Chapter Nineteen #2
His words, that promise, broke me. I crumbled in front of him, letting out a strangled cry as I buried my face in my hands. It was over.
It was finally over.
Collin encased me in his arms, his lips pressing into the top of my head, his nose in my ponytail.
“My sweet, broken angel,” he murmured. “I am so sorry. For hurting you. For not protecting you before. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were mine…I just refused to see it. For that, I am sorry. The time lost between us will be among my regrets, baby.”
I cried harder, my body shaking as he stroked my hair.
He didn’t pull my hands away from my face.
No, he let me hide, and I loved him even more for that.
To the world, Collin Stevens was an evil, ruthless man, but to me…
he was just the blue-eyed college baseball player who walked into that burger joint.
I love you, Col.
“You know what to do,” Collin said into his cell phone as he boarded the jet.
I was curled up in my favorite seat, left side by the window, with a blanket around me, despite the humid Florida air.
The flight attendant, Gina, waited for Collin to take his seat before delivering my coffee.
I had been on the plane for about ten minutes, watching Nick as he listened intently to what Collin was saying.
“Here you go, doll,” she beamed. I smiled up at her, noting the gold flecks in her brown eyes.
She was always so damn nice to me and to the hitman she worked for.
I found it interesting that she didn’t fear him.
She treated him like she would any other person.
The pilot, though, that was a different story.
He was terrified of Collin.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he had seen my demon slaughter the Romano cousins. He told me he did it on an airstrip.
“Can I get you anything, Mr. Stevens?” she asked.
He was already settled, an ankle crossed over one knee, looking at his tablet. “I’m fine, Gina.”
She tipped her head and headed to the front of the plane to prepare for takeoff. My eyes bounced over to him, drinking him in like my own brand of whiskey. He was showered, dressed in a charcoal gray suit with a black dress shirt. No tie. He left the top two buttons of the shirt undone, teasing me.
I lifted the mug to my lips, taking a drink and biting back a moan at the taste. Goodness. Gina knew how to make coffee. Collin sighed; his brow furrowed at the scene in his lap.
We hadn’t really spoken since we left that office building.
My demon left the man in pieces by the time he was done, making Nick take me to the car for that part.
Nick didn’t hesitate. He took me back to the hotel and guarded the door.
When I asked him why he wasn’t going back for Col, he smirked. “Mr. Stevens can hold his own, miss.”
There was no doubt about that.
He showed up twenty minutes later, drenched in blood, his blue eyes flaring when he found me curled up on the couch.
How he got through a hotel full of people covered in blood and not having attention drawn to him was beyond me.
But he was Collin and there were things about him that didn’t make sense.
I stood and he came to me, his bloody knuckle brushing against my cheek. He didn’t say a word. Nor did I.
“Ms. Jones? Would you like me to warm that blanket for you?”
My eyes peeled away from the gorgeous man to my right to find Gina approaching me. “I’m sorry?” I asked. What did she say?
“You're shivering,” she noted softly, gesturing down to my body. Heat rose in my cheeks.
“Oh—no. I'm okay. Thank you,” I stammered as I felt Col’s eyes on me. She nodded and turned away, heading back into the cockpit.
When the plane took off, I settled in for the long flight ahead.
“How are you feeling?”
I turned my head away from the window to see him staring at me with guarded eyes, his thumb tracing over his bottom lip as he took me in. The tablet was still in his lap, but my heart skipped a beat that he was checking on me.
“I’m okay,” I said truthfully. I was content. Safe.
His hand fell away from his face then, dropping onto the armrest as he let out a sigh. “I shouldn’t have let you see me like that,” he said, after a period of silence.
“Col, I want to see you…all of you.”
“I scared you,” he said, his voice thick and filled with regret.
Is that what he thought? Had I been so wrapped up in my own emotions that I bypassed his? I shook my head, uncurling my legs as I leaned over to him. “You aren’t what scared me, Col. I scared myself,” I admitted.
He stared, his tattooed throat bobbing.
Fuck it. “What’s going to happen to us when this is all over?”
“Whatever you want,” he answered simply. My soul jumped for joy, because I wanted to be with him. Forever.
But was that possible?
We were two sailboats trapped in the middle of a hurricane, finding one another in the eye of the storm. The second half of the storm was upon us…
“What do you want, Col?” I whispered, my eyes scanning his handsome face.
He looked away from me then, his eyes focusing on the clouds passing by the small window behind me. “It’s been a long time since anyone has asked me that, Karina.”
A zap of pain shot through my chest at his words, followed by the heavy weight of dread on my shoulders.
Collin had never had a life of his own. He had spent so many years just surviving—not living.
The realization had me scrambling out of my seat and into his lap.
He sat frozen as my arms locked around his neck and I buried my face in his chest.
Guilt washed over me. He could have had a life…if he had known Ray Romano was his father. Kay, that man would have killed him. He killed Collin’s mom.
Haley’s voice of reason echoed in my mind.
He deserved to know the truth. If we were going to pursue this—
“Karina,” he said, his voice rumbling through his chest and into my skin, seeping into my soul, branding it as his.
I snuggled into him more, unable to form the right words.
It’s been a long time since anyone has asked me that, Karina.
Had he ever gotten anything in his life that he truly wanted? What about when he was just a child living on the streets? My eyes welled with tears. He was all alone. Even when Cal Matthews found him, he was still all alone.
Until—
“What happened to Kevin?” I whispered. I didn’t think it would be physically possible for him to become still as stone, but he did. Every muscle in his body tensed underneath me, and I could feel his icy stare. Suddenly, I was yanked away from him, his hand around my jaw.
“Don’t sit on my body, seek comfort from me, and then ask about another man,” he clipped as his eyes shined with jealousy.
He stared at me, but I stared back. In the back of my mind, I knew he was just trying to scare me off, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
He was a part of me now, and I, him, whether he wanted to accept it or not.
Once his grip on me loosened a fraction, I seized my opportunity.
“You deserved better,” I murmured, tears brimming, threatening to spill over any second.
He flinched as if I had slapped him, and I cupped his face in my hands. “You deserved the happy family—”
“Don’t”
“—You needed a home. Happy holidays, memories. A normal childhood.”
“Stop.”
No. I shook my head. “I'm not going to stop, Col. I lo—” My hand slapped over my mouth, my eyes going wider than his. Did I really just—
He swallowed, his hands resting on my hips.
Clearing my throat, I moved on. “I only brought up Kevin because in college, it seemed like he genuinely cared about you,” I explained softly.
He looked out the window, down to the acres of farmland. “He's alive,” he said gruffly, shifting us in his seat. He was uncomfortable. But I couldn’t ignore the small flicker of hope in my chest.
So that room Haley was in was actually meant for Kevin.
The plane went through a jolt of turbulence, sending me into the air slightly. His attention snapped back to me as the hands on my hips brought me back down to him. My breath hitched. He was still avoiding eye contact with me when he said, “You should get to your seat and put your seatbelt on.”
Wordlessly, I removed myself from him, my cheeks heating from embarrassment as I made my way to my seat.
I buckled my seat belt and angled my body away from him, focusing on the view out my window. My fingers pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing as I prayed for the universe to strike me down.
I was such an idiot.
Jesus. I just broke his walls down—he let me in, and of course I had to almost pour my heart out to him.
He wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t know how to accept love, and I—I couldn’t be the one to force it on him.
Not after everything. Shaking it off and pulling the blanket up to my chin, I tried to convince myself that my slip up was just me coming down from the events of the day.
The man killed—no, slaughtered—each one of my rapists for me. He didn’t have to do that, but I knew that part of the reason behind his action was for him too. He needed to kill them because they hurt me, his bloodlust evident in his eyes since our first night together in Boston.
Before I had shared my truth with him, he possessed an air of calmness around him, but since? He seemed on edge. Of course, no one else noticed, but I did. I always did, like a moth to a flame I was drawn to him, a borderline obsession that started out as infatuation years ago. We knew this.
I sighed, hating myself for letting my thoughts run rapidly as he sat across from me, seemingly put together. Envy scattered across my skin, hating how he could just shut it down.
Like Gwen.
Like Dean.
Like Uncle Sullie.
Like Dom.
Here I was, a fucking emotional mess, weak for not being able to shove them down. My therapist from a few years ago once told me that if I learned to embrace my emotions instead of running from them, I would be better off.
Fuck that woman. I wasn’t better off—I was bat shit crazy. My bottom lip began to tremble.
Those boys ruined me. Four hours, and I had never been the same. Before I could stop myself, I whispered, “Thank you for killing them.”
Whether Collin heard me or not, I snuggled deeper into the chair and closed my eyes.
Couldn't be an emotional wreck when you were sleeping.
Hours later, a gentle shake of my shoulder jolted me awake. I looked up and found Gina smiling down at me. “We are about to land, miss.”
“Oh. Thank you,” I mumbled, sitting up. My eyes dared to look beside me at my mafia hitman. He was typing on his laptop with one hand as he held his cellphone to his ear with the other.
“I don’t give a rat’s ass. Get it done or lose your tongue,” he snapped, his eyes scanning the screen, unaware of my existence. He continued giving orders into the phone as we landed.
I tried to shove down the sting in my heart, regret pooling in my belly as I stood from my seat, folding the blanket neatly.
The plane door opened, the California sun shining bright as Gina stood by, waiting for us to exit. Without looking at my demon, I left him there. It felt bigger than me just getting off a plane.
For the last week, I felt like we had presented a united front, and I had to go a fuck it up with my fucking emotions.
As I descended the stairs, I noticed a man standing at the bottom.
He was dressed like my hitman, wearing black slacks and a black shirt.
He wore sunglasses and his dark hair hung down his forehead and down to his shoulders.
The man was also huge, not to mention scary, which is why my steps faltered a bit halfway down.
“Ms. Jones,” he greeted, his voice curt. His head moved a fraction as I felt a presence tower over me. “Sir.”
Collin remained silent beside me, but I felt his cold eyes digging into the back of my skull. Once we were on the ground, he ordered the man to wait in the car. Without question, I watched him walk back to the black Audi SUV waiting a few feet away.
Suddenly, I was turned by a hand gripping my arm, and my demon crashed his lips down to mine. One hand went to my ponytail, yanking my head back as he sucked the life out of me with his violent, possessive kiss. The other hand went to my ass, pulling me to his body.
I kissed him back just as hard, fear whispering doubts in my ear saying that this was our last kiss.
No. I tossed my arms up around his neck, anchoring myself to him as I whimpered against his lips.
He let out a low groan, one that went straight to my core.
His tongue danced with mine, telling me that we were okay.
Words weren’t needed here.
Shaking my head, I pulled away, my hands running up and down the back of his head.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t push me away again,” I begged, my voice shaking, keeping my eyes down.
Things between us had changed in a matter of minutes because I pushed him.
I almost told him I loved him, for fuck’s sake.
He was silent.
He kissed my forehead and turned me back to face the car. My soul was about to cry out in anguish when his lips found my ear.
“You're not the prisoner here, baby. I am.”