Chapter 4
For just a moment, I blinked at him, wondering why I hadn’t anticipated this possibility.
It wasn’t like any of the people I wanted to avoid here had disappeared, after all.
Of course they would be wandering around in their own loops.
And since I’d changed my routine tonight, it had inadvertently put me in the path of the person I really would have preferred to avoid.
“Hi, Bruce,” I said, then remembered a moment later that I was supposed to be surprised to see him.
“I mean…Bruce! My stars! What are you doing here, so very far from Seattle? I’m shocked, shocked, to see you!
” I glanced across the table and saw Freddie raise an eyebrow at me—maybe I wasn’t quite pulling this off.
“Uh, why is your school here? Did you do really well academically and get rewarded with this trip or something?”
“Well, yeah,” Bruce said, sounding a little thrown. “That’s exactly what happened. I can’t believe I’m seeing you again.”
“You two know each other?” Freddie asked with a smile, clearly not picking up on the vibe.
Right away, Bruce’s expression darkened. “We did,” he said shortly. “But I haven’t seen Cass in two years. Ever since she stood me up on prom night.”
“I didn’t stand you up,” I said weakly, even though I knew by now that this argument wasn’t going to get me anywhere. “I texted—”
“And then the next day, she was just gone, no goodbye, nothing.”
Freddie blinked at me in surprise, and I felt my face flush with shame. “We moved,” I protested faintly.
“And you didn’t even have the courage to tell me to my face,” Bruce said, his voice cracking on the last word. “You never responded to my letter—I don’t even know if you got it.”
“I did,” I replied, and then immediately felt ashamed of myself, since I’d basically just admitted I was too much of a coward to write him back.
“Ah,” Freddie said, looking between the two of us. “Well.”
“Yeah,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “Well, you ruined my prom night, Cass. And now you’ve managed to ruin my Grad Nite, too, so thanks for that.”
“I didn’t—” I started, then took a breath and tried again. “I was only—”
“Word of advice,” Bruce said, turning his back on me and looking at Freddie. “Don’t get too attached. The second you do, you’ll never see her again.”
“Bruce,” I said, my voice strangled, but he was already walking away, his shoulders hunched, his head down.
I sat back hard against my seat, my heart pounding.
This was now the second time I’d had this conversation with Bruce.
But it wasn’t getting any easier. In fact, if anything, it seemed to be getting harder.
I rubbed my hand across my face, and then raised my eyes to look at Freddie.
I was fully expecting him to make an excuse to go, or be cold and distant, letting me know exactly what he thought about my behavior.
But instead, he gave me a sad smile, filled with compassion. “Want to get some dessert? I know a fantastic place.”
I nodded, starting to leave when I saw Freddie’s phone sitting on top of the table. “Uh, Freddie?”
He turned back and picked up the phone. “Cheers. I’m always doing that. My mum says I’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached to my neck.” He tucked his phone into his back pocket and gave me a smile. “So. Ice cream?”
Ghirardelli’s ice-cream parlor, over in San Fransokyo Square, lived up to Freddie’s description—or maybe it was just that ice cream always hits the spot after emotionally draining experiences.
We walked with our scoops, not to any place in particular, just falling into step together.
The people around us were still laughing and running from place to place, but I noticed that the pace was definitely a little slower, like the night was starting to tire everyone out a bit.
And while most people still seemed to be having a great time, I saw occasional arguments breaking out among friend groups, couples in spats—the shiny perfection of the start of the night making way for the more complicated reality.
“How’s the mint chocolate chip?” Freddie asked, looking over at my cup.
“Really good,” I said, nodding. “How’s the rocky road?”
“Excellent,” he said with a smile. “Though it isn’t a patch on the place I used to go back home in Croydon. It was called the Sweet Emporium, and it was amazing. Best rocky road in the world.”
“Well, the next time I’m in Croydon, I’ll be sure to stop on by.”
“Tell them Freddie sent you.”
“I will.” I glanced over at him, wanting to address the awkwardness that had just happened, so we could move on. “So—that was Bruce.”
Freddie glanced over at me. We were walking on the Pacific Wharf, and I could see the Ferris wheel in the distance, Mickey in the center, the whole thing all lit up, turning in an endless circle. “I take it that’s not the first time you’ve had that conversation?”
“Nope.” Freddie made a sympathetic face.
“I didn’t know he’d be here tonight. I honestly never thought I’d see him again.
I guess I didn’t…think about how he might be feeling.
” As I said this, though, I knew it wasn’t quite true.
Bruce—and the way I’d left Washington—had always bothered me.
I’d just been able to push it away until tonight.
“When you said that you ran into people you didn’t want to see—was that who you meant?”
“Yeah.” I could have left it at that—but I also knew it wouldn’t have been honest. And for whatever reason—maybe it was the fact that we’d really just met—I found myself wanting to tell Freddie the truth.
The whole truth. “But it was also some other people, too. I move a lot.” I took a breath and explained about my dads, and their business, and always leaving, always finding the next house, the next project to make perfect.
“And so over the years, it just got too hard. Constantly saying goodbye to people, saying you’re going to keep in touch but knowing it’s not going to work. ”
We’d reached the Pixar Pier, and I stopped for just a moment to look at the water, the lights from the Ferris wheel reflecting down on it. People on the roller coaster nearby were whooshing around and giving the occasional “AAAGH!” before being whisked away again, going upside down in a loop.
“That does sound really hard. Not that I would know. We’ve lived in the same house forever. Same neighbors, same street, everyone a little too much in everyone’s business. Sometimes, home is your favorite sweatshirt that you’ve outgrown.” He paused and blinked.
“You okay?”
“Yes,” he said, holding out his ice cream cup to me. “Would you mind…”
I took it from him, and he reached into his messenger bag for his notebook and scribbled down the line. He flipped some pages, and I could see they were mostly filled with his handwriting.
“Sorry,” he said, dropping the notebook back in his messenger bag. He slung it across his shoulders and then took his ice cream back. “I thought that might have potential for a song. And I didn’t want to forget it.”
“Is that where you write down all your song lyrics?”
“Pretty much. But I’m sorry to interrupt you.”
“You weren’t,” I assured him. “I—” I stopped short as I realized where we were.
We were in front of the Little Mermaid ride, where the stage was set up.
It was busy and bustling, stagehands hauling out equipment and taping down cords.
One of them, a girl with bright purple hair, waved at Freddie, and he waved back.
All around the stage were blown-up pictures—some of the band, but most just of Niall and his soulful pout.
There was an electronic sign at the top of the stage, the message reading ETON MESS TAKES THE STAGE IN and then, underneath it, a countdown clock, showing fifty-nine minutes and nineteen seconds.
“Do you need to go?” I asked Freddie, suddenly worried I’d interrupted his night. Even though he’d told me he had some free time, I was sure listening to a girl talk about her time-loop issues was not how he’d been intending to spend it.
“I have a little more time,” he assured me. “I’m good.”
We tossed out our ice-cream cups, then started to walk again. But just seeing the countdown clock had been enough to remind me that time was moving forward, and that he didn’t have all night to just walk around with me. My phone buzzed, and when I pulled it out of my purse, I saw three texts.
brYONY:
Hey! Having fun? Long line at Guardians, we’re going to Incredicoaster!
Incredicoaster down, we’re going back to Guardians!
On Guardians line now! Will text when we’re done!
I smiled and put my phone back in my bag—glad that Bryony was having fun without me. I noticed a bridge across the water that cut back to the start of Pixar Pier. I tipped my head toward the bridge and Freddie nodded.
We started walking down it together—it was practically empty, save for a group of three seniors, all laden down with plastic Disney bags full of souvenirs. They were standing by the railing, laughing and talking together.
Once we were past them, Freddie turned to me. “So what do you think the reason is?”
“What reason?”
“Why this is happening in the first place. Like, do you think you’re supposed to learn something?”
“Like A Christmas Carol?”
“I mean, not no?”
I laughed at that, even as my thoughts were racing.
He shrugged. “I’m just basing this off all the time-loop movies where that seems to be the case.”
“What does Pettigrew have to learn?”
“Ah.” Freddie smiled. “Pettigrew has to learn to break from his normal routine and go out and take chances. And also, adopt a cat. But I’m not sure that’s part of it.”
“I’ve been wondering the same thing.” I glanced over at him, debating if I should tell him that one of the possibilities for why this was happening might be…
well, him. “What’s confusing me is that I wished for this.
So shouldn’t I be able to end it whenever I want?
Without having to go through a whole—thing? ”