Chapter 12
TWELVE
Nina
This is how every Monday morning should start—cocooned in the strong arms of Mason Lowell. I smile into his chest, thankful he turned up last night, right when I needed him.
Sleep came fast and hard, the sexcapades of the weekend catching up with us both. He held me all night, and the thought of moving right now seems insane, but I made a promise to myself last night, and it starts with him.
Lucy was right. I’ve known Mason a week, and if I’m honest, I’m in deeper than I should be. I should be able to walk away. Our time together so far has been chaos—toxic even.
It’s time I moved forward. I won’t let my mother’s story control my own. It may be where mine began, but it won’t be how it ends.
Strong arms squeeze me tight, making me feel safe. I smile wide as I try to move closer.
“What are you smiling at? You know what it gets you,” he says, his voice deep and rough from sleep.
“What does it get me, Mase?” I hum.
He lifts my chin, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “It gets you fucked, angel,” he says, moving to kiss my neck, then dipping lower, sucking down my throat until his mouth wraps around my puckered nipple through the thin cotton fabric. My back bows off the bed, demanding more, craving more.
“Mase?” I purr.
His head lifts from my chest in answer, the light streaming in through the window illuminating his face.
My heart physically aches. He is so beautiful, his dark hair a tousled mess, his jaw sporting a light coating of stubble.
I trace his crooked nose with my index finger, trying my best to memorise every inch of him and this tender moment between us—both sated from sleep and lost in nothing but each other.
My finger moves to the seam of his full lips, gently tracing along the dark edges.
He kisses the tip of my finger fondly, his eyes lazy and locked on mine. “Well, now I can’t fuck you,” he moans, rolling his eyes and completely ruining the moment.
He climbs above me, arranging my legs accordingly.
“What?” I giggle. “What are you doing?”
He settles himself between my legs, his body blanketing my own. He takes my hands in his, locking them together and lifting them above my head.
“I don’t know, but I can’t fuck you right now,” he says, his eyes darkening.
“Mase?” I smile nervously, goosebumps coating my body.
He doesn’t wait, swooping down and taking my lips in a deep kiss as he slides into me in the same moment. His mouth falls open as he stretches me, stilling inside me.
“Fuck,” he groans, his nose dusting across my own. “Baby, you feel so good.”
He’s too much, too big, too gentle, too beautiful. He overwhelms me in every possible way, but instead of allowing the panic that threatens to push him away and break the connection, I let him in, giving him my eyes.
He begins to move inside of me, slowly, tenderly, with deep rolls of his hips.
Mason has only ever been dominant with me. Pulling and pushing me in a way I have grown to crave in such a short space of time. But instead of my head flying back to the mattress, my body fighting its way to a release, I hold his eyes.
Each thrust, each kiss, it’s all an afterthought, insignificant compared to the look in our eyes. It’s petrifying. He isn’t a part of my outline, he’s just a subplot. In the end he will be gone, barely remembered in the story.
So why is he taking the ink and seeping himself into my soul?
Mase sits with his back against my headboard. A coffee in one hand and his phone in the other. His head pops up when I walk into the room, fresh from a shower and still in my towel.
“Come here,” he demands.
I go to him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, but he grabs me by the hips and pulls me to straddle him.
“I’m going to be late. You’re going to be late,” I complain, but make no move to get up.
“I promise you won’t be late, Nina.” He leans in, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “I need to apologise for what I said to you on Saturday night. It was a heat of the moment comment, which is no excuse. I know I hurt you.”
I drop my head, sitting quietly for a moment, not knowing what to say.
He lifts my chin. “Say something.”
I swallow hard, unsure what the right thing to say is. “I want to start fresh, forget about everything that’s happened.”
“Start fresh.” He frowns. “That simple?”
I lean into him, giving him a long, deep kiss.
“Nothing’s ever that simple, Mase.” I smile sadly.
“But as far as my mum goes, I want you to forget. I can deal with her. If I need your support, I will ask for it, and I’d like to think you’d do the same with your dad.
I only want to know the things you’re ready to tell me.
” I pause, thinking about my journey home with Vinny.
“I actually have a confession to make, and you aren’t allowed to get mad. ”
He frowns, waiting.
“I was in the car with Vinny when you called him on Sunday morning, and I was the one who sent you my number. I needed a lift home and didn’t know who else to call.
I asked Vinny not to tell you. I’m sorry.
For leaving… and about your dad.” I drop my shoulders, feeling like a weight has been lifted.
He pushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “Vinny already told me.”
My eyes shoot wide. “What?”
“I pay him a lot of money to tell me, Nina. He called after dropping you off at the studio.”
“That bastard! So I can’t trust Vinny. Great.”
Vinny was my favourite.
He chuckles at my dramatics. “Vinny’s a safe bet. If you ever need to trust a man, you’d be wise to pick him.”
I roll my eyes. They clearly have a good relationship with the way they both seem to defend one another.
Mason seems to be lost in thought, staring at his hand on my hip.
“What is it?”
He lets out a deep breath, hesitating before speaking. “Nina, I need to tell you something, something I found when I looked you up. Purely for your flat number, I should add.”
“Yeah, okay, creeper,” I joke, trying to laugh off the knot forming in my stomach. “There’s nothing in my past I want to talk about.” I lick my lips, wanting to retreat away to my safe space again. “Please drop it.”
“I don’t think you know about what I found. I think it was hidden from you. I could be wrong, but—”
“What? What could you possibly know about me that I don’t already? I mean, it’s my flipping life after all.”
“Nina, calm down, please.” He cups my cheek, pulling his lip between his teeth.
Whatever it is, he doesn’t want to tell me.
Dread fills me.
“Tell me, now, Mason.”
He works on a swallow, rolling his lips. “Have you ever met your father?”
His hand clamps down on my waist the second I go to move. “Wait, please. You said you want to start fresh, and if I don’t tell you this now, then it will come back to bite me in the ass down the line.”
Down the line? Like the future?
“Have you? Ever met him?” he asks.
“No.”
“Okay, do you know anything about him?”
“He was a client, someone who tried to have me erased. My mother found out about me too late.” I run my tongue across the front of my teeth in contempt. The more I think about the woman, the more my blood boils.
He pulls me closer, smoothing a hand down my back. “I don’t think that’s true. Your mother has been receiving payments from someone since the day you were born. Every month, for the last twenty-eight years, Nina.”
I lean back, finding his eyes. I think I’m in shock. No words leave me.
“I have a name, if you want it.”
I shake my head, unable to find the words. “I don’t understand.”
“I think he’s your dad, and if the payments are for child maintenance, they aren’t small. It’s a lot of money.”
“I need to get to the studio. I have so much to prepare for the showcase.”
He lets me get up, and I start to dress on autopilot. He stands and reaches for me, clasping my hand in his.
“I’ll call Vinny. Get us a lift. I’m here if you need me, Nina.”
I nod, swallowing the bile that threatens to come up.
It’s all too much.
Fuck this.
Ninety-seven. The number of water droplets I’ve counted on the Audi’s rain-soaked glass. It’s all I can think about—until it’s not.
My father, the man I thought for years didn’t want a thing to do with me, who I thought didn’t even know about me, has been paying my mother maintenance.
He might know me. My name and definitely my age.
I never cared growing up. Why would I want a dad who was like the rest of them? The vile men who still haunt my dreams to this day. I had learnt to stop wondering, to stop hoping for him to show up, eventually latching onto John.
He was the one who took me to anything important, and when it was time for the dad race on sports day, it was always him who would go twice. Once for each of his girls.
What is my mother playing at? Is the money she has been receiving even for me? What if it’s something else? It still doesn’t explain why she would need more than what she gets from the government and me. The hurt is frustrating, I don’t want to feel a thing for her, not anymore.
I used to hold on to the memories. A handful of good that most would deem just standard parenting.
The days she would turn up to school on time, looking fresh and happy.
The times I’d open the cupboards and find food.
And my favourite thing became something twisted.
Whenever I hurt myself, the pain would bring me an embrace.
She would hold me in her arms for a while, and life always seemed to feel a little less shit.
She’s been lying to me for years, that much I’m sure of, but I don’t understand why? It’s all I’ve been able to think about since Mase told me. Is she that messed up that she didn’t want me to see him? Or does he just pay her to keep her away, to keep me away?
Mason’s strong hand latches onto my inner thigh, pulling my attention from the window. “Nina.”
I wait for him to say more, but he sits quiet, not saying a thing. He feels sorry for me. The pity is etched into the planes of his face.
“I’m fine, Mase.” I turn my face away, not being able to lie to him.
“Nina.”