, so close I feel his voice as much as I hear it.
“I’m going to spread your ass cheeks open and I’m going to examine what’s mine.
And you’re going to lie here and loosen up like the sweet little heart you are.
Then, if you’re very good, I’m going to kiss you,” his hand slips between us, his thumb tracing down the cleft of my ass, “right here, to see how much of my tongue you can take.”
I gasp in shock.
“Nate, I’ve never—I can’t—”
His voice deepens, turning devilish. “This is the best offer you’re going to get tonight, my love. Either I explore you here,” his thumb glides down my flesh again, “or we start looking for baby clothes.”
I’m shaking with a mix of emotions too confusing to parse. What he’s demanding is wrong, undeniably, but it’s also making me ache deep inside.
“Can’t we just…” I swallow, feeling him go still, clearly listening, “can’t we just do some petting or—or some oral?”
He flips me over and I look up at him, pleading. He smiles, the expression warming his eyes only fractionally.
“Petting and oral?” He puts a mocking spin on the words. “You sound like a teenager, Grace, offering your boyfriend less dangerous options because you think it’ll satisfy him. Do I look like a man who’ll be satisfied with a little touch and kiss?”
I shrink from his words. I was never well enough to pursue any kind of relationships when I was an adolescent, let alone sexual ones, so my range of experience comprises one man who didn’t want me.
“What you’re really saying,” he continues, his legs slipping between mine, “is you’ll suck me off and call it a night. Is that what you think will happen when you’re fertile, love? Is that what you think I want from you—a little servicing so I can get off?”
I try to stop the tears, but it’s useless. I’ve got nothing but a torn tunic to hide in, and he’s already caught me in every single way.
His eyes soften. “Poor Grace. Do you even like giving 'oral’, as you call it?”
It’s the first time he’s asked me a direct question about my sexual preferences, and I’m startled into answering honestly: “I hate it.”
His smile reaches his eyes this time. “Nick told me as much.”
Another tear tracks down my cheek. “Why the hell would he tell you that?”
“Because he had no fucking discretion.” He leans in and kisses my cheek almost chastely.
“And because the weaker twin always turns to the stronger for guidance. He told me about his problems. How he couldn’t keep it up.
How you’d try to get him going with your mouth until you both started hating it.
Then he ended up hating all of it, every single bit.
” His embrace is comforting, but I feel cold as he continues. “I witnessed it from afar, Grace.”
“Why even ask, if you already knew?” I whisper, wishing I could push him away. “That’s so fucked up, Nate.”
“I know,” he murmurs, nuzzling my neck, “it’s beyond fucked up that you still think everything was your fault. I’m going to show you it wasn’t.”
“What if I don’t want that?” I shift my hips away, trying to create some space between us. “What if I’m too damaged to want any of this?”
“Then it’s my job to make you want it.” He nips at my ear. “But you have to be brave enough to let me try.”
That pisses me off. Nate thinks he can just steamroll through my past, forcing the present into a shape that suits him. And, part of me throbs in shameful arousal, that will include doing things I’ve only ever imagined.
“Maybe I’m not brave enough to let you desecrate every single part of me.”
I squirm, trying to dislodge him. I’m not even close to strong enough to get him off of me and, if I’m honest, I don’t really want to.
He catches my wrists and the struggle is over.
I could kick him, try and nail him in the balls, but the idea exhausts me.
I let myself go quiet, turning my head to one side. He kisses my temple, my hair.
“You,” he murmurs, “can handle everything I’ve got for you, Grace. Let me give you what you’ve needed for so long.”
“You’re not giving,” I whisper, “you’re taking. Whatever you want, you just take it, don’t you?”
Gentle fingers take my chin. I flinch at the lust in his eyes.
“If I take what I really want right now, Grace, you’d break. I’d take your mouth and your ass and your cunt. I’d fuck you raw, then I’d fuck you again. And I want to, so bad,” his voice lowers as his eyes warm, “but I won’t. Because I love you. And that means you’re safe.”
“I don’t feel safe,” I whisper, wondering if it will set him off again.
“I know.” His fingers trail down my belly until he finds my pussy. “And that’s why you’re so very wet.”
My legs open wider, even as my cheeks heat with shame.
“So you’re,” I gasp when he draws a soft circle around my clit, “okay with me not wanting to give you—”
I moan as he increases the pressure.
“We can work on putting my cock in your mouth, if you want to reclaim that. It’s not important right now. Right now, I need to see how receptive you are to new things, because something tells me this will be the perfect way to handle you when you’re fertile.”
He sits up, kneeling between my legs, his fingers still toying with my clit. Feeling exposed, I try to close my legs.
“Nate, I—I don’t think I can do that.”
He tilts his head to the side, almost comically. “What, exactly?”
His hand slips from between my legs and I let out a sigh of relief. I can think again.
“I can’t take you back—back there.”
“Say what you mean, Grace.”
I glower but he simply smiles.
“I can’t handle anal sex, Nate. And I don’t want you to just force it when I’m fertile.”
He regards me for a moment, stroking a hand languidly down my belly then back up again. It feels good, calming.
“Force has nothing to do with it.” He squeezes my hip, and I let myself lean into the touch.
Then he says something that makes me go still.
“Ass fucking will be a normal part of our marriage, Grace, and that means we’ve come full circle to preparation.
That’s all I’m offering tonight. Want me to fuck your ass rough and dirty while you pretend you don’t want it?
Want me to use force back there? You’ve got to earn it. ”
It’s such a bizarre thing to say that I laugh. “What does that even mean—earn it?”