Chapter 146
I kissed him back.
I didn’t hesitate, didn’t think twice.
This was what I’d wanted to do ever since that first time we hung out, when we stood close on the bridge together. It felt new and exciting—but also it felt like something was finally happening that I’d been thinking about, and dreaming of, for a very long time.
My arms were around his neck and his were around my waist, pulling me close—so close it was like I could feel his heart against mine, both beating in the same rhythm.
We broke apart. Freddie rested his forehead against mine, and I could tell he was breathing as hard as I was. He pulled back slightly so that he could look in my eyes as he smoothed a piece of hair away from my forehead.
“Is that okay?” he asked, his brows knitting together. “I’m sorry—I should have asked first. I know it’s kind of fast….”
“It’s great,” I said firmly, and he laughed. “And also, let me assure you, it’s not fast. I’ve been thinking about that for a very long time.”
Freddie laughed and rested his hand on my cheek. “Really?”
“Really!” I reached up and finally ran my hand through his glorious curls, and the lock that always fell over his forehead. “We’ve had, like, thirty first dates. This has been torture.”
“Well, yeah—but I don’t remember any of them.” He laughed again and leaned down to kiss me. I kissed him back and tried to lose myself in the moment—but his words were rattling around in my head.
I was suddenly aware, in a way that seemed to matter more than ever before, that we were not on the same page. I knew Freddie—I’d spent a ton of time with him. And this Freddie, the one kissing me right now, had only known me for a little over two hours.
But it was fine.
Wasn’t it?
Freddie broke away again and lifted my hand and kissed it. “I have to go try to find the manager,” he said. “I hope she liked the show.”
“Of course she did. How could she not? She’s wearing all black, and standing to the left of the stage. You can’t miss her.”
He smiled at me, the dimple flashing in his cheek. “You’re the best. Maybe I can meet you by the exit? Just outside the doors?”
My heart started beating hard, but not with yay-I’m-kissing-this-cute-guy excitement—with anxiety. Would I be able to meet him outside the doors? I had no idea. “Yes,” I said, with more confidence than I currently felt. “I’ll see you then. Good luck!”
Freddie leaned down to kiss me once more, and I kissed him back, lingering for just a moment, wanting to press it into my memory, like flowers between the pages of a book—trying to preserve it.
“See you soon,” he said, stepping back and giving my hand a squeeze before he started half-jogging down the hall.
My heart pounding and my thoughts swirling, I headed back to the greenroom. Alfie was nowhere to be seen—I had a feeling that he was probably dealing with the effects of the prawns. Doug was on the phone, but he gave me a smile and a thumbs-up.
I grabbed a water off the snack table, then collected my bag and jean jacket. I pulled my phone out of my purse, and smiled when I saw a stream of text messages and missed calls on my screen—from Bryony, Amy, the Emmas. The gist of all the texts seemed to be What are you doing onstage?!
Before I could respond to any of them, the phone in my hand vibrated with a call from Bryony. I waved goodbye to Doug as I left the greenroom, then answered the call. “Hey.”
“Hey?!” Bryony echoed, her voice going much higher than usual. “Okay, we have so much to talk about because suddenly you play piano? And you did so good! And also there were such vibes with you and the lead singer! What’s going on there?”
“What’s going on with you?” I asked as I pushed my way outside. The cool night air hit me, and I pulled on my jean jacket. “I saw you and Bruce standing all close. Vibe city, population you two.”
“You did not just say that,” Bryony said, laughing, and I laughed, too.
I was giddy with happiness—that this had worked, that I’d kissed Freddie, that Bryony and I could laugh and joke like this.
That our friendship wasn’t ruined, that I’d told her the truth, that we were okay.
“Listen, they’re hustling us out of here. But I’ll meet you by the exit?”
“Just inside the doors,” I said quickly. “Right?”
“Yeah,” Bryony replied, and what we weren’t talking about hung, unsaid, between us—that it might not work. That I might just get thrown back to the beginning of the night, once again.
“Great,” I said. We hung up and I looked around at the crowd that was starting to disperse.
There was only half an hour left of Grad Nite, and it looked like people were either heading to the exits or were trying to make the most of the time they had.
Hurrying to rides, or to merch kiosks, or to try and get one last character picture.
But picking a meet-up spot had been a good call on Bryony’s part—I never would have been able to find her in this crowd.
“Nice job!” a girl called as she passed.
It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about—my piano playing. With a band, onstage. It still seemed like a wild dream—something it was going to take a minute to get my head around.
I looked down at the phone in my hand. I thought about what I’d said onstage and how good it had felt to call Harbor Cove my home. And then, before I lost my nerve, I called my dads.
I knew it was safe to call Angelo’s cell phone—he turned it off every night, so it wasn’t like the call would wake him up. I smiled as I heard the recording of his voice—and then when the beep sounded, I took a deep breath.
“Hi, it’s me. It’s Cass. I’m at Grad Nite—everything is fine.
I just need to talk to you guys about something.
” I started to walk toward the exit with the crowd.
Somehow, it felt easier to do this while I was in motion.
“I don’t want to go to Oregon. I want to stay in Harbor Cove this summer.
I’ve moved around too much, and I don’t want to leave this time.
I want to spend the summer with my friends, get a job… ”
I hesitated, then took a big breath and made myself say it. “I feel like we’ve never talked about this. But it’s been really hard for me, moving around so much. And I know I didn’t always handle it well—but I’m trying to change that now. So I wanted to tell you how I was feeling.”
I started walking faster now, dodging my way through the crowd.
“And I know it’s going to be complicated.
But I think we can figure something out.
You guys are the experts at renovations, after all.
So I’m hoping we can just retool the summer plan a little.
” I felt myself smile. “I really miss you both. Love you. Okay, talk soon.”
My feet slowed, and I dropped my phone in my bag. I felt so much lighter—like the last weight that had been on my shoulders had been lifted, once and for all.
“Hey, Cass.” I looked over and saw that I was in front of Johnny’s merchandise kiosk. I glanced down at my bag and saw that the monogram was turned inward—there was no way he could have looked at it and read my name—which meant he’d already known it. I had a feeling he’d known a lot of things.
“Hey, Johnny,” I said. I was too far away to have read his name tag, but he didn’t seem surprised that I knew him. It was like we were finally on the same page.
“Did you have a good night?” he asked. He raised an eyebrow. “Did you do everything you wanted to?”
I nodded, thinking over the night. The way I’d been able to fix things. The truths I’d told. The way I’d finally taken accountability for my mistakes. And then playing with the band, kissing Freddie…I smiled. “It was a night to remember,” I said simply. “It was pretty perfect.”
Johnny gave me an appraising look. “I’m glad to hear it.” He reached for something and held it out to me. “That reminds me—I put something aside for you.”
I took a step closer, not quite able to believe what I was seeing. He was holding out the graduation Mickey ears—the ones that Bryony had wanted and that I’d never been able to find. “Finally,” I said, smiling as I took them from him.
He shrugged. “I just found a pair in the back, that’s all.”
“Sure.” I laughed as I handed him the money. “Well—thank you.”
Johnny handed me back my change, giving me a nod. “I’m happy you had a great night, Cass. That’s all we want for the seniors who participate in Grad Nite. A life-changing experience.”
“Well, it was certainly that.” I looked at him, my thoughts spinning. There was so much I wanted to ask him. How this worked, and why, and most importantly—was it over? Would I be able to walk through the doors and into the rest of my life?
“So…did you find what you were looking for?”
I turned over the ears in my hand, but I knew that wasn’t what he was talking about. “I really did.”
Johnny smiled at me, a twinkle in his eye. “I’m glad to hear it. Good luck, Cass.”
I smiled back at him and knew that this wasn’t the moment to pepper him with questions. “I’ll see you around, Johnny.” I put the ears in my bag, and then I turned and started walking toward the exit.