Chapter 4 #2
I dial her number and wait for her to answer but get nothing.
I call Vinny.
Lucy greets me at the door when I arrive at Nina’s apartment.
I take in the décor, noticing more than the last time I was here.
It’s minimalistic, the walls plain white and pictureless.
Nina isn’t a materialistic person, but I would prefer to see the place slightly more homely for them.
Apart from the photos in her bedroom, you wouldn’t know who lived here.
“Look who it is, Ell.” Lucy smiles, bouncing Ellis in her arms.
“Stop calling him that,” I tell her. “Uncle Elliot’s going to grow an even bigger head.”
“True.” She snorts.
“How’s he been? You could’ve called me. You didn’t need to take the day off.”
She gives me a look, as if what I’ve said is stupid. “I’m pretty sure it was more imperative that you were at work than me today. I make a pittance compared to you.”
“Ellis comes first, always.” I take him from her arms, kissing his full cheek. “How come Nina had to work?”
“Just picking up an extra shift. She’s saving for a breakaway with Ellis. She wants to show him the world. Doesn’t she, puds.”
Not without me, they’re not.
“When?”
She frowns, walking to the lounge to collect her things. “I don’t know.”
“She hasn’t said when she wants to go?”
“No! She’s a girl. We do this. We just need a goal to work towards sometimes.” She looks at me and her eyes soften. “Don’t stress about it. She would’ve told you first.”
I doubt that. Before Thursday, it had been radio silence for the past seven months.
“Has she seen Joey this week?” I ask shamelessly.
It still fucks with me that they grew so close.
“Do you actually want to know that? You know they’re friends, Mase.”
“Like you and Elliot are friends,” I challenge.
She rolls her eyes. “Exactly like me and Elliot. What’s with you people? You do realise Elliot and I have never so much as kissed.”
“What about his birthday last year?”
“We didn’t kiss.” She pops a brow.
I smile wide as she leans in and kisses Ellis’s head. “I need to get going, Nina will be home in about half an hour. You okay to wait? I think she wanted to see Ellis before you go.”
“Yeah, I can wait.”
“I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, Luce.”
My eyes scan the apartment once she’s gone. Toys clutter the lounge and pillows are strewn around the floor. “How did the two of you make so much mess?” I ask Ellis, tickling his ribs and making him giggle.
“Da Da Da.” He claps.
“Good boy.” I place him on the floor, put on the football, then pick up some of the mess in the lounge.
It’s nearly an hour later when Nina gets home.
She rushes through the door looking a hot mess.
Emphasis on the hot. She has her own clothes on now.
Something I’ve missed. Her yoga pants hug her round hips, and her vest showcases more of her tits than I can stand to look at right now.
I meet her eyes and see she has caught me staring.
“Hi,” I tell her, turning and placing the last of Ellis’s baby vests on the airer.
“What are you doing?” she asks, placing her bag on the kitchen island.
I walk to the lounge, bending and picking up Ellis. I feel like an ass for using my son as a shield, but right now I need him.
“You had some washing. I had time.”
“You don’t need to—”
“Well, I did.”
She nods her head, as if she doesn’t know what to say. “Sorry, I was later back than planned.”
“It’s fine. Did you want—” I move forward holding Ellis out for her to take him, but he grips hold of my shirt and starts to fuss.
“Ellis, baby, come here,” she coos.
“Say goodbye to Mummy, mate.” I turn him and place him into her arms, but he continues to fuss, leaning his little body towards me.
“I’m going to go get his things, give us a minute.” She takes off down the hall, Ellis crying for me the whole time.
All I want to do is reach out and take him.
I tell myself to give it a minute, let her calm him down. She won’t see him for the whole of tomorrow and then the best part of Sunday. They need a second alone.
It goes quiet, and then the sound of laughter floats from the hall.
My feet follow the sound.
“Do you? Does Ellis need Mummy snuffles?” I round the corner and stand in the doorway, watching as Nina runs her nose up Ellis’s belly and neck. He tries to wriggle away, but the sound of his gasping laugh tells me he loves it.
“You give Mummy kisses, you little monster.”
He laughs again, holding her face when she hovers above him.
“Da Da Da Da.”
“Yeah, I know.” She leans in and brushes her nose with his.
Ellis keeps her face held in his small hands as if he’s studying her, a happy smile stretching his cheeks and exposing his dimples. He pulls her in and gives her a kiss with his mouth wide open.
“I love you, baby boy. So much.”
She watches him, her hair thrown over her shoulder as she rests her arms around his body. “I’ll miss you this weekend. Super snuggles in Mummy’s bed on Sunday, okay?” She kisses his head one last time and stands, lifting him from the bed.
She freezes when she spots me in the doorway. “Mason. Sorry, I was coming, I just—”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off. “I’m in no rush.” I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.
She gives me a tight smile then passes Ellis off to me. “I’ll grab his things.”
I leave her to pack his bag and wait in the kitchen. Seeing her with Ellis makes something inside of me burn.
My son and his mother.
Nina and her son. The way she is with him—it makes me proud. She’s everything I knew she would be as a mother.
“I don’t usually pack clothes. Lucy said you have everything he needs.” She passes me the bag, then starts busying herself in the kitchen without looking at me once. She knows I have everything I need for Ellis; it’s been the same routine for months.
Is she nervous?
“Yeah, we’ve got everything he’ll need. I’ll drop him back Sunday if that’s okay.”
“Okay.” She doesn’t turn and I frown as I look at Ellis who is watching me from his spot in my arms.
Is she not going to say goodbye?
“We’re going to head out,” I tell her, feeling awkward.
“Bye.”
Do I just leave?
“Nina?”
“Please, just go, Mason,” she croaks out.
Is she crying? “What’s the matter?” I ask, stepping into the kitchen.
“Nothing, I’m okay. It’s the long weekend. I struggle with this bit; you just need to leave.” She swipes at her cheek and I stand frozen, wanting to reach out and wipe her tears away.
God, is this how it always is? How did I not know this?
“Please, Mason, just go,” she begs, turning away from me and wiping down the worktop I only just cleaned.
I go to turn but stop short. Fuck. How do I leave now?
“Nina.”
“Mason, go!” She spins towards us, her eyes red. “I need you to go!” Her lip trembles.
“Ellis can stay, I don’t have to take him,” I offer, not thinking what that means for myself.
“Stop!” she cries. “Stop being…” Her shoulders slump, her eyes filling even more. “Sorry.” She walks to the door and slips out, leaving her apartment, and me. Again. How has she walked out on me again, and in her own fucking apartment?
Nina
My knuckles rap on the door once, and then I walk in, knowing Joey won’t mind me being here. I wish I was stronger than this, but every time Ellis leaves me for the weekend, it splits my heart open until he comes home again. I struggle not having him with me.
Joey lives two buildings away from my apartment in a small flat. He moved to be closer for work, but it also allows him to be closer to me. Times like now when I need someone to escape to. I can’t stand to be home alone—which is odd considering I spent so much of my childhood alone.
“Joe?”
“Yo. In here,” he calls from his room.
He’s sitting up in bed with his laptop resting on his legs, but he looks up when I step through the doorway. His arm comes out as if he knew I’d be coming, and I go willingly, needing the comfort.
I curl up under his arm, resting my head on his chest.
He doesn’t say a word.
He knows how much it hurts for me to be away from Ellis. He has had his fair share of hardship in his own life.
“Sunday will be here before you know it.” He kisses my hair. “Wanna order in or do you have plans with the girls?”
I shrug, catching a tear on my lips as it rolls over them.
“I hate this.”
“I know you do.” He pauses, adjusting the lighting on the photo he’s working on. “I wish it could be different for you. I really do.”
“Nina. Nina.”
My eyes slowly part as Joey wakes me from a deep sleep. The room is blanketed in darkness.
“I left you as long as I could, but I thought you’d want food.”
“What time is it?” I ask.
I can see his smile even in the dark. “Just gone nine. You slept for three hours.”
“Crap.” I sit up and rub my eyes. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’ll plate up.”
I slide my phone from the nightstand and check the screen. How did I sleep for three hours? Once I’ve freshened up in the bathroom, I make my way to the kitchen.
“Mason texted and called you.”
“He did?” I frown, stopping short in the doorway.
“I didn’t answer but after the fifth message I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t to do with Ellis.” He looks at me apologetically.
“Joey, it’s fine. Was everything okay?”
“Yeah, but I’m presuming he was at your apartment tonight?” he questions.
“I told him to pick up and drop off from now on. It hasn’t been fair on Ellis being passed from pillar to post.” I start to fill my plate with the Chinese food.
“I agree.” Joey nods, pulling out some cutlery for us both. “I texted him back and told him there’s a spare key here. He was worried you wouldn’t be able to get back into your place.”
“You texted him?” I panic. “Did you say it was you?”
“Yes.”
I close my eyes and begin counting to five.
“Is that a problem?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.
“No. But it won’t make my life any easier.”
“Why? I thought you said things were done between you two?”
“It is. We are. Things are just… Fucked. And hard. Really freaking hard.”
“Did he say something?”
I snigger. “No.” He’s barely said a word to me. “I left him, and I vowed I’d never let him back in.” I take a deep breath, not wanting to share this much with Joey. I need my girls. “I just didn’t expect to feel so much after all this time. That’s all.”
“Nina, you have a history with him. It’s okay to be confused.” He lifts his plate and goes to the sofa, sitting down and turning on the TV.
Joey has been a rock for me recently, and I’ve found myself telling him everything.
But I don’t voice that he’s wrong, because I’m not confused.
I know exactly what I feel when I look at Mason Lowell.
It’s the same feeling I felt the first night I met him, the same feeling I felt standing on the Palais Garnier stage, the same feeling I know I will live with for the rest of my life.