Chapter 20
Wait, I don’t get it,” Bryony said as she followed along in my wake. I was running flat out, heading for Johnny’s merchandise kiosk, and she was trying to keep pace behind me. “What do you want to buy?”
“Everything!” I called over my shoulder.
When we got to the kiosk, as I’d expected, the Emmas were already there, and Emma R. was taking her blue plastic bag from Johnny. “Any more Mickey graduation ears?” I asked, breathless. Bryony joined me, breathing hard.
“Just sold the last one,” Johnny said, nodding his head toward Emma R.
“Mickey graduation ears?” Bryony asked, her face lighting up.
“Look!” Emma R. said cheerfully, pulling them out of her bag. “Also hi, Bryony! Hi, Cass.” She glanced over at the other two Emmas, who were huddled over Emma Z.’s phone, just like I’d expected them to be.
“Oh, that’s so cute! I might need to get them,” Bryony said.
“Not from him,” I said, nodding to Johnny.
“Nope. Like I said, I’m out,” he said. He raised an eyebrow at me. “How’s this night going, Cass?”
I blinked, wondering how he’d known who I was. But a second later, I remembered that Emma had just called me by name—not to mention the fact I was carrying a monogrammed bag.
“It’s good,” I said, giving Johnny a nod. “So I think we want to buy…a lot of stuff.”
“We do?” Bryony echoed, frowning. “Since when?”
“Well—I do,” I corrected. This was going to be a shopping spree with no consequences, and I couldn’t wait.
I could buy whatever I wanted, and then it would be like it never happened.
A second later, I realized that this also meant I wouldn’t be able to keep any of it.
But I didn’t want to focus on that right now.
“So I’ll get one of everything,” I said, with a decisive nod. “And whatever you want, Bryony. And then we can hit some of the other stores, too!”
“Uh…” I saw Bryony exchange a glance with Emma R. “I’ll get one souvenir, I guess? But you don’t need to pay for it.”
“Get whatever you want! It’s not like money matters!”
“Doesn’t it?” Emma R. asked, looking alarmed.
“Not to me,” I said blithely, already pulling sweatshirts and baseball caps and water bottles from the kiosk.
“Isn’t this going to be a lot to carry around?” Bryony asked, eyes wide as she took in my haul.
I just shook my head and started piling up as many things as I could grab. “It’ll be fine.”
“No, it’s a good point,” Emma R. agreed. “What if you want to go on rides? You won’t be able to.”
“It’s fine!” I snapped, hearing my voice get shrill. “This is supposed to be fun. So just go wild.”
The total came to an amount I had to blink at. It had a comma in it. And even though I knew that this wasn’t real—and it would all be reset—my heart was still pounding as I handed over my credit card, the one that was linked to my dads’ account and was only supposed to be used in case of emergency.
“You sure about this?” Johnny asked, looking right at me.
“Yes!” I said, maybe a little louder than I needed to. Wasn’t he supposed to be encouraging me? What kind of salesman was he?
“Okay,” he said with a nod as he tapped my card. As I waited for it to go through, I felt my pulse race. What if it got declined? But a second later, a very long receipt printed out, and I scribbled my name on the line.
Everything I’d bought filled up five bulging bags, and even though Bryony took two, it still wasn’t easy to carry.
But it was fun. Right? Already, the thrill of picking things out was beginning to fade, and I wasn’t feeling any spark of joy as I looked down into the bags.
I couldn’t even remember all the things I’d bought.
And it was night—why had I gotten sunglasses and a misting fan?
Bryony and the Emmas headed to ride Soarin’, but I couldn’t with my bags, which was exactly what Emma had pointed out.
But I told myself that it was fine, as I walked to a nearby bench and dropped all my bags.
I had just started digging through them—I was thinking I might put on one of my new sweatshirts; I’d bought five—when my phone rang.
I pulled it out. Seeing OSCAR CELL on the phone screen, I answered immediately. “Hello?”
“Cass. You’re conferenced with both of us.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Why are you spending a small fortune at Disneyland?” Angelo asked, his voice angry.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t matter?” Oscar echoed, sounding furious. “Of course it matters. That’s our money you’re spending there.”
“You’re going to pay us back,” Angelo said, and even over the phone, I could picture him shaking his head, practically see his disappointed expression.
I started to agree—anything to make it so they weren’t mad at me and end this conversation. But then something stopped me. “Wait,” I said. “How am I supposed to pay you back?”
There was silence on the other end. “Well,” Oscar said, sounding like he was trying not to smile, “I would suggest getting a job.”
“I was going to get a job,” I said, and I was surprised to hear that my voice was shaking. “I was going to work at the Mermaid Café with Bryony all summer. But then you told me we were leaving….”
“Hold on, now,” Angelo said, sounding confused. “You said you were okay with that.”
“I know.” I ran a hand through my hair, trying to get my thoughts together.
“But did I really have a choice?” I blinked at that, surprised.
I hadn’t even known I’d thought that. Why was I suddenly fighting with my dads about it?
All of a sudden, I thought about what Freddie had said—that I was mad at them.
And about the flare of anger I’d felt toward them when I’d thought about prom night—how it seemed like they were more interested in making sure I was going along, as usual, than in what was happening in my life.
“Cass,” Oscar said, his voice surprised. “We didn’t know…”
“I have to go,” I said quickly. I wasn’t sure what conversation I’d wandered into, but I wanted to get out of it as soon as possible. “I-I’m sorry about the money. I’ll pay you back.”
“Cass!” Angelo said, but I was already hanging up. I knew they wouldn’t remember this, but I would. I tried to push this away, tell myself that I was fine. Just like I always was.
A second later, though, I could feel doubt creeping in. Was that true? Was I always fine? Or had I kept moving, always looking ahead, so that I wouldn’t ever have to think about this?
My phone was ringing again, and I knew without even having to look that it was my dads. Of course they were going to want to talk this out. And if I turned off my phone to ignore the calls, I had a feeling that there would soon be an announcement, summoning me, my name echoing over the whole park.
There was just one thing to do. I left the bags behind on the bench and headed for the exit.